TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@Tiniestsky thanks so much for your supportive words, It really helps to speak to people that have been through this.

I am soo sorry to hear about your loss, I know how hard it can be the first time as it's uncharted territory and you have no idea what it will be like. I was in real shock the first time as I did not see it coming. The hardest thing is trying to ensure that you don't allow your loss to 'take the magic

Sorry accidentally hit post on my message above!. Was going to say that it's hard to not let miscarriage steal some of the joy of pregnancy as you know it doesn't always end happily but I have really been trying to allow myself to enjoy it each time by take it day by day rather then thinking too far forward.

It may reassure you to know I am in the very small minority of women that have recurrent miscarriage, as only 1% of women experience this apparently.

I am sending some major baby dust your way and wish you a BFP soon!. Xxx

@MeghanV07 thanks so much. We've been offered an investigation appointment in early February so we have a bit of a wait. I haven't been check out this time as I just haven't had the energy but I will call my EPU next week and go for a scan and hopefully a consultation to make sure I don't have anymore remaining products left in me and to also make sure my third miscarriage is actually on record.

@Orchid88 thanks so much that's kind of you to say :)
I keep trying to be logical and rational about it, maybe because everyone is here it seems much higher than 1%.... seems like that can't be right..

@Tiniestsky I know the stats and anecdotal commments about friends and family having a miscarriage and then going on to have successful ones are not that reassuring, as every case is so individual.

I am definitely sending good energy your way and hope that you are pregnant again whenever you are ready. One thing that has kept me going is knowing that when my baby is here I will really appreciate it and not take it for granted! Bearing a child is definitely a gift in a way that I didn't ever realise before.

Xxxx

That is so true, if I'm being totally honest, I didn't even make room for the possibility of loss, I kinda got cocky and thought this kind of thing happens to other people, so ignorant I know.
If and when we get our baby, I really appreciate it so much more and I didn't even think that was possible

@Orchid88 I meant to say also, I hadn't really thought of it the way you said, to enjoy the process of being pregnant for as long as you have it rather that dwelling on the possibilities and past.
That's the biggest weight that's been on my shoulders, coping with getting pregnant for the second time and just waiting for the worst to happen.
Considering what you've been through in the last 5 months you really do seem to be a positive person and level headed about it

@Tiniestsky it's tough no matter how resilient you are, it really is like no other experience I have gone through. I have allowed myself to cry or have a duvet day, but I just know myself well enough to not let this continue for too long as I would never recover if I give into to my sadness.

I come from a family riddled with mental issues and I just know it would be so easy for me to follow down the same path as many of my relatives. I Keep on telling myself that I need to be the healthiest and happiest me first so that I can provide the best care to my baby when it comes so I have done a lot of meditation, prayer and have made sure this time that I am seeing my friends and doing the things I love on the weekends and evenings to make sure I'm happy.

If you had spoken to me a month ago after the second loss I would not sound soo rational. Just let yourself go through all the emotions that you feel it's part of the process.

We're all in this together 😘

@Tiniestsky @Lilimum5 @Clumsykitten @Laney79 @MeghanV07 thank you all so much for making me feel less crazy! After that phone call I felt like nobody was going to believe me and I wasn’t going to get my early scan! I wanted to scream yesterday, really didn’t need the stress 🤦‍♀️
You’ve all made me feel so much better. I’m going in first thing on Monday to do the urine test and make a complaint, I usually wouldn’t but last night I was in tears because of it and I don’t want anyone else to feel like that, especially people who have had losses before. After sleeping on it I’m feeling more relaxed now but yesterday I was a wreck - and even bought more tests on my way home because I started believing I wasn’t pregnant! 🙈 I’m going to see how Monday goes and take it from there. The nurse who helped me when I lost Charlie was so lovely and told me to phone her if I ever need her support so I might do that.

@Tiniestsky I’m so sorry you’re going through this - I understand about clinging onto that tiny bit of hope. I think at this point a blood test would probably be the best option to see what’s going on, it takes a few days but you’ll get some answers. I hope you get them soon

@Orchid88 I’m so sorry for your losses! You seem very strong and positive which is brilliant. Great that you have your appointment in February - definitely a step in the right direction. Wishing you so much luck for when you start TTC again!

Thank you @indreamland, @hayleyfx and @laney79. I’m mostly feeling ok, there’s an acceptance I guess that it won’t be straightforward, but it’s not impossible for us to have a baby. I’m more looking forward to being pregnant again knowing that I’ll get more care anyway. I suppose like any challenge we’ll just take it one day at a time when it happens.

I’ve searched mumsnet and there are no threads discussing the condition so I will stick around here until I’m hopefully pregnant again and go from there. Thanks for everyone’s support during the last few months.

It also goes to show the value in the testing given the consultant was ready to write me off as too old and in need of another woman’s eggs. He totally missed the mark on the grieving woman human factor at that meeting. I mean of course its still possible that I’m too old (39 really?) but my gut feel says that’s not an issue. Id quite like to be able to tell him to go fuck himself with a newborn in my arms :)

Keep pushing for those tests ladies - you are really the only person that is fighting your spot on the waiting lists, even if just to rule things out.

Xx

@hayleyfx if you're crazy then I think we all are, I don't think you can go through what we do and not be affected by it.
I'm keeping everything crossed you get the news you want x

Oops pressed post by accident
@hayleyfx I will do another test on Monday, if it's still positive I'll make an appt
The test I did Thursday night the lines were more faint than originally, not sure if that means less hormones are being detected or not....

@Orchid88 good for you for staying positive and proactive about things, you're so right about it being easy to consume you if you let it.
I guess if the worst has happened I'll have my first cycle and focus on having a good Christmas and start again in January

Hi ladies. Juat catching up. I had another meltdown yesterday, just everything getting on top of me. Feeling like the universe is against me and everything that can go wrong is.

I'm at the airport at the moment waiting in the lounge for my flight. Reckon we'll have to make our way to the gate in 10 mins. Didn't help a pregnant lady walked past me a few times. I should be on babymoon for our first

@hayleyfx I'm lost for words! Unbelievable what she said! I'd march right down there with all the tests and complain! I actually showed the EPU a photo of my 3 +ve tests as I felt like she didn't believe me. I'm mad for you. Glad you're going to take the urine test and complain!

Sorry to see a couple more newbies here. Sorry for your losses ladies.

@Tiniestsky do take another test Monday and if +ve go to your EPU.

@InDreamland sorry you're having a tough time of it, if you're anything like me you're noticing nothing but pregnant women and babies everywhere!
Try to use this holiday to recharge your batteries, chat to your partner and put your feelings and plan to some happy positive things for the future so not everything is baby baby baby
Now if I could just take my own advice.......

And @hayleyfx I agree with @InDreamland I would definitely complain, this process is hard enough without that shit making you feel that way

Do any of you ladies use the clearblue fertility monitor and do you recommend buying one? They are quite expensive but I will buy one if they are good. I'll do just about anything if it helps.

How long did it take for your HCG levels to fall? It's been 5 days since a blood test showed my level was 8 but I did another test tonight and it's still positive... surely it should be negative by now given that they told me after the blood test that it shouldn't even show up on a hpt at 8... I'm starting to go insane not knowing whats going on with my body!

@Beaglemum93 what tests are you using lovely? Most hpts are designed to only turn positive at 20/25miu I think-there's a few that do 10miu, and then frers which I think are 6miu?

How strong a positive was it? X

@lilimum5 I don’t use the monitor but use clear blue sticks which I’ve mastered pretty well. These are the ones that give you no face, flashy face or static smiley face when ov is due. It measures both oestrogen and lh hormones so it’s more accurate. I also keep the sticks as you can see the lh line getting stronger through the days until it peaks. Then I test twice a day until it goes back to normal. Doing this I’ve found my lh peak is usually in the evening of the day I get a static smiley 😊 in the morning hope that makes sense. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ If the monitor really gives you any more information?

@Beaglemum93 I'm having the same problem. I had surgery on 4th and I'm still getting a positive even last night on a 20/25miu test. I know it's only 2 weeks but it's longer if I count when my baby came out on 31st October. Starting to feel like I'm never going to be back to normal.
Am I right in thinking as long as there is hcg in my body af and ovulation can't happen. I just want to try again as soon as possible, my age is not on my side and its like I can hear that block ticking.

@Yukka thanks I'll give them a try just as soon as this stupid body decides to let go of the hcg and then I can ovulate.

To make matters worse DH won't come anywhere near me until after first af just in case. Kind of feeling like an experiment at the moment and just want to feel like a person again.

@Laney79 I'm using FRER and they're faint positives but it just seems like it's taking ages to go down. Theoretically it should at least be down to 2 by now given that the half life of HCG is 24-36 hours which would be negative even on the FRER tests... I guess it just doesn't quite work like that but I just want to be able to try again

@Lilimum5 sorry you're going through this too :( the waiting is so frustrating. I'm not sure about ovulation with HCG still in your system. Most people say you can't but some people say you can so I guess it depends on the person.

Should I expect my first period aprox a month after a mc? I'm generally a 31 ish day cycle
also I mc last week, would you recommend not trying again before my next period?

@Yukka I’m glad you’re feeling okay. It’s great that you now have a plan of action. I’ve got so much hope for you!

@tiniestsky thank you so much. I also hope this is all over soon for you, it makes it so much harder when everything is dragged out. Good luck. To answer your questions with two of my losses I got my first AF about 6 weeks after them both. With my earlier losses my cycle was only a few days longer. They usually say about 4-6 weeks but everyone is different. In regards to trying it’s totally up to you. Doctors say to wait as it can make dating a pregnancy difficult, of course it’s clear after the first scan though. It’s just whether you feel ready to TTC again yet, totally a personal decision. I’ve usually always gone straight into TTC again after my losses as it distracted me however I understand it being a bit soon for others x

@InDreamland thank you! Honestly felt like I was crazy after that. I told her that I’d taken loads of tests, all strong positives and she just said “but I need proof, don’t want to waste epu’s time” as if I would lie!! 🤦‍♀️ So sorry to hear you’re having a hard time, I hope things start to feel easier soon. Sending hugs

Right ladies I think I got a squinter this morning, not feeling very hopeful about it as it is so faint and I'm at least 1-2 days late. But I'm really in two minds about whether to start taking aspirin 75mg? No formal diagnosis but have had 2 losses around the same time and had 1 borderline positive test for antiphospholipid syndrome (need 2 positive 12 weeks apart to confirm diagnosis, due to get 2nd test in a couple of weeks). What are your thoughts? Doing an FRER tomorrow.