The Hut of Gl/doom part IV- it's still never going to happen- but ^in^ ^style^, yes

[duchesse]

After all that desert sand, we are in serious need of slightly damper place...

This one is a hamam, complete with essential oils and thick Turkish towelling bath sheets. Mosaics on the floors, marble pools. You get the picture. It still needs some decorating though.

We have had a few graduates (OK, quite a few), which is good, but time to dust off the old Hut for those of us who are still barren.

not gone yet!

interesting to read about blocked tubes after c-section.

I have to have an hsg when they have a slot free - will be interesting to see if that is the cause.

they couldn't see any scarring on my womb when
they gave it an ultrasound scan so I'll be interested to see if this reveals anything untoward.

glad to hear you 2 both had a second child eventually - really bored of "only child" comments.

having said said that, I gave my crib away yesterday - had been saving it for number 2. I felt it was good to let go.

Thanks Dizzymummy, that helps Did you go on NHS? Did you have to wait long? We're seeing consultant privately but can't afford to have any tests done so will be referred back to NHS.

I really hope they find a blockage as then I will have hope that we will be pregnant again soon.

What is the age gap between your 2 as I worry that as the gap gets bigger DD1 will resent a second child

hi again, I had this done on NHS but I didn't have to wait long for the salpingogram, I had roughly a 6 month wait for the laparoscopy.

I was also sick and tired of only baby comments, I felt like putting a big sign over me saying "I'm trying!!"

We gave away all our stuff (there is a 6 yr gap between dcs) 2 weeks after giving away the last of the baby stuff - cot & car seat-I found out that I was pregnant! ( I'd hung onto all the stuff for years in the vain hope that I'd need them again but finally decided it was time to let go)

always good to let go.

had more blood tests done today - then hsg next wed.

was having a good old whinge to a friend today who has 2 with a 12 month gap (not jealous of her despite longings for no 2)

she described it as "mother nature teasing you"

which is probably true. made me feel less depressed than I did by the nurse telling me to think positive - like what good will that do?

I suppose they have to say something

Hi

diet going well so far Rainbowdays

thanks for encouraging story Dizzy

the fact that the HSG seems to sometimes help people get pregnant by clearing tubes should make me want to go for it and will hopefully get fitted in for next month assuming my day 3 bloods come back ok

good luck with your hsg next week Ms Lucy

sorry you are lizzie

I can't imagine what your situation must be like of getting pregnant but not keeping them, so so so much worse i think than mine of FTC each month ...sorry that won't be cheering you up, not sure what else to say

sorry meant to say as well hope you keep getting bfp's rainbowdays, sounds positive! tentative good wishes to you.

im fucking pissed off! rang up the docs office today to ask if i needed to bring a sample and they havent had dh's porn pot results back so our appt for today has been cancelled. the doc is off for 4w in sept so our appt is now on the 8th oct. 10 fucking weeks away! dont know whether to laugh or cry!

so sorry again Lizzie, that is utterly terrible, you would not get away with it in any other job but that is the good old NHS for you. Don't know your background but think you already feel that you have had really bad service.

If there is any plus point at all, it is that you are still fairly young in conception terms so can afford such delays as opposed to those of us who are well into our thirties who can't.

sorry, should have said you are young in any terms, not just conception ones!

it is really difficult to feel like you can challenge them as well cos you are not paying for the service and just feel like a number.

I wish now I had kicked up a stink when my gp would not do any tests after i had been ttc for 6 months. I just accepted it then.

Ladies, could I ask that we keep the Hut for moaning and low key not chirpy support only? That is what it was set up for- as a forum for the pissed off. It is not for swapping garden fertility info. There are plenty other threads for that.

Links to aggression- and piss-offedness reducing sites at appropriate times.

There are also far too many smiley smilies in here. If you even feel like using a smiley, this may not be right place for you.

I have spoken, not quite from beyond the grave, but heed me, or I shut the hut and we move on. I do feel the hut has a place, and it has helped quite a few of us over the months, but only when properly managed, and I'm managing now.

lissie -ring your doc, ask if there is anything they can do to expedite the results, and whether they have cancellations- people (coughSeasidecough cough) sometimes get pregnant the minute they have an appointment arranged. Try to stay calm. Weep if needs be. Might help if you can get them on your side. Poor you.

I assume I am one of the "ladies" to whom you are directing your post.

Well all I can say is thanks very much for your support!

people have completely different ways of expressing themselves when they are pissed off.

I resisted coming into the hut for a long time because it seemed too gloomy for me, however now after 14 months of unsuccessful trying I do not feel at home on the other "chirpy" threads.

Apparently though it would seem according to you I am not welcome in "your" hut.

Is that because I have not suffered enough?

How do you measure suffering exactly?

or is it because I do not use language that appeals to you.

Well frankly I don't particularly want to hang out with you in here anyway so good for you, you have driven one person out, happy now?

Bobby- I was aiming at no one in particular. I am not happy that you are leaving, but I should say that when the hut came into being, it did so for the proportion of women who simply could not find any adequate support on any other thread because of the very dark place they were in. I am sure if you have followed the hut you will know the stories of a few of them. If you found the hut too gloomy, then you would mist certainly be in the wrong place. There are quite a few women who have found real solace in here and freedom from people trying to cheer them up. That was always and still is the aim.

If you perceive that the hut has cheered up, I'm afraid you perceived wrongly. I did actually move it once when someone bounced in with baby dust one day. The person who did that was initially very offended, and then completely understood why, and I think you will understand why as well.

It is still the place for the terminally despondent, and I wouldn't be doing my duty to those of us out there who still desperately need that refuge from being cheered up if I didn't remind people of that from time to time. If anyone feels in need of the hut, they are completely and unreservedly welcome, but the basic remit is not going to change.

I feel gloomy as feck about the whole ttc thing - definitely don't feel at home on any of the "omg am I pg" threads (pukes)

I'm in a very similar situation to bobbydazzler - ie I have one ds and still no number 2.

I can't claim any real horror stories - apart from a very badly handled m/c years ago.

I just like the hut because no says naff things like "you need a holiday" or "think positive".

Am I allowed to stay here?

It was not my perception that the hut had cheered up. I entered it precisely for the reasons you describe. I am becoming more depressed and was no longer finding solace from other threads.

You may well have had good intentions in issuing your directive, however, once again I will say that people have different ways of expressing their struggle in written form and to judge people because they have punctuated some of their writing with smilies is imo unfair.

When people enter the hut or onto any other thread they are doing do to empathise with others and write about their own experiences which are all completely different. If that has resulted in a tendency of late to write about infertility investigations and procedures then I do not see that the hut is an inappropriate forum for that because you have decided it to be so.

I have not been a mumsnet poster for too many months, maybe about 4 or 5.

I do not post every day.

I am therefore not intimately aware of some of the Hut stories apart from Coggy's which is an unbelievably sad story. I am not aware that Coggy has given up all hope and I really really hope she gets the baby she so totally deserves, i do think that it is deeply unfair of you to try to censor who can and cannot post in here and also to judge the depth of peoples feelings based on how, as well as what, they write.

I don't know anything about you really apart from that you have been lucky enough to be blessed with 3 children whilst as you say others have experienced the deepest sorrow in their quest for one or more children. At the end of the day whatever our personal stories we are all seeking support and your earlier post made me feel like I was being attacked and it also made me feel very very [angry angry angry].

of course I meant

or is that an inapproriate emoction as well?

Ooops.... I think I started the turn in conversation, So sorry, obvioulsy not appropriate on this thread. I shall pack my bags and leave in disgrace

I know exactly how you feel Bobbydazzler i got the same treatment in the hut as well. Having 2 ectopics in 18 months and loosing a tube didn't qualify me either, got called a silly girl. So haven't posted again I think it only a couple of people in here who think they can judge whether or not we have been through enough to qualify.

Phew - keyboards at dawn stuff - and I only poked my head in for a mo to see what was going on and thought I had better put another hat on (last one has just got a bullet through as shots were heard coming out of the hut!)

Okay - a little bit of calm is needed for a mo as I try to explain what "unwritten" rules Ive seen since my time in the hut/tent or whereever we deem to go:

1st one in makes it pretty cosy and we all follow suit in dressing it up and giving it a lived in feeling (bullet holes not really appreciated but Im sure a few well dispersed towels will cover this up!)

2. its a sad place - so when you feel happy which you may do some days or even some months you usually stay clear - unless you feel the need to be miserable in which case this is the place to be.

3. people pop in from time to time - like me tonight - just to pop head round and see what old friends are doing - if you do and dont stay please leave virtual gifts to help other souls drowned their sorrows - Chocolate and Alcohol goes down well (and may be a perfect peace offering too) although Negotiator feels here that peace pipe full of virtual wacky baccie may do a better job - who's starting that ????

4. We share pain and welcome all

5. We share crap days when no one else wants to hear us

6. If we are lucky enough to get a BFP - its a bit like the cat crept in, crapped and went out again - a quick note and then again you must leave us a proper gift for us to hang as a "trophy" in the hut.....

Will leave spaces 7 to 10 of the commandments for other hutters to add to it..... peace pipe anyone....

(ahem - coughseasidecoughcough -slides in like mission impossible and deposits large spliff, crate of baileys a pack of ice with ice pick (but play nicely with it - you may stab the walls and that saggy beanbag in the corner but not each other ) and a cash-and-carry size assortment box of green and blacks and slides back out again.)

xxxx (thats not babydust btw- just some british style silent-no-eye-contact-hugs{{{{}}}})

That was fulfilling commandment #6 btw!

psst! whispers Erm, seaside, we turned this one into a hammam.. it's all marble and wall hangings in here now. Perhaps we should move, to somewhere more cosy. To a shed? Log cabin?

ANd I will never say this enough- it's not about what you've been through, but about how you're feeling and having somewhere to download. If you're still able to get angry (and am not aiming this at.anyone.at.particular) or take offense or feel uncomfortable about the emotions expressed here, then maybe it is not the place for you. Hopefully it never will be the right place for some people. Ideally none of us would need it. It's just here if anyone does need it.

Bobbydazzler, I do totally take your point re punctuation etc, and people's different writing styles. It's just that most of the people who come here are feeling very very far from smiley, and need somewhere different from the usual threads to express very real and very raw pain that does not usually get let out of the bottle on other threads. Because everyone of here is suffering in their own very real and very deep way, it is important for each of us to try to keep it as different from the other ttc threads as possible.

Here endeth the pontification.

There are, as ever, no hard feelings, no grudges, no nothing except for chocolate as left by various people, and any alcohol we manage to smuggle past the guards.

whoops - forgot about the marble walled hamman - perhaps your new pad could be a club tropicana style poolside hut with swim up bar and sand on the floor?? I have brought some deck chairs and grass (wink wink nudge nudge ) skirts.

club tropicana drinks are free lalalalalala - (seasidse sashays off into the distance dreaming of Andrew Ridgley)

Hello, can I come in? Have found out this morning that my baby has died at about 8 weeks. Had a scan last week where there was a heartbeat but it was small for dates so they had me back today. It had grown (quite a lot!) but no heartbeat, so the dr reckoned it had prob only died in the last day or so. This is my 3rd mc - I had a DS between the 1st and 2nd - and it's prob the worst because I haven't had any bleeding and have gone further than the other two which both failed at about 6 wks. Now I need to decide whether to wait or go for the op to remove it but I know that we also need to start thinking about whether we should really try for another given that the odds are stacked against us - I'm 44. I suspect DH will want to stop trying because he won't want to see me go through this again but, although I know we're SO lucky to have DS, I do desperately want another one. I think I need to grieve a bit for this one first though...