TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

I took a pregnancy test on Friday (1 week since d&c) and there was still a line, took one today and the faintest hint. Since I won't know when/if I'll ovulate this month I did an opk out of curiosity (clearblue digitla advanced). It didn't read the stick, so out of curiosity I ejected it and it was completely blank! Never happened to me before, there's always two lines with varying darkness. Is it because I'm testing at the wrong time of the month (I knew i wouldn't be ovulating yet) or was the test stick faulty, do you think? I thought they always had lines...

Thank you all so much! I’m so scared, just convinced it’s going to end in another MC but I need to stay positive!! I’ve got dr appointment on Friday, going to ask for high dosage folic acid as they recommended it after Charlie was diagnosed with a neural tube defect. Will it be too late to start taking it? I’m already worrying about that. Of course taking normal folic acid dosage right now but scared it’s not enough 😣 thank you all again for your support, I’d like to stick around if that’s okay? It’s such early days and I’m definitely going to need this support! ❤️

@InDreamland @Newbie21 I’m so sorry that a mc was confirmed for both of you. It’s just so unfair. Sending you so much strength to get through the next few weeks, we’re all here for you. (Virtually) hugging you both!! 💕

@Beaglemum93 welcome to this group that no one wants to be in but is filled with such lovely people! I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re doing okay and hope you find this thread very helpful x

@InDreamland @Newbie21 I'm so sorry ladies please take care of your selves. I send you both my love. We will get our beautiful babies one day.

I'm hiding for the rest of the week. Today was my first day out of the house since my mc and I have been told by a number of people that may be I should give up trying now. After so many mcs my be your body is trying to tell you something.

I'm so upset I didn't think people could be so rude. But now it's going round my head maybe they are right. How many times can I go through this and how many times should I put everyone else through it, maybe I'm being selfish.

@Russkispy @Yukka @Dimblebimble @Clumsykitten @hayleyfx @Lilimum5 thanks ladies. Too many emotions but I have counselling this morning for my first loss so will talk to her about this one too. I don't understand how this can happen twice.

@Newbie21 glad you sound like you have a plan of what you want to do. Sorry again you're also going through this. Hugs!!!!!

@Lilimum5 OMG how dare they! Ignore them. Sorry but I find it terribly rude and insensitive for people to say that to you. If anyone days that to me I swear they get a swift and sharp telling off. The mood I'm in right now I'd not hesitate to give them a piece of my mind. Ours none of their business what you choose to do and you should just try to tell yourself they're comments are worthless. I hope today goes as well as it can, good you're getting out as I know that is the difficult bit. Try to maybe just take a walk to the end of your road and back, if the sun is out put a pair of sunnies oon, that helped me walk out after my loss in July. Sending you hugs too!

@Beaglemum sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. You're in the best place for support on this challenging journey.

@Lilimum5 I'm sorry about how insensitive those people were! How can people think that that's an acceptable thing to say to someone?!

The insensitivity of people about miscarriage is shocking, even the doctor told me "There's no point getting upset, sure you're young, you have plenty of time to be having babies!" As if that was a helpful thing to say...

Hi everyone. I fell off the thread again, I’m so bad at keeping up but do try and read from time to time even if I don’t post.

@hayleyfx I can only imagine how anxious you feel getting a BFP after MC so I really emphasise. But tentative congratulations and crossing all for you for a sticky one.

@InDreamland I cried reading your posts. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this again. If anyone deserves their rainbow baby, it’s you lovely. Life can be so cruel and unfair. Be kind to yourself and try and enjoy your holiday.

@MostImproved I am not sure if you are still checking in here, but I am so sorry to read about what you’ve been through. I know it sounds silly but I think of you often as know we started this journey together with our March due babies, scans at the same place and then MC within a week of each other. I really hope all works out for you and am sending you lots of love and strength xxx

Newbie21@I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through too. I hope that everything is over quickly for you on Friday and that you can take the time to grieve.

Beaglemum93@ that must have been so hard. I’m sorry for your loss and hope you find this thread a comfort.

Lilimum5@ I can’t believe the shitty things people say when you have MC! I am raging on your behalf at those comments! How can people be so insensitive! Please ignore them and focus on yourself. You are not selfish and deserve your baby and the right to try for the future and life you want.

I guess I don’t really have much to report. I am now cycle 3 (soon to be 4) post MC. I veer up and down. Having counselling which is good but also can annoy me as she makes me go over stuff and to be honest, right now I just want to forget. DH and I have agreed we won’t try this month, I just want to enjoy Christmas and have fun drinking and eating without being in the early stages of pregnancy. Which probably wouldn’t have happened anyway since we’ve had no joy in the past 3 cycles but I just can't deal with the anxiety of getting a BFP and having Christmas, a two year old and family to host. I might change my mind and regret it in January, as what would have been my March due date approaches, but for now it feels the right choice to shelve the pressure for a while. In other news it’s DD’s birthday next week, she will be two which is wonderful but also scares me as I worry about there being too much of a gap for her and a sibling to be close.

Anyway, I will keep checking in and posting sporadically! And am crossing all for all of you and our happy endings xxx

Hey everyone, I'm new to the site and thread but feel like I relate to some of these comments.
I found out I was pregnant last week but think I miscarried over the weekend. Spoke to a nurse at our epu unit who said they can't scan until 7 weeks at least (I was 5 weeks) and to just test in 3 weeks to confirm everything has passed through, feel kinda numb about it all right now

Aaarrrgggghhhh EPU not basket me back this afternoon with blood test results and noone answers when I tried calling. I missed a call from a private number this morning on my way to counselling but no message was left so no idea of it was them or not. I need to know if I have to go for more tests tomorrow or not. I'm stressed out enough as it is! Also need to know I'm fit to travel on Saturday as according to the info booklet they gave me I have to discuss with them. Attached photo of the advice.

@SuperSharpShooter82 lovely to hear from you! Glad you're getting couselling, I hope it does help. It's good you're taking some pressure of yourselves this month. I wouldn't worry about an age gap between siblings, my sis and I are 6 years apart and are really super close (finish each others sentences or say exactly same thing at same time - freaks people out).

@Tiniestsky nice to see you found the thread!

Sorry realised didn't attach photo.

Also meant contacted not basket. Stupid predictive text.

Hi everyone. Got my scan tomorrow to confirm my loss and then decide what to do. I feel so heartbroken. I genuinely believed this was my rainbow. I so longed for a summer baby and everyday I was pregnant I felt myself healing more over the last loss. Right now I feel lost, lonely, emabarrased, angry and just so overwhelmingly sad. The pain is just too much at times. @dreamland and@newbie21 I’m sorry you are living through this nightmare.
I just wish I had some signs things were ending. I still have horrible MS, sore boobs, metallic taste in mouth. If I hadn’t seen the scan I would not believe it.
2 mmc in a row, I just don’t know why.
Sorry for the rant, I just feel so sorry for myself today.

@Melpops36 I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm also asking the same question as you, only this is my third. How does this happen. Its so unfair, I keep reading online how it's rare to get two back to back. I no longer believe this not when so many of us are going through it. Please be kind to yourself xx

@Melpops36 I felt the same after my second MMC n September. It's just so bloody unfair and wrong. And it hurts like hell. You are not alone, it's a club we all wish we didn't belong to, but there is support here.
From my point of view I needed answers-even if it's ruling problems out and that's why I pushed for blood tests. I don't have the results yet but feeling like I was actively doing something to try and find out why has helped me mentally.
Sending you strength and hugs for tomorrow xx

@indreamland how do you personally feel about travelling? As the mc was very early, I personally think you will be fine but it’s down to you and if you’re not sure speak to your own gp rather than hospital if you can’t get hold of them maybe?

@melpops36 really sorry you’re going through this again. It’s really tough and completely messes with your head. I’m in the x3 category as well as a few others here and it doesn’t get any easier. But, I do believe in the stats, there a so so many women that come and go on this board with healthy pregnancies, there are a few of us that return a few times and we didn’t expect it to be us that it happens to. It’s sad, really sad, we all deserve our babies. Stay strong - the odds are still in your favour of a healthy pregnancy in the future even if you need help to get there xx

@lilimum5 I can’t recall if you’d had tests before, did they show anything?

Meanwhile...feel like loosing my rag at the hospital. 2nd Tests results were supposed to be given 5 weeks ago now. I got hold of the consultants email address today.....

@Melpops36 I'm so so sorry. Much of what you wrote reflects just how I feel and ask the same questions. This is one of the most shit things that can happen to anyone. Nothing I can say will make this better but just want to send you hugs!

@Lilimum5 I've been reading up the same things which really makea me feel worse. Even the info booklet the EPU gave me says something along the lines of most go on to have healthy pregnancies after mc. Well I didn't! I lost another one!

@Laney79 I've been looking up private clinics to get m ore tests done as my NHS Trust sticks to 3 mc before they'll investigate. Wonder if any MNers have any experience of the Lister clinic and can guve reviews. Did your Trust agree to do tests after 2 mc?

@Yukka physically apart from feeling exhausted I feel ok to travel. It's emotionally that I'm just a state. I need the results of my blood tests just so the mc is 100% confirmed (I'm hoping for a miracle but realistic too - I know I'm nuts). Sounds like DVT is the slight risk. If necessary I can take some asprin and being cramped up on the plane for 10 hours isn't an issue as we have space to stretch out and lie down properly and move about. I hope you get your test results very soon!

@InDreamland yes, consultant agreed to some (not all) tests after my second loss in sept. I think it was a combo of my age (39), no living kids, my fears over family history, impact on my mental health and my EPAU nurse and gp fighting my corner. Was told by my EPAU nurse if I'd been under a diff consultant at the same trust he wouldn't have agreed to do the tests-so very much down to who treats you I think x

@Laney79 it's good your consultant agreed to those tests. Mine won't do anything, would only repeat tests for infertility investigations.

I have to say I'm really shocked at how much I am bleeding and the clots I'm passing for a pregnancy that was so early on. Definitely not a normal AF. I thought it eased off today but then whoosh more ........ is this normal?

@InDreamland I could have written your comment to me myself my words exactly. I've an appointment with my gp on the 3rd of December (earliest I could get) and I'm going to be asking for a referral or at least some tests. I just hope he will help me I'm at my wits end. I want to try again but I'm so scared. Isn't it awful when you start to associate pregnancy with sorrow, loss and pain instead of happiness and excitement. I'm just so desperate for my rainbow baby that I think it is the only thing keeping me going.

I think it is quite possible that I would have gone mad (properly mad) if it wasn't for the support of you wonderful ladies, thank you

@InDreamland I am so sorry to hear about your news and really hope you can get away for your holiday.

Just a note about aspirin - it doesn't do anything to prevent clots in veins like DVT so your DVT prevention would be more effective if you kept hydrated, avoided alcohol and moved about a lot during the flight.

Update from me: saw my GP test with DH to ask for further tests and referral, she has agreed to doing the infertility bloods initial screen and if nothing comes up on that will refer us which is a relief.

How is everyone doing today? Sorry to be welcoming some new joiners to the thread.

Yesterday was my due date and actually it was ok. I had shared my story on Facebook and raised £745 for the Miscarriage Association so it felt comforting to know friends and family are so supportive, and the money will help others.

I decided I wanted a happy memory for my due date so I went to Harrods and bought a cuddly cat. I’ve always loved cuddly toys and my eyes lit up when I saw him. His name is Casper and he will be given to our baby one day, in memory of the little one we lost.

Morning ladies, I feel like I'm making myself crazy, my head hurts and I'm so tired from thinking.
I want to try for a baby sooner rather than later but I don't know how to deal with the constant paranoia and fear that this will happen again. I know all the statistics say the odds are in my favour but seeing all your stories tells me otherwise. How do I get past this to try again?