TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@Newbie21 I had an empty sac and I experienced about 2 hours of strong cramps in the night but they eased off a great deal when I passed tissue. I felt much better after some paracetamol. I did need an ERPC as the miscarriage didn't complete, but at almost ten weeks pregnant I would say that I could handle the pain. I even painted the garage, it was a good distraction! The NHS should do a follow up scan to check everything has completed. Don't worry, they will keep a very close eye on you. I hope you're doing ok, really feel for you xx
@Russkispy so glad your IUI went well! I don't know much about IUI, it all sounds promising. Got everything crossed!
@Boboelephant that's exciting! We may go private if we don't have any joy next year with the NHS IVF, as time is ticking. A part of me is hopeful that DH's treatment will work and we will conceive naturally, but I'm prepared for anything really.
@KnitKitty yes that's right, he will have a sperm test this month and get his testosterone levels checked. It could take up to 6 months for the treatment to cause an improvement but they are hopeful it will be sooner because he was already on treatment 6 months ago, so his body may adjust quicker. I'm sorry about the spotting. I wonder perhaps this is from the previous chemical, since your hormone levels hadn't fully dropped. It's probably best not to dwell that it could be another chemical, you have been through enough. It's great you have lots of positive things coming up to focus on. We totally lose faith in our bodies when we lose a baby, but I am hopeful when you see the doctor that they will reassure you, and be able to do something. I think you will have a baby :)
@indreamland I am tentatively hopeful but I totally get why you are not testing. Any more signs? Cramps?
@Laney79 sorry that your body hasn't settled, it's so frustrating because all you want to do is move on. It does sound like af will arrive soon. It's good that you have the consultant appointment to aim for, it feels better to have a plan. I'm sure everything will settle soon x

Thanks @Yukka @Newbie21 @Boboelephant I feel a bit better about it after hearing that other people found it painful too. I'm still bleeding atm. We are going to try again immediately as it took us a while least time. I'd really like to be pregnant again by next may, when the baby would have been due, would make it a lot more bearable. Can't decide whether we'll start once I stop bleeding or wait until my first proper period.

Sorry, haven't had a chance to catch up on everyone's posts yet, work is manic 🙈

Period turned up today on cd26. So my last two cycles have only been 25 days, which given I don’t seem to ovulate until day 16 pretty much sucks 😞

Can i ask you ladies about the counciling if you had it and if it really does help. I'm feeling so hopeless today, my body feels broken and I don't know what to do with my self. It might be because everything was on the same day (wedding anniversary, due date and 12 weeks scan) and it was the worst news and I'm over whelmed with the emotions. I thought I was handling it better this time, but it seems not.
Not to mention the erpc has done me in I'm so very sore and feel useless. I spoke to epu about feeling so sore and she said that it's because I have a very tilted womb and there was so much still in there.

I know time will help but right now I'm so sad.

Thanks for listening to my rant xx

Thank you @Russkispy @Laney79 @KnitKitty and @mistymeow. Body is still playing with my mind. Think AF trying to start properly again. A little more brown spotting on a liner this afternoon and I'm sure I saw a little pink when I wiped but nothing more. I just don't feel anything else like how I felt in May when I was pregnant but just didn't know and thought I was having particularly bad premenstrual symptoms that month then thought I was starting early menopause. I am sure AF is on its way ...... to ruin my weekend plans.

@Laney79 I think it's so understandable that you want to know what is going on with your body given what you (and all of is) have been through. It's natural to feel the way you do. I too worry about my age, will be 39 in 4 months. How when you have your consultants appointment you get answers and also your mind put at ease that you are still perfectly ok for having a baby.

@Russkispy really think this will be your month!

@KnitKitty I'm glad you have lots to keep you busy. Great plan to do a last-minute trip away. Hope that AF still first come and then when you test it's good news! Still keeping fingers crossed for you!

@Lilimum5 I just want to wrap you up in cottonwool! I am having counselling sessions, had quite a few now. I do find it useful to be able to talk through exactly how I feel in a safe space. My counsellor seems to understand exactly how I think and feel. She also reminds me that it is ok to not be ok and that it will take me many many months, even years to learn how to cope with the grief and that my thoughts and feelings are natural and normal. Of course I'm still very sad and emotional but at least I don't feel guilty about my feelings now. I would say definitely look into it and give it a go. I initially went to NHS Healthy Minds who referred me onto Petals. I think you might be able to self refer to Petals. I hope you can get the support you need. You've been through so much x

Had a scan today at 7 weeks. Baby is measuring 5w 5days but no heartbeat. Sonographer is confident it’s another MMC. Fetal pole 4mm. Told to come back in a week but everyone convinced I’ve lost another. 2 MMC in 6 months. Still throwing up and feel like shit. I’ve really had enough.

@Melpops36 oh I'm so sorry. I feel very much the same as you. I too have had my 2nd mmc this year, its truly the most painful thing to go though. We're all holding your hand. If you need a chat please feel you can contact me.

@Melpops36 I'm so very sorry. I'm in a similar position. My second scan is on Monday. Although I am starting to get quite a bit of pink discharge so maybe I will miscarry this one naturally. I'm feeling quite numb at the moment. It's my due date for the first one I lost on Sunday. It's a very difficult week. I wish so much that everyone was wrong. I hope you are getting the love and support you need right now.

@Melpops36 I'm so so sorry! This is so sad! Sending you lots of hugs x

Ladies can you see a line? Are my eyes seeing this right?

Caved this morning and tested as AF still didn't show over night. Of you can see it isn't it a bit faint for 14dpo?

Oh @Melpops36 I'm so sorry. I've had the same this year-two mmcs. One diagnosed March measuring 3.1mm, one sept measuring 4.2mm. I should have a newborn now or be almost 16 weeks. Its so so hard. Sending you the biggest hug in the world. My only advice would be do whatever you feel you need to-cry, shout, be alone, ask for company/hugs, do or don't go to work. I also begged for help from my gp and I'm now under a consultant and have some bloods done as I was so concerned my losses could be due to clotting issues. They could see it was badly affecting my mental health and at my age agreed to do some investigation. It's s**t and so bloody unfair-my heart aches for you xxx

The lighting is a bit better with this one. DH is away for work so I've noone to talk to.

@InDreamland that's definitely a line! Congrats! Fingers crossed for a sticky bean! I'd test again on Sunday see how the line is doing it test on a non frer (I tested on a frer and then 5 days later on a normal test and got BFP S on both) xxx

Thanks @Laney79 I will definitely test again Sunday if AF doesn't arrive. I have 1 CB left then that's my stash of tests all used up. It's this CB one.

I've never used the cb pregnancy tests-just frer's and cheap ones from Tesco/B&M.

Can I ask for those using opks - I'm using internet cheapies and the clear blue digital that just gives you empty circle and static smiley (the pink one). Did the clear blue test this am and got static smiley (huge relief) but when I ejected the stick the lines on the test didn't look positive at all-one was deffo fainter. I know you're not meant to look at the lines but could this mean it's a false positive? Hoping not as I felt so much better thinking my body was starting to kick in again xxx

@Laney79 I've used the Tesco ones before. Not bad for £3.50 for a pack. I might pick some up tonight. I also found be the dad be on the CB OPKs. I use the one with O, flashing smiley and static smiley and find that the lines when I eject the stick don't look that strong when it's static smiley. So you're not alone.

@InDreamland that's definitely BFP! Massive and tentative congratulations!! Everything crossed for you!!

@Melpops36 I'm so sorry to read this! Words failing me!!! Sending big hugs 

Thanks @Russkispy. I'm petrified of a chemical or losing this one too. I have an NHS scan on Saturday morning to check womb shape size etc ....... what do I do? How are you after IUI and acupuncture?

@Melpops36 I'm so sorry - big hugs and fingers crossed for a better result next week. It must be awful for you having to wait it out. You can do this xx

@InDreamland definitely a line! Do you know when you ovulated for sure? A few days could make a big difference to the line at this stage but your FRER is indisputable. Thinking of you and your hopefully sticky bean!

@Laney79 So I think those digital tests have a slight degree of cleverness in that they can pinpoint a rise in your personal levels. Meaning the darkness of the line when it calculates you're about to ovulate is relative to the level it was at when you started testing. I think, at least!

Thanks @awakeatnight. I got my static smiley on the evening on 23rd October. So presume I ov'd within 48 hours of then.

@InDreamland call them up and let them know about BFP.
Acupuncture is great and having another session tomorrow. Then flying home this weekend. Will carry on with acupuncture and reflexology and all my meds wth supplements. And hope for the best. And I've got a plan B to start IVF next month. Thankfully it's cheaper here and excellent care! Always helps!

@Russkispy glad it's all sounding so positive from your end. I have a good feeling about it and think you'll get your BFP in a couple of weeks. As for me, I don't want to jinx it. Maybe I'll mention it Saturday when I get in the scan room instead. It might be a CP then telling them will have been for nothing. I'm so scared of losing this one. I can't cope with another loss to the point I'm not sure I believe the line. Goodness I'm screwed up in the head.

@melpops36 I’m really sorry to hear about your scan. Sending you so much love.

@indreamland well that’s exciting! I’m thrilled for you! I imagine if you had spotting a few days ago that was implantation and the line is about right. I would wait two days and take the digital. But once digital is done don’t take any more tests as it will just worry you if dyes aren’t as strong etc. I really hope this is it for you!!

@InDreamland looks like bfp congrats hun xx