TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@RedRobin7 oh I’m so sorry TTC is being put on hold! A holiday sounds like exactly what you and your DH need. I hope you have a lovely time and I really hope your DH is feeling better soon. TTC really is so stressful especially after losses. I’m sure you will both be in a better place soon and feel ready to TTC again, it may do the world of good to have a break (although I know it doesn’t feel like it). Hugs

@knitkitty I feel OK got some symptoms so that feels positive. Emotionally I am really happy and trying not to say if it sticks etc trying to focus on this being positive today I am pregnant and such like and that is helping.

@laney79 lovely necklace. Glad you have some good support.

@melpops36 congratulations.

@hayleyfx sorry you got af and another chemical.

@redrobin7 sorry you are going to be putting ttc on hold. A holiday sounds great.

Hugs to anyone I have missed who needs it.

@haleyfx I’m so sorry 😐 that’s always a worry after a bfp x

@RedRobin7 sorry you are putting TTC on hold. A holiday is just what you and DH need. The whole TTC journey does cause a lot of anxiety following an MC. Enjoy spending quality time with DH and make sure you try and have some fun. It will happen, I'm sure, and it is positive that you and DH are talking about it all and supporting each other.

@hayleyfx sorry AF showed up and you had another CP. be good to yourself.

Sorry to those of you dealing with af. She sucks!

@Laney79 beautiful necklace to remember two beautiful little ones xx

@Melpops36 ooh tentative congrats! How are you feeling?

@RedRobin7 sorry to read your post but I think you're doing the right thing. So important to look after your mental health and it sounds like your partner needs time to recover. Three months after my mmc we went to California and did a road trip, camped in Yosemite. It was magical and healing. You will love it. Please check back in when you can :) and take care.

@hayleyfx so sorry to hear about the chemical. It's good that you have some hospital follow ups- I really hope you have some answers soon.

I set up a fundraiser for the miscarriage association on facebook, for my birthday, as it's so near to my due date. I told my story (not graphically, but gave the facts). I felt nervous and ashamed, but then I remembered that I have nothing to be ashamed of, that it's this atmosphere of "keeping quiet" that makes me feel this way, and if I could push through it and break the stigma, maybe I will help someone. I'm so glad I did it, the response has been overwhelming. It's like a weight has been lifted. My husband helped me with the post and wanted to be tagged. I know not everyone wants to do a post but to those of you who are, I have found it incredibly healing.

Thanks everyone, I’m feeling a bit better after that hospital appointment. They checked Charlie’s chromosomes and found nothing abnormal so they said they have no reason to believe that a next pregnancy wouldn’t be perfectly healthy, they’re not worried atm. They checked a few other things (can’t remember what they said!) but nothing came back unusual so they were pretty positive and told me I should have the same chances of anyone else of having a healthy pregnancy. I’m still feeling beyond nervous but I’m a tiny bit more optimistic now and relieved. They also confirmed that Charlie was definitely a little boy!! 💙 we visited the chapel and saw his name in the rememberance book. So lovely to remember our baby boy 💓

@Mistymeow That’s such a lovely idea. I’m going to do the same I think with the fundraiser, I announced my pregnancy after the 12 week scan despite the abnormalities and I felt so much better. I’m so glad everyone knows that my baby boy existed. It really does feel like a weight lifted off your shoulder, I’m glad it has helped you!! These are our babies, they existed, they matter. They should be talked about.

Well I was pregnant. But I think I'm miscarrying again.

I knew I was pregnant. There's no way I couldn't be. 6 days of spotting, no period, on off mild cramping and feeling exhausted as well as not sleeping properly at night.
I wanted to wait to test until Saturday because that's what OH wanted and I wanted to give him some control over the situation because otherwise there's not much involvement for him! And I was feeling a bit like ignorance was bliss.

BUT today at work the brown spotting (which wasn't concerning me much) turned into bleeding. Dark red blood, like the start of a period.
I freaked out but had to know for sure that I was pregnant so I did a test while at work. It was an FRER and came back with a faint line.
I've made an appointment with the doctor later today. Work sent me home.
I took another test at home and the Clearblue came back looking a lot more positive than the FRER, which confused me.
I've had a bit more red bleeding.
The tests should be darker, right? I'm 15DPO, three days late. So points towards miscarriage alongside the bleeding. On the other hand it wasn't FMU, and some women bleed and stay pregnant, don't they? Trying not to totally lose it but also don't want to let myself hope.

My head is all over the place. Feeling very upset.
Attached pics of the tests.

@knitkitty sorry you are going through this. Hopefully the gp can help I guess the only way to be sure this early on is a blood test and repeated after a couple of days to see if the hcg levels are rising.

Take care and let us know how you get on hugs

Oh @KnitKitty sending you a huge hug.

I'd agree both tests are positive. In terms of the bleeding I don't think that alone can indicate miscarriage unless you pass lots of clots/tissue. I had a very small amount of brown CM and miscarried-but other ladies on here seemingly have had full on bright red gushes, more than enough to fill a pad and their beans have survived.

See what the doc says, push for hcg blood tests.

I'll hope with all my heart for a good outcome for you xxx

Big hugs @KnitKnitty. Can you go to EGU? This is exactly how my ectopic initially presented - but also how my friend's successful pregnancy presented, so please don't lose hope. Thinking of you X

@hayleyfx glad your hospital appointment was reassuring, so sorry to hear about your chemical.

@redrobin so sorry to read your post but it takes courage to pause - i wasn't able to, and I really respect you for taking the time to preserve your mental health. Like @mistymeow I also had a magical road trip to California in June after my MMC - Yosemite was absolutely gorgeous, I completely recommend it.

@mistymeow what a brave thing to do, great you are getting good responses.

Thanks, as always, for your invaluable support ladies. I honestly don't think I'd feel as strong as I do without you.

So the doctor is sending me for a blood test, which I will have tomorrow. I'll ring the surgery for the results on Monday and go for another blood test on Tuesday if the results look high.
He said that without clots and really heavy bleeding we can't assume it's a miscarriage, but he did say it didn't look great (he put it in a much nicer way than that though, he was lovely).
He told me to take the week off work and he's happy to review that if I need longer.
And he also said if it does turn out it's a miscarriage he's going to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic as I've had this, the MMC in March and two CPs in between.

I'm feeling emotionally drained and exhausted.

Thank you for listening to me. Now for me to catch up on everyone else.

@Melpops Congratulations hun. I really hope it's sticky. xx

@strawberrye well done for sharing your experience with others. I'm really glad it has helped you. Good luck this cycle.

@Laney79 Lovely necklace. I've seen Muse 3 times, but not for years. Sounds like fun. And won a trip to Greece? Wow! Your luck is changing! Autumn is a season of change, so I hope everything is changing for the better for you now. Well done for being so strong and brave about the medical stuff.

@RedRobin7 I know how devastated you must feel about this decision. It sounds like what your DH might need right now, and maybe it'll give you a break from the heartache of pregnancy loss. Hopefully you can start afresh in a few months' time and it'll be the right time for you. Sending you huge, huge hugs.
3-4 weeks road trip sounds great, and just what both of you need to relax and reconnect. Try to see this as an opportunity rather than missed opportunities. It won't be forever, you will have your baba.

@hayleyfx oh hun, I'm so sorry it was a CP. I know how you feel. Great news from your appointment though. I hope you get a sticky one soon. And so lovely to be able to visit Charlie's name in the remembrance book.

@Mistymeow well done for having the courage to share your story. I'm so glad for you that you've found it a healing experience, and I really love that your OH had a hand in writing the post.

@KnitKitty thanks hun. Think I’m in a similar situation to you now... af started yesterday but I tested today with two different brands (to see if the very faint lines had gone already like with my last chemical) and they came back definitely positive. Like the darkest positives I’ve had in the past week. I’m so confused. How can my hcg be increasing I’m having a normal af. I really hope we both get answers soon and I’m so sorry you’re in the same position. Fingers crossed for you, keep us updated. I hope it all turns out well for you x

@hellotoyellow thank you. Hope you’re doing well!

@knitkitty I'm sorry you're bleeding. Keeping the hope candle burning for you. I also think it's amazing that you still take the time to respond to others on the thread.
@laney79 I love the necklace. I have some tiny heart earrings that I wear in memory of both of my. It's a little private nod to them though I'm not wearing them atm because I kept getting emotional when I put them on.
@mistymeow and @strawberrye well done on sharing your stories and it's great you've had positive responses. It does need talking about. I'm going to discuss some sort of post with my DH but not right now. His grandma died today. 2018 just keeps taking from us - 2 buds and 2 grandmas (mine in June, his today). I know its irrational but I'm longing for 2019 to appear. It can't be as bad!

@KnitKitty I'm so sorry you are bleeding. Hopefully it stops and bean holds tight. Thinking of you.

@knitkitty @haleyfx I’m thinking of you both. Xxx
Thanks very much for all the well wishers, I’m petrified but all good so far.

Hi all, it’s been a few months since I’ve been on the forum. I found that I needed to step away from the focus of TTC as it was becoming all consuming. Obviously we never actually stopped trying, but I stopped all testing, monitoring, everything!
Yesterday, the 9th cycle after our MMC we got our BFP. Ironically we had a private appointment with a fertility clinic booked for Monday!
I hope this message doesn’t upset anyone, as I know that not everyone is having an easy journey at the moment. But I remember finding comfort in other people’s storied and BFP’s.
Everyone here was such a good support through my very dark days and I cannot thank you enough! Xx

@dulwichdays congratulations nice strong positive x

@dulwichdays lovely news. Very very strong lines. I find it so comforting to hear positive news in this group. Hope all continues to go well and if you want to, do keep us posted.

@hayleyfx what kind of bleeding have you had? I hope you have a stubborn little bean which is sticking through the bleeding.

@keebo thank you. I'm sorry you've had such a tough year. Stay strong. xx

Congraulations @dulwichdays. Hope it's your rainbow. xx

I'm pretty confident that this pregnancy has finished. The bleeding has been like a heavy period, although no clots really, but I was only 4 weeks 4 days, so not really strange I don't think.
OH still wants me to have the blood tests so I'm going to go and have that done soon.
Feeling slightly better emotionally today but could be better, obviously.

Hoping everyone else is ok today. Spreading baby dust around. xxx

Been lurking for a little bit while attempting to step back from the boards for a bit but jumping back on!

@knitkitty so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sending you the biggest of hugs xxxxx

@hayleyfx sorry you’re having such a confusing time. Really hope your get some answers soon. The hospital remembrance book for Charlie sounds lovely xx

@dulwichdays congratulations! Really great news after a long time ttc. It gives me hope.

@melpops congratulations!

@redrobin7 it must be tough to have to stop when you want this so much but hopefully a break will do you both good and you can continue your ttc journey again soon.

Still no luck for me. Had a moment of hope last night when thought I saw something on a frer but bfn this morning. Onto cycle 6 post mc.

Thanks for your comments on my social media post and scan picture ❤️

@KnitKitty I'm so sorry to hear that, i hope the blood tests reveal that there's still hope and , if not, that you get a kind medical team who are willing and able to help you gear back up again.

@hayleyfx darker lines are a great sign! My best friend had several heavy bleeds with her now almost 2 year old. They were from haematomas caused by a prior miscarriage so perhaps this is what's happening to you.

@Laney79 Beautiful necklace ❤️ lovely idea.

@RedRobin7 just to add my commiserations. I hope the two of you can find some time to reset and regather yourselves. I'd also like to mention that you hear SO many stories of couples who fall as soon as they officially stop trying ;)

I'm having a total exasperation/despairing day. One close friend who I counselled and cried with after her early miscarriage a few weeks after my first (after the 12 weeks scan) messaged me to tell me she was pregnant, three paragraphs on how ill she was feeling and how she now 'understands how I felt when I lost my baby' because she "really feels pregnant now". WTF?! I didn't reply because I realise I'm sensitive and she probably is too, but that's a pretty insensitive thing to do right?

Thanks @hayleyfx @hellotoyellow @KnitKitty @keebo I even got some lovely messages from people who I thought I had fallen out with, so it's been a very healing experience in more ways than one.

@knitkitty and @hayleyfx I'm really sorry to read about what you're going through. It must be so draining to go through this again. I'm really hoping the bleeding is not the end of the pregnancy and a sign of something else. Got everything crossed for the blood tests. Sending the biggest hugs of all time xx

@dulwichdays so lovely to see your BFP, thank you for getting in touch. It does indeed give us all hope. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy x

@awakeatnight I don't really understand what she means by saying she feels really pregnant now, so feels she understands how you felt when you lost the baby? I do find that very insensitive to remind you of what you went through, especially as she doesn't seem to understand at all. Perhaps she couldn't articulate herself properly over a message- is it worth meeting up for a face to face chat?