TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

@knitkitty so sorry to hear this :( there’s no better recovery than eating what you like and doing what you like xxx

Hey @TinyPaws - good to hear from you too!

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis and the delays-I really hope everything works out for you. It's so so hard, I really feel for you. As you said, we've been through a lot together!

As for conceiving being nerve wracking-I wish I could say it wasn't. Every loo trip, every twinge, every possible sign or symptom, and the fear when things that were there disappear...that said I've done my best to try and enjoy this pregnancy-however long it lasts, the fear could so easily consume me (and it has now and then) but I have to fight if, and enjoy being a mom to my little bow. Just have to hope all is well in there.

@Newbie21 so sorry to hear that. I'm on CD6 too...

Trying hard to not get stressed out about mandated days/tines this month and just enjoy it. Won't be able to resist still using OPKs though!

Exhausted today. First smear test since DD was stillborn in April was in room where I used to see midwife and first time I heard her heartbeat

Then at dentist where they asked all about my new baby. They weren't to know and everyone was really kind but I came home & slept for 2 hrs I couldn't even cry. Due back at work next week too...

Fingers crossed for more BFPs for us all xxxx

Thankyou all for your support. This thread keeps me sane ❤ so sorry to people who are experiencing another loss or a bfn so much love. I will try to relax hahaha 🤦🏼‍♀️🙈 i still struggle that i should of been due anytime now or 25 weeks pregnant but very thankful I am pregnant again. Will never take that for granted. Love to all xx

Morning everyone, hope you’re all doing ok, yay for the +ves and gentle ((hugs)) for those suffering

If my cycle post MC is normal then I think I’m due on today, I don’t feel pregnant though so I’m just hoping this cycle is normal so that I can return to trying properly. No point testing yet as I’m only 7dpo thanks to late ovulation. Fingers crossed either way tbh. I don’t think I can cope with cycle being late and getting my hopes up.

@Newbie21 I have had similar thoughts about MN and if I should continue being on here, and like you I then realise how much support I do get from all of you lovely ladies. I don't think I would be in as good a state of mind as I am after pregnancy loss(es) without all of you.
Fingers crossed for you for this fresh new cycle.

@Blondcat that sounds like perfect timing for a lovely relaxing holiday!

TinyPaws for every risk, there's also a chance. So try to focus on what could go right instead of what could go wrong, if you can. It is good to know what you're up against, but don't let it stop you feeling hopeful! xxx

LittleLuce37 sounds like you had a tough day. Huge hugs. All you can do is just take each day as it comes. If you go back to work and find it hard to cope you can always give yourself more time off again. What support have you been getting? Are you having counselling?

@DartmoorDoughnut How long is your luteal phase normally? 7 days isn't very long... Have you confirmed ovulation with temping? Sounds like possibly AF isn't quite due yet?

I'm not feeling too bad this morning thankfully. Just a bit numb and a lot of thoughts going through my head of the what-ifs and maybes...
I just have to remember that CPs are really common and not necessarily an indicator that anything is wrong and I just have to hope I get a sticky one soon.
Hopefully this cycle won't be as long so I can get back on track.

@KnitKitty thank you I have been speaking to the bereavement midwife and been referred for counselling which hopefully shouldn't take too long. Back at work next week which will be a big step... everyone has been very supportive but I am dreading it as I was pregnant at the same time as so many colleagues and I'm the only one returning without a baby. Although I'm past my due date etc everything is a tiny reminder of what should have been.

Ladies. I'm just going to barge on in here. I'm not a regular on this thread. I want to be, but I can't bring myself to. I'm from the "Marchers 2019" but had an early mc. It was my second. I'm 27, DH 51. I usually spend time catching up on the thread beforehand, but I'm just sat in a moping selfish mess right now, so apologies guys.

I had my first cycle, and TTC but then realised I wasn't emotionally ready. Thankfully(!) it didn't catch. One of us or perhaps both, isn't particularly fertile.

I am honestly petrified of the consequences of TTC and MC#3. I'm now three days late. Before the MC my periods were bang on. Every time. I even predicted the first period after MC from when I believe the MC had ended and I was within a day. Late periods just don't happen.

I don't feel pregnant. My boobs haven't swollen as they did each time before. I'm not emotionally on edge. But I'm bricking it. I haven't got a pregnancy test. I actually don't want to POAS for fear of what it might hold - I will not be happy with a BFP. I don't even know what I'll do with myself, but one step at a time. I said to my mother only two days ago that we aren't TTC and that I don't want a pregnancy right now (not that I would abort it, of course not)

I need to get my shit together. How do I stay calm? Do I get a stick and POAS in the morning? Do I assume by morning Flo with have arrived in all her glory? I don't even want to do the test. I don't want to know. I realise I need to be adult about this but at the moment I'm feeling the best option is to hide in a darkened room under a duvet...!

@frankiefumbles so so sorry you find yourself here. I totally understand your anxiety. You have been through a lot and, after having an MC (or 2 in your case) getting that BFP is a very very different experience to pre-MC. I can't tell you what the right thing to do is but having had a CP last cycle, I actually think that maybe if it were me, I'd just wait. Provided you have no pains etc maybe you just give it 5 days or whatever. Or until there is the morning that you wake up and think sod it I'm taking the test. Each day of pregnancy is an achievement so you might feel a tiny bit better if you wait a bit. Plus or cycles can do funny things. I'm generally click Work too but I have had the odd off cycle in recent times so waiting a bit longer if you are not ready won't harm. Also, just ensure you have the support around you. You certainly have this group. Xx

Apologies for the spelling errors.

@KnitKitty this is the second cycle I’ve charted, well I’ve used the clear blue digi ovulation kit, and with MC I ovulated CD18 but not sure previously if I’ve been a late ovulating or if this is an age thing - 36 now. Will see what the next few days brings but haven’t bought any tests yet so I can’t drive myself crazy line spotting.

@frankiefumbles holding your hand

I've manned the hell up and taken the test. It's come back positive. I simply don't know what to do with myself. I understand that there are people here who would give anything to be in my position but I'm literally caught in the headlights and I'm petrified. Has anyone been in my position and had two MCs and somehow managed to keep their cool for the third? I don't really think I'm emotionally strong enough for this right now, but I'm in it so I better deal with it. Jeez. How could it possibly be this scary...

@Blondcat thank you! Sorry af arrived. Fingers crossed for better news next month 🤞

@KnitKitty I’ve been feeling the exact same way, I’ve felt so guilty for not being excited for my OH’s cousin but I couldn’t even bare to look at her scan photo! It’s so hard, it’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Hope you’re doing okay now, hugs

@Newbie21 absolutely! I took a few weeks break from mumsnet after losing Charlie but really started to miss the support. I wish none of us had to go through pregnancy loss but I’m glad we all have such great support here - and in real life too

@frankiefumbles oh hun I totally understand how you feel. I’ve had 3 losses now and each pregnancy gets harder and harder. I spent my last pregnancy with Charlie in fear every single day. I worried over everything and in the end, that didn’t stop me from losing him. If I could go back, I would just enjoy it and make the most of those precious few months! Also, the odds are massively in your favour. I’m sure you will have a healthy little bean in there so try to stay calm and think positive. Maybe your little bean is just meant to be!! I’m sorry you’re so worried but I totally get it and everyone else here will too. So if you need to vent, we’re all here for you. I’ve got my fingers crossed for a healthy and stress free pregnancy for you x

Btw has anyone got advice for me - af started 4 days ago (it’s practically stopped now) but I’m still testing positive. I’m a bit worried, is it even possible to start af without all hcg leaving your system? Should I make dr appointment? If only things were more simple!

@hayleyfx when I had my MC they said that if you had a positive after AF it's worth going back to get a scan to make sure everything has cleared out properly. I'm not sure where you are in your process and can't see from the thread. I'm not sure if this applies in your case but I see no one has chipped in yet.

Thanks for your words x

Sorry. I realise those words are a bit harsh but I can't find any that make it sound any less rubbish...

Hi @TinyPaws I have been wondering how you are doing. Sorry to hear of the diagnosis but it sounds like they are being thorough and keeping a close eye on you. I hope you are feeling ok. It's not what you want to hear so soon after a miscarriage but I hope there is a plan in place for moving forwards.

@hayleyfx sorry to hear that you are going through this confusion so soon after losing your little boy. I don't have any experience of this myself but I would say as you had af and are still getting a positive pregnancy test I would call the GP. Just on the off chance that there is pregnancy tissue and a risk of infection. Is it a strong line, or is it lighter than the one you took previously?

@frankiefumbles I still would like to congratulate you, even though you are nervous :) I wonder if one of the other newly pregnant ladies could point you towards one of the threads that's called "pregnant after miscarriage" (or similar?) as you may find some comfort there, as the women will be in exactly the same boat.

I think I'm 1 dpo but absolutely no chance this month, DH has been away. I'll do the progesterone test in 7 days. This will be the longest cycle I've ever had.

@frankiefumbles I have had 2 MCs and got a vvvvv faint bfp on Sunday. I totally understand how you are feeling but I am trying to concentrate on the fact that today I am pregnant. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I do know that today is a good day and worrying won't change it.

Here is a photo of my bfp that is finally dark enough to see in a photo.

Hi again everyone, I've been lurking for a few days.
Hugs to everyone who's had another Bfn or who's af had arrived unwanted and hooray and tentative congratulations to all with bfps!
Once Af came I was pretty disappointed actually and found myself moping a bit.
I'm cd4 now and I've pulled myself together somewhat.
Af has calmed down and is far less painful, day 2 was by far the worst but I seem to be okay now.
Thinking of discussing coming off my usual meds with the Gp and seeing if it will help with getting caught once we're ready again.
Not sure exactly when to expect to ov but dint know about using Opk's as I've never quite understood them?!

@Martydog congratulations sorry I missed your bfp on Sunday

Sorry everyone, I'm so crap at keeping up!

Hello @frankiefumbles. I remember you from The Marchers. Sorry to see you here. There are a few of us sadly. Congratulations on your bfp. I can imagine it's petrifying so I'm sending hugs and a virtual hand hold xx

@xJune88 I understand you waiting a bit. Fx for a sticky bean for you.

@hayleyfx sorry AF showed up. Hope when you decide to try again, this month or next it's a BFP.

@KnitKitty how are you today? Hope you were well looked after lastnight and enjoyed the burger and onion rings.

@Blondcat sorry AF showed for you too yesterday but good that you're away over fw. Hope this cycle brings you a BFP.

Sadly I'm out thus month too. AF arrived this afternoon. Gutted. Onto cycle 2 post mc for me. Something tells me it's going to be another 5 years of disappointment whuch basically means no babies or family for us ever. Think the pregnancy I lost 8 weeks ago was our one and only ever. Was trying to look on AF arriving positively earlier but I just feel like shit now.

@hayleyfx sorry just seen your other post. I would definitely give your GP a call and get an appointment. They may need to check you don't have an infection or "retained products " i hate that term. Hugs!!!!

@frankiefumbles sorry you find yourself here but also congratulations on your BFP. It will be hard after mc but there's so many lovely ladies on MN who can support plus you are stronger than you think. Also, maybe speak to your GP and midwife about any anxieties you have so they can ensure you have the right support.

@Martydog congrats on your BFP, hope it's a sticky one.

Still lurking here, not quite ready to move away and I really like you all and want to see you all achieve your bfp's!!! Hugs to all going through hard times keep on moving forward... positive vibes all round 💕

Thanks @KnitKitty for asking after me! I'm ok, I like @Martydog mantra 'today I am pregnant' can't help worrying tho. I told my manager today as I figured that if things didn't work out it would look so odd if I were to go off sick so soon with the same thing! She was very supportive and said she has everything crossed for me. So I was glad I told her. I still a paranoid mess, today I was spooked twice by ppl just surprising me! My heart nearly stopped! I feel like these things will effect the bean and worry! Aaagh! If only I could wrap myself in a thick duvet and stay in bed the next 8 months 🤔

@frankiefumbles I don't know if I'm going to be much comfort, I can only imagine how hard it must be with more than one MC. I hope you are ok, sending hugs! Try to enjoy it, like @Martydog said, 'today you are pregnant'

@hayleyfx that's confusing, I also think you need a scan referral for this! Hope you find some answers lovely

Thanks @Mistymeow, how are things going with you? TBH the clinic haven't been amazing, I've had to push for answers/support but I think we're getting there.

My AMH came back today and against expectations it is low so feeling a bit shite about that. Got an appointment tomorrow so will talk things through then.

Morning everyone. I'm afraid I haven't been able to keep up with all the posting. During the week is impossible for me. I'm hoping for a better day today. Yesterday my AF arrived with a vengeance. Normally, though irritatingly irregular, mine are reliably light and pain-free. This one is neither. So much so that the physical memory triggered huge bouts of crying at work. Thankfully everyone was lovely about it and arranged cover in my class (sometimes I wish I had a job that didn't involve standing in front of 30 people all day every day). DH was typically ace when I got home too and now I've slept for 9hrs I hope I'll have a better day. I've never had a physical memory like that before, has anyone else? I hope the next af is calm again!