TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@InDreamland wow!!! Congratulations, that's definitely a line! I knew it would happen for you! I have everything crossed for you. I'd tell them when you go for the scan. Woohoo!

@InDreamland congratulations

@Melpops36 I'm so sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself.
@Lilimum5 I think counselling is a very good idea. It helps so much to have a space to talk without judgment and know that your feeling are justified.
@Mathsymummy are you sure about when you are ovulating? Are you charting? If so I would suggest going to the GP about your short LP and see if they can help.
@Laney79 glad you got a smiley. I would ignore the lines and go off the smiley face. I'm not sure you can even get false positives on opks. Hopefully this is a sign your body is getting back to normal.
@Mistymeow fingers crossed it happens soon. I know what you mean. I'm still secretly hoping that now we've decided to do IVF that I fall this month!
@Russkispy sounds perfect!! Hope this is it!!!
@Yukka hope you get some answers soon. It's such a frustrating process.
@KnitKitty how are you today hon?

@Boboelephant I’ve been using the cb digital test (the one with blank, flashing and static faces) and got peak on day 15 the last two cycles so I’d guess ovulation in day 16. I’ve booked an appointment with a nurse at my ob-gyn office tomorrow to have a chat about it

@Mathsymummy that's good that you have an appointment. I hope they can give you some answers.

@Mistymeow @Lilimum5 @boboelephant and @Mathsymummy thank you.

Ladies hope you don't mind but I'm not ready yet to disappear from here. I'm still trying to deal with the loss in July and petrified this one will not stick either. I just can't feel excited like I did in May when I got my first ever BFP. would love to stay on here for now.

@boboelephant I have heard from so many friends and colleagues who have decided to go down the IVF route and then they fall pregnant naturally literally weeks before. Keeping my fingers crossed for you x

@Mathsymummy I hope you can get some answers tomorrow!

Thanks ladies. I think the Clearblue opk was correct as my internet cheapie is definitely positive this evening. Sadly OH is going through a very low phase (which is my fault as he had to be so strong for me over the past 6 months he's now struggling. I suggested maybe it was grief but he said he didn't think so) so no chance of BD. We've only successfully done it once since losing bow, last Saturday so I think it's very unlikely I'll get a BFP this month. At least I have some idea what my body is doing now.

Feeling pretty low myself. Hate to think I've made him feel like this 

@InDreamland fingers crossed the scan goes ok-I deffo mention the BFP. Do stock around-let is know how you get on? X

@Mathsymummy Hope your appt goes ok.

@InDreamland congrats on the BFP

Thank you @coffeist and @Laney79. Had tiny bit of brown spotting on liner again this evening, very worried this one will not stick too. I popped my dates into the NHS calculator and I cannot believe it but if it's accurate the due date is exactly 1 year to the day of my mc in July.

@Laney79 sending you lots of hugs. You and your DH have been through a really difficult time. You can both get through this together. It is good news that you know you are ovulating and your body is returning to normal x

@Melpops36 I'm so sorry about the scan. This truly, utterly sucks. Big hugs xxx

@InDreamland wow! I'd say that's a confident line if the start of the brown spotting was implantation. (Brown spotting is very common and normal in early pregnancy and most of the time nothing to worry about). I totally agree with what others have said, test again with the ClearBlue on Sunday and then don't test again after... Comparing lines just causes unnecessary stress. Tentative congratulations. I know your head will be all over the place now, and after loss getting a BFP isn't the same, but just take each day at a time, focus on the fact you're pregnant! Let them know about the pregnancy before the scan. xx

@Russkispy Fingers crossed for you. xxx

@Boboelephant I'm doing ok thanks. The bleeding got heavier a couple of days ago so I think I'm in a new cycle now, but not sure what day to class it as starting on. Just focusing on distractions and hoping my body is having a good clear out... Although the bleeding is all still brown/browny red even though it's heavier so doesn't really feel like a period and it comes and goes. I think my body is just really confused and needing a break. I really wish I'd been more careful this cycle. But I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. Booked our mini-trip last night. Off to the lake district on Monday for some rainy walks and pub lunches.
Are you doing anything in particular to prepare your body for IVF?

@Laney79 Clearblue digital says not to read the stick itself as an OPK and only go by the smiley face, so sounds like you have ovulated. Hope everything gets back on track now.

@Clumsykitten I'm sorry you're having such a rough time lovely. It's totally understandable. I think a trip to the GP may be in order. You can ask them what they think RE trying for two years, two miscarriages and how it's affecting your mental health.
I also went through blaming myself for being too stressed with work, but every professional I have spoken to and Dr Google have all said there's no scientific evidence that stress causes miscarriage. Just think of all the thousands of women who carry successful pregnancies through stress! But, of course it's not a nice thing to live with and can cause other health problems, so reducing stress will be beneficial if you can.
I don't think making yourself stop crying is the best option at the moment. These feelings obviously need to come out. Can you take a few days off to let yourself wallow?
Exercise and nice distractions (ie not work distractions) work best for me to lift my mood. Nice walks, nice meals, dancing in the kitchen/living room, shopping, movie night in with a take-away, pampering session, hair cut, a trip out somewhere, doing a hobby you like etc...

Congratulations @InDreamland! I remember seeing your story on some of the miscarriage boards as we miscarried at around the same time. I'm so pleased for you.

I'm on CD 26 today, of a 29 day cycle. DH and I have agreed that I'll take a FRER tomorrow morning as we are busy during the day so we'll have stuff to take our mind off it if it is negative. It's so hard waiting. I keep second-guessing every feeling!

Welcome to the newbies @panapan @Dimblebimble SJR86, sorry you find yourselves here but a more supportive bunch you could not meet anywhere.

@Lilimum5 Sorry you had complications, hope you're feeling better now.

@KnitKitty How are you doing? Have you been given a recurrent miscarriage clinic appointment yet?

@Newbie21 So sorry to hear about your scan results, how are you holding up?

@Dimblebimble I don't think you are a wimp, my medically managed miscarriage was the most physically painful experience of my life, I passed out on the floor and I'm not usually a wimp when it comes to pain, I've had both jaws surgically broken and reset with only paracetamol post op and walked around on a broken foot for a month. I'm also a bit scared of not being able to handle labour if I can't handle a miscarriage, but I've also heard that for some women a miscarriage is as painful as labour, only without a baby to hold at the end (and without any decent pain relief either!).

@Russkispy That's interesting about the DHEA! I will consider it if this cycle is BFN and I get a poor response to stims, difficult to predict how I'll respond as I'm youngish and seem to have a normal amount of antral follicles, I've previously been told I have PCOS but my AMH is low for age. Good luck on your IUI cycle, when will you be testing?

@Boboelephant How are you doing lovely? Are you planning IVF for January?

@Laney79 That's a bit weird as you've had a negative test. Could be your body still settling down?

@InDreamland Huge congratulations! Keeping everything crossed for a healthy pregnancy for you.

@Melpops36 I'm so sorry, that's really shit.

@Clumsykitten Sorry you're feeling so low, I'd push for both fertility investigations and miscarriage investigations, that way hopefully you'll get at least one lot of help!

Sorry to all the ladies I haven't mentioned - even though I'm a bit quiet I'm reading along and rooting for you all!

As for me, I'm part way through a long protocol IVF cycle. I had a scan yesterday which showed that down regulation has worked (much to my relief, as the down regulation drugs were making me feel terrible!). I started stims yesterday and have further scans booked in next week. I won't know the outcome of the cycle for another month or so, just trying to take things one step at a time. I've self referred to the local NHS mental health services as I keep having flashbacks to events surrounding the miscarriage, but I haven't heard anything yet. I'm trying to eat a healthy high protein diet, taking supplements for egg quality and meditating daily. Keep swinging between being convinced this cycle is going to work and reminding myself projected IVF success rates are well below 50%.

Thank you ladies for your kind words.

Since this mmc I've been thinking about my ageing eggs. I've read online about q10 and wondered how it helps and if any of you ladies use it. When do you use it, all the time or just running up to ovulation?

Just think maybe I'm laying doggy eggs.

Went to the nurse today but she was quite dismissive of my worries. She did take blood to check my thyroid but I think more because she felt she had to do something than for a reason.

She did say if we’re still trying in two months I can go in and see the doctor.

She brought up my weight and was quite dismissive when I said that I was actually lighter than when I conceived both my sons 🤷‍♀️

I've also had AF start today - 27 days cycles now. I'm pushing 40 so worried this is first signs of menopause (shortening cycles?).

Lilimum5 - I've been taking coq10 (300mg) since my 2nd MC in May (after reading book "It all starts with the egg"), but of course no success yet.

I've booked GP appt in few weeks and was planning to go and ask to refer for further tests as it's been over 6 months - IF this is done, do you know what they generally do?

@Coffeist do you take it all the time or certain times in your cycle.

I've also heard talk of DHEA what does this do.

I'll try anything if any of you have any ideas or advise.

My problem is not getting pregnant it's staying pregnant that seems to fail.

I'll take it in mornings - some people take higher mg as well. Should be good for getting older in general as well. But I'm not an expert by any means...

And yes, take it all the time - would stop if got pg.

@Coffeist @Lilimum5 @Clumsykitten I also worry about the ageing egg issue and becoming perimenapausal. On Monday I went to see a consultant at the Portland to ask whether early menopause could be an issue (my grandmother had early menopause) and to talk about my eggs. He said if your cycle is regular and you ovulate regularly then early menopause is not happening. He said obviously age is a factor but he said there would be good eggs and as long as me and DH could stay strong and were willing to keep TTC then we'd get there. I asked if there was anything we should do or take and he said no, we've just had very bad and sad luck but to just stay strong. It's frustrating there isn't a magic pill to make it all easier but I found comfort in his optimism that we'd get there.

@Newbie21 thank you that is some useful information. I might still take the magic pills anyway at least I'll feel like I'm doing something even if it doesn't have any effect.

@InDreamland you're very welcome to stay around. Thanks and I would love if that happened. I desperately am hoping for that miracle but pretty certain that's not going to happen. I think the EP really messed up my fertility and the time I got pregnant with the MMC must have been a fluke. Hopefully though IVF will work 🤞
@Laney79 I'm so sorry both you and DH are struggling. Please don't blame yourself though. It's such a tough time for both of you and you have to support each other the best you can. Don't feel bad for needing each other.
@Clumsykitten I know how you feel. Every time af starts I feel that broken feeling too. My stats are pretty similar to yours. More than two years trying and two losses although an EP and a MMC and now 11 months of nothing. I pushed for investigations 3 months after the MC. They did try and say you got pregnant 5 months ago but I insisted as it had been 16 months since EP and only a failed pregnancy in that time and they agreed. Just be firm.
@KnitKitty a trip to the Lakes sounds perfect. Don't beat yourself up, our bodies are mysteries! Hope you have a lovely break. Re IVF ready, I'm trying to lose a few kg so have started Zumba and lots of walking. Also restarted acupuncture and am going to try and do as much fertility yoga as possible. I generally eat well anyway but DH and I are both going to cut down drinking a bit, lots of protein, I'll probably restart my maca powder and seed smoothies and increase the eggs and avo again. I already take vitamins so will continue with that. Also will continue with meditation and generally just try and improve my emotional wellbeing. And cross my fingers!!!
@TinyPaws I really hope this works out for you. Great news the down regulation worked. 😀 what supplements are you taking? Also good work on asking for help. I am planning on using the counselling provided by the IVF clinic, it's a hard journey this TTC business. Yep we went and saw the fertility doc yesterday and the plan is to start in Jan. We have a holiday in Dec and the clinic shuts down over Christmas so that's the soonest we can do. So now it's just waiting really. Good news is the meds have worked and my thyroid has gone down to about 1.5.
@Lilimum5 I started taking coq10 about a month ago as it was recommended by my fertility doc. I take it all month. Not sure if its made a difference but they do say that anything egg quality related takes three months to take effect.
@Mathsymummy sorry she was so unhelpful. I get a bit annoyed when nurses gatekeep being able to see the GP. Hopefully it's not a problem and you don't need to go back.
@Coffeist sorry af showed up. The NHS tests usually are day 3 and 21 bloods which check for thyroid function and follicle stimulating hormone as well as progesterone levels to make sure you are ovulating. I also had a scan to check my ovaries and my doc tested AMH (egg reserve) although that is not standard on the NHS.