TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

@Littleray84 I see something in your test. Fx for your next test xx

Ooh @Littleray84 I don't know how you can wait! I see a squinter there! How sensitive was the test? I agree that FRER will be your best bet with FMU tomorrow. That's what I'd do, but if you can wait longer then all the better. Good luck

No need to apologise @SuperSharpShooter82, 8 months must have felt like a long time to you, especially if you have friends/family who all fall pregnant around you and quickly. It's only cos I've been through the years so realise months actually isn't that long. When I started TTC I said to DH it could take a year as I knew people who had been trying for a year before getting their BFP, it was only when we went past the year I started panicking and the 1 year turned into 5 years of disappointment. That's why though I'm not confident I'll ever get pregnant again. Try not to panic/worry like I do (I should take my own advice) - if you feel up to it then try using OPKs so toy can see whether you are ovulating.

Thank you @InDreamland. I feel terrible that my comment came across like that, you have been so supportive in the past few weeks. I appreciate it so much xxx

Do you have a Clear Blue ovulation monitor thing?

I did another FRER this morning at 11dpo and still absolutely nothing. Think I'm out but will test again tomorrow as I've managed to use 4 tests in two days 🙈 If nothing tomorrow I will wait for AF! I know I wasn't supposed to get pregnant this month but now I feel sad about it 😢

I cancelled the annual leave I had booked for next month which was supposed to lead me straight into my maternity leave... my manager emailed me to have a go at me for changing my holiday last minute (quite uncalled for) but it made me cry and I had to leave the building to pull myself together! Some days are just so much harder than others.

Hi @SuperSharpShooter82 i have been thinking of you too and was going to @ you on this thread but didn't want to disturb if you were feeling a bit fragile!

I'm not feeling too great as it's my first week back to work so I've been in tears every morning but today was a little better. I have DTD several times over what seemed like a fertile week but haven't since the weekend due to this crushing anxiety and sadness I've been feeling. Now waiting for AF to come - I normally have short cycles so hopefully it's not too long. I don't think you need to worry about your period being too light but I get that everything is a worry when it's not 'normal'. And that's so annoying about the pregnancy announcements l, it's like a slap in the face every time isn't it.

I wanted to ask a general question - has anybody else been on medication pre-pregnancy, had to come off it while pregnant and then did you restart it post miscarriage or stay off it? Specifically the medication I was on is Sertraline for depression/anxiety and amitriptyline for migraines (lucky me eh)! I gradually reduced in the first 2 weeks after BFP, although I was told those medications are low risk in pregnancy but I didn't want to risk it. Now I'm no longer pregnant, I'm struggling with my mood and with migraines returning but reluctant to restart meds only to have to come off again - but obviously if it takes a year to conceive I'd be better off on meds and not going crazy!

Oh @RedRobin7 I feel for you :( sounds like a right bummer of a day. I hope AF stays away for you and that your mean manager gets her comeuppance one way or another (like the last teabag in the pack splits open in her cuppa tonight 🤣)

I've had a pretty good day - non working day so got some housework done, saw a friend for lunch and another friend for a walk in the park. Had to go and ruin it didn't I by testing when I got home and a brilliant white BFN on an IC. got a squinter at 10dpo last month before my chemical so whilst potentially still in with a chance I'm pretty sure I'm out. Feeling very weepy but can't admit to anyone else why that is.

Despite all my apps saying different things, I reckon I'm 10 dpo with af due in 5 days. I think tracking is driving me as crazy as poas this month. Why is this so hard?

@SuperSharpShooter82 I don't have the monitor but am now using the CB OPKs (ovulation test advance digital) that come in packs of 10 or 20 sticks. The box says "typically identifies 4 or more fertile days" and when you're not fertile it will show a "O" when high fertility gives a flashing smiley face and when peak fertility when ovulating gives a static smiley face. So far I'm on flashing smiley which has made me feel slightly better about my body hopefully returning to some form of normality. Please don't feel bad about how your comment may have come accross, TTC is such an emotional thing and then top that with a mc and what all of us here have been through even a couple of months can feel like a lifetime when all you want is a BFP.

Awww @Redrobin7 I'm still keeping fx for you! It aint over until AF shows her ugly face. Your manager sounds like an insensitive moo. She'll get her comeuppence - she'll be going through a tough time and then someone will be mean to her.

@mostimproved sorry you're still finding it tough but it's still very raw so you need to take all the time you need to grieve and process everything and heal, that's what I'm doing. Returning to work is awful, I also cried every day all of the week I went back and the following week and still do now. It's so hard isn't it. Are you getting any counselling for support? The only medication I was on pre-pregnancy that I had to stop using were antihistamines for hayfever and betnovate steroid cream for my eczema. I was then told a few weeks later I could take the antihistamine but still not allowed the steroid cream. My eczema flared up so bad between weeks 7 and 12 when i mc'd and after the mc. As soon as the complete mc was over and confirmed at a scan I went back onto it as my skin was so dreadful. Have to admit that if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I'm worried about my skin flaring up again when I stop using the cream but I tell myself if I get to hold my baby in 9 months time it will be worth it. Have you seen your GP you ask about going back on your medication and your worries about coming off again when you get pregnant?

@doddlebobs glad you had a good day but sorry you got a BFN. It's so hard, waiting every month is torture. Hopefully you're not out and the IC was a dud. Maybe try a FRER? What can we all do to distract ourselves during the TWW?

I had my second counselling session today. I think it helped a little. She asked me about future plans if we didn't manage to get pregnant so whilst we think we know what we will do I think maybe it's something we need to discuss more as not sure on the impact of changing focus on life and purpose will be. After 5 years TTC I'd pretty much just given up and thought well I'll just have fun then and spend my money on fancy holidays and experiences. Then got BFP and that all changed, focus changed and made plans for baby, as in like everything including researching local schools (I didn't grow up in this area ao no knowledge of local school where we live whereas DH knows them all). I'm looking forward to my next session next month. Not sure though I tackled any of my emotions of feeling angry and bitter and how to cope better with them.

Thank you @supersharpshooter82 and @indreamland. I do see my SILs quite regularly. We all have two year olds (bit of a tradition being pregnant together!) so it's nice for the cousins to get together. One of my SILs has had 2 miscarriages so she is really understanding and supportive.
The facebook messages and announcements are hard aren't they. And no matter where you look there are pregnant bellies everywhere all of a sudden!

@strawberrye hey, thank you i will need it.
Call the midwife blanket is a blanket seen on the tv show, it then became really popular and was named 'call the midwife blanket'
No idea what the actual pattern was originally called.
Here is a pic so far..

Haha love the dory comparison!
Glad you feel more positive at this point in cycle.

@RedRobin7 sorry for your shit day, i really feel for you, so out of your manager! Stupid twat!
Fingers crossed for bfp 🤞🏻

@YellowDaffodils86 oh that is really beautiful! Is it hard? Where did you find the pattern?

I imagine the blanket works like what we would call a cellular blanket today? It's lovely ❤️

Stupid me tested again this morning hoping FMU would make a difference at 11dpo. It didn't 😞 did tell my husband I'd done it this time though and he was worried about me keep testing so early. It's an odd situation isn't it - I just don't think they can understand as it's not their body, but also that it is literally part of them we are hoping to find?

Happy Friday everyone 😘

@craftymum01 I just want to hide away and not see a pregnant belly ever again it's too painful. How do you/everyone else cope with it and manage all the emotions?

@YellowDaffodils86 that is a really cute blankie, so talented!

@doddlebobs sorry for the BFN. I've never been a test early person simply because I am not good at handling disappointment so wait to test until AF is at least 5 days late but I totally understand why a lot of us do it. When you so desperately want a baby you want to know ASAP whether you have one on the way.

I got my first static smiley and I'm so relieved that my body seems to be getting back to 'normal' after the mc. Not confident we'll actually get pregnant again given how long it took me last time but still good to know I'm ovulating. Maybe there's some truth in the super fertile thing after mc?

Didn't test and AF turned up this morning. Didn't expect any miracles straight after MC really. I don't see this as a failure though. Will just carry on what I've been doing with supplements and acupuncture and gearing up for the next cycle. got a couple of options to think about, including home insemination and IUI. Will make a decision later. Good luck to those in tww!

@InDreamland , keep DTD! Fingers crossed for your month!

@Russkispy sorry AF turned up but you have a very healthy attitude towards it. Fingers crossed for your next cycle. Thanks, have already told DH we're DTD every night this weekend from tonight. DTD last night and night before. After 5 years of disappointment and then the mc I'm don't believe it will happen for us though. I have to try though.

@InDreamland , keep going and stay positive. It's a must!
Got my first reflexology tomorrow. Again, it's something new and I'm willing to try anything and everything at whatever cost! Will let you know how it went

I'm working on the frame of mind @Russkispy, the mc on top of 5 years TTC have just flattened me along with all the other things I see with certain family member just getting pregnant so easily and she being a nasty person. Just still trying to process and cope with the unfairness and injustice of it all - especially as she only had a baby to manipulate and blackmail her parents with it to get what she wants. Apparently she hates actually being a mother. Makes me so mad. Kinda why i feel cheated and robbed and like I'll probably never get my baby if she is rewarded for her nastiness with exactly what she wants but I get nothing for trying to do everything right. Something I really need to work on at my next counselling session.

I hope the reflexology helps @Russkispy. I have a massage tomorrow to try relax.

Bobzybaby Has it really been that long since you were last around?? I agree with you, I'd been putting my life on hold too and feeling miserable. So I started planning life again and have ended up with a new job. It's changed my perspective completely and given me something else to think about. I feel so much better now. Glad you've feeling good too.

doddlebobs I want to come and work where you work! That sounds so fun! Not great with puns, but sounds like you're an expect!
Yes, I do recommend reiki (and reflexlology, not had it myself in years but did a night class in it and know how beneficial it can be... Maybe I should have it myself! Teehee!)

Hi Obblegobble and Tobebythesea. Welcome. xxx

Littleray84 I can see a squinter too.

mostimproved I was on a steroid inhaler and came off it for first pregnancy. I haven't gone back on it. Mainly because the first 2/3 months post MC I didn't feel I needed it. This last month or so has been a bit more difficult, but like you, I'm reluctant to go back on it.

RedRobin7 Huge hugs lovely. You boss sounds like a charmer! Is your gynae appointment today? I've lost track.

InDreamland I'm glad you had a good counselling session. Sounds like it will be helpful for you xxx

YellowDaffodils86 Love the blanket, well done talented lady.

Well a good friend of mine (but no longer see much as she lives the other side of the world) who is due around the time I would have been posted a picture on Facebook of her big growing bump yesterday and it always makes me catch my breath. I find it like driving past a car accident though, I don't want to look but I can't help myself. Anyone else get a weird fascination with it?

I've been more burpy the last few days, which was my first sign of pregnancy with my first one and also had it with my CP. I had some cramps yesterday, so trying not to get my hopes up. I'm CD27 today, but as I'm unsure of my cycle length I won't be testing until at least Monday or Tuesday at the very earliest. I feel like ignorance is bliss to be honest, and have stocked up my handbag with sanitary pads as I expect AF will be along soon.

Somewhere between 8 and 10 dpo today and finding it really hard not to POAS!!

I broke and tested. BFN. Again. So fed up

@strawberrye haha! Just keep shagging, just keep shagging.... 🐟
@Bobzybaby welcome back.
@Obblegobble and @tobebythesea welcome and sorry for your losses.
@Littleray84 I see something! Will you test again tomorrow?
@SuperSharpShooter82 ah ok. I was wondering if perhaps the spotting was ovulation. I had some after my MC. Hope it all becomes clear soon. 8 months can feel like a lifetime, it took me a year after my ectopic and I really didn't think it would then take as long again when it ended in MC but 9 months on it feels like an age.
@RedRobin7 sorry for bfn but at least you can get your tests now. Hope you get some answers. Also boo for your boss being awful.
@InDreamland I have everything crossed for you that it will happen for you much quicker this time! Great news about static smiley!! Do try and keep positive, I think it's really important to believe that you can do this! Glad counselling is going well, keep at it.
@mostimproved I think it's important that you are back on your meds if you are struggling with your MH. Do you see a psychiatrist or are you reviewed by your GP? It seems like you should have a chat with them asap and explain your situation. Do you also see someone for therapy? Might be worth looking into if not. Whilst you are trying to keep your body ready for pregnancy it is important that you can be in the right frame of mind in order to be able to fall pregnant. Hope you have lots of support.
@doddlebobs and @Melpops36 sorry for bfns.
@Russkispy sorry this wasn't your month but great PMA!!
@KnitKitty fingers crossed the burps are a good sign!!!

I'm on cd17 and doing ok. I was hoping to ovulate today but still no positive opk so not yet. Working on remaining calm and hoping I'll ovulate by Sunday as it's easier to JKS on the weekend!! 🤞

@melpops36 sorry for the bfn though hopefully just a bit too early.

@russkispy sorry for af

@knitkitty fx for next week.

At approx 2dpo for me today and after the itchies last month I seem to have a bloody uti! Been to docs today so got some ttc friendly antibiotics. Also sorry for tmi I also got her to check as a little cyst has appeared on the lips down below she said was nothing to worry about. Got to love ttc!

@KnitKitty yeah was last on here about 4 weeks ago! The thread moves so fast. It's been good reading through to catch up with what's going on with everyone!

Totally agree with the watching preggo friends! I also stare at random women's bumps when I'm out and about 😂 must look like a weirdo 😂

I have a question for folk. I'm not really sure what to make of my current situ and don't know much about implantation bleeds or that:

I'm CD 19. I'm usually a 28 day cycle but have varied between 28-30 days last few months. My period finished 14 days ago (2 weeks today). Then on the Monday I had some mild cramping and a bit of brownish discharge when I wiped (sorry tmi!). Was just a wee bit and by Tuesday was back to normal. I am currently 5 dpo. Yesterday I again had mild cramping and brown discharged when I wiped. Only once in the morning and nothing the rest of the day. But continued to cramp and felt quite nauseas. Also had diarrhoea (sorry AGAIN tmi). Today I woke up feeling sicky, continuing to cramp and just had a bit of pink when I wiped.

I have never in my life had any type of show between periods. This is really unusual for me.

I dunno if it's because I took Cyclogest for 7 days pre period for the last 3 months? Can that mess with everything? The first 2 months were fine. Maybe it could be a UTI? Is t to early for an implantation bleed?

Sorry for the long post! Thanks if anyone can shed any light! X

Blood has turned red so definitely AF rather than insemination bleeding. I hate this Roll on next month.