TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@Lilimum5 I hope you can get some testing. I'm the same, I now associate pregnancy with sadness and anxiety. I'm petrified of a third loss.

@strawberrye thanks for the advice. Does or mage a difference if I'm lying down? Intend to sleep most of the flight and put my feet up but plenty of room to move my legs at my seat and I do fidget a lot. I drink plenty on flights (non alcoholic). Good news about your GP ageing to tests and referral. Fingers crossed it's the stay off getting answers and the right support for the next pregnancy.

@mistymeow he's so cute!!!!!! I love cuddly toys too. What a lovely way to remember your baby. Your fund raising is amazing.

@Tiniestsky try not to get too anxious - I know easier said than done. Unfortunately many of us on here are in the minority who experience more than one mc - because we're concentrated in one place online it probably feels like it's even more common than it is. Do look into counselling that I told you about on the other thread as it might help. The advice from @Clumsykitten is spot on. I admit that comments from posters like me probably don't help because I'm a naturally anxious person anyway so for that I apologise if things sound worse than they could be.

@Clumsykitten thank you.

Still waiting for EPU to call me with my results after they didn't call yesterday and didn't answer when I phoned in the afternoon. Someone did answer at 9am this morning and said she'd get someone to call me back today. I just hope it's soon as I am getting anxious. If taking Saturday as my first day of bleeding although light and on and off then I've know been bleeding for a fifth day today and still passing some clots and more blood than usual if was a normal period. Still shocked at how much there is coming out for a pregnancy so early on.

EPU called me back. Results from bloods are that the level is at '4' so negative pregnancy test I knew it anyway but still hurts. How can I have 3 + FRERs over 3 days and so quickly and suddenly become nothing. My poor baby just had such a short existance, shorter than their sibling.

Got the all clear to fly. Just told the usual advice of what to do on a long haul flight.

So this holiday was supposed to be a babymoon for baby no.1. Now we have a second loss. Christmas is coming and I normally really look forward to it and get excited but not this year. I should have my maternity leave all planned to finish in the new year for baby no.1s arrival on or around 25th January. 16th July will always be a sad day for me - the day baby no.1 was lost and the due date of baby no.2.

Will baby no.3 ever come along?

I'm a mother to two without any in my arms

@InDreamland I'm so sorry the news wasn't better, although this holiday isn't going to be what you wanted you really should use the time to heal with your partner.
It really does suck big time and leaves us feeling despondent but I have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel in some form.
Take time to grieve and keep trying xx

@Clumsykitten thanks for the kind words, logically I know I'm being irrational but it's hard to shake it off. I feel bad cos some of you are going through much worse.
@InDreamland please don't apologise for anything, you're right, everyone congregating in one place makes it seem more common x

Is there a Facebook group that you guys chat in?

@Lilimum5 I can’t believe people have said that to you! Don’t let what anyone says get to you though. You will have your rainbow one day. I hope you’re doing okay x

@Mistymeow I love the teddy, it’s such a lovely idea! So beautiful. ❤️

@Melpops36 I’m just so sorry hun 😔 my thoughts are with you and everyone else here having a hard time - stay strong x

@InDreamland I’m so sorry. I felt the same after losing Charlie, it’s a feeling of just complete and utter hopelessness. But you will have baby number 3 in your arms one day, I’m confident you will. In the meantime be kind to yourself. We’re here for you x

I’m just trying to not spend 24/7 thinking “am I going to have another MC” 😣 I even bought more frer today because I still don’t believe it 🙈 thankfully the test line is now the same as the control line - made me feel relieved for a few seconds but now I’m back to full on panic mode!

@hayleyfx thanks hun. Talk to the midwife about how you are feeling. I felt the same with this last pg and I really wish I'd talked about it. I've got everything crossed for you and sending you sticky stuff xx

@Tiniestsky Completely agree with the others about the possibility of future miscarriages. Unfortunately a few of us on this thread have had more than one miscarriage, and others (like myself) are yet to conceive. But there have been lots of ladies who have graduated from this thread and are pregnant/have given birth, and lots more who we don't know about! When I shared my story on Facebook many of my friends said they too went through similar, and went on to have children. I had no idea. It's so common, sadly, but we just don't talk about it.

@Indreamland I understand, I'm supposed to be cuddling my newborn around now, and whilst I am without a baby I will always have a hole in my heart. I know it's hard to focus on the positives as the loss is so raw for you right now, but I want to reassure you how positive it is that you conceived. As someone on the IVF route due to male infertility, the fact we conceived naturally makes our prognosis very good. The fact you conceived twice in a relatively short space of time is even better. There is a lot of hope for you. I really hope you find the holiday healing x

@hayleyfx Casper the Cat gives you a big hug :) Also probably best not to take more pregnancy tests as it's just going to cause more anxiety. Agree with @lilimum5 about talking to the midwife.

@Tiniestsky thanks lovely. I'm hoping time will help me learn to cope. I hppe all of us get our rainbows in 2019.

@hayleyfx thank you. Please put the tests away now, they'll only make you know anxious. It's a great sign that it is a lovely strong line now. I think that's where it wrnt wrong for me, I did question if my line was dark enough on the frer even though it did get darker within 48 hours. I agree with @Lilimum5, talk to the midwife about how you're feeling, they should ensure you have the right support. Hoping for a really sticky bean x

@Mistymeow thank you. I just need this holiday to try and relax and to be honest just escape as right now I feel like running away. I just feel like a total failure in evrything in life. The first mc really affected my ability to function 'normally' and I'm now scared how I'm going to cope with this one so soon after. The past few months I've been forgetting things, feel like I'm getting things wrong, can't cope with little things that normally wouldn't bother me and just have zero interest in stuff. Fingers crossed for you both that you can concieve naturally again soon and you have your baby to hold x

@InDreamland most important thing is to move around a lot - getting up and walking around frequently if you can - to get the blood moving around properly and not just becoming stagnant. I'm so glad you got the all clear to go, you really need this break and so deserve it.

@strawberrye thanks lovely x

Does anyone else feel cheated by life and the universe and just want to run away?

@InDreamland oh yes hun, I'm trying really hard not to think that way but it's hard. That's why I'm contacting miscarriage counciling to try and arrange some help. Have you considered talking to someone it may help. I don't know if it does but I hope it will

Hello ladies I have been reading the last couple of days and am, sadly, joining you here. I had a mmc 2 weeks ago we thought we were 11 weeks but baby had stopped growing at 6/7 weeks. Thankfully everything happened naturally in the end so no intervention needed. I am physically feeling much better but get very upset when I talk about it. I have had a negative pregnancy test this week so now waiting for my next period. I have no idea what my body is doing. My main worry at the moment is getting pregnant and feeling anxious the whole time. I have contacted a local charity for counselling support so I hope they may be able to offer me some sessions.
Sending hugs to all who nee

Morning all ❤️

I hope everyone is okay ❤️ @InDreamland thinking of you ❤️ I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope your holiday gives you and DH some time together to have a break from it all. Please enjoy it as much as you can ❤️

@Mistymeow Casper is beautiful 💙 and that's such a lovely thing to do. I've wondered about doing something for the baby we lost but I just couldn't think what and I may just copy you 😘.

I'm so confused atm. This is my 2nd cycle since our MC in September & I'm sure I still haven't ovulated. Although my cycle is 29 days long & always has been, I've had no clear signs of ovulation. I had a tiny tiny bit of EWCM on Monday and Tuesday but I had to search for it 🤦🏽‍♀️. Cervix is so high I can't reach it BUT I've always always had that so I can never really tell what's going on with it unless AF is here.

Is anyone else using Fertility Friend? I'm on CD15 and supposed to ovulated today according to the app and my temp is all over the place 😔. Why is this so hard? I'm not worried about having a baby yet (I am I'm just trying not to go crazy) I just want to ensure I'm ovulating then can try for a baby if that makes sense? Trying to take it one step at a time xx

So sorry you're here @Mumtobe89 but everyone is so lovely here. I found my first few weeks heartbreaking, but It does get easier. Sending you lots of love xx

@Lilimum5 glad you're contacting miscarriage counselling. I have been getting counselling for my first loss, this second loss has really knocked me right back and I just feel like grief and disaster is following me around at the moment. Thankfully I'll get some extra sessions because of the second loss which is really good of the charity - I feel bad though because their counselling service is in such high demand.

@mumtobe89 sorry you find yourself here.

@MeghanV07 thanks lovely. Right now there is other stuff going on at home (work being done on house) which is adding to my stress. Was supposed to be sorted yesterday, now likely to go on until tomorrow. This was all arranged before I ecen knee I was pregnant. If I can get on that plane with all that sorted then I might started to relax a bit and try to focus on healing. Have you been using ovulation sticks too? I don't temp or use apps (no idea how to and think I'd just obsess even more) so can't really help, sorry! I find the CB ovulation sticks good.

Anyone who's had a very early mc (4-5 weeks) how did you find the physical side? Sorry to ask but I don't feel I know what to expect if anything else. First mc was 12 weeks so that was just awful with so much blood and clot loss and the pain was excruciating. This time a very heavy blood loss initially with some clots and then lighter bleed but still passing some smaller clots. Bleed started on Saturday, worst was on Sunday. This is definitely like a much heavier period. How long does a bleed last for very early mc? I'm also exhausted.

@InDreamland hopefully the work gets sorted and you can relax ❤️. I am too worried to use opk's I know that sounds daft but I get so obsessed peeing on that stick I drive myself mad.

In answer to your question about early mc, I was 7+2 when I passed the sac, but it stopped growing at 5weeks. On the Monday before it happened I had bad back pain, similar to my labour but the very very very early stages of it so a hot water bottle sorted it out. Then the Tuesday evening I had flu like symptoms and woke with a fever then woke up Wednesday morning and passed the sac wasn't painful at all. I had mild cramps but like AF & then it was like a normal period. But my period after that, was sore. Xxx

@MeghanV07 thank you for sharing your experience. I just wanted to know if what I was having was normal and if in now just having a period after passing the majority on Sunday. Sounds like that is probably the case for me now. At least I hope so.

I can understand the POAS obsession. I'm trying to control it, I'm worse after I get the static smiley as there's no POAS unless AF doesn't show. Could you maybe get a stash of IC ones just for the next couple of months to see if you are ovulating? Then if you're still worried see your GP in the new year? x

Morning ladies, sounds similar to how mines gone which although I'm happy that stupid seed of hope keeps nagging at me that maybe I didn't mc after all.
I had some cramps, had what was like a period with some clotting and then it stopped and have been fine since.
Only difference is I'm the opposite with POAS, stupidly I feel like if I don't do a pregnancy test to confirm it has passed I don't have to accept it has happened. Not exactly the most healthy approach I know :(

@InDreamland i had one at 5w6 days a few weeks ago and it was fine physically just like a heavy period. My obgyn was a bit shite and said the don't count chemical pregnancies and there is nothing they will do until i have 3. FFS. I'm frustrated now. We're still trying but i'm convinced there is something really wrong. I had a MMC which was discovered at 9 weeks and then the one at almost 6 weeks last month. So frustrated. All she said was don't test so early. Eugh.

I've entered limbo. Mc bleeding has stopped and now waiting for AF bleeding to start. Hope af hurrys up. I can't believe it after a miscarriage is the only time I beg for AF to show up and for a - ve hpt. It's like someone flipped the world upside down.

How are you ladies doing?

@InDreamland that's what I'm thinking? Give myself 3 months of tracking my temp & if I don't fall pregnant or don't have any confirmed ovulation I'll speak to my GP.

I don't think you'll be in anymore pain or have any more cramps. I found that the minute I passed the sac, all pain disappeared.

@Luxembourgmama that's horrendous! I can't believe she told you not to test too early 😱. As if that's any help?!

It's crazy what your mind does to you @Lilimum5 😔. I'm finding myself wish AF was here all the time now, it's the only time I don't obsess or worry xxx

Hi guys

Hoping I can join you, and hear your experiences and share mine.
TTC after losing twin 1 at around weeks, and twin 2 at 10+4
This is now month two TTC after an MVA procedure end of September.
Sending all ladies who have suffered the loss of a baby lots of love ❤️ And lots of luck to those TTC again xxxx

Hi ladies sorry to see the new joiners here, hopefully you’ll find it a safe and helpful place to share, ask questions, rant, and anything else you feel like xx

Finally I have an update .....test results came today and it’s confirmed I have APS. Yikes. Dh not home yet so letting it sink in. Next pregnancy I’ll start Heparin injections and treated as high risk, 2 weekly checks and a few possible complications to avoid, but, it seems to be the most treatable condition to have so I’m grateful for that.

Doesn’t change the fact I’m 39 and there are a thousand other reasons why I could have miscarried these babies but this is at least one if them I can control to a degree.

Feeling ok. I think. AF due sat/sun.

Xxxxxx