35+ TTC#1 Thread 3

[Blondcat]

We seem to have filled up our last thread so here is a new one.

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Goodluck to all ladies we can do it

Thanks @Oxted2018 🙂 From the quick look I had at it when it arrived I saw that you have to fill the applicators yourself - how much less do you need to use compared to what the instructions recommend?

I must admit I'm not big on reading instructions! I'm quite a slap dash type person :-D

I've been using it more as general lube and haven't been using the applicators. Perhaps this is where I'm going wrong! But for lube, you only need a fairly small amount.

We must be due a BFP on this thread soon!

Hi, nearly 39 and TTC#1 sporadically over the last 14 months or so. I think there's nothing wrong with me except age, I seem to have regular cycles, consistent LH surges followed by ovulation pain and tender breasts. However blood tests showed diminished reserve and also a blocked cervix, which I think is perimenopause related but haven't had any feedback from the consultant. OH is younger and has great sperm but we have feck all sex, our sex life tailed off years ago and it's a struggle for either of us to be bothered enough to do it. Both fit and healthy otherwise.

I am finding myself more tired these days though and wonder if I am too old and whether I'd have the energy for a child anyway. Part of me is relieved not to be pregnant every month. Does anyone else feel like that? I have very mixed feelings, disappointment and relief at the same time. I think I just want a definitive answer, limbo land is tedious.

@79andnotout, I think you and I could almost be the same person! 😂 From the regular cycles, consistent LH surges followed by ovulation pain and tender breasts all the way through to the not actually being really sure if I really want a baby part! I had really severe nausea and hypersensitive to smell for 2 days before last AF was due and I was equally terrified and hopeful in equal measure. When AF rocked up I was devastated and relieved, again in equal measure - I have no idea how two completely polar emotions can co-exist with each other! 🙄 That said, I think I want to try everything I possibly can so that I never look back with regrets. The longing for a baby is still there, even if my logical mind thinks I'm nuts 😏 I've soooo had enough of limbo land 😒

@BambiOnIce80 glad I'm not the only one! I'm usually a very decisive person but I think it's the finality of things that stresses me out. Once you're a mother it's a one way street to a massively changed life and I quite like my life. What if I hated it?! My mother didn't seem to enjoy it much.

@79andnotout, same here 😂 I'm very happy with my life as it is and I know a small person would turn it upside down. Didn't have a very good example of a maternal figure in my life either, so I'm a bit terrified I'd make a total arse of it 😔 As things are going though, looks like I'm unlikely to get to find out 🙄 TTC is totally wrecking my head 😣

@bambionice80 and @79andnotout I can relate. AF was a few days late last month and I was quite panicked! But then was gutted this month when it came early....

I actually didn't want kids until a few years ago. DH has always been the one who is really keen and I now do really want a family with him. But we also do have a nice life as we are and I think we would be fine if it didn't happen.

I hate feeling I might not have the option - if I don't have kids, I want it to be my choice and not because I'm just too old!

@Oxted2018 and @79andnotout thank you so much for not making me feel like a freak 💖 You've put very succinctly exactly how I feel about TTC. I tried to have a conversation on another (most likely younger!) thread about how I was feeling last month and got tumble weed 😂 I think I'll be delighted/terrified if I do get pregnant and relieved/bitterly disappointed if I don't. Both are OK... there's just more disposable income associated with one than the other 😉

Hi Ladies, I feel exactly the same as some of you. I really want a baby, but also feel terrified of actually having one which doesn’t seem to make much sense. My DH really didn’t want one when I was approaching 30 and my biological clock was ticking very loudly. He changed his mind a few years ago and I was ecstatic, but then started to waiver. I think it’s just given me more time to overthink things. My mum also had terrible pnd after having us and became an alcoholic so that’s hardly a good advert for motherhood either! I know I would be devastated though if I found out I couldn’t have children at all

Yeah it's so hard! I know we'll regret it if we don't give it our all, and I know we would be good parents eventually (although also think the first couple of years would be hell individually and as a couple). But yeah, juggling the highs and lows of mixed feelings is difficult but I also feel like a bit of a fraud compared to my friends who have been struggling for years and are desperate for kids. I guess this is why some of us are only ttc#1 age 35+! We're on the right thread, it seems!

Joining in here me too. It is nice to know that I am not alone in my thinking. I have been with dh a long time and we only decided last year that actually we might quite like to have a child. I didn't realise how much until I was pregnant earlier this year then gutted when I had a mc as just getting used to the idea that it was actually happening.

I'm glad that helped crystallise things @Blondcat, and hope you get a successful pregnancy soon.

100% agree with the rest of you, I keep saying to DP "We are NEVER going to be less tired than we are right now" (mostly when he's hinting at getting a takeaway or skipping the washing up for tonight or any other laziness because we're So Tired)
We work in a physically and emotionally demanding area which can also be demanding on our time (things would have to change if we had a little one but the possibility exists for a sideways move within the organisation for me anyway) but the fact remains that we are never going to be younger than we are today and if we had a little person we would be all levels of tired.
I just think we're all of an age that we've spent a long time doing what we want with our lives and daily schedules and are not exactly selfish but used to living life the way we do. Heck, those of us who met our partners later in life probably remember / still feel the resentment of moving in together and discovering they fold towels wrong and KEEP PUTTING THE CHEESE GRATER IN THE WRONG CUPBOARD. Ahem.
I mean, I bloody adore my cat but last night kicked him off the bed as his purring/smooching/washing was keeping me awake - I don't think babies come with that option :/
So yeah I'm terrified that a baby will exhaust us and we won't cope and we can't afford it and a million other worries but I'm still more scared of leaving it too late and not being able to have one and spending the rest of our lives feeling like we missed out.
I know it may never happen for us but at least I'll know we gave it our best shot. We talk about adoption too sometimes - anybody else ever considered this?

@Chelonia, I totally hear you about the difficulty in adjusting to a partner so what on earth would a baby bomb be like! 😂 🤣 DP has been very accommodating about my 'requirements' for mess to be taken care of immediately and things like putting the shower mat on the floor the WRONG WAY ROUND 😬 Pretty sure mini people aren't so accommodating 🙄

I also want the decision to not have kids to be our decision and not be dictated by biology 😔 A couple of nagging symptoms makes me wonder if I might be perimenopausal and that just seems wholly unfair. I'm not sure about adoption - not given it a huge amount of thought yet. My gut reaction is that I don't know if I'd be able to sign up for that. The idea of having an 8 year old thrusted at me and being expected to get on with it terrifies me far more than the thought of a baby! I also kind of like the idea of not being left in limbo for even longer by trying to go down that road... and I like the idea of all the nice holidays we can start planning if it's just not going to happen 😬

Ladies, are you all me? I lived on my own a long time & both OH (whom I met over 30) & I have annoying ingrained habits and it dies worry me about the complete life change & how we’ll cope being So Tired a lot of the time 😂 and while I do really want a baby, and have for years (OH was the one making me wait... and wait... though I’m grateful in a way as we have got to enjoy just being a couple for a decent stretch) I’m not so desperate or consumed by it that I couldn’t live a fulfilling life without one. I am sad when AF arrives but also pragmatic - another month of the ‘old life’ of going to gigs & day trips out of London which I do enjoy. Especially for OH who likes to go out to unwind. So the disappointment is tempered by slight relief!

I also would like the decision not to have kids to be mine rather than biology but I would make my peace with I either way. Still. Fingers & toes (but not legs) crossed.

Definitely sounds like we've found the thread that's the right fit for us ladies 💖 I'm very happy to be here (the thread; not the TTC head f#🤬k, obvs!) 🙂

Yeah I lived on my own for a decade before meeting OH when I was 32, and the adjustment was hard, for both of us. He lived like a student in a shared house, with one towel and an overflowing washing basket. His room was grim. It's been a long old process of compromise and negotiation to get us to where we are and I feel the balance is very close to tipping quite often. Why can't he just bloody put his stuff in the dishwasher?! And turn the frikkin iron off?! And don't even get me started on him continually forgetting his keys and wallet and taking forever to get out of the house wherever we go anywhere.

Having said that, I could never live with another me, I'm a nightmare in all sorts of other ways!

So that's me out for another month. Least AF had the decency of turning up early rather than leaving me hanging on like last month!

Hoping someone gets their BFP x

Sorry to hear that @TheNewbieStep 😔 I think I'll be joining you tomorrow 😒 Going to do a FRER because I'm going out with my friends tomorrow night and I don't want to unnecessarily miss out on 🍸just to have AF mock me by rocking up on Saturday!

Can I join ladies

Started on another thread but this is probably more relevant.

First TTC age 34 but diagnosed kidney failure out of nowhere and onto dialysis so had to stop.

Now 37 and 1 year post kidney transplant. Been given the go ahead to TTC from doctors.

First cycle!
Day 18
Think positive OPK yesterday
DTD around fertile week day 13 and 17. Think should BD tomorrow too if positive OPK today?

Already obsessing with peeing on sticks...

@BambiOnIce80

That made me Lol - thanks for cheering me up! 'mock me by rocking up on Sunday!' - I feel like that too. That blasted AF is out to get me!

@TheNewbieStep, always happy to help with an injection of humour 😉 God knows there's a distinct lack of it when TTC!

@AstroKate, welcome 👋 I'd DTD as often as you can face it in the fertile window. Unlike eye make up, 'more is more' when TTC 😄

@AstroKate welcome!! sounds like you've already had quite a journey in your own health, fingers crossed for you getting a bfp soon! It's fantastic that you're doing well enough to have a pregnancy
I only started peeing on sticks a few months ago but I am totally bored of it now - short attention span going to go with temping for a while as I seem to consistently ovulate around CD18 so just keep dtd every other day

Sorry @thenewbiestep - onwards & upwards!

Welcome @astrokate! And good luck.

7th flashing smiley today and a bright white cheapy OPK last night I did for back up so either I’ve missed the surge or I’m quite worried I’ve not even ovulated. Maybe I haven’t since the MC. frustrating and upsetting.

@TheNewbieStep , sorry about AF!
@Melamine , I had 8 flashing faces at one point before MC. And almost gave up and got my static face on the 9th day! Keep going! They say to abandon testing after the 9th day. You still have a couple of days.
1st cycle after MC and I had 5 flashing faces before static one. Good luck!