TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

Was just catching up on everyone when I saw your post @lilimum4 I’m so sorry such sad sad news. It’s so unfair. You’re not alone there are many of us with multiple losses and we know how devastated you feel right now. Give yourself time to grieve and process what’s happening.

It makes me angry that pre 12 weeks mc are classed as ‘early’ when you are pregnant for a third of the whole journey. It’s a long time, to then suddenly have a loss. It’s no wonder we all worry about being pregnant again.

There’s a few new bfps on here so congrats to each of you, it’s lovely to see and hope you have trouble free pregnancies.

I’ve been away all week so playing catch up. Nothing new for me..still pending aps diagnosis and off to yoga tonight on my acupuncturists advice. I’m not very bendy though :). I’m cd 9 so getting ready for fw.

Saw my sis last week who is due in 5 weeks. Was great to see her and thankfully I don’t have any weird /emotional hang ups, can’t wait to meet her new bub at Christmas.

@Lilimum4 I am so so sorry. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Xx

Oh @Lilimum4 I'm so so sorry. It hurts like hell. If you need to talk message me. My second loss was a bit earlier than yours (scan at 9 weeks on 19/9, Bow passed at 6) but if I can do anything just say. It's awful and unfair and my heart breaks for you Xxx

Thank you ladies for your kind words. I still don't know what to do. I'm just sat here thinking about the best way to do things. Although I'm not sure if it's going to handle its self. I've had a lot of cramps and back pain since we go home. I've never mc naturally later on, only mmc and I had medical management but that was awful and I'm not sure if I can do it again. But I'm totally scared the a d & c will damage me and then I can't have a baby.

@Lilimum4 when I lost Bow, my most recent MMC it happened naturally. I started with brown loss the day of the scan and then red blood a couple of days later. Had bouts of pain and losing clots about 5 days later over several days. Eventually passed bow, without any pain, about a week and a half after the scan (before my confirmation scan two weeks later). Looking at my scan bow's sac was already irregular so I think my body had started to clock it. I too wanted to avoid surgery. It's such a tough decision. You have to do what's right for you both physically and mentally. Sending love xxx

@Laney79 thank you hun I'm bricking it I've not got this far before. I know it sound awful but lm scared I'll see the baby and freak out xx

Evening ladies...haven't really posted before- only to say hello...really struggling at the moment- miscarried in early July been actively TTC since....it just feels like it's taking ages...it seems to get harder every month...and don't get me started on all the pregnancy announcements that seem to be around...i have a GP appointment booked but not sure what they can do?! Does anybody have any tips on how to stay positive?? x

Oh @Lilimum4 I am so sorry to hear your news. Of course you are most welcome back into this lovely huddle of penguins who just want to give you a massive hug. Just to say that if you do opt for surgery it's something that I desperately didn't want, but was advised to do so due to infection risk (incomplete miscarriage). I was treated really well and recovered very quickly, and the risks of anything going wrong/further complications is very low. If you feel you need someone to talk to do get in touch with the miscarriage association so you don't feel so alone and scared. I am so sorry.

@knitkitty I agree with @awakeatnight and also if work is making you so unhappy, have you considered changing? I know changing jobs can be a big upheaval but I'm wondering if it's making you so unhappy that for your own well being a change might be beneficial? I hope today wasn't too hard x

@indreamland I always feel better after a good clear out. Very therapeutic.

@mrss2018 I'm sorry you're finding it hard. It does take time and there is no right or wrong way to recover. I find making sure I'm totally distracted during the 2ww helps and I always plan a treat for the day af arrives so I'm not as disappointed. I posted my miscarriage story on facebook (no graphic details, just the facts and linked it to a fundraiser). I know this approach isn't for everyone but I have found being open with people and being around friends with babies quite healing.

As usual I don't know what's going on with me, probably late ovulation this month again. Do you think I should go back to the doctor? I have already had bloods done which were normal and was regular before the miscarriage. But it's been 7 months now and my cycles have varied from 24 to 35 days? Plus ovulation pain throughout. Maybe I'm just worrying for no reason.

@Lilimum4 oh no I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s just so unfair that you have to go through this again. I totally understand how you’re feeling, it’s just awful. As you know I had similar news at my 12 week scan, I just felt so defeated. Getting to 12 weeks is such a huge deal and to get bad news is just heartbreaking. Nobody deserves that. I miss my boy so much every single day but it gets easier as time goes on. Every few nights I look at his photos and have a good cry but I’m feeling much better now. I know it’s cliche but it will feel easier in time even though right now it feels like there’s no hope. You will be okay. You’re so strong and you’ve got through so much already, you can do this. We’re all here for you, we understand. As for the management, you need to do what feels right for you. I avoided surgery too and went with medical management with Charlie. I won’t lie the contractions were so hard and delivering him was too but I don’t regret my decision one bit. I’m so glad I chose that route. My first loss, the MMC, I did naturally and found that much more painful as it lasted weeks. Whereas with Charlie it was over in one day. I preferred feeling like I had a bit more control over the situation and knowing what to expect. However everyone has different experiences, maybe natural feels right for you. Whatever you do, we’re here to talk to. Sending you so much love ❤️

Just want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words. I’m doing okay! I fully expected it to be leftover hcg or something similar. I think I’m now in my fertile week as I’m getting ewcm and cramps. We said we wouldn’t try this month but have dtd a couple times without protection... oops haha 🙈

Will catch up on rest of the thread later! Hope everyone is okay.

@hayleyfx thank you and I'm really hoping for you that you get your beautiful baby soon. We ladies have been through so much we deserve a happy ending. I'm so angry at the moment as I told my doctor and anyone who would listen that I didn't feel right and havent been for the last 3 weeks. The doc just kept giving me antibiotics and said I was just on edge due to the last 2 mmc's. I wish I'd pushed for a scan earlier. My poor husband is broken and I don't know how to help him.

Thank you @awakeatnight. Such kind words and good advice. Work was fine, as you predicted; just a lot of people happy to see me back, which was nice.
I haven't really considered counselling, just because I've had counselling for other things in the past and never really found it particularly helpful. But I will bear it in mind.

@InDreamland I'm glad having a good clear out felt so good. Hold onto moments like that. Hugs!
I'm sure you will still enjoy your holiday despite it not being in the circumstances you were expecting it to be in. xxx

@Newbie21 It did go better than expected, thank you. xxx How are you?

@Lilimum4 I'm so sorry to hear you're back here lovely. Huge hugs. Don't be afraid to let it all happen naturally if it's what feels right for you. Yes, there may be pain, but some women feel better mentally being able to give birth to their baby.
On the other hand, I opted for medical management with my MMC because I didn't feel my body was letting go and I found the waiting too hard emotionally. The medication failed twice so I ended up needing an ERPC. I had avoided it because I didn't want to be put under anaesthetic and was afraid of the whole process with it being less natural. I was actually pleased I'd done it afterwards. There was no pain (except for some cramping for about an hour when I came round), and I felt a sense of relief that it was over and done with. The only thing that was the hardest was when I came round in the recovery room and realised I wasn't pregnant anymore. I silently cried to myself for a while as I'd been left alone for a few minutes and felt quite alone until I was back on the ward with OH. The recovery was quick.
Right now, these are my recommendations.
Have a good wail.
Wear the comfiest clothes you have.
Write down your feelings. Even make a pros and cons list about your options if you need to.
Buy lots of nice food/treat yourself to take away.
Watch lots of films, sleep a lot.
There is help out there for the husbands/partners after MC too, maybe suggest he looks at talking to someone about how he's feeling.
Once you're feeling stronger, see your GP and get a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, unless EPU has done one already?

@Yukka You're so right about the "early" MC thing. Hope you enjoy yoga; you'll get bendier the more you do it! So exciting that you're going to be an aunty.

@mrss2018 Sorry you're struggling. When you have a MC all you want is to be pregnant again as quickly as possible, but for a lot of us it doesn't happen that way. I know this is going to sound so frustrating, but it's still early days for you. Do you feel you are managing to properly process your feelings about the MC? Are you seeing your GP about finding it hard to cope? They can refer you for counselling, so it's definitely worth going. Giving yourself something else to focus on can be a good distraction. Planning a trip/redecorating/starting a project of some sort. Hugs xxx

@Mistymeow I was offered a new job in August and I'm still waiting for the go-ahead from them to be able to hand my notice in at my current place of work. The waiting is so frustrating and I'm beginning to feel like I dreamt it all! (I have checked up on them to make sure all the paperwork is still going through, but jeez! Talk about needing patience!) That's really not helping. But I'm seeing it as my silver lining that I haven't managed to get pregnant (properly?) yet, and another good reason to be halting TTC for a bit.
You say you get ovulation pain throughout? Could you have a cyst/cysts? Have you been checked for PCOS with your periods being slightly irregular too? Do you have heavy/painful periods or anything else that might suggest any problems? I've suffered from endometriosis and have had several cyst (some not related to endo) which have come and gone and they can cause ovulation-type pain at random times in the cycle (from what I remember... this was years ago). I don't want to scare you; bodies do very weird things after all, but it might be worth getting a check-up.

@hayleyfx Good luck and have fun in FW! I don't blame you for 'forgetting' about not trying this month. What happens, happens.

@KnitKitty I'm glad the first day back wasn't too bad. I took my own advice and had a hot chocolate today - I was so cold, it was so yummy but I was sleepy afterwards so best not make that a regular thing - not great for the waistline either 😬. I'm doing good. 7+3 today. Still early days, no symptoms apart from tiredness so still very apprehensive having had an MMC before and no idea of issues until the scan but having a private scan on 11/11 when I should be about 9+2 so holding out for that.

@Lilimum4 so sorry that you're going through this. It's absolutely awful, heartbreaking, senseless and unfair. I just wanted to add my two pennies in on the surgical management. It was absolutely the right choice for me. I was 14 weeks by the time they operated and my baby has died at 9.6 . It was a long old day with bloods and prep at around 10am, nil by mouth from 7am, and having to wait on a day list for surgery - I happened to be right at the end which i thought was cruel given it was a general gynae ward. Any way your Trust may do things differently. I had misoprostol administered i think an hour before I was due in. It can cause immense pain but didn't at all for me, nor any spotting. The hardest part of the day was having to confirm to the surgical team why I was there. I couldn't though my tears but the kind anethetist took pity on my and held up my chart, asking me to nod to my name and the procedure. I was ready to leave about 3 hours after that. I didn't have any pain and bled for almost 2 weeks after. I would absolutely opt for this should I need to again, although maybe stomp my feet about my place on the list. Dunno if that's right or not but I really don't think many other (day) surgeries bear the same psychological load as a d and c of a much loved baby.

Lots of love to you, and to everyone in the group especially those having a tough time. You're all so inspirational, so kind, supportive and knowledgable I don't know where id turn without you sometimes x

@Lilimum4 I'm so sorry you're going through this again. Nothing I can say will make this better but just wanted to send you hugs and love

@awakeatnight I shouldn't have read your post on the tube .........😢

@KnitKitty glad going back wasn't as bad as you expected.

Weird question groom me. I'm 15 weeks post mc. Pretty much as soon as I got pregnant I stressed getting spots, I never got spots before, only literally the odd one sometimes during AF. I thought after the mc the spots would go but no .........I have loads and there really noticeable too. Anyone else experienced this? It's like my body still isn't back to normal.

The other thing is that since the mc I also every day get random mild stabbing feelings in my lower abdomen. Again never got these before. Any ideas? They're not really painful.

Sorry I've been absolutely awful recently at commenting/replying to people.

Just having a very weird time.

@InDreamland I'm the same. When ever I'm pregnant I get awful skin & mine hasn't settled down either. Im 8weeks post mc & I can't see any sign of improvement. I also get the stabbing pains. I get what I think is ovulation pain all the time now too. Which is incredibly frustrating as I don't actually think I'm even ovulation!

Sorry for those who are having a bad time, this whole TTC malarkey is incredibly hard isn't it. I wish I could take some time out to look after me, but I just can't. I'm so obsessed with getting pregnant it's taking over my life. Xxx

@InDreamland the spots and the stabbing pain could be related to your digestive system. Are you a bit constipated or have you changed your diet, taking a lot of vitamin supplements etc? I don't know much about these things but I know I get spots and pains down below when my diet is a bit off and/or I am a bit constipated. It could also be related to the stress that you are under after the MC.

@KnitKitty that's good about the new job, something positive to look forward to. My contract is ending soon and I don't like my job either so I try to ignore all the frustrating people and not take it seriously, knowing that I'm leaving in two months. Thanks for the advice, I was routinely tested for PCOS as part of the fertility testing and it was all clear, also the scan during my mmc said that the ovaries were normal. I reckon it's just going to take longer- I don't have painful periods and I ovulate (confirmed by temping and day 21 test). I just worry sometimes that I have something wrong with me and that we have fertility issues on both sides. It's probably this worry that is delaying ovulation, vicious circle!

@indreamland I get stabbing pains throughout my cycle. I think it's the hormones adjusting, it seems it can take a long time. I feel every twinge! I imagine the spots are also hormone related. I hope it settles down soon.

@MeghanV07 I hear you! It's so hard. I'm sorry you're having a weird time. It's still very raw 8 weeks after, it does get easier.

@Newbie21 glad you're doing well. I have everything crossed for the scan, it's good you are getting one in a few weeks. I think I would do the same.

Hey ladies, has anyone had EWCM before AF before? CD27 & have had a tiny bit of spotting today but loads of EWCM. I wonder if it's my body trying to get into sync after the mc?

So confused  xxx

Thanks for replying @MeghanV07 @mistymeow and @Newbie21. It's so weird isn't it. Almost like my body still thinks I'm pregnant when actually it's so much the opposite. Definitely no toilet issues or changed diet. Hate this. I've just not been normal in anything since I got pregnant and miscarried.

@MeghanV07 I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It really is a horrible thing we've all gone and going through.

Everywhere I go it's in my face, someone pregnant ...........I really don't need the reminder of my loss.

@lilli4mum I’m so very sorry for your loss. No one deserves to go through this. All my love xx

Just thought I'd let you lovely ladies know that we decided to give medical management a try. I'm in at 12pm tomorrow. Fingers crossed for me that it goes well xx

Sorry @Lilimum4 ! I had MC on similar weeks, although mine started with cramps and then later same day with bleeding (took another 2 days before it all came out). I took a chance to wait few days to see if natural works. Cramps were painful but I was given proper painkillers at hospital - worth having some in case yours starts naturally!

@meghanvo7 there is a second estrogen surge between ov and af that can cause ecwm again.

@lilimum4 good luck for tomorrow. I haven’t had medical management for mine, last one was 10 weeks and wasn’t very pleasant so you’re probably doing the right thing xx

Thinking of you today @Lilimum4. Wear some really comfy clothes with you to hospital and bring some nice big fluffy socks and slippers, a good book or something else to occupy you.

I got the chills when I had my medical management, so bring more layers of clothing than you think you need. They will give you painkillers to take home.

Sending you big hugs xxx

I hope it goes as well as it can today @Lilimum4 -sending penguin hugs xxx