TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

@Bobzybaby and @Lilimum4 I guess if it could result in more questions and concerns than answers then maybe for the best. Do they check for a heart beat without the scan? I'm not sure what the usual protocol is following a previous MC.

@Newbie21 I don't think the heartbeat develops until roughly 6 weeks (ish). Although I think it can develop earlier / later and is different for everyone. The consultant told me that's why they wait until 7 weeks to scan - to ensure they can see it.

@Lilimum4 I just realised I may have picked this up all wrong. They're not going to scan you before 12 weeks?! I assumed you meant before 7!

Where I live - if you have had a previous mc, you automatically get a scan at 7 weeks. Horrendous to expect a woman to wait longer!

@Bobzybaby that's right not before 12 weeks. The only reason I had an early scan last time was because I was having a lot of pain in my right side so it was to check for ectopic pg but it turned out that my bean had died just a few days earlier. This time I have the same pain on my left but they will not scan

@Newbie21 @keebo @Melpops36 we're all in similar boats - I'm coming up on last chance saloon to be pregnant before my MMC due date of 1 October. Depending on cycle I might be 2ww but that makes it seem even worse. I've no idea how I'm going to cope. I expected to cope by being pregnant. Instead I'm going to have to deal with not expecting and 3 very close friends all due around that time just to pile drive it home. Still holding very slim hope for this month AF due tomorrow. Am never very symptomatic in very early pregnancy or pre AF so who knows. BBT chart falling ( though this is first month of measuring) and negative test on Saturday suggest it's still not my time.

@Lilimum4 @Bobzybaby my trust will scan early if you've had a loss after the time it would have been visible on a scan so I guess 6/7 weeks? My baby died at 10weeks so they offered me a reassurance at 10 weeks with mc2.

I can't remember if I told you all but when I spoke to EPU about loss 2, which I thought was a chemical, they classed it as a 'proper' miscarriage because I was 6.1 by LMP after a silly cycle (but 15 dpo having used opk - they didn't count that). Heaven forbid it happen again.

Tested this morning. BFN. Looks like worst case scenario 😪 Feel awful. Thanks for all your messages.

@Melpops36 you sure your not still in the fertile window if you've only just had a positive opk? I would jks and wait a few more days to test? AF hasn't shown up yet no? Hope you're ok, our bodies are so confusing at the moment. MC is a horrible thing to go through. Sending hugs and baby dust xxx

@kisses4u pretty sure my AF is due Tuesday/Wednesday so don’t think I’m ovulating. Feel very hormonal and not up for JKS right now! It’s big knickers and ugly t shirts week!

Morning all.

Sorry for the BFNs @Melpops36 and @Littleray84 and to hear people are coming up to their due dates. I can only imagine how harrowing this must be and am sending virtual hugs – and wine! I keep telling myself that I will be pregnant by March…I have no idea what I will do if I am not. I will also have people due around this time and just imagining what could have been is already excruciating.

@Lilimum4 my EPU told me after the miscarriage that if WHEN I get pregnant again and if I am feeling anxious I should just call them directly and say I am bleeding and they will scan me. Obviously pretty dishonest way to get seen but if you are feeling anxious might be worth a try? Although as others have said, you can’t see a heartbeat before six weeks (and that is early so 7 is to be sure). I had a scan at just over 5 weeks with my DD and all they saw was a sac.

I have gone from feeling relief and elation at the arrival of AF to back to feeling…shitty. It’s my 36th birthday on Wednesday. I know life isn’t a race and all that, but I just can’t help but feel this isn’t where I want to be. Plus the fact that I should have coming up to 16 weeks. I had a secret fantasy that I could have found out the sex and now here I am, waiting for fertile week and feeling like I am no further forwards than I was six months ago

Echoing everyone else, my EPU also offers an early scan at 7 weeks to anyone with a previous miscarriage, can't believe they would make you wait 12 weeks! @Lilimum4 can you get your GP to refer you for an early scan if the midwife refuses?

@InDreamland I haven't asked my GP about medication yet, partly because I feel like he is a bit judgmental about all the medication I was on and he won't want me back on it! Maybe it's time to see a different GP, but the reason I do like my current one is that he is very knowledgable about thyroid issues so it's kind of swings and roundabouts.

I am a bit confused this morning - it's now exactly four weeks since I had an MVA so I decided to use my last FRER as there is no sign of AF, although equally there's no sign of being pregnant either - my boobs don't hurt at all whereas last time they were killing me from 9dpo onwards. I got this very faint line, and now have no idea if it's left over from the last pregnancy or the start of a new one. I did get a BFN 2 weeks ago but it was on an internet cheapie test, so I'm thinking maybe I got this line because the FRER is so much more sensitive and it's still residual HCG, especially as I haven't got any symptoms. Or it could be a chemical? Now I will just have to wait and see if AF comes I suppose! Here is the pic anyway:

Lilimum4 fantastic news that you're still preggo. I hope it's a sticky one. That nurse needs a good talking to! Also, I really don't think it's right that they're not planning to scan early. Could you contact your EPAU and tell them about your hip pain and previous loss and that they're refusing to early-scan you and see what they say? I'd mention the nurse's attitude too, about thinking you'd miscarry for no reason...

Newbie21 I agree, I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to conceive when we want to so it's not as hard on us emotionally, but the reality is it wouldn't really help as the grief is still there, and the one that's meant to be will find its way into the world at its right time. Maybe it's a good thing to be able to fully give time to the one we lost around the due date and then look ahead to a new beginning after? I would have been due in October, and it's looming up a bit, but I think I've made peace with the fact I probably won't be pregnant again by then now.

mostimproved there's definitely a squinter there. I guess all you can do is wait for a few more days and test again to see if the line gets darker. It could be residual tiny amounts of HCG as it's an FRER... What a head f**k

Well I think I'm nearly out for this month. Had a very small amount of spotting yesterday and woke up feeling a bit periody, so think AF is going to show up today (no particular pregnancy symptoms).

@knitkitty I totally agree, the pressure to have a baby by such-and-such a time for anyone is soul-destroying but we can choose to ignore it. Thats what im trying to do now, sometimes with success!
Sadly we can't ignore the requirements of working for however long it is before getting mat leave pay. That one drives me nuts as I'd love to change job for something slightly less stressful but that would mean taking at least 6 months (3 for notice period and 3 before you can tell them you're pregnant) out from ttc. I can't bring myself to do that. I get that the law protects employers but I can't help but think it was written by men! I sound like I should be on the feminist chat thread - sorry!

@mostimproved did you test again today?

@mostimproved it's a shame your GP makes you feel like that as they really are supposed to do what is best for your health. The line on the FRER is a head f*. Like you need any more reminder of what you're going through.

I am so no in the mood still for being sociable at work. I just don't want to have conversations with anyone and actually getting fed up of people asking me how I am. Then just to rub salt in wounds, on tube on way home, heavily pregnant women being ignored by many people in clear line of sight. I then caught a glimose of huge belly when someone blocking my line of sight to her moved so I offered her my seat. I just feel like absolute shit. Oh to just run away to the middle of nowhere and not have to see or speak to anyone. I so desperately want my baby back but as I know I can't I want to be pregnant again by Christmas which is a huge tall order given I think the pregnancy was a fluke.

Hi I'm back again....

31 years old now
Married
1 mmc on my first pregnancy
Ttc since Feb 2018

Warning rant alert
Eugh had last week off and was my Birthday. It didn't go well. My husband is stressed and dealing with his emotions finally. So was a stressful week. Now today he tells me his friends wife is pregnant. I feel like I've been punched in the stomache. It hurts so much. Why is she pregnant? Why aren't I? Why does she get to be ok and not me? There's also a guy at my work who's wife is overdue. I feel so jealous I can't speak to him about it at all. I'm dreading him bringing in photos. I just thought I'd be pregnant again by now. It's now been over 3 months. I ovulated last week. We did do it a few times but with the upset I didn't try as hard. I fear I've missed a chance. I can't cope with the waiting I really need to be pregnant this month!! It's just so unfair. How do you all cope?

Hi @Pancakes7 sorry you're having a really rough day. I totally get how you're feeling and have had many days like that! (4 losses here!) I read this once:

"In China, we have a saying that your next baby will be the same soul that just tried to come too soon"

It reminds me to be patient and that when the time is right it will happen.

I also need to remind myself that other people are entitled to happiness. Even when I'm not. I literally have to tell myself that when I'm off on one!

I also cope by drinking copious amount of prosecco and muntering chocolate by the ton! 🤷🏼‍♀️

I hope your day gets better x

@Bobzybaby Thank you for your reply. Its so good to have someone who understands. I hate days like this. I just want a baby so much. I hate that I'm so jealous. That saying is lovely. I hope we both get to meet our babies soon.x

Thank you for sharing that quote Bobzybaby, it's lovely. xxx

@pancakes7 I’m so sorry you’re having a crap day. I totally understand! Been back at work today and the bloke I sit next too announced the birth of his twins (due on the same date mine was) and my friend just texted to say she’s due in March!!!! Why today!!!
All in good time though. @bobzybaby that really is a beautiful saying x

I have returned waves how is everyone doing? Body playing silly buggers again this month, I swear she is making my cycles up as she goes along. I wonder what length the cycle will be this time hmm! I will be going for the day 21 blood test so hopefully that will show something either way.

Hi @Melpops36 do you think you could have ovulated later than expected? Only I usually have 24 day cycles but since mmc they have been way off. Last month I o'd cd21 and that delayed af until cd35. I was temping so I anticipated being late. I find temping gives me a bit more control over ttc and I don't have the anxiety of wondering why I'm late.

@Pancakes7 I'm sure we all have had those days. I'm often around newborns and pregnancy. I try to rationalise it in my head- that's not my baby, that's not my journey. I'm on a different route. It's a long one, it's hard, but I've got my lovely partner and the hope of a little rainbow to look forward to. It's difficult, but I find it helps to take my focus away from other people and think to the future. I agree with @bobzybaby and very much so about the prosecco and chocolate. Muntering is an excellent word!

@Mistomeow they were 28 pre MMC in March. Post miscarriage 24 days. On the dot. Never late never early for 5 cycles. I would really doubt it would change this month!
But then again I doubt everything now.
I’m not being very positive today. Sorry everyone! This too shall pass xx

@InDreamLand I'm with you on not wanting to socialise at work. I work in a school so have been off since the end of July and it feels like the whole holiday has been consumed with my miscarriage. I saw a few colleagues last week who all cheerfully asked how my holidays have been and I just had to grin and bear it and make up stories. It sort of feels like I should get a tattoo telling people to stay away. I'm dreading tomorrow when all staff are back in.

@KnitKitty yes you are so right. Friends of mine who have had MCs then gone on to give birth have said you always think of the one(s) you've lost so it's definitely true that whilst being pregnant again would be truly amazing, I will and should still grieve and it's healthy to do so.

I have a really annoying feeling down below. I feel like any second AF will show. It's a really heavy feeling. I don't usually have this before AF. However, I do have the bloating which is very very standard pre-AF for me. Every time I go to the loo I dread wiping. 😂 totally ridiculous I know! I'm due on Wednesday. I though that yesterday my CM was slightly discolored so AF was going to show up early (or I'd start spotting like I have the last few cycles since MC) but nothing yet. Urgghh. I know I'm out but I can't help but cling on to a bit of hope.

On @Newbie21 its like you're describing my body tonight! Feeling so heavy between my legs. Due tomorrow, usually have a wee spot the day before but not had anything today apart from a bit of sticky cm.

@keebo @InDreamland sorry to hear you're finding work tough and @Melpops36 that really does sound rubbish. Tough to face and not fair at all. I'm actually quite enjoying being at work because only 2 people know what's been going on and I know they have my back and it's somewhere that I can't pour over charts, symptoms and sticks.

@Mistymeow wise words on temping and about the journey. It's hard not to be envious but I try to remember that you don't know how long or how hard someone else has fought to fall pregnant, nor how they are dealing with it. We're all indeed on our own journey and we can't do anything but find the happy times on our way.

@Bobzybaby love that saying. My friend told me something similar but opposite, that after a very long hard road of making a baby, she held her daughter in her arms and knew it had all been worthwhile - everything had just to fall in to the right place at the right time ❤️ excellent advice on the prosecco and chocolate.

@Pancakes7 maybe you did enough! Who knows in this crazy game - all it takes is one lucky swimmer!

Thanks ladies x💕🌸🐧x