TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@Yukka I really hope this is it for us!! 🤞 yeah reckon I’ll be having a scan in 2-3 weeks time (assuming I’m still pregnant then) I’m already scared, feeling very pessimistic but taking it one day at a time. @strawberrye we’re all so close together! Crossing everything for all of our little beans ❤️

@DaisyMay25 it’s been ages!! I’m so sorry to hear your news but the next few months sound like they’ll be productive. Although it’ll take a little help to get your rainbow, it will happen! Wishing you so much luck. Keep us updated! X

@Clumsykitten thank you so much, it’s terrifying but I’m trying to enjoy it while I can! Also I was the same with the acronyms at first, it’s like learning a new language 😂 but 10 months down the line it’s like second nature to me haha!

Hi all, can I float back in the thread?

I've been big time lurking. I'm so chuffed to see the bfps, especially this recent rush. Absolutely heartbroken for the new losses. X

I took a looong break from June after my 4th mc in 9 months, all arguable CPs before 5wks. I'm now under RMC but in my book in appointment they failed to take 15 blood tests, but did judgily swab me for chlamidiya (negative, take that judgey doc! ). I need the next batch of bloods on cd21. The results I did get came back borderline for 3 markers for APS. I haven't seen the consultant yet as I still need so many tests.

We started 'unofficially' trying in September and I got a bfp 7 days ago, making me vaguely 5wks today (I have hugely variable cycles so it's hard to know).

Gynae have given no advice and directed me to EPU. I've got a call booked into my gp on Wednesday and I'll ask for bloods. I can only get a reassurance scan if I turn up and wait, so I'll do that in 10 days. Rightly or wrongly I've self prescribed 75mg asprin.

I feel a mix of joy and abject terror. A big part of me thinks 'this is it!!', but I'm still so certain I'll lose this pregnancy and it will be a heartbreaking fall.

@Rachyxxx thank you, that really helped, they sound like some wise words!
I've been the same this week, ups n downs, laughter then panic, but I guess it all boils down to one point... regardless of how scared I am, nervous and worried I am, how many panic attacks and sleepless nights I have I'm not going to stop trying so I'll just have to brace myself and get on with it.
I'd love to have a few people to have a chat with now and again, I was going to ask if some of you were in a Facebook group or perhaps get a messenger chat group going...?

And @Clumsykitten as hard as it is you really mustn't even ponder about how it might be your fault, if you're not a drinker, don't smoke or take drugs you really are not to blame in the slightest, it's just simple bad luck and I really hope your luck changes x

@Tiniestsky I'm not in a group on Facebook but I would like to join one if you found one

Had my first proper day out of the house to do a bit of Xmas shopping. Big mistake thought I was OK but all I saw the whole hour that I was able to stick it was bumps, babies and prams. I'm trying really hard not to have negative thoughts about it all but I'm so jealous of every pregnant lady I see.
Now I can't stop crying 😢 since we got home. I really need to get a grip I can't keep doing this 😭

@serenaoverjoyed congrats. I would deff take 75mg aspirin if you had borderline test. It will only help and they may not do second test whilst pregnant.

@lilimum5 it is so hard, try to not beat yourself up. You’ve been through this enough times. Try and focus on being emotionally well as well as physically. Are you going for counselling? In the last 2 months I started acupuncture and yoga both of which helped me and I believe contributed to today’s bfp xxx

@strawberry are you going to test again? There’s no doubt you are pregnant so stay positive xx

@Tiniestsky I have send you a PM with my mobile number. I don’t do social media currently as I couldn’t stand the sight of another pregnancy announcement after everything I’ve gone through. So I’ve popped you my mobile number in the pm.

But I would love to chat and offer support, might make us feel a little better we aren’t alone ☺️

That stands for anyone else ... I am happy to send my number for anyone who wants to chat ❤️ Maybe if we even get a few of us we could do a WhatsApp group?

@Clumsykitten I have my good and my down days. But when it’s my best friends baby shower it was one where I just had to put on my best smile and do it for her.
It just caused a ricochet of emotions for me when I got home. And my poor fella got a string of depressive text messages from me whilst I was at work on a night shift ... which is enough to make anyone feel shitty anyway lol.
I hope you are looking after yourself and not being too hard on yourself. You have your own battles my lovely and we can’t always be strong. ❤️

@hayleyfx @yukka @strawberrye I am super happy for all you ladies ☺️ Make sure you get the support you deserve from the NHS and milk the EPAU for as many scans as you can. Sending sticky bean dust ❤️

@SerenaOverjoyed If you have had a miscarriage previously your doctor or midwife should be able to refer you for an early reassurance scan at 7 weeks. You shouldn’t be being told to turn up and wait they should get it booked for you. They should be getting you in to see the midwife sooner so they can keep track of your pregnancy and how it is progressing from an early stage.
I know the second I get pregnant again I am going to be demanding all I can from them.
My midwife didn’t even speak to me again when I had my miscarriage, the last time I saw her was my booking in appt... she obviously noted on my records I’d misacrried and just wiped me off.
So I will be ensuring I don’t have her !!
I was told as soon as I lost my twins and had an MVA I’d always have open access to the GAU for telephone queries, and I’d be under the EPAU straight away to be monitored.
Ring them up hun and don’t take no for an answer, the last thing you want is to be sat waiting when you are potentially already very nervous and worried.

❤️❤️❤️

@lilimum5 god I know exactly how you feel. Some days it seems like everywhere you look there is a pregnant lady, or a new born in a pushchair.
I look at others and wonder their struggles, but they never seen apparent when they are stood there so beautifully pregnant. Or with their beautiful baby in its pram.
But we don’t know the journeys they’ve gone through I guesss....
some will have been lucky and gotten pregnant within the first few months. But some of those babies may have come from similar struggles to our own.

I guess we will get our little bundles of joy when the time is right in our lives.
Granted when we want it so badly that isn’t always a consolation.
I personally just want to be a mum. I’ve got everything and more to give to my little baby when it arrives... I’m just waiting for him or her to join us lol. ❤️ Keep strong beautiful ❤️

If you ladies fancied a WhatsApp which may be easier to keep track of PM me your numbers and I could create one.

❤️

@Rachyxxx pm'd you my number

@Lilimum5 me and @Rachyxxx are gonna try and sort a messenger chat if you're interested?

@Tiniestsky sounds good I shall had to get an account first though.

Okie dokie, send me a message with your name when you're sorted, we are in one now, if anyone has messenger that wants to join a group with us, you're more than welcome if @Rachyxxx is ok with it x

@Tiniestsky just pm'd you x

@Rachyxxx Glad to see you're feeling more positive today. I often refer to the ups and downs as riding the waves of emotion. Enjoy the good days, just keep paddling through the bad ones. Your words to others on here are inspirational and helping others through their hard times can really help with dealing with your own difficulties too. I'm also very much of a mindset that I'm not going to let this journey to parenthood destroy me either. We're all holding each other's hands through this and I think that's amazing. xxx

@fnej01 My periods after MC have sometimes been fine and sometimes more heavy/painful. There seems to be no rhyme or reason. Could the "pre cramps" be pregnancy cramps do you think?

@Lilimum5 This could be a new AF. Either way, your body is obviously getting rid of things that shouldn't be in there. I just hope the bleeding stops soon to give you a break. Make sure you're getting plenty of iron in your diet at the moment.
Seeing pregnant women and baby stuff everywhere is really hard. Be kind to yourself. You just need to let out the emotions sometimes. xxx

@strawberrye I think that looks like a good line on the FRER. As others have said, people's HCG doesn't increase the same way so don't compare your tests to other peoples. I have everything crossed for you xxx

@Tiniestsky For me it was a mix of pure desperation to be pregnant again and time being a healer. I actually found it easier ploughing through it and trying than contemplating not trying. The raw emotions should get duller as time passes. Sometimes a fresh wave of sadness/fear/grief/frustration washes over me, but those waves have got further apart as the months have gone on. You might find talking to someone helps. Have you looked into getting counselling? A lot of the ladies on here have done that. If you're getting nightmares and panic attacks definitely talk to your GP about it. Don't suffer in silence.

@Yukka My goodness!!!! That's the biggest, fattest positive I have seen in a long time! The test line is darker than the control line!!! (Twins?) And after the diagnosis as well, what brilliant timing to get some treatment underway. All my fingers and toes crossed for you.

@Laney79 I have my fingers crossed for you. What makes your fella think you're preggo? I wish mine was a bit more sensitive to my body changes sometimes. I think it's really cute when partners pick up on symptoms.

@hayleyfx did you drop in a urine sample today? (I'm still tutting at the person who requested this from you... what a twerp!)

@DaisyMay25 Hi again. I'm so sorry you've had this bombshell to deal with. You must have a lot going on in your head right now. I think it's really good that you're already taking steps towards IVF though. I will keep my fingers crossed that it's a success and helps you become parents before long. A few of the other ladies on here are going through IVF or starting it soon too. xxx

@Clumsykitten It's so hard hearing other people's pregnancy announcements, isn't it? The mixture of jealousy, guilt about feeling jealous and sadness for yourself and trying so hard to be happy for them... it's just a really difficult situation. Hugs xxx

Hi again @SerenaOverjoyed. It sounds wrong to say that I'm glad to see you back here, because obviously I'd rather you didn't need the support from us, but you have been on my mind on and off for the last few months and it's good to hear from you again! Tentative congratulations! (I say this, because even if it doesn't end up being a sticky one, congratulations for creating a little life are still in order!) I really hope this is a sticky one though. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you. I've been in a very similar situation to you actually. 4 or 5 losses in 9 months. Since my MMC in March I've had 3 other very early losses (on or under 5 week mark). It's possibly 4 losses, but I never did a pregnancy test with the last one. Like you, getting pregnant doesn't seem to be a problem, it's the staying pregnant. I'm taking a break for a while at the moment and waiting for my RMC appointment to come through.
I think you're right to take the aspirin. If nothing else it feels like you're trying something, and from what I can tell it can't harm anyway.
How did you find taking the break from TTC? I'm finding it restful so far.
What was your first RMC appointment like? Were they reassuring or give you any ideas as to what sort of problems might cause very early losses/CPs? I'm a little worried the doctors are going to be dismissive of my pregnancy losses because they've been so early on. Any advice?
Hugs and sticky baby dust for you xxx

Sending hugs to all who need them this evening. xxx

Thanks for the replies @KnitKitty @Clumsykitten. AF arrived in fullness this morning. I'm very heavy for me, but no serious pain. Feel fairly washed out this eve.
I'm glad she has arrived as it means I am only 1 month away from getting bloods for investigations done, find it easier to look forward with little milestones. Not TTC at the moment, as hosp have been clear they won't investigate me if I do.

Congrats @Yukka looks like a great line. Fingers crossed for a healthy and happy pregnancy

@KnitKitty thank you :) I think that's the way forward for me too, just plough on and focus on the end goal, being 36 I hoped I'd have enough time to perhaps have more than one child but this mc happening has made me realise I'd be happy with one!
I hope your journey is going ok..? X

Ladies, a few of us are in a messenger group if anyone wants to join for chat anytime, message me if interested x

@Yukka , massive congratulations! Everything crossed for the next 9 months!
As for me, AF arrived today! Making the shortest cycle ever - 23 days! And my IVF drugs haven't even been couriered to me yet! Should be here on Wednesday and I could start injections on Thursday. All to confirm with my doctor tomorrow. It's my first IVF ever! Interesting times ahead!

@tiniestsky absolutely everyone is welcome to join the fb chat! ❤️

@knitkitty I must admit talking and sharing is half the battle. I really feel already a sense of relief having shared my story and helping others.
So I will continue being everyone else’s support for Aslong as they need me.

My journey so far has been heartbreaking and draining but I am absolutely determined it will not beat me. And for every bad day I have, I know I will have so many more good days.
No matter what the future has Instore I am strong enough to take it on.
And one day I will have my rainbow baby ❤️xx

@KnitKitty thank for your reply.

You really are a star you remember all of us and never fail to offer kind words and support even when you need it your self.
I'm glad to have met you through is journey and I really really hope your appointment goes well and you get your rainbow baby soon. Take care of yourself xx

@KnitKitty he says I'm much tireder than usual (which has been one of the few signs I had with bean and bow) and that he thinks we're pregnant again. I'm not so confident. I've not had a proper AF since losing bow (negative test was 14/10, had some brown spotting for a week 22/10 but not what I'd consider AF) but I had positive opks 8/9/10th nov. Prob is I haven't had much in the way of symptoms really - I tend to need to pee more (that hasn't really kicked in) and my boobs swell (they are a little bigger than norm but that could be AF) so I just don't know. Trying not to get hopes up but desperately want him to be right.

@hayleyfx how did you get on at the doctors lovely?

Good morning ladies
Well here I am, I've lurked for a few days but reading your stories and support of each other has provided no end of comfort.
I started miscarrying on Friday. Confirmed at the hospital on Sunday with a negative pregnancy test, so it must have been lost some time before that. I was only 5 weeks but I am still bleeding so hoping that will go away soon. TTC #1

I have so many thoughts and questions but I don't want to do a super long post!

I think we're planning on not actively TTC straight away but DTD if we feel like it, no counting days, no temping, no ov tests and then decide where we go from the next cycles. As it was an early loss, I'm hoping that's an okay plan for now...

Oops, turned out to be a long post. Sorry x

@InDreamland I finally ovulated 🙌🏼. Cycle day 15 as fertility friend predicted.

So at least I know if I'm not pregnant this month, I can time BD well and know that I have a good chance of covering my predicted days. We didn't BD close enough to ovulation this month so not hopeful which is fine. Just glad I'm ovulating!

I hope everyone is okay ❤️. Sorry I don't post much but I do look through what everyone says and think of you all through the god awful days xxxx

So did the test epu gave me still positive and still bleeding great!!! This is day 21 of bleeding and I'm fed up. Got a scan Friday to figure out what is going on. I'm truly fed up of people messing with me now.

Sorry to be a brag xx