35+ TTC#1 Thread 3

[Blondcat]

We seem to have filled up our last thread so here is a new one.

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Goodluck to all ladies we can do it

Yeah they're a really tight couple (too tight I think, I swear if one of them died the other would die of a "broken heart", like those old couples you read about. I hope this round works for them. I think they've changed things up this time.

Yeah the postcode lottery is insane! I think because my area is quite poor you get loads of ivf because most people have already churned out loads of kids at a young age, so there's not much demand. Whereas my little sister lives in a posh bit of London and gets hardly any help (she's also into several years of infertility).

I said I wouldn't do ivf but if I was offered a round for free I'd find it hard to turn down I think.

Feeling much happier now I've booked the second test.

@CNizzle It's shit how the pain gets worse! I'm looking forward to getting back on cerazette when all this is done

@CNizzle that sounds horrendous! I barely get any cramping at all... wonder if that's something to do with my deffectiveness?! 🤔

@79andnotout, I said the same about not wanting IVF if it came to it this time round, but I think I was naively optimistic that changing my partner would leave my infertility issue behind. It's looking like no such luck, of course. Was chatting to DP last night over dinner to make sure we were singing from the same hymn sheet about IVF and he agrees we should try 1 round (whether we're NHS eligible or not) so that we're not looking back when we get older thinking "I wonder what would've happened if we'd tried IVF". That's good enough for me 👍 The TTC line has to be drawn somewhere.

@Melamine, how are you doing? Has AF stayed away?

Bugger @cnizzle. I also found period pain has got worse as I’ve got older.

Still no AF. Just some scanty spotting each day which is really only darker than usual CM. Not blood or even dark brown. Very unusual. Today is 3 days late, I was tempted to test but I resisted & will test tomorrow if nothing today. I’ve only had 2 notably late periods in the couple of years I’ve been off pill, and both times it turned up on CD31. Which is today. 🤞

Ooooh @Melamine, your willpower is epic!! I applaud you being so strict with yourself 👏 Sounds to me like we could be seeing a picture of a BFP tomorrow morning 🤞🍀🤞🍀

Ooh this sounds positive @Melamine. Am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Also, @Noodella - it's looking good!

We have not really discussed it but I had always thought that if I didn't get pregnant, I would not want to go down the IVF route. Should probably speak to DH about it though as I suspect he might. I checked last night and, in our area, you can have 2 rounds of IVF on the NHS if you're under 40 but you have to have been trying for 3 years! So at best I think I would only qualify for one round...

Sorry to hear AF is here @CNizzle.

Think I'm 4 DPO today but have made the mistake of getting so many different apps (now that I have AVA which comes with its own app I also "had" to get Fertility Friend as it shows better charts!) and none of them agree on when I ov'd or when AF is due. According to some, I completely missed my FW and for others, I was bang on. So I shall just wait and see what happens!

Oh @CNizzle that sounds horrendous I am sorry you have to go through that every month! I used to feel sorry for myself each AF but now have a few friends with endo and consider myself lucky.
@79andnotout I'm really REALLY sorry you had a blip with DP. Really unfair that we women always seem to be the ones responsible for a partnership's JOINT reproductive success.
@Melamine I hope you're not feeling under pressure from all of us now, but I am holding my thumbs for you, the French version of crossing fingers which seems more sensible / natural to me, tucking the thumb into the palm of the same hand and wrapping fingers around it into a fist like you're cheering on your favourite team!

I'm feeling a bit gutted today, I got a little bit of brown flecking last thing last night (CD25) and today alternating brown / blood spot throughout the day. Obviously gutted AF is on the way (although DP has obviously been doing his own research as he wants to believe it's implantation despite all other signs pointing to routine AF including sore breasts starting at 3dpo as always, etc) but also super freaked out about cycle length - 26 days, WTF??! I only ovulate about day 17 so this is really not long enough.
Suddenly genuinely felt like we're not going to have children and I literally couldn't think of how my life would be without that. In impeccable timing we're visiting family this weekend including my sister + 16 month old nephew. Just want the opportunity to experience that for ourselves.

@Chelonia, does that make you about 9dpo today? If so, doesn't the spotting actually sound like DP may not be nuts and it could be implantation bleeding? My understanding is that boob tenderness is totally normal for the luteal phase and it's only when it goes away that it's a sign AF is on its way...

Oh @79andnotout I am right with you...

I got Ivf referral approved in May and all the forms to fill in (we get one go on NHS) DP said please can we give it another 6 months.... so hear we are....

He starts a new job in October so I suggested he gets his tests done now, and the forms sent off (I already did all mine, hiv, bloods etc)

Now he is saying he doesn't agree with ivf, and if I'm not making life style choices to improve our fertility then we shouldn't waste Nhs resources. (I have a bmi of 26 and I haven't quit drinking, he is still drinking too and has a similar bmi) He then casually slung in the mix that if we aren't conceiving naturally then maybe it's not meant to be.

He has two kids. I have PCOS. If was never going to be straight forward.

We have barely spoken in 48 hours. Which coincided with my fertile window.

Shitbag or overreacting?

I'm obviously prejudiced @TheNewbieStep, but I'd have to go with the shit bag option 😕 Sounds like the goal posts have been moved without consultation with you 😔

Why is it that so many guys go pale at the thought of IVF when the only inconvenience they have in the process is a blood test and to look at some free NHS provided porn and produce a sample?! We're the ones who'll have to give ourselves injections and go legs akimbo in front of the docs at times that are not work friendly 😡

... Sorry for the outburst 😬 It just wrecks my head!

@TheNewbieStep - that is massively annoying. I don't think you're overreacting and it sounds like he is being hypocritical with respect to the drinking/BMI. I know that he is not going to be carrying the baby but he could certainly be supportive and also stop drinking/lose weight and him doing so is only going to assist in the babymaking process. It is particularly frustrating given that you have the IVF referral already and it sounds like he has now got cold feet about it.

TTC is so hard on relationships. My DH is younger than me and, despite being the one who was keener for kids, he didn't propose until last summer after nearly 6 years together ( I had always been very clear that I wanted to get married before TTC).We then got married in May and started TTC straightaway. Now every month when AF comes I feel a bit annoyed that he didn't pull his finger out and get things moving earlier!

I wouldn’t qualify for ivf as OH has children. And knowing what I do about ivf, I don’t think I could put myself through it. As it’s not something I’d pay for, it’s a non-issue for me.

I’m due AF today. Feeling positive. No signs yet, but not going to get my hopes up too much. I’m abroad at the moment, flying back tonight. So going to test in the morning. Please can I have some positive fairy dust sprinkled my way...😬💕

Feel for you @TheNewbieStep. I do think he’s being a shitbag. My OH always says to me that it’s never wasting NHS resources if it’s genuine (need or desire). We have to resist going private for things or they will be taken away. Not that I could afford to go private for ivf. He’s understandably nervous but he really needs to make decisions with you, not for you.

Love the cheering fist @Chelonia! Fx (or rather held thumbs) that the spotting is IB not AF!

Good luck @Sessy19!

Keeping everything crossed for you both @melamine and @sessy19.

Good luck @Melamine and @Sessy19!

Noodella, how are you doing? Are you 14dpo yet?

😡 at having partners/spouses that move goalposts. My ex was the worst for that. People say things like “well didn’t you discuss it?” Of course we did! But all the discussions in the world don’t help when one person unilaterally decides they want something else. It was heartbreaking for me and felt like as much of a betrayal as an affair.

I’m surprised to hear some of you have decided against IVF. I don’t mean that negatively, it is simply different to my experiences in my own social circles. I like hearing all the different perspectives here. I don’t know if I’d have the emotional strength to go down that road.

Oooh, keeping everything crossed for you @Sessy19 🤞🍀🤞🍀

Good luck @Melamine & @Sessy19!

After last nights cramping and spotting, today... nothing. Not even a smudge since i went to bed.
Very odd, im almist on edge here waiting on AF. Today I've not even had so much as a twinge. I'm 10dpo, with usually 10/11 day luteal phase.
I broke and did a frer when i got home from work. BFN.
Fertility friend says test day sunday, so looks like I'll need to just sit on my hands. (Im pretty sure checking my cervix all the time is not helping either)

10 dpo is pretty early even for a FRER @CNizzle, especially when not using FMU. Definitely try sitting on those hands until Sunday!

Can I ask how/what you're checking your cervix for? 😬

@bambiOnIce80 I know, I know!! I think the lack of AF after being so sure it was on its way totally threw me. I wasnt really expecting anything other than bfn really.
I check my cervix around ov for ewcm, and if its open or closed. This past few days to check to see if it was open ready for AF.
When I started using my mooncup a few years back, I read about cervix position/opening, I find it useful for knowing when AF or ov is approaching.

That is super interesting and not something I have tried, thanks @CNizzle! I'm pathetically squeamish when it comes to poking around my own bits, so not sure if I'll manage it though! 😂

@CNizzle

What is owcm - cervical mucus?

Ewcm - egg white cervical mucus like, your fertile cm. I must've picked that up off a different ttc forum!

I’m intrigued by cervical checking but I have very long pointy nails so it’s not possible 😂 I do use a mooncup though... carefully!

@BambiOnIce80 I don’t like poking around down there either so you’re not alone.

I got a peak reading today so don’t know if I O’d already today or if it will happen tomorrow. We haven’t been great with timing this month but it just takes one, right?