TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

Any news @Russkispy ! Xx

@mostimproved I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope you have someone with you. Give yourself plenty of time to recover.
@Laney79 glad to hear you had some good test results. I know what you mean about hoping something is wrong so that it can be treated, it's horribly confusing and distressing not knowing why your babies didn't survive. Since I posted my story on facebook a few friends in their late 30s/early 40s said they had two mmc and their third was a healthy pregnancy. I really hope it's the same for you, I have everything crossed.
@fnej01 gosh, so sorry to hear what has happened. What a rough time you've had. Really heartening that you want to help others with the research. I'm glad you have some nice things to look forward to, a wedding is perfect, congrats!

@strawberrye sending you a hug. Glad you are reaching out for some counselling. Take care of yourself.
@Angelbabyollie arrrgh how frustrating. It could be the start of af? Are you temping at all? When my body was being confusing I started temping so I could really pinpoint ovulation (as I kept getting lh surges throughout my cycle). Might be an idea for next cycle? Of course I hope it's implantation and a bfp is on its way :)

It seems like so many people are having a tough time right now. Glad that a few of you are on holiday, or have something to look forward to. I'm cd6 and keep getting positive opks and O type cramping. It's so weird, looks like I may ovulate super early.

Thank you again everyone for your kind messages.

@Rachael321 Hi! Sorry for your loss. Sometimes AF is weird for a while after MC. Hope your body starts to make more sense soon!

@Melpops36 Having a BFP after loss is not the joyous occasion you might expect. The worry and anxiety is totally understandable. All you can do is take each day at a time, and don't be afraid to ask for help. How are you doing?

@hayleyfx I really hope there's a strong little bean in there! Bleeding can happen during pregnancy. I hadn't heard of the hook effect, but looks plausible. Did you contact the EPU? Waiting until Thursday sounds really frustrating, but at least you're seeing someone.

@keebo I totally understand not wanting that wait. I'm looking at getting a GP referral and OH and I have discussed postponing TTC for a while, but my goodness, there's no winning! Trying is hard, waiting to try is hard, getting a BFN is hard, getting a BFP is hard...
Stay strong! Portugal sounds lovely.
As for leaving your job, I'm all for that. I'm waiting to start a new job at the moment. I haven't been able to hand my notice in yet as am waiting for the go-ahead from my new job. I figured my chances of having a health pregnancy are probably stronger in a different job. I haven't stopped trying, but this last MC I had made me really angry with my work place and myself because I'm convinced the stress is playing a part. I can't wait to start my new job, but really all the matters to me is having a healthy pregnancy, and if it means not getting maternity pay, so be it! But I know what a difficult decision it is. It took me a while to come to this conclusion. Whatever you decide will be the right route for you. (And all scientific evidence suggests there's no link with stress and MC btw, I think I'm just trying to find something to point the finger at because all this is just so unfair and it's easier to blame something)

@Russkispy there's a tummy bug going round at the moment. But I hope there's other things going on in there! Hope you're feeling better. xx

@Mistymeow thanks for your wise words. I'm glad you're feeling better again now your cycle has started. I think hormones don't help before AF either. It's such a roller-coaster! Hopefully your DH's meds are taking affect by now and he's getting some strong swimmers going!
Just read your new post; are your cycles really irregular? CD6 for a positive OPK sounds really early, but have you had this before?
Any chance it could be pregnancy cramping causing positive OPK? Was your period normal? (Sorry, really don't want to get your hopes up, just sharing your confusion).

@mostimproved I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Please don't feel stupid, you did exactly the right things. You did everything right. Sending you huge hugs xxx

@Laney79 I'm glad the results are good, although I understand you wanting an answer to why you lost your pregnancies. Not knowing is really difficult. I'm glad you're looking after yourself well.

@fnej01 I am so sorry about your MC. Huge hugs. Well done for being able to collect the tissue. Hopefully it might give you some answers.
I'm glad you have your wedding to look forward to. Being able to think about something positive helps. You're so strong and amazing. xxx

@Yukka I know exactly what you mean about being sick and tired of finding silver linings. I often feel like that myself, but then I always fall back on it because it's the best way I've found to cope.

@strawberrye each new cycle is a closer one to 'the one'. I think giving up the cycle tracking is probably a good way forward for now, just to give your mind a break. All this TTC business is exhausting!
I shall repeat your words back to you:
"Don't feel you have to stay away because you're feeling really low and negative, we are all here for you."
Hugs! xxx

@InDreamland Hugs! xxx

@Angelbabyollie sorry your body is being so confusing. The old wait and see routine might need to be done here, but goodness it's so frustrating isn't it! Stay strong!

Well I'm going back to the GP tomorrow to talk about referral to recurrent miscarriage clinic.
Not feeling very good to be honest, but trundling on.
I had brown spotting from 5th-10th October with the pregnancy, and then MC started on 11th. Today is the first day I've not had any bleeding so far, and am producing CM again so looks like the MC might be at an end finally.
I have my first acupuncture appointment coming up on Friday which I'm looking forward to.
I do think we'll be stopping TTC for a couple of months or so for now, but really hope the referral doesn't take too long as I think I'll find the waiting difficult.

Spoke too soon. Just had some more brown spotting. Will it never end!?!?!?!?!

@KnitKitty thank you, yes I'm hopeful that dh's swimmers are improving. He'll get tested in November, check hormone levels etc. Sorry to hear the spotting has re-started, what a nuisance. I really hope it stops soon but it sounds like it's slowing down at least. I admire your strength so much. You are definitely doing all the right things.

In answer to your question, no it wasn't a normal af. It arrived a day early and was mainly brown/black with some bits of red (sorry for the tmi!) and light (lasted 2 days then spotting). I haven't taken any tests. I have had a few weird afs since miscarriage and it's not unheard of for me to ovulate on day 11 but I can't believe it on cd6. My tummy feels tight too. I'm very confused!

@Laney79 thank you 💕 I’m glad your tests so far have come back normal but do understand wanting some answers, I know what you mean. I hope it’s all just a case of ‘bad luck’ - I hate saying that!! But I really hope it is. Hope you’re feeling a bit better now!

@fnej01 thank you! I’m so sorry you’ve had another loss, I hope you’re doing okay

@Yukka @KnitKitty thanks for asking I phoned the EPU today as I couldn’t get through yesterday. They agreed that it was a very strange situation and have booked me in for Friday morning to have a scan. They told me it could have been a threatened miscarriage but don’t want to get my hopes up - I don’t really have any hope for this bean anyway tbh! I know that sounds awful but fully expecting this to be retained products or something similar. If there was a healthy bean then it would be a miracle haha!! Will let you all know how Friday goes 😊
Hopefully will finally get this sorted.
@KnitKitty so sorry that you’ve had to go through this again. I hope you’re feeling a bit better soon and the acupuncture sounds like a great idea. Also hope the spotting finally stops for you!

@InDreamland sorry to hear you’ve been feeling so down. I hope you have a lovely holiday, you definitely deserve a break.

Sorry to anyone I’ve missed, I’ve written this whilst babysitting my 5 year old niece who is running around the house singing baby shark on repeat so it was a bit rushed haha! Hope everyone is okay

Just took the test and it's BFN. It's crap of course. But the fight is not over till I get there. Whatever it takes! Next IUI next month. In the meantime will get going with my acupuncture and reflexology and all supplements I've been taking for a while now.

Morning ladies

Hope everyone is doing okay ❤️. Sorry I've been quiet, was really poorly last Sunday and had really bad pains in my boobs, they swelled up massively and I was in agony. My right boob went down to normal but my left is still huge and hard. Went to the Dr's and they said it can be hormone related and when AF arrives it should go back to normal, but if it doesn't I need to go back 😖.

Hope your GP appointment goes well today @KnitKitty ❤️.

Glad you're having a scan on Friday @hayleyfx I have everything crossed for you!

@Russkispy do you know how many DPO you are?

Hope you're okay @InDreamland and @strawberrye

Currently CD21, convinced I haven't ovulated, having lots of creamy CM so I'm sure AF is getting geared up. Feel. Shit.

Xxx

@MeghanV07 I'm 11-12 days post IUI

*@Mistymeow I know POAS is a bit of a mind f** but perhaps in this circumstance it would help to at least rule out one possibility? My first pregnancy started a bit like how you're describing.
Have you taken another OPK? If it's still positive that's quite strange...
It does sound like your cycles are quite changeable though so might just be a 'normal oddity'. hope things become clearer soon. xxx

@hayleyfx I'm glad EPU are looking into it. Do you feel like you are pregnant?

@Russkispy I really admire your determination. Stay strong. xxx

@MeghanV07 Sorry you've not been well. The boob thing sounds nasty. Hope you're getting enough rest. xxx

So I saw the GP. He's signed me off for the rest of the week.
My blood results from Friday 12th showed HCG levels at 48 and he informed me the bloods taken a week ago (Tuesday 16th) it'd gone down to 13. Bit hard to hear even though I knew it; and strangely reassuring that the miscarriage went in the right direction, if that makes any sense. So very mixed feelings about that.
He's referring me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and thinks it's about a two month wait. He gave me a note to give to the receptionist so she could see if she was able to book the appointment for me, which she wasn't able to, but she did put through an appointment request and I have a number to ring if they don't contact me by the 6th November.
Not really processed it all yet. I went for a long walk after the appointment and had a cry. Feeling a bit numb now.

How is everyone else today?

@MeghanV07 sorry to hear you’ve not been feeling great, hope you’re feeling better soon! & thank you

@KnitKitty yeah I’ve been having my usual symptoms of pregnancy especially exhaustion and a bit of nausea but sometimes wonder if I’m imagining them! I’m sorry you’re feeling down

Hope everyone else is feeling a bit better than me today, I’ve picked up a stomach bug from somewhere and feel absolutely awful - practically slept in the bathroom last night as I couldn’t take my head out of the toilet 😂🤦‍♀️ Hope it goes soon!

@KnitKitty thank you! Somehow I thought it wouldn't work as the dominant follicle was on the left. Both my successful IUIs/pregnancies were from the right. Coincidence?
IUI is now booked. Will be flying home on cd10 after taking Clomid.
And potentially IVF in December if IUI doesn't work in November.
I'm determined to get my BFP and successful pregnancy. Again giving my everything each cycle.
Sorry you're feeling down. It really is shit! 

@MeghanV07 that sounds painful, sorry to hear. CD21 is a tough time, although creamy cm can also be a positive sign too! I have everything crossed. Hope the pain subsides soon.
@hayleyfx glad to hear that you will be having a scan on friday- that should give you your answers. Could the sickness be pregnancy related? If you start to get a temperature do ring the doctor's, just in case.
@russkispy sorry about the bfn. That sucks. Your attitude of looking forwards is great. I try not to dwell on things and treat ttc like an enemy that needs to be beaten! But it does drag you down at times and it can become all consuming. We are waiting for an IVF appointment.
@knitkitty thanks, I do have some ic on their way. But I had a negative opk today and the spotting has subsided. Sorry you are feeling down but completely normal in the circumstances. Sounds like you have a great GP. Do you have anything planned for the week? I usually find going for a swim, walk or wandering around a museum helps distract me when I feel down. Sometimes I just need to sit in, eat a load of crisps and cuddle my cat :) I'm not feeling great tbh, the due date is looming.

I still don't know why I have this pressure feeling and aches in my tummy at cd7? I sometimes get this before af. I guess it must just be hormones or getting ready for ovulation. I feel like someone is sitting on me, and my trousers are too tight. Any ideas? I can't be pg, my temp is way too low.

@hayleyfx - thank you and good luck with EPAU. Fx for you, after such a difficult year.

@knitkitty thank you - I think I am in a similar place to you with the bleeding now very light, but seemingly never ending. My HCG today is down to 6, so hopefully the end is near. I hope your GP appointment went well and you got your referral.

@mistymeow - thanks no idea on the CD7 pain/pressure but fx it's a good sign for you.

I generally feel like I am coping pretty well, but worry maybe too well. I haven't taken any time off work the last two miscarriages as both have been early, and didn't want to sit at home dwelling on it. However, I am worried that this might not be a good thing and was wondering about counselling. How did you ladies find a counsellor? GP referral? I would really like to see someone face to face, rather than over the phone. Thanks x

So today is cd23, had pink cm cd 20 and cd22 brown hint in cm, cramping so am thinking af on way but today has gone.. have done a million tests as not symptom spotting at all they are all 20miu/ml. So because I have no patients went out and bought first response 6 days early and I see a v v v faint line within 5 mins ( as I was trying not to look as thought would be -ve) does anyone else see it? I am trying not to get my hopes up, I am really emotional today my Ollie would have been 6 months and had a butterfly randomly land on my head in out field was there a while before flew off - apparently was really beautiful one ! Sorry am rambling so many emotions! Xxx

I see something @Angelbabyollie! Fingers crossed it darkens up plenty in the next few days. What lovely news, and good signs I think for your implantation and Ollie's blessing via the butterfly ❤️

I can see it! @angelbabyollie

Yes @angelbabyollie I see the line, I hope it gets stronger. Your spotting and cramps also sound like implantation. Fingers crossed for the next few days. Glad you had a little visit from a pretty butterfly :)

@fnej01 I don't think there is a right or a wrong way to recover from pregnancy loss. Some find it easier to go back to work, distract themselves etc whereas others need some down time. I would listen to your instincts, if you feel like you may be bottling things up- do see someone. I had counselling once but I went private (I found mine through the BACP website which lists accredited counsellors) but I would suggest your first call would be the GP who would refer you.

@Angelbabyollie I can see it too! Hope it gets darker each day! Crossed everything for you!

@Angelbabyollie Congrats! Fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby for you.

@fnej01 Some areas allow you to refer yourself directly for counselling so worth a quick google to see if that's the case for you. Glad you're looking after yourself.

@russkispy Good luck for your IUI cycle.

@KnitKitty Glad you're getting some investigations done, hope you're doing ok.

As usual, sorry for the ladies I've missed, I'm rubbish at keeping off with this thread! Started my IVF cycle yesterday, it's long protocol so it'll be 6+ weeks until pregnancy test (assuming I get to that stage at all), trying to take things one step at a time.

Hey all hope your ok. Thinking of you all.
I’ve had a scan today at 6 weeks. Sac, yolk and everything in place but no pole yet. Going back in 12 days to see. Very nervous but they said it was a normal scan for not quite six weeks.
Feeling very scared.

@Melpops36 that's great news that the scan is normal and it does sound like it's all heading in the right direction. I'm not surprised you feel scared, I would feel exactly the same and I imagine the first trimester is particularly nerve wracking. But for now remember there is nothing to be worried about, they've said the scan is normal. Do you have someone to talk to who can help you keep calm? I totally understand, and I hope you find a way of taking it day by day so you don't feel so afraid.
@angelbabyollie how are you doing today?
@hayleyfx thinking of you for your scan tomorrow x

@hayleyfx hope the scan goes well tomorrow. Fingers crossed for good news for you. Has the tummy bug gone?

@Russkispy Hope you're producing a nice healthy egg this month. xx

@Mistymeow How are you? Still got that pressure feeling?

@fnej01 Nothing wrong with cracking on as usual while miscarrying if that's the right thing for you to do. I would probably have done the same except work is not a pleasant place for me to be right now and it was a double-whammy. Being there would not have been a good distraction for me and would have made everything worse, but I totally agree with Mistymeow, there's no right or wrong way to cope. I'd talk to your GP first about counselling, unless you want to go private. Hugs xxx

@Angelbabyollie There's definitely a line there! Fingers and toes crossed for you. Keep us updated! xxx

@Tinypaws I really hope this IVF cycle is the one that works! Best of luck! Keep us in the loop! xxx

@Melpops36 I've been told I'll have a scan at 6 weeks and 8 weeks when I do finally get pregnant again with a sticky one and I really don't like the idea of having the 6 week scan for this very reason. It is completely normal for the pole not to show at this stage so try not to fret. Everything is looking on track and in the right place, just keep thinking about that. I understand how nerve-wracking this is for you. Stay strong. We all have our fingers crossed for you. xxx

You'll be pleased to hear I'm feeling heaps better and a lot more positive again. Feels weird buying condoms for the first time in years, and counter-intuitive when all we want is a baby, but I know we need to take a break. Just hoping I haven't had a weird cycle and ovulated really early because we DTD unprotected about 3 days ago... I think I'm safe though!
First acupuncture tomorrow. Will let you know how it goes.

@Mistymeow I’m not sure, it definitely seemed like a stomach bug as vomiting stopped after 12 hours however I’m still feeling a bit nauseous! Maybe it’s just wearing off slowly. Thank you!

@fnej01 thank you. I’m glad you’re doing okay and I hope counselling helps!

@KnitKitty thanks! The vomiting stopped on Tuesday but I still can’t eat without feeling really sick, my appetite is totally gone! So confused and worried now 😣 it’s lovely to hear that you’re feeling better. I hope acupuncture goes well!

@Angelbabyollie I definitely see the line! Hope it gets nice and dark for you 🤞

@Melpops36 that’s great that your scan was normal! At 6 weeks it’s still a bit early so I think as long as everything is in the right place etc then it’s going in the right direction hope your next scan goes well too!

My scan is at 10:30 tomorrow morning. Soo nervous! I’ve managed to convince myself over the past couple days that it won’t be something as simple as ‘retained products’ and instead will be an ectopic or something. I’ve scared myself silly 🤦‍♀️ Definitely haven’t got my hopes up anyway!

@haleyfx @knitkitty @mistymeow thank you for your lovely words. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s bloody hard.
Fx for you @haleyfx that it’s something positive. @knitkitty so glad you are feeling positive again. Acupuncture has worked a treat for me so far, I love it! Good luck.