TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@newbie22 so so sorry Hun. Dow did your appointment go? I would expect them to scan to support confirmation blood tests on their own aren’t enough. Depending how far you were though depends whether scan is helpful anyway, sometimes only time will tell. Hope you are ok xx

@meghanVO7 I started going to a proper class every Monday. Between that and the acupuncture I believe it’s helped a lot to get by body back to normal. This weekend looks like I have ovd on day 14 which it spot on for me normally. The trick is balancing out what we can’t see- hormones- and our emotional well-being affects it quite a lot more than we might realise.

@lilimum5 still thinking if you x

@boboelephant nice to see you back and feeling better. Not long new path starts for you xx

@fnej glad you got referred that’s great news. I can recommend Lesley Reagan’s book - shes the top consultant that runs st Mary’s clinic.its very insightful and will help set expectations for when you get there x

@mathsymumy sorry you find yourself here, hopefully you’ll find it helpful. Not sure on the truth if being more fertile, they say it because hcg hormone will remain in your body for some time after my but that doesn’t mean you will conceive any sooner it has no effect on conception at all. Are you having ‘normal’ Cycles since MC? If everything seems normal and regular then it’s probably just a matter of time for you. Mc is very very common - most women (like 95%) have healthy pregnancy next time after first mc xx

@Lilimum5 Well done lovely. I love that you see it as a birthday rather than a miscarriage day. I will try to do the same. I hope you're feeling recovered now, but still getting lots of rest and TLC.

@Newbie21 I'm so sorry to hear your news. Huge hugs. How are you doing? xxx Your NHS trust will only do tests after 5 miscarriages?? This doesn't seem right at all... I'm sure they're not following procedure.

@Russkispy Good luck tomorrow. Fingers crossed for the IUI. xxx

@Boboelephant Lovely to see you again. I'm glad you had a lovely time in Oz, but sorry you've been ill and AF showed up. Hugs! Thank you for your kind words.
I am confident I will be a mum some time in the next few years, but I'm not confident it will be my biological child. I let myself grieve properly this time and felt low for a while and let all my worries out, but being the practical person I am, I've already started researching adoption and thinking about it a lot so if I get bad news about my fertility I have something positive to look towards. OH and I have already agreed IVF isn't the right thing for us personally (for many reasons) and we have talked about adoption since we got together 7 years ago. It's made me feel a lot more positive again to have a back up plan.

@fnej01 I'm so pleased you've got the referral you asked for, and excited for you for your wedding in Feb! Giving yourself a break from TTC for a bit sounds like a good plan. But DO NOT feel guilty for continuing through the miscarriage. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do. I worked through two pregnancy losses too, which was right for my at the time. My most recent one I took time off but it's because everything got on top of me and work was the worst place for me at the time. If I worked somewhere nicer I would have still probably have gone. Good luck for the near future (January is speeding towards us!)

@Mathsymummy So sorry for your loss, but welcome. TTC isn't the same after MC. It comes with a lot more anxiety, and anything that doesn't seem 'normal' for you, you will over-analyse. Like you said, it is still early days, so don't worry. I've learned to ignore statistics... They only make sense if you're one of those "average" people. Good luck hun. Stay strong. xxx

So for my news. I got a letter from hospital saying they're aware I'm waiting for my RMC appointment and not to contact them as they are going to allocate me a slot as soon as they can... I guess it's good that I've had confirmation of the referral going through, but frustrating that I've not got an appointment yet.

Also, I had some brown spotting for a couple of days and then yesterday bled a bit followed by cramps and have had no bleeding again since. I'm only CD25 at the moment. The shortest cycle I've ever had up until now was 28 days. Could this be my period trying to start? I'm a bit worried because we had unprotected sex on CD12 or 13. The following day I had some pain on my right side, and now wondering if this was super early ovulation. I thought we were safe because I had only stopped bleeding from MC the day before we had sex. Is it possible this is pregnancy bleeding, do you think?
Really wish I could communicate with my womb to know what it was doing all the time. Sigh. So much for an anxiety free cycle of not trying...

@knitkitty it wouldn’t be impossible....would you consider doing a frer test? Or if you can the wait it out another couple of days anyway. It could be either.

My referall was a 6week wait @knitkitty though they were fairly quick with the appointment booking itself. I would contact them if you haven’t heard in a week or two xx

@KnitKitty I know I was shocked when my GP told me that when I went to inform them about my CP. cos technically now this is MC no.3 if you count the CP. I'm going for my "booking in" today. They told me to keep the appointment and have another HCG test. I wish they would give me a scan so much. I will likely have to book a private one.

Does anyone on here have any issues with estrogen levels? My maternal grandmother had issues with it and had early menopause issues so naturally at 37 and 10 months I'm paranoid that this could be an issue. I do ovulate though so maybe I am just hopelessly trying to find answers.

@fnej01 so sorry to hear you had a third MC. Three since June must be so difficult. I'm glad to hear the GP referred you to St Mary's and they have responded already. Hope Jan brings you some answers. Also very exciting to have a wedding to plan! What a great distraction.
@Mathsymummy welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very difficult when what was previously easy becomes more difficult. I also fell pregnant with my DS and the next pregnancy immediately and constantly worry that the EP broke me. Unfortunately the fertile after MC applies to some but not to many. Mine was a year ago and nothing yet so don't be too hard on yourself.
@Yukka thank-you. Yep I'm trying to feel more relaxed (not sure I'm succeeding!) about the next two cycles as we are going to start IVF in Jan so just trying to get in shape for that. We have no reason why it's not working naturally but I'm not that confident anything will change before Jan so hopefully that is our answer. Glad to hear your body is getting back to normal. I'd love an ovulation on day 14!
@KnitKitty thanks hon. I'm glad that your referral is going ahead and I hope they can give you some answers. Also adoption is a wonderful thing to be able to do and requires such strength- you'd be perfect! Glad that you and DH are on the same page and at least you have options. As for what's going on now, I hope it becomes clear soon. Perhaps this is going to be your miracle.
@Russkispy good luck for your IUI!!!
@Newbie21 5 sounds ridiculous. Can you double check what the CCG policy is as I agree it doesn't sound like they are following the rules. Good luck today and I really hope they decide to give you a scan. Perhaps if you explain how anxious it is making you? Not sure about the oestrogen, maybe you could discuss it with an acupuncturist or similar?

Thanks ladies. midwife was surprised I hadn't had a scan by the EPU but also felt awkward that I was actually there given that I'd been told I was likely miscarrying. I told her EPU wanted me to have another blood test so she did the blood test and then got me to fill in the usual booking in form just in case all was ok and then booked me for an appointment next Saturday to complete the booking in if I haven't miscarried. Apparently it's all up to the EPU as to what they will do but she was suprised at 8 weeks they were relying on HCG levels as the indicator. So none the wiser. I can't get a private scan today everywhere is fully booked so I will try somewhere in Harley St tomorrow when I go to work.

Thanks everyone.

@Yukka I’ve never had ‘regular’ length cycles they vary between 28 and 31 days and since my youngest was born they’ve been even more variable but my last cycle was the shortest I’ve ever had at 26 days so I don’t know where I am at the moment

@Boboelephant Glad you are feeling better, and glad you had a good holiday. Thanks for thinking of me! I'm in the down regulation phase of IVF where my own hormone production is being shut down. To be honest I'm feeling terrible at the moment, but hopefully that means the drugs are doing what they are supposed to do. Trying to stay calm and take things one step at a time but that's hard with my hormones all over the shop.

Hi, please may I join?

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your losses and that you all find yourselves here. Hoping for lots of rainbow babies for you all.

I had a miscarriage in July at around 8/9 weeks. Initially they diagnosed it as ectopic, but then we had a glimmer of hope when a few days later another scan decided it wasn’t actually ectopic. However another week later they confirmed the baby had no heartbeat and I started to miscarry naturally the following day. It all took a long time and it was the end of September before my HGC levels came back down.

I convinced myself I was pregnant last month and was really sad when AF arrived. It brought back so many of the emotions of the MC. Both my pregnancies were conceived first month of trying (I have a 21 month old son) so I had unrealistic expectations.

I’m now on cycle day 21 so well into the TWW. Really hoping for good news this month!

Well ladies all did not go to plan after all. I've just got back from emergency surgery to remove everything else as my cervix closed to early and it mad me very poorly. Love to you all

@Newbie21 sorry you're having a horrible time, please know we are all there for you

@Lilimum5 so sorry that it didn't go to plan. I hope you will be feeling a lot better - physically - very soon. I hope you are staying rested for a while and have people around you who can give you the support you need.

I have a private scan booked for lunchtime today. I am prepared for it being the worst news. I just need to know when it all happened if they are able to tell. DH will be with me. I feel better knowing I am having a scan.

@Lilimum5 so sorry to hear that it didn't go to plan. I hope the surgery went well though and that you can now focus on healing. You got this xx

@Newbie21 will be thinking of you today. I hope you get some answers - we're all holding out for good news for you. Xx

I just called the hospital for yesterday's blood results. The HCG levels have gone up by a very small amount. However, this isn't necessarily a good thing as it is strong sign of eptopic especially given the shoulder and neck ache I have been complaining about. Hospital is hoping to fit me in for a scan today. I'm waiting for them to call back. If they can't do today, then DH and I will go to the private scan in London. I'm so angry at the hospital but need to focus on making sure this gets worked out before anything ruptured if it is an eptopic.

@Newbie21 we are thinking of you hun and hoping for the best news possible.

I'm resting today but feeling very wiped out.

How long does it take to recover from erpc never had one before although I had nightmares last night that I'm now damaged and can't have a baby (nuts I know)

Think we might take a short break from ttc until after Christmas.

@Newbie21 and @lilimum5 just sending you lots of hugs. So sorry you're going through this all.

@boboelephant glad you had a good holiday!

@Russkispy fx for IUI!

@Mathsymummy @panapan sorry you find yourselves here.

I'm CD27, 11dpo and AF due tomorrow, not at all confident this will be the month, I can feel body is ready for AF to start. I seem to have spent a lot of time these past few weeks crying a lot and I just can't seem to think straight and am exhausted. I'm forgetting so much stuff that normally I'm so on the ball with. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. 16 weeks post mc and should now be 28 weeks and bloody Emma's diary and pampers (Emma's diary must have passed my details on) keep flipping reminding me ...... like I need more reminding! Since the mc I keep trying to unsubscribe but they seem to just ignore. How can I get them to stop emailing?

DH and I finished clearing out one of the spare rooms that was supposed to be baby's bedroom ........ it now actually looks like a proper bedroom rather than where we store boxes of just stuff. Just wish baby was still joining us.

@InDreamland oh hun I totally understand how you feel we where doing the same when found out baby wouldn't be coming home. It's just so hard to get your emotional brain around your loss even if logical brain is already there.
Fingers crossed af doesn't show up xx sending you big hugs

@InDreamland as for the emails I had to reset the account and then block the emails (you can unblock in the future) but the first few cut deep don't they. If all that fails you could email pampers and Emma's diary directly it might work

@Yukka Thanks hun. 6 weeks isn't so bad. They specifically said not to bother contacting them until I hear from them. It's only been 2 weeks since the referral, so I'm not desperate. Will try to be patient.

@Newbie21 I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I hope you get some answers today. Stay strong. We're here for you!
And I wouldn't worry about the oestrogen levels... I think the fact you've got pregnant (even if it's not a successful one ) shows your hormone levels are decent, but if the worst happens maybe see your GP again and use this family history and your age as a push for a referral. I don't see how they can refuse! I'm fuming on your behalf about how shoddy the NHS in your area seems to be with all this. At least your midwife sounds nice.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed there's some sort of miracle going on for you, but I'm also sending you massive supportive hugs, because I know in times like this hope goes out the window. xxx

@Boboelephant starting IVF in Jan must be a mixed bag of emotions! I would say I'm excited for you, but I know IVF is not an easy route and nerve-wracking, so I will say I am hopeful for you instead! January is not far away now!
Yes, adoption certainly isn't for the faint hearted and I have a lot of worries about it, but I also feel really good about it. One of OH's friends growing up was adopted so it's quite normalised for him, and when we got together I told him about my possible fertility issues so adoption was discussed early on. We had already discussed our second child being adopted if we managed to have our first biologically anyway. And going through all this trying for our first, I don't think I'd want to do it all again a second time round now either!

@Tinypaws I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish, but I hope the fact it's all for a good cause is helping you get through it. I really hope it's a successful transfer. I have my fingers, toes, legs and eyes crossed for you!

@Panapan so sorry for your loss, and welcome to the group. It's such a frustration when HCG takes so long to go down, but I hope it gave you grieving time. I hope you get your rainbow soon xxx

@Lilimum5 So sorry things didn't got as planned. I'm glad you got seen quickly though as things can turn nasty pretty quickly. I hope you didn't find the surgery too traumatic as I know you wanted to avoid it. Rest well.
I felt back to normal about 2 or 3 days after my ERPC, although still a bit tired.

@InDreamland Sending hugs xxx I felt like my brain had gone to mush when I was feeling very emotional after MC too. I think it's normal.

Well as for me; only had a small amount of brown spotting yesterday. So far nothing today. And I've not had any more cramping. The only other times this has happened was when I was pregnant, and I've never had a successful pregnancy so I'm just bracing myself for the proper bleeding to start. I don't feel like testing as I'd rather just let nature run its course to be honest.
It could still be my body just being weird after MC too, I guess... But I haven't experienced this before so I don't know.

@Newbie21 I am so sorry to hear your news. I'll be thinking of you today and will check in later to see if you've posted. Lots of love.
@Lilimum5 Oh no, that's awful that there were complications. I hope you are ok and recovering? I had an ERPC and recovered fairly quickly, just some spotting for about a week and within two weeks I had a BFN.
@Mathsymummy sorry for your loss. As others have said it isn't necessarily true for everyone that you are more fertile, but it's a good sign that you already have children and I am sure everything is fine with your fertility. I know how hard it is to want that baby so badly after suffering a loss but we are all here for you x
@Panapan sorry you find yourself here. Got everything crossed that this is your month!
@InDreamland that sucks that you are receiving emails still, definitely contact them asking to be taken off their list. How are your counselling sessions going?
@Boboelephant hey buddy, nice to hear from you. Glad you had a good trip, bad luck on the flu. Hope you don't mind me asking but are you going for private IVF or NHS? We have been referred to UCH but still waiting for the letter.
@KnitKitty you sound a lot like me. We also knew about fertility issues when we got together, and adoption is on the cards. It's good to have lots of options on the table, it makes me feel positive that I will be a mum. I totally get why you aren't testing, I don't test early either because I would rather not know about chemicals, too upsetting. Have you already had a BFN from the last cycle? I'm sorry you are getting spotting, but I hope this has a happy ending. Will be thinking of you.

I had a really strong positive opk 3 days ago on cd17. I'm cd20 and still no temp rise but I've had bad cramps since af (but not all the time). I still don't understand. My cycle was 24 days last month and goodness knows how long it will be this month. Feeling disheartened.

Ladies would I qualify for a referral to rmc I've had a natural mc, a cp and two mmc in two years. If so what should I expect.

@Lilimum5 I don't know much about it but given your history I would have thought so. I'm sure some of the other ladies on here can tell you.

I had my scan. Not eptopic fortunately but the gestational sac was empty and given I'm at least 7.5 wks pregnant (although LMP 8w+3 but ovulated late) and up and down HCG it's virtually definitely another MC but I have to go back next week. I'm sad but relieved I have seen what is going on in there if that makes sense.

Thanks to you all for your support.

@Newbie21 where I'm glad it's not ectopic and sad for you that it's another miscarriage. Really big hugs sent to you. Take care of your self. Xx

Hi everyone, can I join please?

Ttc number 1 and just had a mmc, spotted at 9.5 weeks when I had some bleeding.

I had the surgery under local anaesthetic on Friday, but I was already 80% through the miscarriage by the time I had it and was in so much pain. Now terrified to ttc again because I'm not sure I can go through another miscarriage or through labour. Think I just have a really low pain threshold/am a wimp (I wasn't even at the pushing stage, I think the pain was just my cervix dilating).

But I've just turned 29 and we would like 2-3 children, so we don't want to delay things any further! It took us 8 months to conceive the first time, really hope it doesn't take that long (or longer!) again...

Looking forward to hearing about everyone's ttc journeys ☺️

@KnitKitty I really hope this could be the start of a little bundle of joy for you! Keeping fingers crossed for you x

@lilimum5 thank you. It's such a rubbish thing to have to deal with, really messes with the head. I hope you're getting lots of rest and being taken care of! A consultant gynae told me that to be referred for rmc investigations you have to have had 3 mc's but not sure if that varies between Trusts. I don't really know much about it.

@Newbie21 I'm so sorry it looks like it's happening again but glad it's not ectopic. Hope you're also getting looked after.

@Mistymeow thanks lovely. Counselling is ok but I think only time can really help. I just have to take each day at a time. I hope that this month amongst the cycle signs being confusing (hope that makes sense - rubbish at articulating at the moment) that this month is your month!

@Dimblebimble sorry you find yourself here.