TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

• drag I mean sorry

Never a need to apologise here xx

Oh @Lilimum5 I'm so sorry-did you have an ERPC? I know they don't normally do them under ultrasound guidance so I guess it may be retained tissue? If it helps I had med mgmt after my first loss and although I wasn't checked for retained tissue when I eventually got my period (after 5weeks of bleeding/spotting after the meds) I did pass what I think was a tiny bit of tissue. Think the bleeding was my body trying to clear itself. Big hugs xxx

Lilimum5 Sorry this keeps going on for you. It's really unfair. Hopefully you'll get some answers and a decent plan on your scan. From your post yesterday I can definitely relate to finding it hard seeing bumps and babies, it's a reminder of your huge loss. Take care of yourself X

HSapr Welcome and sorry for your loss. Starting to ttc again fits with the conventional wisdom here that what's most important is how you feel.

Rachyxxx you're right, I need to be more assertive. I self-referred to antenatal yesterday and detailed my mc history. I'll chase in a few days and push for a scan.

Yukka I'm definitely going to keep taking it. I've never reached 5wks before so maybe it's the difference? I do feel like I'll be 'told off' for taking it, but I'm not losing a 5th pregnancy because I haven't been seen by rmc 5 months after a referral.

Have you got a management plan for APS yet? I'm definitely watching with interest!!

KnitKitty Thank you for holding me in mind! The support here is amazing, it's good to be back.

I haven't really seen rmc yet. I had an initial apt in August where I saw a staff grade gynae doctor who gave me 5 blood forms and physically examined me, swabbing for STIs. I had my follow up 3wks ago where I was meant to see the consultant, but I met with an apologetic doctor who explained I need many, many more bloods first All at cd21. I was really pissed off.

I've loved taking a break. It's been great to dtd for fun and just not think about ttc for a while. It takes up so much headspace, which is cruel considering how little contol we have!

Hi Ladies hope everyone is feeling positive and hope you can offer me some advice please.

I had a MMC last month, I would of been 11 weeks but my baby stopped developing at around 7 weeks. I have had my first AF on the 14th - 16th Nov so this is my first cycle TTC again. We now know more than ever that we want our own little family.

I have been looking back on an app I used before I had my MMC to track my AF and it worked out that my cycles on average where around 23 days. Obviously some would be shorter or longer. I used the miscarriage as my last cycle to begin TTC this time which then took 30 days but this could just be due to the MC. The longest cycle I recorded was 27 days and the shortest being 21 days, looks like my cycles where pretty rubbish 🙈

Should I go off my past average of around 23 cycle length or start completely fresh. I have begun using ovulation strips too which will hopefully help if they work for me. If I go of my past 23 cycle I should be DTD all this week? What are your thoughts? xx

@DayDreamer1707 sorry for your loss, not having a regular cycle can make it more difficult to plan I can imagine. Do you ever get any symptoms of ovulating?
I'm pretty regular usually, whether it'll be this way after my mc last week I don't know but I usually find when I ovulate I get a bit of cramping, achy boobs and a discharge.. maybe try to rely on your body's clock as well as testing x

@Tiniestsky so sorry for your loss, things do get better I promise 🙂.

Well we was never really trying before, was just more of a laid back approach of 'if it happens, it happens' so I never really noticed any ovulation symptoms before. I have been getting slight cramps this week and also had some light pink spotting yesterday. Don't know if that is from my AF though x

@DayDreamer707 if I were you my lovely I’d be trying to have sex everyday if not every other day between 21/11 (tomorrow) and then 30/11
😬
So have fun dtd but don’t put too much pressure on yourselves sweetheart!!

But I would also use to ovulation tests aswell to monitor what is happening.

Wishing you lots of luck xxx

Thanks everyone for your kind words :)
Feeling good still today, symptoms are coming up. Determined not to get into the pattern of checking for bleeds all the time.

Calling the hospital back tomorrow to see about appointment for first scan and hopefully to start the heparin. I’ll feel much better when I get to that stage Knowing the outcome is otherwise pretty dismal is hard to stomach but I’m managing to stay calm somehow. But the aspirin should have done enough for good implantation and should see me through till the hep starts.

@russkispy good the IVF meds’ arrive soon! Be good for you to get moving on that.

Sorry for the new joiners who’ve recently joined, it can be hard when we’ve just had a bout of BFPs especially but everyone has experienced some version of what You have been through so don’t hold back on questions or ranting xx

@daydreamer1707 I would advice you to start using ovulation tests (opks) as it will be important to understand whether you always ov around the same time and your lures life phases is quirky or if it’s the other way round, or if it’s completely random through the cycle with no pattern. Being able to track this could offer insight to a hormone imbalance and there is loads of simple treatment that could able stablise. Have you ever discussed it with you GP? It would be worthwhile.

Also after a late-ish mc it can take time to go back to normal anyway.

Have you use opks before to track? Xx

Thanks @Rachyxxx I don’t think the OH will complain about that idea. I’ve started to use the ovulation sticks but nothing really showing at the moment. Trying my best to not over think ever little cramp etc but so frustrating when you aren’t overly sure what’s happening with your own body.

@Yukka I’ve started to use them but they are very faint so hoping I can start to stop some patterns for next cycle. No harm in obviously trying this time either. I know everything has all gone as we had a follow up scan and also got a negative so hopefully things are on the up for us. I’ve never used Opks before so I only got the one step to see how I get on. Have you just got your BFP x

@SerenaOverjoyed it’s nice to hear from you again hun. Congrats on the new pregnancy! I’ll be keeping everything crossed for you that this one sticks 🤞 so many bfp’s right now, I’m crossing everything that these are our rainbows!!

@HSapr welcome and I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope the bleeding stops soon and you can get back to normal. I think a casual approach to it is great, after my first loss I obsessed while TTC and it consumed me. Definitely didn’t help! X

@KnitKitty @Laney79 thanks for asking girls. I did drop in the urine sample yesterday morning, haven’t heard anything since. I think I’m going to phone the EPAU tomorrow myself as I’m worried it’s going to keep being delayed. Do they take self referrals - if anyone knows? Still reeling from that doctors appointment! 🙈

@Lilimum5 I hope the scan on Friday gets to the bottom of things. I’m so sorry it’s being dragged out, makes it even harder. Sending hugs x

@DayDreamer1707 I’m so sorry for your loss, my first loss last December was very similar and it was just an awful experience. I hope you’re doing okay. Also it took me ages to get the hang of OPK’s but they are very useful, dtd as much as possible works too though haha! X

Thought I’d also share this with you ladies. Was feeling quite down earlier today, wasn’t feeling positive about this pregnancy and couldn’t stop thinking about Charlie. On top of that I got a “you’re 29 weeks pregnant!” email so I wrote this. Just thought I’d share, I know if anyone will understand it’s everyone here ❤️ Showed my fiancée too and we had a little cry. Sometimes it helps to get everything out 💕

@hayleyfx that is so beautiful, thank you for sharing. I'm in floods of tears with you. You're absolutely right, that is what a mum does; suffers for her children so they don't have to.
I just need a few minutes to pull myself together again now...
Massive hugs xxx

@hayleyfx it’s just awful how your own body allows you to continue thinking your pregnant. All MC are awful but just felt cruel and a betray! I’m doing a lot better now and so my recent AF as a fresh start and I just can’t wait to see a BFP!

Sounds awful what you have been through but wow how strong you are too! I’m sure this pregnancy will work out for you now you have your angel above 💕

@hayleyfx my EPU took me in direct last time, dont hold back and keep pushing them xx thinking if you xx

@daydreamer1707 yes I got bfp yesterday, but this is fourth pregnancy in 14 months and I have just been diagnosed with APS/Hughes syndrome which causes mc, so waiting to start treatment hopefully next week.

@fnej01 I'm glad AF isn't too painful. Not TTC is frustrating and comes with its own difficult emotions, but an enforced break will actually probably do you good. I'm feeling a weight has lifted with not trying although I had been dreading the break beforehand.

@Tiniestsky Thanks. Can't say my journey is going ok really, but I'm travelling it as cheerfully as I can, so it's ok even though it's not ok, if that makes any sense.

@Russkispy Good luck with starting IVF. xxx

@Lilimum5 I'm not really a star; I do it for selfish reasons. Focusing on all of you and helping you through the bad times gets me through mine as well. I'm so grateful to have all of you lovely ladies for support.
It sucks that there's still HCG in your system. I'm really glad you're having a scan in a few days; hopefully it will bring some reassurance. At least your body is doing the right thing by still expelling whatever is in there, hopefully everything will clear soon and the HCG will go down rapidly after that. Fingers crossed that you don't need any further intervention. xxx

@Laney79 How are you today?

@HSapr hi. I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs xxx I think the not trying but not preventing approach is a good idea for you; it takes the pressure off and allows you to focus on healing emotionally from the MC. I hope you're doing ok.

@MeghanV07 I'm pleased you ovulated. That's one worry out of the way. When you feel more back to normal again it helps life get back on track properly. Since you didn't DTD close enough to O you can relax for the rest of the cycle and not have the stress of symptom spotting, so try and enjoy the break as much as possible and give yourself a few treats xxx

@SerenaOverjoyed That's so frustrating that they didn't get all the bloods done straight away. Hopefully they won't be needed now anyway and you're growing a healthy little bean.

@DayDreamer1707 It's tough when your cycles aren't regular. My advice would be to DTD every two to three days throughout your cycle for the best chance. Sperm can live for a few days in the Fallopian tube so don't worry if you're not doing the BD every day or every other day, you'll still be in with a chance so long as you're having fun on a regular basis. And as others have said, using OPKs will allow you to have a bit more of an idea when you're in your fertile period.

@hayleyfx I really find writing therapeutic, and think it's a really good release for your emotions. Well done for dealing with your grief so well. I had a good long cry after reading your message to Charlie. I think I needed it, so thank you.

@Yukka Really proud of you for staying so calm. Sounds like you're doing really well. I hope you manage to keep hold of this calm attitude, but don't worry if you wobble sometimes. Good luck with calling the hospital tomorrow. xxx

I had my 3rd acupuncture treatment today. I'm feeling good about it so far. I have another one next week and then after that it'll be monthly appointments. Hopefully it's helping me boost my fertility ready for when we start trying again but that won't be until after I've had my RMC appointment and I'm still waiting to get that!
I'm feeling like going on a health kick too. I do eat healthily for the most part, walk to work and I'm not overweight, but I think I could be doing better for my body and I want to be in tip-top condition for TTC when the time comes again. I've spent some time today researching a healthy eating plan for myself and I'm pondering ways to get more exercise in my routine... I find it really hard to keep motivation going with exercise.
Does anyone have any tips on how they stay healthy?

@hayleyfx my EPAU nurse was great with me-told me after my first loss just to contact her when we got another BFP, which I did. She booked me in for the early scan at 8+6 -sadly that was when we discovered bow had also stopped growing too. I'd deffo contact them direct. Thanks for sharing your letter to Charlie. Just beautiful.

@KnitKitty I'm ok. Desperately trying not to get my hopes up for testing tomorrow. My boobs are very tender though and oh is adamant it'll be positive. Hoping I'm not setting myself up for a fall. Not sure our BD-Ing was well timed...we successfully dtd 3rd and 11th...positive opks were 8/9/10th - so hard to know. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

@KnitKitty I’m sorry for upsetting you but glad you found some comfort in it. I agree, writing my feelings down really seems to help, I just seemed to pour my heart out there. It definitely helps to share it with people who understand too ❤️ Glad to hear your acupuncture is going well!

@Laney79 @Yukka thank you for the advice. Will contact EPU myself tomorrow then and see about an early scan. I certainly don’t think the doctor will be much use! Hopefully tomorrow’s phone call goes better than my last! 🙈 also @Laney79 I’ve got everything crossed for you testing tomorrow 🤞

@DayDreamer1707 thank you so much, fingers crossed 🤞 & you’re right, it really is cruel - it comes as such a shock. I’m glad you’re doing better and I hope your BFP is just around the corner. Good luck for TTC again! X

Hi ladies. Sorry for dipping in and out of this thread, I've been trying to stay off Mumsnet and not to think about the miscarriage/ ttc until we start trying again next month.

I had a vma for a mmc on 2nd November and stopped bleeding a week and a half afterward. We had sex for the first time since the miscarriage last night and today I had pink discharge with a little bit of blood. Is this normal or an indication that something's wrong?

A quick question I've been reading on here and Google about asprin how can this help and when to start taking it. Before bfp or after. I think I will give it a go if I get a bfp in the future. It can't hurt right?

Not looking forward to Friday at all but needs must. I just hope they can tell me a plan that doesn't require me to wait for ever to resolve the issue. I keep having a panic that this is damage caused by the erpc ( I know that's stupid) but I never wanted the erpc to start with and had too. It scares the hell out of me because I went with my cousin when she had hers and it all went very wrong and she no longer has a uterus. I know the chance of that happening is so so so low it almost never happens. But its in my brain and I can't let it go. I know I'm just twisting my self up and stressing my self out for no reason

Thanks for listening to me moan

You know that fall I mentioned...well I was right. Frer done with FMU this morning and it's the biggest fattest negative you ever did see. I'd really started to believe this was it again. Feel like an idiot. I can't even read my own body. Now I just have to hope AF comes swiftly. That said I think our chances of catching again will be slim. OH going through a very low period at the moment and dtd is always off the table when he's like this. Why is this so damn hard? Xxx

@Lilimum5 my consultant has said to take it from BFP as he believes it does no harm but may help.

@Lilimum5 I can totally understand why you are worrying, what an awful experience for your cousin. A lot can change in a few days so fx for a good appointment for you on Friday. I have been thinking about if there's anything I can do/take if I get another BFP, maybe I'll do some more research but I'm starting to feel the more I read, the more anxious I get and start worrying if I could ever go through this again...

@Dimblebimble sounds like your cervix could be a bit irritated and it's probably normal. I get this a lot, particularly if we DTD outside of my fertile window when my cervix is high and soft. If it happens again though there's no harm in getting checked out, even if it's for peace of mind.

Good morning all
@KnitKitty thank you for your kind words. I hope you get your appointment through soon, did they give you any indication of timings?? With regards to health kicks, if you're not overweight then I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself, maybe just make some healthy swaps, for snacks etc, make sure you have plenty of fruit and veg, and add in some superfoods?

Well it looks like my fears were correct. Further FRER this morning is faint again, and looks fainter than the previous. Just waiting to start bleeding now and to call up my GP to change our referral to recurrent miscarriage. There must be something wrong with implantation. Hello loss #3.