TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@Blondcat congratulations x x

Thanks everyone ❤️ I think I may be having another CP. Let me know what you think...
8dpo - very faint line on eBay (one step) test and very faint line on frer at night
9dpo - darker line on frer and eBay test
10dpo - eBay test same darkness
11dpo - positive clearblue (6 days early) quite a nice line, verrry faint line on frer
12dpo - almost negative frer
I’m just confused why clearblue was positive yesterday but frer has gone back to negative when they’re meant to be so sensitive & I’m pretty confident it wasn’t an evap on CB. Ugh 🤦‍♀️ Feeling fed up. Probably another cp. Not had any bleeding yet or cramps but I’m just waiting for that to appear...

@KnitKitty thanks for sharing your little bean with us 💕 I treasure my scan photos of Charlie. They’re such precious memories. Also such lovely words

@InDreamland I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, whenever you need to vent we’re all here to listen. We understand. Sorry for the bfn but I’ll still keep my fingers crossed for you x

@Melpops36 sorry for the bfn I know how you feel. After a few days of faint bfp’s, to have an almost negative staring back at me today was so disappointing. Rubbish. Hugs

@Blondcat aww congrats. I hope you have a very sticky bean & definitely keep up the positive mindset!! 🤞

@KnitKitty first thing I saw on your pic was the heart shape surrounding little pea. Beautiful. I too treasure my scan pics of bean and bow.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments re: post. Hoping my fella will be ok with me posting it on fb. Kinda feels like it's my way of saying to the world my babies existed and they deserve to be recognised.

@Blondcat keeping everything crossed!

@hayleyfx that's really confusing...I'd be tempted (if you have enough) to test daily with the one step cheapies with fmu...that way you can see the progression on the same test/batch of tests. That's what I'm doing whilst I wait for my negative xx

@InDreamland biggest hugs in the world.

@Blondcat congratulations! I have everything crossed!

@hayleyfx sorry to hear about your confusing tests. Sometimes I think the tests cause such a lot of anxiety due to how much the sensitivity of each test varies, amount of dye etc. I would go to the doctor's for a blood test. If it is a chemical, I really hope it isn't, you should have that on record, but I'm hoping it will show good hormone levels and that the frer test was faulty. You don't need this stress after what you have been through.

@laney79 what a lovely post. Thank you for sharing it. I'm also preparing something but I feel embarrassed, isn't that terrible that I should feel ashamed? I know it's not my fault. But we are expected to keep it private, a secret, and that creates that sense of shame.

@InDreamland so sorry. I've been there myself. I don't bother with the early detection tests because I know getting pregnant naturally is a long shot for me, so why put myself through it every month? I felt it was taking over my life. I totally get you, so my recommendation is to not even have the pregnancy tests in the house and distract yourself as much as possible during the 2ww. Hugs. You will get there x

@knitknitty lovely scan picture, I also saw the heart shape. I didn't want a scan picture, I wanted to run out of the scan room. Unfortunately I had a very clinical sonographer who had no bedside manner, and was rather rough when she was scanning me, so I was hugely distressed. I really hope there is a BFP for you this month, I feel like it's going to happen for you soon x

Sorry to hear of the bfns but there is so much hope on this thread. You're all wonderful!

@Laney79 @Mistymeow thanks girls. It’s so frustrating, I just want to know now either way instead of being stuck in limbo. Going to make a dr appointment and request a blood test and in the meantime wait to see if af appears. Just got another positive clear blue which is even more confusing, although the line is still pretty faint. Should be much darker by now I think. Oh well 🤦‍♀️ Hope you’re both doing okay x

@Blondcat Congratulations on the BFP. Take each day at a time. xxx

@InDreamland sorry about the BFN hun. As you said though, very early days!

@hayleyfx How confusing. Not all tests show as strong a line as others, even if they're the same brand. I hope things become clearer for you soon. I hate all this waiting around. Stay strong. xxx

Thanks for your lovely messages and support ladies.

I've had another day of spotting. No period. Some slight cramping and came home and fell asleep on the sofa. Could be PMS, could be pregnancy. I'm too scared to test again at the moment. Don't know how long to wait. BFN on Monday stopped me from hoping.

Congratulations @Blondcat fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

Still no AF here. Quite a lot of cm but I think I might get that in lead up to AF so not taking it as a sign. I'm waiting until the weekend before I test. Spoke to DH and he agreed to wait. So 16 DPO/CD 33. I'm usually a 27-29 day cycle. Not sure what my LP usually is. Think it's about 12-13 days but I'm going to assume it's usually 14 to manage my hopes but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit hopeful that I'm pregnant. Fingers crossed AF stays away (...for another 9 months minimum).

@KnitKitty I hope the spotting is implantation. Do you think you will test tomorrow? I don't even have any tests in the house to prevent me from getting tempted.

Fingers crossed for you @Newbie21. I think I'm joining you on testing at the weekend. OH wants me to wait until then because he knows I get upset over BFNs.
I've got cramping so I really don't know... Just thought I'd started AF as the cramping got a bit more pronounced and went to the loo and nothing... Not even a spot.

My pregnancy in Feb started with bleeding. I had some dark red bleeding followed by several days of spotting which made me think I was having a light period. I only tested on the off-chance. This feels awfully similar. Never get spotting before my period normally. Well haven't until now.

@knitkitty we're almost date twins. 1st pregnancy for me started 10th jan, bfp 12th Feb (also did 3 to check all with strong lines) then started bleeding 22nd march. I feel like those dates are forever etched into my soul. I'm also waiting for the wkend to test again, currently on cd32, longest ever was 38 but they're usually under 30. Still not sleeping, hungry and boobs feel bigger, though trying to ignore all that and expecting af any minute. The uncertainty is exhausting though. Off to bed and awaiting hump day tomorrow, hoping my day won't start at 1am like today did!

Morning ladies! Sorry I've been off the radar - going to try and catch up a bit but sorry if I miss anything!

@KnitKitty @keebo @Newbie21 weekend test club! Good luck :)

@hayleyfx sorry for the stressful testing. Keep us posted and we will all keep hoping your lines darken up.

Tentative congratulations @Blondcat! How many dpo are you? That's a nice line And also @robin78 congratulations too - how far in are you?

@InDreamland Remember you're not out until she shows. Here's hoping for you.

@Boboelephant How are you? Noticed you've not been around, I hope busy occupying yourself with happy things xx

Ha! No testing needed for me - af here with avengance this morning. Fingers crossed for @knitkitty and @newbie though.

@KnitKitty what a lovey idea on the scan. I have this one of mine from 8w5d, private scan all measuring fine and a wee heartbeat. I also have another from the second scan after we found out this little one had 'failed to continue' past 10 weeks. I have that one in hard copy in an envelope and haven't subsequently been strong enough to open the envelope and have a look but I'm grateful that I have the opportunity should I want to.

Thanks @hayleyfx @Laney79 @Mistymeow and @KnitKitty. As expected AF has turned up this morning so a wasted FRER yesterday. I have never tested before AF due as I was so used to disappointment when getting all those BFNs when late, that's why I left testing when I actually was pregnant until 11 days late.

@KnitKitty I hope your AF sorts itself out or ........a BFP just taking time to show on a test.

@Newbie21 fx for you!

@hayleyfx I hope it's the start of a sticky bean!

I'm going to phone a private clinic I found tomorrow as taken day off so can call in private, can't do today as at work. Want to arrange tests ASAP. I need to do something.

Oh and I was also inspired to do a Facebook post by @Laney79 @RedRobin7 @KnitKitty ... and the others. I've had a few messages from people which has been nice.

Mostly I just hope it helps at least one person have a conversation whether it's about themselves or someone they know.

@InDreamland you're doing the right thing. Take some time to do something 'nice nice' for yourself as well, gym, massage, shopping, coffee - just something for you to enjoy. So sorry for AF but here's really hoping that the private clinic can make things happen quickly. Good luck xx

@keebo and @indreamland sorry for af.

@awakeatnight I was 14dpo on a 27 day cycle yesterday when I tested. I had so many symptoms in the end that I tested the day af was due as was so sure she was not coming. Usually I would only test if late. I am officially 4 weeks today. I like what you have posted on Facebook and glad you had some nice responses.

Wow @keebo we are almost date twins!!! Really sorry AF was late to turn up. That false hope is a killer.

@awakeatnight lovely scan picture. xxx I might pinch that poster and put it on FB today. I'm trying to post something every day this week. Nothing personal because I just can't do it, but links and things.

@InDreamland sorry AF showed up chicken. Good luck with phoning the private clinic.

@Blondcat how are you feeling? Emotionally as well as physically?

I'm 14DPO today going by ovulation pain which occurred two days after positive OPK (so could be 15DPO?). Usually AF arrives 12DPO going by ovulation pain in previous months so I think I'm officially two days late. Spotting started 5 days ago, BFN 2 days ago. Had mild cramping over the last 3 days and some slightly stronger cramping yesterday so just waiting to see if that sets off any bleeding. Right now ignorance is bliss so I am still waiting to test on Saturday morning I think... But everything is pointing towards pregnancy right now. I just really don't want to get my hopes up.

Thanks @awakeatnight. I like your post and glad you have had some nice messages. I'm still in 2 minds whether or not to post something. If I do I might use your words. Lovely scan pic.

Thanks @Blondcat and @KnitKitty. Hope you're feeling well @Blondcat and fx for a BFP on Saturday @KnitKitty!

@keebo sorry AF got you too this morning.

Sitting on a train now on way to a work event and just feeling so tearful. Hate all this.

Ok freaking out now. Think I just got my bfp.
Attached pic.
@indreamland it’s so shit. I’m sorry x

Congratulations @Melpops36! Fx for a sticky bean! Thanks hunni, I just wish things were different. I have 3 more cycles before my little bean's due date and I'm so desperate to be pregnant again before then.

Sorry AF turned up @keebo and @InDreamland x

Just checking in briefly, not got time to reply to individually but there has been so many BFPs recently, congratulations all!

Hope ovulation has showed up for you @boboelephant.

Currently 3DPO and posted yesterday on Facebook about my losses. I have had some supportive messages from friends and family and am glad I did it - I feel I am no longer burdened by secrets.

Sending love and support to all who may be finding baby loss awareness week hard xx

@awakeatnight gorgeous scan pic. Mine are so so precious to me and really you can see so little-but just to have them, proof they existed is just so important to me. I also have a necklace with a bean and a bow on it so they can be with me-attached a pic.

@InDreamland good luck with the private clinic-I'd try a couple if I was you, my research showed that costs vary quite a bit. Are you midlands based? There's one my GP quietly recommended to me if you want the details. I completely get the need to do something-I'm the same. I desperately wanted to be pregnant by my due date too-my bean's is 24th Oct. thought I'd made it too-instead I'll most likely be heading for the first AF after losing my Bow. Try not to put pressure on, in my experience it just adds to heartbreak if things don't go as you hope.

@KnitKitty don't worry-we can get our hopes up for you chick, so you don't have to. My counsellor said something similar to me when I said I feel like I've lost all hope-she said don't worry your fella and I will look after that hope for you until you are ready to have it back. Daft maybe but made me feel a bit better.

@Melpops36 nice line! Fingers crossed for the healthiest stickiest of beans.

Well I've had my bloods done today -something like 8 vials worth. Should get the results when I see the consultant at the end of nov. The nurse as ever was awesome with me, considering how crazy I am with medical stuff. I always feel like such an idiot when I have to have this stuff done, but I can't help freaking out. I think today I was in a bit of a fog though. I've developed the lurg on top of everything else and feel pants. Also got what I think was my bfn this morning. So sad to see but has to happen. In better news I managed to get tickets to see muse at the Royal Albert hall and I found out I won a holiday to Greece. Obv if I catch I may not be able to go but as it doesn't have to be booked till end of feb we're going to see how things go. Sounds loopy but I'd give it up in a heartbeat to be pregnant. X

Hi ladies - unfortunately I've come here to say bye for now.

After the second miscarriage we had talked about tying again once my tests had come back. My gynaecologist gave us the go ahead and this was the month to get back on the bus! However, my DH decided to tell me on Sunday that his anxiety is through the roof because of the baby stress. He's suffered with anxiety and depression for the last 3 years but he improved end of last year and that's why we felt ready to have a baby this year. Having a MMC at 12 weeks and then another MC so soon after caused him more anxiety and he became afraid that it's his fault because he's been unwell. Now he's not sure he wants a baby at all but I hope it's just his brain putting doubts in his mind. I know he will be an amazing dad.

I'm gutted and scared that I may never have a baby at this rate but for the sake of his sanity and because I don't want to be the reason he decides he can no longer cope, I've agreed to put this on hold again... how long for I don't know. All I do know is that I'm going to book a bloody big holiday! Looking at a 3-4 week road trip in America/Canada.

Thank you all for the support you gave me after both miscarriages. You've all been amazing!

Wishing you all lots of luck and healthy babies; those BFPs really are coming! Lots of love xx

Thanks everyone. Turned out like I thought it would, af started today. Must have been another chemical. I’m feeling okay but at the same time I’m getting so worried - am I ever going to have a healthy pregnancy? I’ve been told by everyone ‘well at least you know you can get pregnant’ but it’s not much use if I can’t stay pregnant wish I could just have a normal healthy pregnancy like so many people seem to have so easily!? I hope everyone here will. I have a hospital appointment tomorrow, follow up after Charlie so will discuss it with them and ask what I can do/try. They’ve put Charlie’s name in their book of rememberance so will pop into the hospital chapel to see that. I thought that was really lovely that they’re remembering Charlie.

@Laney79 your necklace is beautiful ❤️ A holiday in Greece - how lovely!! & as you say, you could definitely have your BFP by then... here’s hoping 🤞

@Melpops36 congrats! I hope it’s a very sticky bean x

@KnitKitty feeling so hopeful for you. 🤞 for whenever you decide to test... eek!! X

@awakeatnight lovely scan picture. Such precious memories 💕