TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 26 - BFPs are coming!

[RedRobin7]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle - this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

RedRobin7
Age 30
TTC #1
MMC at 12 weeks in March 18
NMC at 7 weeks in July 18

Currently under a private gynaecologist and waiting for tests results. Hoping to join the TTC bus again in October.

@KnitKitty no sign of AF yet apart from me being pretty short tempered today and I usually get like that with PMT. I'm 14 DPO today and CD 31 so late for me but I know ovulated later this month than usual due to VP last month. I'm going to give it a week before I test but I'm sure AF will show up in the next day or so. I don't feel pregnant and each time I've been pregnant in the past (however brief) I've felt pregnant.

Maybe yours is implantation. Fingers crossed it is!

CP not VP!

Thanks for all the good wishes ladies, much appreciated! Whether it is good news or bad i’ll be sure to let you know...

@laney79 I had just made the decision to go to the gps and ask about tests when this happened. Tbh while the mcs have been awful, I’ve never felt like it was a mystery. Having spoken to people and reading around a bit I just feel like the most likely explanation is chromosomal issues due to age meaning less good eggs to choose from - and a bit of bad luck. I know a bunch of women who’ve got pregnant in their late thirties early forties and their experiences range from accidental and straightforward pregnancy, to 1 or 2 miscarriages then a baby or two, to recurrent mc. If this one goes wrong I will get referred though...

BFN this morning of course. Still no period.

Tempted to get FRER today. I feel like something keeps catching my eye on the test but OH sait it was definitely BFN.

Why does my body do this to me??

Thanks @robin78 fingers crossed this one goes well for you. Are you taking anything different this time? Aspirin or anything?

Second MMC has hit me hard, it was so very similar to the loss of bean. My bow only lasted 1 day more, and discovered at the same point in early scan. It's probably the age/eggs/chromosomes for me too but my gut instinct is telling me I need to rule out blood issues. I'm really grateful to be getting the tests.

@KnitKitty I'm really sorry to hear that-what test did you use? I didn't get a line until 14/15dpo xxx

Sorry to hear that @KnitKitty but remember you're not out until AF shows up.

@robin78 I think you take the right approach, as hard as it is. I know in my heart of hearts I'm in a similar boat - agewise. I've only had one MMC and one CP but I'll be 38 in December so I appreciate it might not come so easy for me for that reason alone. If the problems continue, I will investigate further just in case anything else can be done to help.

I'm DPO 15 today. No AF as yet but given the CP last cycle I'm not testing for a while. If I'm late, I'll put it down to random cycle post CP. last cycle I tested on AF due date and got a BFP but then a week later lost it and I'm not sure I want to get my hopes up again so will just wait it out. Plus I don't feel at all pregnant and DH was on the receiving end of my PMT outbursts yesterday so think he'd freak if he thought that was down to pregnancy hormones - 9 months of it might send him over the edge, haha.

Following on from @RedRobin7 and the idea of posting something for baby loss awareness week I've written the following. What do you think? Obv need to clear it with my man but I'm feeling more than ever that I should post something.

"Right about now I should be packing my hospital bag, and freaking out about giving birth to our first baby.

Instead, I’m waiting for my body to recover after losing our second little one. And we are heartbroken.

I’ve had two “missed miscarriages” - no signs anything is wrong until you have a scan and they discover the baby is far too small for your dates. I’d never even heard of it until it happened to me. And that is one of the reasons why I’m writing this.

Miscarriage isn’t spoken about. It’s kept for quiet conversations in hushed tones. As a woman you aren’t warned that actually miscarrying can happen in several different ways, and there aren’t always signs. So when it does happen it’s even more of a shock.

By not talking about it, not being open, it adds to the horrendous feeling of guilt and shame that comes when you lose a baby. Because it’s not spoken about you feel like you shouldn’t either. But do you know what, enough. I am going to talk about it, I am going to talk about those teeny tiny precious bundles of cells that we created that bought so much joy even for such a short time. I owe them that. They existed, and they may be the only ones I ever have.

Miscarriage and baby loss is devastating. The amount of people who, when I told them what happened to us, said yes it happened to me too is incredible. I know it’s personal, and bloody hell is it painful but it should be talked about more openly. If statistics are to be believed it happens in one out of four pregnancies. I’m on the fence about that- it’s 2/2 for me and both have been missed-something you apparently have a 1% chance of.

Oh and just a few tips if someone you know and love does experience baby loss. For me I’d say please no platitudes, no it’s just terribly bad luck, no I’m sure it’ll be fine next time, and definitely no well at least you can get pregnant (no use if they die at 6 weeks or I can’t carry them)...just give me a hug and know that there’s nothing you can do or say to make it better, I wish there was."

@Newbie21 I hope you are creating a little life in there as we speak. After my first CP I felt the same, that I didn't want to test too early to save the heartache of another loss. But as time went on I changed my mind again and felt I wanted to know if it happens again so I can understand what's going on more. I totally back you on the waiting thing though.

@Laney79 Lovely words. I hope your OH is ok with you positing.

So I kept this morning's FMU and used an FRER and it's negative. I keep thinking I see a shadow of a line for a split second but I think it's wishful thinking because I know where the line should be.
Still no period and spotting has stopped, so all I can do is wait for now. Sigh.

P.S. How long after implantation would FRER show a positive?

@laney79 nice words. I’m a but mixed as I’ve never felt I couldn’t tak about it, I just chose carefully who I did tell so I’d get the right support for me. So true... “at least you can get preggers” sod off!!. You can look at the cake but you can’t eat any!

Just back from second round of bloods, only 7 vials this time...! Starting aspirin tonight in case implantation happens this weekend. Come on now little swimmers :)

@knit kitty frers are 6mol and we can have 5mol or less normally, and when pregnant hcg generally doubles each day. Implantation is usually day 8-10 so you could get faint positive 24hrs after implantation in theory. I did feel implantation on my last one, it was weird and emotionally nice but I avoided testing till day 12 xx

Oh congrats @Robin78 super chuffed for you! Fingers crossed all goes well xx

@KnitKnitty you're not out until AF, and thank you.

@Laney that's lovely for social media - and so brave. Let us know how it goes.

@newbie hopefully AF has a good reason to be late, fingers crossed!

Had my bloods back and HCG more than doubling. Can't deal with recurrent early scans so going to wait as long as possible to maximise heartbeat chances - just want to get on with life if I can until then.

@Laney79 what you and RedRobin7 wrote is so true about it being talked about. I want to post something too but at same time don't. Those I want to know have been told. Yes it's something that I feel should be talked about but I'm not comfortable telling social media although I wish I was. I'm torn. Definitely share it though if you're comfortable doing it. I'm considering just posting a photo of my candle for the wave of light next week but not writing anything.

@KnitKitty you're not out until the witch gets you.

@hellotoyellow fx for you!

I'm 9 DPO with AF due on Wednesday and feeling so emotional. I'm just so tired from not sleeping. Keep thinking I should be 24 weeks now. 12 weeks ago today I had the mc. This really sucks.

@laney79 you made me cry! Beautiful words that sum up everything so succinctly. It is important to talk about it openly. I rarely use social media (except here and I'm not exactly frequent in writing) but do talk openly about it with friends. I find it helps a lot and, as you say, it turns out 90% of my friends who've ttc have had an mc. Sadly, we are not alone.

Hi girls, I am just getting over an early loss, was reading through a bit of this thread to sort of see if what I was going through was normal I guess, and I've just read your post @Laney79 and had to comment to say how lovely it is, and you are so brave for putting it on social media, and actually speaking out about how common miscarriage is. I hope you get some lovely responses

@hellotoyellow Brilliant news about the HCG. Fingers still firmly crossed that everything is 'normal' and healthy in there and progressing well.

@InDreamland So sorry you're struggling hun. Hugs xxx

Hi @RanchoRelaxo So sorry to hear of your loss. You're very welcome here. We all totally understand what it is to lose a pregnancy, and the mixed emotions of trying again afterwards. So you're in good company. xxx

So the spotting has pretty much completely stopped again. I have never had this happen in my life, so I don't know what's going on. Feeling periody today and a bit yesterday, so might be about to come on but hoping against hope that it was implantation bleeding and I just tested too early. I really can't imagine that being the case though.

RE posting stuff on social media. I've just changed my profile picture on Facebook to a picture of the pregnancy loss awareness pin with I'm Supporting Baby Loss Awareness Week and posted a link to this:
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Someone-You-Know.pdf
I've also bought the pin from the Miscarriage Association. Hoping it doesn't take too long to arrive, it would be nice to get to wear it this week.
I wanted to share my scan picture... The proof that I actually had Little Pea in there growing... But I can't bring myself to do it. It feels so sad that so many of us have had that joyous moment of announcing our pregnancies ripped away from us.
Does anyone else want to share their MC scan on here though? I don't know how many of you will have one... I requested one regardless of whether it was good or bad news before my last scan to confirm if the pregnancy was progressing or not. I'm so glad I did. But it never sees the light of day.

Also I might do this next week and copying it just so you're all aware it's happening:
^The final day of Baby Loss Awareness Week, Monday 15 October, is also recognised as International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. On this day you might like to take part in the international Wave of Light.

People around the world light a candle or candles at 7pm local time in memory of the baby or babies they have lost. Photos of these candles on social media create a wave of light that spreads across the globe. You can join this virtual wave of light by adding your photo at 7pm on Monday October 15, with the tag #WaveofLight.^

@knitkitty that is a lovely idea. Wish I’d had a scan picture now.
@laney79 your words were beautiful
BFN today definitely. Fed up again. Feel like a broken record. 12 dpo. I think. Period 8 days later than normal at moment so keep holding on.
Thanks for all being here. What a wonderful place. Xxx

Thanks @KnitKitty. Fx for you that it was implantation bleeding and if you test in a few days you get a BFP. I want to post my candle on Monday but at same time not sure if I am comfortable with so many people suddenly finding out about my loss 12 weeks ago. I lost our little bean a week before I was planning to start telling a few people about our pregnancy. I just don't think I'm strong enough but at same time feel like baby and pregnancy loss needs more awareness ..... guess this is exactly why people aren't aware. Think I'm also scarf about being judged .......5 years married and no babies ..... oh hang on looks like 5 years not able to get pregnant then when she does she can't keep it alive.......... failure. I can't handle it.

DH is away for work at moment so feeling very sorry for myself tonight. Getting closer to AF coming on Wednesday. Part of me wants to test with FRER tomorrow morning just so on Wednesday I'm fully expecting AF to arrive when she does rather than half hoping she doesn't then feeling worse when I come on ....does that make sense?

@RanchoRelaxo so sorry you find yourself here. Everyone here is so lovely and supportive. You've come to the right place.

@keebo I also found that when I told some people about my mc suddenly it seemed around 90% of women I am close to have had one and many had multiple mc's or they are close to someone who has had one or multiple losses. It's so common but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. Scary how many women it's affected though.

@Melpops36 sorry for the BFN. Fx you get BFP very soon.

@indreamland thank you and right back at you! If you can survive this rollercoaster you are as far from a failure as I can imagine. Xx

@Laney79 you brought a tear to my eye. Good for you for being honest and open.

I'm not sure whether I'll post anything or not. I joined the Tommy's group on FB and a dear friend of mine who experienced a number of miscarriages before going on to have two adorable LOs is running the London marathon for Tommy's and trying to raise awareness so I have sponsored her. I may post her fundraising page and say something about my own experience then. I get sad, I grieve, but at the moment I'm doing ok. I'm lucky to have had the support I've needed.

Well because I'm too chicken to share it on Facebook, here's my Little Pea's scan pic from March.
Not really much to see. But still precious to me.

Lost at 3.8mm... Week unknown as was MMC.
Pregnancy start date was 10th Jan 2018 (first day of last period), found out about the pregnancy on 18th Feb with three strong BFPs that I just couldn't believe.
Had ERPC on 27th March.

Morning ladies.
Some lovely words about lost beans. @knitkitty thanks for sharing your scan photo that is precious to you.

So today I am pregnant going to keep that in mind as just got my bfp this morning. Equal parts excited and scared but today I am pregnant...

Thanks for sharing @KnitKitty. So precious. I wish i had a photo of mine

@Blondcat congratulations! Hope it's a sticky one!

I did something I've never done and said I'd never do. Used FRER with FMU this morning and of course BFN. Guess I've been feeling so down I really wanted something to cheer me up and hoped we'd done enough this month but obv not. AF due tomorrow. I'm 10 DPO. I should not have done that. After 5 years of heartache and disappointment I don't know why I ever thought this month might be different.

BBC breakfast now talking about baby and pregnancy loss and charities calling for care after.