35+ TTC#1 Thread 3

[Blondcat]

We seem to have filled up our last thread so here is a new one.

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Goodluck to all ladies we can do it

Feeling quite deflated and I apologise in advance as I'm going on a bit of a rant which is very specific to my situation so not necessarily asking for advance...just a vent!

For those who remember my first post. DH and I were TTC in 2015 when I was suddenly diagnosed with kidney disease...went on dialysis...not had transplant and told after year of settling down, we could pick up where we left off with TTC. My beautiful friend donated a kidney as she had her kids and knew how important it was for me so this was a big part of her decision.

One year post transplant was in July and all my tablets were changed in April to pregnancy safe so the rest could 'wash out' my system. Got to July and was told some liver enzymes were a little high. Saw Liver specialist who said not a big problem, no issue with liver and could be cause by tablets I was on post transplant as levels went up when I started taking them and have started to come down since I changed over. She said to be on the safe side to do MRI and a load of other bloods. Aware we're TTC and said no problem.

So had my usual transplant clinic today and after asking for 4 months we finally have an appointment with the Renal ore conception team in mid October. My doctor now wants us to wait for this appointment (so essentially November) before we TTC. No real reason given as kidney function is good enough, all bloods are good so I'm in the safe zone.

She was a little dismissive as said it's only another couple of months but from my POV we've been trying since 2015! I know that's not truly accurate but I guess that's what it feels like!

I asked whether this was medical advice or just preference as pointed out that this appointment won't run anymore tests or anything and she just said...well, you'll meet the team and find out a bit more about the journey so it would be prudent.

We (me and consultant) have talked about this for a year and gone through every iteration of risks and complications... I guess I just feel the goal posts keep moving

Spoke to DH at lunch and agreed to stay on our course of trying now. We know my kidney is working well, the liver specialist is happy, all bloods look good... her only reason was to meet the team and get into this monthly clinic. In all likelihood nothings going to happen before then anyway but it just feels like one step forward and two backwards.

Phew-just seen the size of that post!

Sorry. Think it was sponsored and brought to you by AF

That should read I HAD transplant. I'll stop now...

Sorry to hear about your frustrations as well as traumatic year @astrokate. I’m sure docs always err on the side of ultra safe, if everything is going well with the kidney then I’d probably feel like you and go for it. And fingers tightly crossed for you! X

Ooooh @AstroKate I would have had a full-on red mist moment if they moved the goal posts on me after everything had been so clearly talked out beforehand 😠 If it's just a 'box ticking' exercise to support you antenatally post transplant, then surely there's no need to move the goal posts if they've previously said your safe to proceed? Very good to know you'll have specialist support when you do get pregnant though 🙂

Thank you. Think I just had a bit of a mini moment. Know there's worse things and everyone is struggling with something but I just thought I was through all the medical red tape of pregnancy and could actually start to get excited.

DH fantastic as always and agrees it just box ticking so we will soldier on ourselves (obviously with their support) and not wait for an official 'go for it' as I don't think we'll ever get one...just a lot of advice on all options.

Right, rant over and back to business.

AF in full force (could you tell 😂) so am now going chocolate hunting...

Thanks for the kind reply @Bambionice80, I’ll have to avoid this in the future as it’s not particularly helpful.
It’s been quite a stressful evening, had a row as soon as we got in, went to the loo and think I’m starting af early even though I have no period pains or other signs and just couldn’t stop crying!
I think I need a fresh start and focus next cycle on self care more than anything.

congratulations @Noodella this is great news :0

@AnitaPage I'm so sorry you're having a rubbish day 😔 Self care is definitely the way to go! We're on cycle 6 & I've only really had the epiphany in the last week that I need to look after my mind a lot more and hopefully the affect on the body will be positive too. I was getting so obsessively analytical about TTC and doing everything possible for a positive outcome that I was stressing myself out horribly! I've taken my foot off the gas since Thursday and I'm feeling a hell of a lot better already 🙂 That said, my fertile window starts on Wednesday so we'll soon see how long I'm able to keep my inner symptom spotting psycho at bay for 😏

OooOoooh @AstroKate I would have put on my very best posh cold cutting voice and said something I'd have regretted i think. You are 100% entitled to feel v cross (and a little betrayed I think as you said, you had already agreed a course of action!?!) I do think specialists become quite blinkered down their own little rabbithole of interest and really need to be pushed to look at things more holistically - I have worked with some in my field and in my capacity have always tried to play devils / patient advocate and challenge things gently. It is always very gratifying when they at least stop and consider that opinion. Crack on and keep trying absolutely. If you have baseline bloods then you know where you are now and that's all the pregnancy team will want to know anyway right?
@BambiOnIce80 your acupuncture story did make me laugh (and ponder). How did the 2nd session go??
I also have been considering trying to let some of the tracking slide to ease the pressure. I was feeling a little smug as my temp was tracking a bit higher than usual around 2-3DPO so karma has has given me a slap in the face with a dip back to just lower than normal for the last two days. Currently trying to persuade myself it's because it's winter here and the thermometer is cold from sitting on bedside table at night in fecking uninsulated un-central-heated house (I temp vaginally - can confirm thermometer is cold!) I have on occasion grabbed it and held it in bed / under my body to warm it slightly beforehand but haven't done this last few days - the scientist in me is rolling my eyes at myself with the testing inconsistencies!!
Regardless of trying to stop obsessing I,m not willing to leave this thread (or MN in general) DP has started requesting a "story" at bedtime I promise we're not weird sexual deviants which is my pick of the most funny or batshit crazy thing I've read on MN that day. For anyone not aware, you need to read about the sex towel and the penis beaker. Full-on crying with laughter, could not speak.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3345723-sex-towel
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1875847-Do-you-dunk-your-penis
You are all most very welcome Have a lovely night all

@chelonia i think i shed a few tears (of hysterical laughing) reading the penis beaker thread! Thanks

Good morning ladies ☀

@Chelonia I totally understand what you mean about the temping! I was soooo tempted to go down that road to track and trend and find hidden meanings in peaks and troughs, but the scientist in me said "you get up at 6am Monday to Friday and rarely rise before lunch time at the weekend - too many variables for reliable data!!". I can't bring myself to do it! 😂 I'd absolutely obsess over it too 🙄 Plus shoving something that's freezing cold into one's lady garden at any hour is just a non-starter for me 😉

Second acupuncture was very relaxing also 👍 10 needles this time; 3 along the inside of each calf and the 2 little b🤬tards on the lower part of each index finger again. Had them in for a good 50 minutes this time and had a little power nap 😄 I've not had clammy palms for nearly 24 hours, which is quite unusual for me, but I'll reserve judgement on whether it's anything to do with the acupuncture or just coincidence.

I'm off to read the links you posted along with the AIBU (or whatever it's called!) that @AstroKate mentioned. I have the kitchen fitters in again today and have time to kill...

@AstroKate - you are well entitled to be fuming. I don't blame you but I think cracking on sounds sensible ( she says with no medical knowledge at all!)

@Chelonia- I saw the penis dunking story in the press and that is what brought me to mumsnet. There are some highly amusing stories!

Think I ov'd yesterday so my plan was to get home from work and jump dh. Got in and was promptly told he was not in the mood . He then stayed downstairs until 3am watching films whilst I sulked!! Am still quite (irrationally - maybe I should start an AIBU thread?!) annoyed at him cos we totally missed ov last month and so wanted to give it a really good go this month. We did manage dtd on Sunday so will see.....

@Bambi - Acupuncture sounds like it is working for calming and wellbeing purposes. Think I may look into it next month.

Am going to read the penis dunking story again to perk myself up

What does go on in men's heads @Oxted2018?! I know TTC puts pressure on them too (they are the ones who really have to perform, after all 🍆 😏), but surely they must understand that to make a baby you need to have sex in a relatively narrow window?!

I gave DP the option about whether he wanted to know when the fertile window is this month (we had an episode of performance anxiety after 3 days in a row last month 🙄) and I didn't want to be heaping pressure on him by letting him know. He says he does indeed want to know 🙂 I've told him we need to aim for Wednesday, Friday and Sunday as a minimum... so much for the relaxed approach! 😂 I'm already forgoing the OPK's and a leopard can't change it's spots after merely 2 acupuncture sessions 😬

@chelonia re-read the penis beaker thread again and was in fits of laughter. That post about the wife having an acid fanjo and the husband having sperm which was 9/10th itching powder is comedy gold!

@oxted I really sympathise, having gone through the same thing with my partner. The staying up til 3am is particularly familiar and SO irritating. The only thing you can do in the situation is to stay calm, smile and act like it's no big deal (which is FUCKING IS AAAAAAGH). If you act huffy with him it will put more pressure on him and he will want to avoid shagging even more. Be super nice, make him a coffee and act like nothing's happened. Then if you're not lucky this month, put the control in his hands. Have a chat during your period, talk about if he's keen to have a baby (yes) and then explain that you have to get the timing right and you're worried because it's so hard to miss. Let him come up with the solution (ie sex at a particular time) and ask him whether he'd like you to let him know when the best stretch of time is, and ask him how often he thinks you should be shagging during that time. It's all about letting him feel in control. It's sooooooo hard to do (for me anyway).

On a different note... I have a nasty feeling that this little eggy isn't sticking :( I tested on Sunday with a very distinct positive line on FRER. Did a 25ui dip test yesterday and there was the faintest shadow of a line. I was expecting it to be really faint because it's so much less sensitive than the FRER but did another diptest today and it's even fainter, to the point of there not really being anything to see... Boobs are also feeling less sore and slightly less firm than they did on Sunday. Surely the diptest would be stronger the day after? Feeling a bit hacked off.

Ohhh sorry to hear that Noodella. Hopefully just a crap test, fingers tightly crossed.

I spotted last night, which I never do, so I’m expecting full force visitation from The Blob today, on the day it’s due. Only 9 days after ov. Had a cry last night, I’m so so worried about the short time between ov and period. Clearly wasn’t like that pre-mc as we’d have missed ov - we were only doing it mid- month to coincide with app-generated FW. Think I’ll head to Holland & Barrett to get a barrage of supplements, will look into acupuncture too. Properly gutted.

@melamine thanks, fx for you too. The pregnacare conception vitamins definitely lengthened my cycle. I had been at 28 days for at least six months and then suddenly it was more like 31 days. Worth a try.

Thanks @Noodella - they are infuriating aren't they but sadly required for the baby making process! Sorry about your recent HPT but as Melamine says, hopefully just a crap test. Or maybe you didn't use FMU and so it was too dilute? How many DPO are you?

@Melamine - I have not heard the expression "The Blob" for a while! I'm sorry it might be looming - it is always so gutting when it appears. But, even if you think it's not likely now, there is always hope until AF properly comes. I've heard good things about vitamin B6 to increase the luteal phase. When I first started tracking my cycle, I worked out my LP was between 8-10 days and so I have been taking B6 and I think it has extended it. Although having said that, my previously very regular cycle has been quite erratic the last few months so perhaps I should just stop self-diagnosing and messing around with my body!!

@oxted I'm at 12DPO so would be lucky to get anything to show up on a 25mui test. It's just that there deffo was a little something on a 25mui test yesterday but today not so much and my boobs have changed as well. I know I just have to buckle down and wait but it's freaked me out. FMU both times, but I did notice that my wee looked a bit less strong this morning. I'm an idiot for retesting, my partner is a GP and was like 'Wait til you've missed your period' but he'd brought home a whole load of tests from the surgery so it was too hard not too!

Thanks both, I’ll get some of the branded vitamins to try, b6, Angus castus & some vitamin c to boot. Can’t hurt!

Noodella, just remembered I got an incredibly, almost invisibly light line on 25mlu test on day of missed period last time. So don’t read too much into it at this point!

I like calling it The Blob because I also love this kitschy 1950s song. Lighthearted vibes!

Beware of The Blob, it creeps
And leaps and glides and slides
Across the floor
Right through the door
And all around the wall
A splotch, a blotch
Be careful of The Blob 😂

Sending you long distance hugs @Noodella18 and @Melamine 💐

Hopefully it's not a CP @Noodella18 and it might get stronger after 2 or 3 days 🤞 On the subject of FRER's, I'm beginning to think we may as well pee on a £5 note and throw it in the bin, but then that wouldn't succeed in putting us through the extra added emotional turmoil for free 😒 I'm resolving to not test unless AF is a full 3 days late from now on. That said, I'm going to have to be very careful to avoid any social engagements that fall 2 or 3 days either side of AF being due. The rage of missing out on lovely cocktails "just in case" and then AF turning up is too much to bear 😬

@Melamine, at the risk of instilling false hope, is there any chance it could be implantation bleeding if you're only 9dpo and you don't normally spot? You don't sound like you're out yet to me, but you of course know your body best.

Off on a total tangent - I'm toying with getting a cat for 'relaxation/good for the soul' purposes. We currently have a quarter time cat (ie. It's a random neighbours cat but she seems to enjoy spending her weekend and evenings with us 😼) and I've found it really relaxing to just sit with her in my lap for a while... Then again, maybe I should just stick with the quarter cat. She doesn't come with vet or cattery bills, worming, food or kitty litter 🤔 Can someone please give me a mental slap?!

@bambi thanks... yes, I do get what you mean about not testing until period is properly late. We've just started trying and I was worried (for no specific reason other than I'm a worry wart) about fertility, so even if it does turn out to be a CP I'm just happy because I know that getting pregnant is possible, if you see what I mean. If this one doesn't work out I won't test pre-period. Re the cat, seems like you have the perfect set up at the moment, why mess with it?! But then I don't really like cats because they always bite me!

Ooh get a cat @Bambi. I have a dog (who I am bit obsessed with - he is gorgeous!) and it is the nicest thing ever coming home to him and then cuddling up on the sofa. If TCT doesn't work out, I shall fill my house with fur babies!

Cats are such nice company and less work than a dog. There will be expense but it is worth it. Plus Moggy can then be a big brother/sister to the baby when they come along!

@bambi oh yeah, and re the cocktails, I would just go for it anyway. SO many people I know got drunk because they didn't realise they were preggo and have had perfectly wonderful little kids off the back of it.