The Hut of Gl/doom part IV- it's still never going to happen- but ^in^ ^style^, yes

[duchesse]

After all that desert sand, we are in serious need of slightly damper place...

This one is a hamam, complete with essential oils and thick Turkish towelling bath sheets. Mosaics on the floors, marble pools. You get the picture. It still needs some decorating though.

We have had a few graduates (OK, quite a few), which is good, but time to dust off the old Hut for those of us who are still barren.

Hi,

Wondered if I could enter the hut. Have been posting on and off on TTC threads for awhile but would like to come in here if that is ok.

Main reason is cos if not pregnant this month and I have no reason to believe i will be, i will also be having sort of procedures Ms Lucy describes and i am feeling nervous (about the dye one). Glad to here impatience saying it was ok and no worse than a smear although my last one of those was pretty painful!

Have brought some of MIL's caramel shortbread. Hope you like it.

Tell me about it.

The hut is a much cosier place to be.

Bobydazzler - where are you having your tests?

Hi all huttees

Been lurking for a while as feeling very despondent about all this ftc stuff. The only thing that stops me going completely mental is knowing you guys are in the hut and thinking the same things Im thinking and feeling. It really is crap.

Spectacularly fed up now. Its the crucial BD time of the month for us - day 12 now. DH worked sunday (day 10) and looks like wont be home until about day 15. So another month (and vital egg) down the swanny. Typical. We have been ftc#2 for 1.5 years, and were ttc#1 for 2.5 before that. Feels like my whole life we have been ftc and all around us are pg friends and more babies. We are so lucky with our miracle dd but I sooooo want more. I feel a complete failure and really old - post menopausal type - as Im not fertile.

Next month we are starting treatment again (had 5 failed cycles ttc#1)which Im resigned to but given our track record cannot believe that it might work but we have to do something (having just increased the mortgage again). I cant yet give up. My hope is that our genetic problem means that with treatment we are more likely to find the 1 good embryo than on our own.

FMN - huge congrats to you! Hope you are doing ok? I know when eventually I did get pg last time I was absolutely terrified every day but managed to get through. It did get easier as the days added into weeks. All good thoughts to you. {hugs}

Ms Lucy - had all of the tests and the HSG (had to have 2 in the end at different hosps) was v painful. I think it depends on which way your uterus tilts and mine is a retroverted one which means much more painful. Dont want to scare you but make sure you have time after to recover before having to rush to work etc. Good luck.

Thanks for letting me in. Sorry for the rant.
Good luck out there......

don't know which way my uterus tilts - god knows!

Thanks for the tip - sounds dreadful so I won't be rushing off to work in a hurry. HSG sounds vile - but I guess if it helps, then fair enough

and by the way Sticki, don't get too down in the dumps.

it just isn't bloody worth it.

We're all more than just slightly crap wombs with arms and legs on.

Ms Lucy,

My tests are in the North East of England, don't want to be more specific in case any RL friends reading!

Stiki, hope my uterus tilts the right way! Also know how frustrating it is when DH not around at crucial time. I think this is the first month when we have managed four in a row, maybe going for 5 tonight, but it could all been wasted effort (shouldn't really say that should i?)

Think my key time was last week when he was away, tho we manageded it on the Monday and the Friday so who knows (who i am trying to kid!)

"slightly crap wombs with arms and legs on" yep that just about sums up how I feel most days.
lissie -sorry it's 6 can't believe that. I have (virtually) watched you go through the last 2 though I wasn't posting much in the hut at the time.
mslucy - how awful for your friend, you go through the pg worrying what'll happen, but once they're here you think they'll be ok. Just after the Maude thing a colleague announced his DW was pg and that they were telling everyone because she was at 12 weeks so she was 'safe'. I admit (with Maude in my thoughts) that I said "well they're never 'safe' you know, anything can happen at any age" He was a bit taken aback at my reaction when everyone else was showering him with congratulations.

Evening... Had my referral consultation today. Went well. Consultant lovely, eggs = check, sperm = check... just need to see if there is a blockage stopping the 2 from meeting and doing their thang. Which means HSG (pingogram = giggle... can I use that Impatience?) is the next step. I'll be honest, I am nervous, and now the pressure is on the conceive before that appointment. Ha. As if. Consultant didn't mention the Laparascopy... so I am hoping that he doesn't want me to have that yet... the thought of a general anaesthetic scares the poo out of me

The one thing that I really want to rant about, and you are all going to think that I am mental here... but I will share it with you anyway, if I can't share it here, where can I?...

My appointment was obviously in the Ante Natal and Gynae Ward, so there was little ol' me, sitting there with my big neon sign flashing "FAILURE" while all these glowing pregnant ladies with bumps give me the pity stare. SURELY, they can have 2 seperate waiting rooms? No? Ok then.

Duchesse - Big hugs. Sorry you are feeling really shit.

Ready - glad the appt went well. Having it in the gynae/obs place is so crap..... I remember our 1st appointment being in the same place and all these excited couples going around with their scan pix etc.

Reading the thread and having my earlier rant has put everything a bit more in perspective for me. Thanks to Duchesse for building the hut to hide in. Sorry you are feeling shi**y too.

Lissie - so so sorry about your 6. Wish I could say something useful or better still change it.

Lissie - I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through. But you do need to try to stop blaming yourself. All of this has been out of your control, so it's not your fault. Go easy on yourself. You've been through more than enough. Hugs.

Bobby Dazzler - I'm going to the Whittington Hospital, which is where I had ds.

It looks totally different - they've given it a real makeover since I was there giving birth 2 years ago.

Went there cos they sorted out of lots of my barren friends (they've all probably been in the hut at one time or another!)

Ready. Glad the appt went well. Have first scan next week - transvaginal thingumywatshit - then have scary scan some time in the next couple of months.

Will keep you all posted - it's so good to find a place where people are actually interested!

And also a place where it's ok to be bitter and twisted once in a while

Ready, I have no copyright on pingogram, or FTC indeed! use away!

Impatience - love pingogram! I too can confirm that I had heard it would hurt and then nothing just a bit uncomfortable but he did put 2 shots of liquid in (sorry tmi??) cos he hadnt sorted out the dose - NHS - not private - and then said I had a slow system like he was flushing out a car engine!ahhhh -
I do admit though to being curious at watching it all on screen - at least it confirmed I had a womb and it was womb shaped iykwim. Which at my early journey of TTC was a relief...

Hi Ready - yep how insensitiv is that eh - the NHS are willing to give us counselling and therapy to help us come to terms with our FTC and then stick us in a room full of blooming ladies - what sort of therapy do you think that is???

thought i would check in and say hi. have been a bit quiet on here lately, nice break!

Hi all,
Have reached a new low - AF has arrived today on CD19. The thing that annoys me most - that this is the first time I have had a "irregular cycle" which is a symptom of not ov-ing. Now if that had happened a year ago I might have known something was wrong and got it checked out. Now I know I'm not ov'ing my body starts giving me symptoms when for the last 18 months I thought everything was fine (28-31 day cycles). What a crap sense of timing my body has.
Have brought my duvet and a large bottle of vodka, I'm taking up permenant residence in the hut.

Oh padfoot, so sorry sweetheart. That is pants. Big hug. Budge up under that duvet, and don't be hogging all that vodka.

how totally crap.

Poor you.

Mine's due in a week or so and I'm sure I can feel the tell tale twinges already.

have progesterone test tomorrow at hosp - will be interested to see if it's normal.

It was actually CD18 today, not 19 (I wouldn't have even made the prog test had I been having one this month)
On the plus side (trying to find one) I can start clomid tomorrow, so here's hoping I don't feel crap on it as it's a v.big week at work next week and I wasn't expecting AF (and therefore clomid) til after that.

Ready - it's a king size duvet so you're welcome to share but you might need your own vodka, mine's almost gone

uurrrgggg Ok duvet and vodka I can do, hope that we get blotto very soon. My dh has just gone away for a month and I am here thinking not "will I miss him" but "does that mean I miss the next opportunity to get pg" !!!! Really I do love him but I am back in the two week torture and know that likelyhood of anything this month is somewhere between miniscule and nil. Still try to keep saying that I should be leaving it a month after the m/c anyway, but that is not what my body is saying.

We're a bit low in the Impatient house too: We're going away for a couple of weeks which means we'll miss both of our insem times, and we know our donor is away the month after so dp will miss her chance then too. I MIGHT squeeze one in (so to speak!) but we know that we've basically got the summer off TTC. This is tough on dp because by then her good friend will have a huge bump. And for me, well, I just don't think I'll ever get pregnant.

We're both trying to look on the bright side and think of all the things we can enjoy over the summer without TTC hanging over us. I think it might do us some good. And it might mean that I drift away from you lovely ladies for a bit as I exercise that most wonderful of coping strategies: denial!

Good luck all till whenever I speak to you again. (Who am I kidding, I'll be back in an hour )

What a bunch of low-bees we all are... ok, I know this is going to sound geeky, and I apologise in advance... but to paraphrase Rachel from Friends... Today it's rock bottom, 50 feet of crap and then me... pretty much sums up how I am feeling right now. I don't think I am alone am I?

Impatience - sorry and your DP will miss out over the summer, but I hope you have a nice time. Try to relax and enjoy yourselves.

Rainbowdays - Sorry your DH is going away. It's poo. Of course you will miss him, but ttc is at the forefront of our minds, so it seems like that is the priority. Don't beat yourself up.

Padfoot - I've bought Pimms, Vodka, Jack Daniels and Tia Maria... some coke, lemonade and I thought all this mixing of spirits should get us well and truly shit-faced! Got to love the escapist alcoholism

Duchesse - Are you ok? very quiet?

MsLucy - When do you get the results of your prog level? Fingers crossed for a high number.

scorpio - nice to see you. hope you are ok? break do you good?

Latenightowl - totally!! I just couldn't stop staring at the bumps - they probably thought I was a total freak!

Joliegirl - You still there?

Sticki - Any more toblerone going spare?

Lissie - How are you?

Sorry for those I missed out...

not too bad-ish. really think now that its pointless taking FA/asprin/stopping drinking etc. none of it helps.

imaptience, will do you good to have month or so off ttc (easy for me to say i know)

ready, whats up?

hello ladies.

seems a bit gloomy in here today - well it is the hut, so what can I expect.

Had progesterone test this am - all over and done with in seconds.

Have to go back there on Tues for scan - not sure when I get the results. Had test done last year in Harley St - cost me £££s and levels were totally normal. Don't think that's the problem.

Anyways, had day off, had lunch with a big fat gay I used to work with. In Nandos. I love Nandos. Then had call from this woman who lives in a flat dh owns who has to move because she is - wait for it - pregnant. I feel utterly surrounded - first my bloody sister in law with her twins, now the tenant.

Apparently it was a shock because she doesn't have normal periods - I felt happiness for her as I sensed another potential hut dweller rather than a smug " I only have to sit on a man's knee" type.

Anyway, rather than get in a gloom, I bought myself a fab dress from Camden Market, of all places. It's a bit goth/a bit Lily Allen - black, tight bodice, flared skirt, fab red flowers embroidered on it. And it was only 35 quid. I felt almost glamorous in it. I shall wear it on Sat to a friend's wedding reception and banish all dreary ttc thoughts from my mind.

I'm not usually one for retail therapy, but for once it worked a treat.