35+ TTC#1 Thread 3

[Blondcat]

We seem to have filled up our last thread so here is a new one.

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Goodluck to all ladies we can do it

@79andnotout @Mrs yea I have heard mixed stories so trying not to let it bother me to much. It just makes the whole thing a little more unreliable and tricky. But I am determined not to let it take over my life. 🤞🤞 for you @mrs. I am a worrier and easily upset anyway Lol 🙈.

@79andnotout Oo good idea and I hope AF arrives so your plans work out 🤞. I could do with a holiday. Although can’t complain, we did get away on a fab hol in the summer x

Thanks @79andnotout hope it's all going according to plan for you so your week away goes as planned!

I'm currently freaking out a bit as I'm off on a grand holiday to Mexico next year, booked months ago in a devil may care mood and now I can't stop thinking about Zika virus and how incredibly stupid the timing is DP is being all casual until I remind him of my age and all the usual stresses.

No idea what we are going to do ....

@Bubbles121 ah amazing Mexico is right up my list after watching rick stein's series there earlier in the year, whereabouts? There's a list of infections by area here: https://www.gob.mx/cms/uploads/attachment/file/393029/CuadroCasossZIKAyyEmbSE377_2018.pdf

Pressed too soon. Chances of anything happening are pretty low but I'd want to speak to an expert before deciding.

I can feel AF cramps kicking in, think my holiday plans are gonna work out!

@79andnotout Rivera maya near Cancun. It's the holiday of a lifetime and now I'm really stressed about it lol. Thanks for the link - I'm going to work on my translating skills!
How are your plans going?

Aah just seen your update. Yay! Sounds like you're on track for a week of good times

@TheNewbie haha yeah, my other half is a GP. I struggle with the terms, I don't really like 'other half' and 'fiance' makes me gag so I use partner even though it's a little ambiguous!
@bubbles I was in that part of Mexico this time last year and there weren’t many mosquitoes around at all. They were only a problem when we went further inland. Just be vigilant with your bug spray and you’ll be fine. If you’re staying in a proper hotel (i.e with aircon) rather than a crap guesthouse like I did that will help too??

@Noodella18 I do that too! I feel like I'm too old for a boyfriend and just don't like referring to him as my fiancée - DP is the least offensive. I'm tempted to speed up the wedding just so I can call him my husband!

Thanks for the update - that's really put my mind at rest actually. We are staying in a big resort - is there any particular bug spray you recommend?

@bubbles have you set a date? We only got engaged 3 months ago but parents have been hassling me for a date and getting really stroppy about it and I've been trying to fend them off because we were TTC and now I'm preggo so still can't tell them what's going on! It's still early days (7 weeks) but if the pregnancy works out I think we'll set the date for July 2020 which is aaaages! Haven't really got a recommendation for bug spray, the ones with DEET are good but make me feel a bit queasy, they're so strong. I really think if you're on a resort you'll be fine with some basic bug spray (maybe citronella). And you'll be able to buy it out there too no issues.

@Noodella18 thank you! That makes me feel much better!
No date yet - been engaged about six months but focused on buying a house so I distract myself with the odd flick through venues and then think about how much more I could spend on doing up the house if I scale back the wedding
We are hoping to move in December and once that's done give proper focus to TTC - I've downloaded an app etc but not done any proper tracking yet.
Congrats - seven weeks! When do you go for your first scan?

@bubbles yeah I know what you mean about the cost it's a lot for a single day, but I definitely want to do it. I know I'm going to get shit from my parents about having a baby beforehand (even though I'm nearly 35!) and have to deal with my mum being all upset and disapproving. It's not so much the out of wedlock thing, more that she'll say I've done it the wrong way because she'll think it's harder to arrange a wedding when there's a kid around (which may be true, but I'd rather that than run the risk of leaving it too late to have one at all!) I'm feeling pretty upset with her at the moment to be honest, she's really cast a grey cloud over our engagement because she said we'd done it wrong (e.g. DP not going to ask permission, us telling his parents the day before them even though that was just how it worked out in terms of face to face availability.) Ho hum, sorry for the vent! Got my first midwife appt in a week, still don't really believe the pregnancy is going to work out hence staying on this thread for moral support!

@bubbles121 & @noodella18 my mums laying on the not married yet schtick on thick at the moment. We arent engaged, but been together for 16ish years, but weve always ralked about marriahe, just xant agree on where & when. I havent told her we're ttc, but I'm pretty sure she'd be happy with either a wedding or a grandchild. I know its cos my dad's sick. OF COURSE I would want him to see me married, but at 38 the ttc is taking precident just now.

@cnizzle it feels a bit like an AIBU post in the making right? AIBU to just want my mum to back the hell off with the wedding chat?! Sorry to hear yours is being tricky, added pressure just doesn't help. And sorry your dad's not well xx

Crikey, sorry about my spelling!!! My phone seems to have lost the ability to autocorrect!!

My sympathies for those being pressured by their parents into marriage and other stuff. Both me and OH are children of messy divorces so don't have to endure any of that.

I'm too much of a skinflint to pay for a big wedding, and he hates any limelight, so doubt we would bother. If we did manage to successfully conceive I would probably insist we do get married though to reduce the chance of me kicking him out after too little sleep (I get very angry when tired and I own our house) and for the legal protection (we're so romantic), but would just elope to Gretna Green and not tell/invite anyone. I go to about six weddings a year and it feels like everyone is getting pretty sick of them by this age!

@CNizzle I'm so sorry to hear about your dad - the pressure must be making it so much harder too. How are you doing?

Future MIL is probably the only one keen but she isn't over bearing - although she has apparently been collecting some bits secretly in the garage! Luckily I get on really well with her

Marriage, babies and house. So difficult to get the order right. I bought a 'money pit' 5 years ago then got married the year after and now I'm 37 married with a house but struggling to have a baby. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ttc years ago and put the house on hold. I'd be like one of those people on Grand Designs that gets pregnant as soon as building works start and end up breastfeeding in a corner among the new floorboards 🙄. But back in the day I was so excited about it all that babies were the last thing on my mind.

We had a very simple wedding though, 30 people on a Friday and no disco. All for under £10k 😉

I’m in a very similar boat with mother wishing we would get married but we’re not planning to. His mother is totally in support of not marrying due to aforementioned messy divorce 😂 Would probably get a civil partnership if they come through for hetero couples though!

I’ve got my booking appointment next week too Noodella, good luck! Not that I get anywhere near a midwife at this stage in my borough.

Exactly @quantumgirl! We were talking about that exact thing of grand designs/pregnancy today in work!
@bubbles121 thanks, I'm doing OK. Its hard being far away from my parents as they're getting older & Dad being unwell(they're down on merseyside, I'm in scotland). But sometimes distance is good too!!
Blazing pos OPK this morning. I POAS & just left it in bathroom while i was getting ready. Then left the house & forgot. Just remembered as i opened the front door on the way in! OH hasnt mentioned it lying there, hoping he doesnt think its a pregnancy test! Probably going to have to own up to being a POAS addict now :-/ ha ha ha! Might work in my favour

Hi Ladies (and hi to the newbies) Just catching up with the thread. Sorry to hear about marriage pressure - I know that my mum would be getting on at me if we weren’t married 🙄 Like @QuantumGirl we had a simple wedding with a small number of guests. It was lovely. The pressure for me comes from not having children yet, as my mum is constantly asking when we’re going to have a baby, which is annoying as she doesn’t know we’re ttc. We have a fraught relationship anyway...

I’m feeling a bit down about it all tbh. Ended up testing at the weekend stupidly at 8dpo, which is far too early 🙈 I just went a bit crazy symptom spotting and DH and I were discussing baby names. The 2ww is pure evil. AF due on Friday.

Excellent news on the BFP OPK @CNizzle! I hope you have a productive evening 😉

Sorry you're having a tough TWW @PixieN 💐 Symptom spotting is just the absolute worst and yet completely unavoidable 😣

I'm wrecking my head with a different kind of symptom spotting again 😖 I thought making an appointment with my GP to get bloods done would make me feel better, but it's had the exact opposite effect! When I've started putting together my mental 'perimenopause symptoms' list to tell the GP my concerns, I've pretty much convinced myself that's got to be the problem 😓 Tried to talk it out with DP to talk myself off the edge of the freak out cliff ("I just don't want the TTC choice taken away from me, blah, etc") and he says "it's funny that I see it as the exact opposite - if the choice is taken away from me then I'm OK with it" 😕 I know this is his point of view, but I was more looking for the "there-there love, it'll all be alright/we'll figure something out if it's not" kind of pep talk than the "I don't really give a fuck either way" kind of perspective 😞

Urgh. Sorry for the ranty "woe is me" post. Not coping very well with the uncertainty of the TTC fun right now 😒

Try not to worry too much @BambiOnIce Most of this is speculation and it’s pointless worrying, easier said than done I know! Have you had your bloods done? Are you waiting for results? I know how you feel though. I’ve worried about the same thing and it’s horrible to think that there might not be a choice in any of this. It’s one thing deciding to not have kids and be child free, and another to be forced into that situation. I think I’ve read of women getting pregnant though when they’re peri menopausal - and I think you can ovulate twice a month? Need to look into it a bit more. My DH is very similar as he would want to know for sure & I’m worried he will probably want to draw a line under ttc if it turns out we can’t conceive, whereas i’d want to explore the other options. The uncertainty is the worst. Sending you hugs & lots of positivity that everything is o.k & you get your bfp soon x

@Noodella18 fingers crossed for that appointment. It's horrid when you're trying to keep your hopes down just in case but actually you want to hop about in joy 

@CNizzle hahahahaha do you think he noticed? I have been told
Off for bulk buying Tests online, but SO never actually noticed the empty wrappers / test boxes in the bin (not that he inspects the bin contents or anything ...).

Symptom Spotting is the worst! A couple weeks ago I was so absolutely convinced I was pregnant it took four tests and AF to convince me I wasn't. I was so sure DP was doing a little swagger.

Thanks so much for the support @PixieN 💖 I've got my appointment with the GP on Thursday evening, so unlikely to have bloods done until CD21 (I'm only CD4). I've just completely wound myself up whilst trying to get straight in my head what I'm going to say to the GP... and DP hasn't exactly helped 🙄 You're quite right - people can apparently still get pregnant during perimenopause. I think it's just not understanding what it'll mean if it is what's wrong with me and where that leaves me... All this from the woman who was panicking last cycle because we were talking about the things we wouldn't be able to do with a baby in tow and I went back to "hmmm, not sure I'm really up for this"! Conflicted, much?! 😕