35+ TTC#1 Thread 3

[Blondcat]

We seem to have filled up our last thread so here is a new one.

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Goodluck to all ladies we can do it

Hey ladies,
I'm 38 and don't have any issues that I am aware of personally. Sadly, my partner has erection issues which stem from some kind of undiagnosed sex phobia from trauma. No therapy or medication has worked and I am so desperately upset about it.
I'm so worried that I am not going to be able to ever have any children. Is there anyone else in the world that is going through the same thing as me?

Hi @miumiu81 welcome x not specifically the same issues, but the same worries certainly. No fertility issues have been diagnosed (yet - we've been referred to acs but awaiting tests) we're in month 11 ttc, and im sure the rest of the group will agree that at this age it's certainly a worry. Sending you a big hug, and the hope that there is some resolution to your issues xxx

@PixieN re:21/26 day bloods. I think the aim is for those bloods to be approx 7 days before AF, so if you have a longer cycle that should still be fine.
I had mine at CD19, but i only have a short luteal phase (11ish days) so that was fine.

Welcome @miumiu81 💐 Again, not specifically the same issue (although the pressure of having to DTD on specific days can certainly cause performance issues) but certainly the same worry about if a baby will ever happen. How long have you been trying? My understanding is that couples with the kind of issue you're describing are included in the NHS IVF treatment pathway, so please don't worry that it'll never happen.x

We don’t actually have Sex at all, which is devastating enough on its own. So never been able to try even. ☹️

Evening ladies. Loving all the chat and excited for the ones finally getting some answers (in some way atleast).

Although I can’t pretend I can help at all. Sorry. @Bambi I just love that for every problem you come up with an amazing link 💗😊.

I am much lighter during AF than I’ve ever known on the contraceptive pill. I am hoping this isn’t any kind of symptom to anything to worry about 🙈???

Welcome @miumiu 💐. Sorry to hear about your issues. Are you getting any support at all from NHS?

@Miumiu81 That’s a lot of strain on a relationship. I was in a long term relationship with someone who had sex phobia, although it wasn’t as severe as what you and your partner are experiencing it did worsen the longer we were together. We parted ways eventually, not due to that but he had some mental health issues which also worsened and ultimately lead to our relationship breaking down. At the time I didn’t want children it wasn’t until we split that I realised I did want them just not with him.

Obviously different to you situation, but I can sort of relate to your situation it terms of being in a relationship with someone who has suffered sexual trauma and there being repercussions from that - it’s very hard and my heart goes out to you both.

But as @Bambi says I don’t think that excludes you from IVF.

2dpo and trying to ignore any twinges. 17 days until AF due 😩

My name is MrsRRC and I am a symptom spotter-a-holic 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thanks ladies - really appreciate your input. Struggle to understand the science stuff, but think i’ve learnt more about ttc from being on this thread than anywhere else lol

@BambieOnIce No mention of a blood test for C0-5 What would that test for? As far as my GP is concerned, the next step is DH’s SA which won’t happen until after Xmas.

Hi @miumiu81 welcome to the thread and sorry to hear about your situation. Hope you get the support and help you need

@miumiu81 my understanding of the NICE guidelines for infertility (which NHS clinicians in England and Wales should be following) is that if you've been unable to have sex to TTC for a year (under 36 years old) or 6 months (over 36 years old), then you should be able to go to your GP and seek advice. Possibly a daft question, but would your partner be onboard with you doing that? You don't need him with you to seek initial advice from your GP, but if they decide to refer you to the ACU then you'd need to be seen together. Hope this is helpful.x

@PixieN, please remind me if your periods are regular, etc? The before mentioned NICE guidance says you don't need to have the CD0-5 bloods if your periods are regular, so that might be why the GP hasn't offered it to you (they shouldn't have been looking at Prolactin on your CD26 bloods though, so I'd definitely ask them what the crack is with that 👍). My periods are ludicrously regular, but the lovely GP lady is having my CD0-5 bloods done because my periods are lighter than they used to be and because of my age (and I absolutely love her for it!! 💉😊).

@Carley32, I'm just a white-coated geek who likes as much information as possible to know what I'm dealing with 🤓😉 I hope I don't come across as pushy with the info?! 😟 I guess I hope I'll maybe ease someone else's worries by sharing all the crap I read 😬 On the lighter period front, I'm guessing this could still be your body getting back to normal? Maybe don't worry just yet? 😉

@MrsRRC you're putting me to shame on the symptom spotting! 😂 I was convinced I'd be immune to it this cycle with us not really managing to DTD enough/at the best times, but I've had a few twinges today (4dpo) and my inner symptom spotting psycho pricked up her ears and said "ooooh, maybe... 🤰" - Noooooooo!! I'm going to be doing my own head in by next Friday when AF is due at this rate! 😣

My partner is absolutely desperate to be a dad. He’s such a wonderful person. Feel so sad for him but for me too. I don’t feel I can be honest to my friends or family about it because I don’t want to embarrass him. He would be mortified if people knew. Feel totally alone so it’s been fab to have positive replies on here.

@Bambi 🙈 Oh I know it’s probably just progesterone kicking in. OH is away at the moment so I am left to my own devices in the evening. At least I am keeping away from gin cupboard! You’re doing really well and I am going to 🤐 and stop calling your symptom spotter out to play!

@Bambi.... pushy! NO not at all. I am and I’m sure others are too, very grateful that you take the time to look and help with concerns and worries. It is a very true saying ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’. You certainly help me! So thank you 😊.

I can’t thank everyone enough for listening. This thread really does keep me sane 💗.

@miumiu81 - I can probably most closely relate to what you're going through - my partner and I didn't have sex for five years before TTC forced us to sort the issue. We've been seeing a couples sex therapist for the last year and it's helped loads, however we've still only had a sex a handle of times. I don't think there is any trauma there for him, just a confidence and resentment issue and poor communication. However, as it's been such hard work, I've explored the options a bit. Can he masturbate? I believe the ejaculate into a pot and syringe method works very well. My OH refused, but maybe yours would be willing to give that a go? Also, I got myself booked in at the GP quite early on and explained we were having difficulty TTC and lied about the frequency of sex, so that we could potentially be offered IVF without having to confess to the erectile issues. If he can masturbate, then at least that is still an option open to you. I also have not been able to discuss this in real life much, so you're in the right place to air the issues. This is a great and supportive group.

@MrsRRC you're a better woman than me! I'd totally be hitting the gin cabinet if left to my own devices 🍸😂

@miumiu81 that's a really tough situation and I'm glad we can be here to chat whenever you want to.x

I'm enjoying the fake gin this evening, whilst reading about the dire statistics for ivf at my age. OH is convinced I'm pregnant from last weekends activities and all the money I spent on preconception vitamins and ivf prep vitamins today are going to go to waste. I have to admire his blind optimism, he never lets the facts get in the way of anything!

@BambiOnIce I’m pretty regular so maybe that’s why I don’t need to have that blood test then. Agree with @Carly32 another one here who is very grateful for your knowledge and advice. Your GP lady sounds lovey by the way!

I keep meaning to get some of that gin @79andnotout and never seem to get round to it 🍸 Hope it tastes like the real thing! Glad your OH is being positive - you had some lovely lines on your opks so fingers crossed for you x

Hi girls hope all are doing ok. Good luck for anyone testing.

I am so confused. AF did show but hasn’t seem to at all start. I’m so light it may not even be there (which it hasn’t today). Literally a bit yesterday and that’s it (sorry for TMI). @Bambi do you think it’s normal to be that non existent after stopping the pill? Help I’ve started overthinking and worrying again lol 🙈.

Right @Carley32, let's get you a plan of action 👍 I seem to remember you had brown spotting last few days and now AF is really light? Let's rule out the obvious - do you have any FRER's? If so, I'd start by doing a test with your first morning urine tomorrow if I were you. If it's a BFN, then your body may just be taking its sweet time in getting back into a rhythm. Might be worth booking to see your doctor for some bloods because your cycle isn't back to normal yet and put your mind at ease. If it's a BFP, then there's your answer 😉🤞🏻🍀

@carley32 it was a decade ago but when I came off progesterone only pill I had very light AF and sometimes just 1 day for a few months. After that back to total normal. Everyone is different though :s

AF still hasn't shown despite all that nasty cramping. Felt great the last 2 days. A little cranky and quick to anger, so it must still be on the way. I'll be a day late on Sunday. Glad work is keeping me busy...

@Bambi. I have a CB test? Yes maybe. Atleast I’ll know I’m not before I spend the weekend downing my wine!

How heavy can we spot during pregnancy, I wonder 🤔.

@beeseeinya yea i think I’m almost sure it’s down to the pill. It’s just frustrating. I just get a little worried that there are underlying issues 🙈. Yes I am a huge over thinker and worrier! 😂😳

@Carley32 - my flow is very light. I switched to using mooncups and then had an actual measure of how much I bleed. It's about 30mls, which is the light side of normal. Maybe try the moon up? But yeah as @BambiOnIce80 says, that could also be a good sign for preggo symptoms! Fingers crossed!!

@79 @Bambi. It’s a BFN on the test. Hopefully my body is still working in some sort of order even if I’m not getting AF as I should.
@79 maybe I should try that. But I’m almost positive it would have been less than 30ml this time around.

That's most likely it @Carley32 👍 Better safe than sorry though - at least you can have a cheeky glass of wine or 2 this weekend guilt free 🥂 Onwards and upwards to the next cycle (and your body getting back into it's rhythm) 🍀

Yes hopefully 🤞. Thank you @Bambi 😊. There will definitely be wine tonight 👍