35+ TTC#1 Thread 4

[BambiOnIce80]

We're very close to maxing-out our previous thread, so time to start afresh 🙂

To borrow the intro from @Blondcat (our old threads founder):

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Good luck all!! 🍀🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

So.... making the most of my Xmas gift as I’m being positive and will be pregnant soon..... 👍🏼

@Carley321 it sounds like you've got a lovely week planned ahead of you 😊 Fingers-crossed it coincides with FW 🤞🏻

@Rachyrach83, I'm a fan of the Whitley Neill, but not come across the impressive looking gingerbread one before 😮 Think I'll be seeing in the New Year with a cheeky Whittakers Pink Peculiar (or 2 🍸😉)... if I can stay awake that long! 😴

So. I decided to omit the temp rise reading on CD14 because it was more likely to be due to my consumption of a bottle of wine on an empty stomach rather than anything else 🙄 BFP OPK on CD15. Had some left-sided twinges in the early hours of CD16, which could've been ov. CD17 today and my temperature has gone down rather than up 🧐 I'm thinking of chucking this cycle in the 🤬 it bucket and hoping for a better cycle in January 😒 We've only managed to DTD twice and I've frankly no idea if I ovulated or not, so there's no point me over-analysing and stressing myself out more than is necessary (bloody glad my progesterone result was well above 30 when I had it checked though otherwise I'd be freaking out big time with the lack of temp rise! 🤯).

Anyway. Whether you're staying in, going out or running up and down fells, wishing you all a very happy New Year and a BFP for one and all in 2019!🤞🏻🍀🎉🍾🥂

@BambiOnIce80 - my temp goes all over the place if I drink, I've not bothered this cycle at all (I've barely had a day off the booze in a month, really looking forward to starting dry January tomorrow,).

No fell running for me in the end as we've both been beasted with a winter cold, the second of the season already. I feel thoroughly disgusting, so fat and unfit and ill after the holidays. Looking forward to some normality even if I'm dreading going back to work.

I've felt really emotional from time to time over Christmas and had a few good cries out of the blue. I think it's probably peri menopausal hormones and maybe disappointment in my dads life choices more than anything, as I've mostly had a pretty good Christmas and didn't feel too bad to not be pregnant or have much hope of a child on the horizon. Here's to 2019 and us all getting somewhere with our goals, one way or another...

I think top of my list of resolutions is to give up my addiction to Rightmove and try to be happy with my lot. And to drink a lot less. And to say yes to more stuff instead of automatically thinking no. And to actually make it to some fell races. Still can't believe I'll be forty in the coming year. Life is over before you even know it!

@Rachyrach83 enjoy the gin! Not tried that one either, looks tasty.
@Carley321 a spa is a good idea. Nothing better in the cold winter months,
@VenusStarr - hope your few days away make you feel a bit better. It's good to be antisocial when you need to be. Recoup together,
@CNizzle - hope you get a few days to get stuff done at home, sounds like you had a tough Christmas.

AF due any day now for me, I've had cramps on and off for a couple of days so expected it already. I've not tracked this cycle, or had sex, so don't have much of an idea of what's going on. It'll probably hit in full force when I go back to work on Wednesday, no doubt. Ugh hating the thought of work already. Maybe in 2019 I'll get a job I like!

Happy new year to you all!

@79andnotout sounds like youve had an emotional week, its this time of year, definitely. Hope your cold hets better. I too love a bit of rightmove, but having only moved house 18 months ago, im loathed to look just now.

@racheyrach that looks delicioys, enjoy x

@BambiOnIce80 my temps are all over the place with booze & routine. Maybe you're just ovulating a bit later, with a temp drop. I think pains around ov arent necessarily the best indicator.

Im back in work for today, but iff tomorrow, looking forward to a day off!

Wishing you all the best for the new year when it comes x

Hi Ladies, just checking in to wish you all a great 2019 with BFP for us all 🤰. Btw @MrsRRC congratulations 😉💐. I only DTD CD10 and 11 and got a smiley on CD13. I think this month is in the bin as my skin itch turned out to be eczema and I just can't stop scratching myself which keeps DH away. Been to the Drs but the cream isn't strong enough, it still keeps me awake at night with a mighty itch. Funny how I never had anything like this in my entire life and now get eczema at nearly 38. To be fair my latest diet of fatty food and booze don't help either. Here is to a happy and healthy 2019 🥂⭐️😘

Have a happy and healthy new year ladies and thank you for your support ❤️ It’s so nice not to be alone.

Also thank you for your congratulations - I don’t want to appear rude, but after last time, I am trying to keep away from the forums until a few milestones are out of the way, I’ve managed to get through 2; my predicted AF due date, and the Flo App predicted AF date! Needless to say this time round I am a bit of a nervous wreck and my symptoms (or lack thereof) are completely different.

Am 4w6d today and will probably self refer to midwives at the end of the week if all goes well.

I will mostly be concentrating on my knitting project and eating a curry tonight and will raise a chapati in your collective honour.

@79andnotout there’s something about the end of the year that can make you feel emotionally tapped out - review it, allow yourself a bit of a wallow and then resolve to come back stronger 👊🏻 Massive Zoopla fan here 🙋🏻‍♀️ It’s a free indulgence as far as I am concerned 😄

I am not sure where the additional weird emojis have come from. Soz about that!!!

Thank you @QuantumGirl. Xx

Hello, I was directed to this amazing thread by someone on another board who had found it supportive. I'm not TTC as such just yet but I'm 36 and have always wanted a big family (like 4 or 5 kids).
I've been really depressed recently as I feel like time is running out and that I made the wrong life choices. I unfortunately didn't meet the right person until a couple of years ago -probably due to the fact that I had quite a demanding career and spent a lot of time working. I made a career switch a few years ago (primarily because I wanted to focus on finding love and building a family) and I met my partner who is 34. We have been together for almost 2 years.
My partner is wonderful and supportive and he would be a great dad but in many ways he isn't as ready to start a family as I am. He also thinks because we're both fit and healthy that there's no rush. He has a lot of faith in our fertility and baby making years ahead that I just don't have! I have been feeling quite depressed with the new year coming - just thinking how quickly time has passed and that it's only 4 years til I'm 40. I really want to start trying to have a family now and I'm scared that time is running out and I've left it too late.
My partner is currently in graduate school so is almost starting afresh with a new career that is taking up a lot of his time right now. I feel settled financially as I had a well paid job for many years, but he's not in the same position and won't be for a few years. But in a few years I'll be close to 40. My partner's financial situation doesn't bother me but he feels like he has to be settled in his career and financially stable before we try to have kids. He also wants to parent 50/50 as his parents are divorced and his dad wasn't around much. My fear is that if we wait, it will be too late as that will likely be 2-3 years from now at least.
I had lots of fertility tests a few years ago when I was 33 and everything was ok at that point, which is positive news (although out of date now).
One of my younger sisters had so much trouble conceiving (she was trying from age 29) and had to go through IVF. She has a lovely baby girl now but it took years and it was all quite traumatic for her. I guess I'm just scared because there's no way of knowing whether it will be easy or whether it will be a nightmare.
I have come off birth control (which my partner was very supportive of, thankfully), largely because I was worried that it could take a long time for my cycles to get back to normal after being on bc for many years. Everything seems regular/normal but again who knows for sure.
I feel grateful that I have finally met someone who I want to have a family with, but I'm really scared about waiting any longer. Thank you for listening and I hope you all have a great new year xx

@Clare19821 - I could have written your post almost word for word myself. Unfortunately time isn't on your side and you need to convince him. I managed to persuade mine by making him hear the information from a fertility specialist himself, who said we need to get a move on, and also through couples counselling to work on the issues holding him back. We also had to wait until he was in a better position career wise as he was really far behind me and had a place he wanted to be before starting to try to conceive.

Unfortunately I think it was all too late for us and even though we're in a great place now and our relationship is really strong, no babies are forthcoming and my egg reserve is low. My younger sister has been given a couple of years till menopause and I think I'm in a similar boat.

I really think you need to be more forceful about this. I think my partner regrets waiting now, he just didn't realise how short the window actually is and thought everything would be fine into my forties, as like you we are both very fit and healthy. We started trying when I was 37 and I'm now 39, although we've missed quite a few months due to me working away a lot. Which I may come to regret also. It's all a minefield. Good luck with your difficult conversations, it's a really stressful position to be in.

@79andnotout sorry to hear you're full of cold and had a tough Christmas 💐 I think I'll be joining you on the dry January 🤔 I want to give the temping a fighting chance, plus DP is starting an NHS proper dieting programme and I feel like I need to be supportive by giving up booze if he's giving up food 😏

Thanks for the temping support @CNizzle 💖 I hope you have a lovely and restful night in.x

Sorry to hear that the eczema is still attacking you @QuantumGirl 😔 Here's hoping the cream starts to do its thing soon and buggers off for the New Year! 🤞🏻

Enjoy your curry @MrsRRC 🍛😋 I'm still sending positive vibes your way for a sticky bean 🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻🍀

Happy New Year and welcome @Clare19821 👋 I absolutely understand where you're coming from ❤️ I'm (kind of!) lucky that my DP TTC'd with his ex for 3.5 years without any luck, so he got where I was coming from with wanting to crack on with the baby making/getting into the system. You might be really lucky and fall pregnant straight away (🤞🏻🍀), but there seems to be more of us who don't than do. I think the advice @79andnotout has given you is excellent - get a specialist to spell it out to him and maybe consider counselling to help get his thoughts in order. I think realistically there's never a good time to have a bambino, so at some point you've just got to take the plunge and hope for the best.x

Right. I've just realised that we're about to max out the thread, so I'll start a new one and tag everyone on the last few pages to try and not leave any active posters behind. New year, new thread! 😂

@79andnotout Thank you so much for your advice - it means a lot to me. I'm very sorry it hasn't worked out for you yet - hoping that there's still time and that it works out soon.

Your post has really given me a stronger wake-up call that I'm not being too pushy and if anything I need to be more convincing. Thank you so much for that. I think my partner is convincible as he also strongly wants a family, he would be incredibly upset if it turned out we couldn't have one and he wants to make me happy. It's just that in an ideal world he'd prefer to wait a few years. He's also overly optimistic in my opinion - he genuinely believes that I would get pregnant as soon as we start trying. But it's not an ideal world and time isn't on our side so I hope he will be willing to compromise. I'd personally much rather take the risk of having a baby now before he's completely ready than risk not being able to have one at all.

Thankfully, we have the sort of relationship where he is willing to discuss these things and doesn't shy away from it. I was very upset about all of this last night and told him how I felt. Even though we have discussed this quite a bit, I don't think he had quite realised the full extent of my anxiety. Hoping to discuss more tonight (a fun New Year's Eve...)

Thanks again for your advice - it is truly helpful

@Clare19821 even if things went perfectly, you got pregnant instantly (my boyfriend was also convinced that would happen), and didn't have a miscarriage, he would still have 8-9 months to prepare. So yeah, crack on! Glad he is open to these discussions, it sounds like you will resolve things quickly. Keep us posted.

@BambiOnIce80 Thanks so much for your advice too. I guess so much of this is luck but who knows which way the luck is going to go so best to start trying as soon as possible rather than risk it. I'm going to talk to my partner again tonight and also suggest that we both go and see a fertility specialist. I think he would be willing to go to counselling as well. The other issue for him that I forgot to mention is that he would like us to get married before having a family. Again, in an ideal world I'd like to get married too but when it comes to babies v marriage I'm much more concerned about the former and don't really feel like we have time to organise the latter right now! I also think you're right that there never is an ideal time where everything is perfect, so it's best to crack on as soon as possible.
Thanks so much @79andnotout and @BambiOnIce80 for the advice - it really is appreciated x

@79andnotout yes I think this is a great point and it's also one I made to him last night. He said that he didn't think we'd be in a good position to be parents for at least another year, but then I said that's only 3 months of trying and 9 months of pregnancy. Then there's the miscarriage risk as well, as you say, which is sadly so common. Thanks for all the support - I feel even more determined to work on convincing him tonight! Will keep you all posted xx

@claire
Just saying.... the marriage thing is easily fixed too.... we got engaged in December and had a beautiful wedding in April!! Xx

Just wanted to say I hope we haven't scared the crap out of you @Clare19821?! You could very easily be one of the lucky ones, but I can relate to your DP thinking "of course it'll happen very quickly; that's obviously what happens when you don't use contraception" because that's exactly what I thought 😏 I was 30 when I started TTC with my ex, good BMI, fit, been off the pill for years and in a good place to try for a kid... came as a bit of a shock when nearly 4 years went by and not even a hint of a BFP 🙄 Cue a diagnosis of primary unexplained infertility (aka. 'we can't find 'owt wrong with you, but you clearly can't get pregnant' 😕) and a journey that's been going on ever since (albeit with a 3 year break to get divorced, rebuild life, meet DP, fall in love and get to the point where we think "yeah, time for TTC"! 😄). On the flip side of that, one of my IRL friends wasn't keen on TTC but thought she'd best give it a whirl as she was turning 40 that year... BOOM. BFP on the first TTC cycle! 😊 Her DS is 2 now and she's happy to stick at 1 DC (plus being pregnant buggered her thyroid, so she might not find it so easy 2nd time round...).

Anywho. I hope you're chat with DP goes well. At the end of the day, his feelings on TTC are equally as valid as yours. You just need to figure out how to gently bring him round to seeing things from your point of view and see if you can end up on the same page🤞🏻🍀

Hi, hope everyone had a good new year, I was working until 2am but have today and tomorrow off so doing absolutely nothing, bliss! I'm on cd13 so back on the opks, last months positive was cd18 so fingers crossed it wasn't a fluke.

@Clare19821 I had exactly the same situation with my DP, it took my gynae consultant saying to us very bluntly (after removing dermoid cysts from my ovary) that if we didn't start ttc straight away we'd probably never have a family. Men just don't seem to feel the urgency so a professional opinion helps

Thank you @Pinkywoo for your advice. It seems like lots of you have been in the same boat so I really appreciate your insights. It's really helped me a lot as part of me was worried that I should be more laidback about the whole thing and stay optimistic. But after the advice, I think I really need to ramp up my persuasion and if that doesn't make quick progress, then I think it will be good for us to get professional medical advice

Hi @Clare19821 I think you’ve got a good plan of action and have been given some brilliant advice on here. Men don’t feel the urgency we feel because they’ve got all the time in the world. Not so for women. Hopefully, you won’t have any complications and things will happen quickly for you, but if not they’ll be more time for intervention and investigations etc if you start sooner rather than later. I thought ttc would be easier than it’s turning out to be!

For those of you who are late 30s and heading towards 40, I read a quote (can’t remember where) that having a baby in your twenties can cripple you, preserve you in your thirties and make you young again in your forties. Not sure how true it is but I like the idea!

I’ve had 3 days of high readings on the CB monitor with my first peak reading yesterday and another one this morning so you can guess how we’ve been seeing in the new year Crossing fingers for this cycle, but not going to get my hopes up. I really want to get to a place where i’m happy whatever happens.

Think i’m going to have a sorting out and declutter day today. Wishing you all a brilliant 2019 and hoping for lots more BFPs 🎉🥂💕

Hi all
I’ve started on my cbfm (1 cycle after MMC) and currently had 4 highs and no peak
ICOPK have been laughably negative all week
Currently CD10.
Xx

A little late as Christmas has been a crazy busy one for us this year but...
Happy New Year all I hope 2019 brings lots of happiness health and BFP to our lovely group 😘😁. xxx