TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 25 BFPs for all!

[strawberrye]

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Another new thread! This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

strawberrye
Age 27
TTC #1
MC#1 5-6 weeks January 2018
MC#2 5 weeks April 2018
TTC since October 2017
Cycle 5 TTC since most recent MC, cycle 11 TTC overall

@strawberrye lol I'm confused by how I feel about it though I'm really scared but super happy too

@Lilimum4 that's no indent sweets! Congratulations! No drinkies for you tomorrow! Fingers crossed for a sticky bean lovely xxx

Hi everyone. Not been on this thread for a bit so lots to try catch up on.

Congratulations for any BFPs I've missed and sorry to those who had AF turn up and fx for those of you on the TWW.

I've not been brilliant, emotionally still very up and down post mc. I've had my first AF now since mc, CD was Friday last week but only lasted 4 maybe 5 days. Now on CD8. Very light and shorter than usual AF which makes me anxious. Supposed to be 18 weeks today. Instead, came home to a letter saying my gynae appointment for the fertility clinic booked in for 6th September has been cancelled and rescheduled for the 3rd October. This has just sent me into another dip ........I mean FFS do they not understand how messing me around and delaying possible testing and treatment for another month can screw with my mind when it took 5 years to get pregnant and then have a mc? Plus I cannot make the rescheduled appointment because I work full time and have a packed diary so likelyhood of actually now being able to be seen before November is slim. Have to wait until Tuesday now to phone them ......if I can find a quiet 10 minutes to do that ......I have another all day meeting on Tuesday. I really was feeling like this weekend I could make some progress as first post mc AF been and gone , having a spa break with DH and knowing I had a gynae appointment in 2 weeks so was doing something proactive about TTC again .....this gynae appointment mess has ruined my weekend and set me back mentally. Anyone else just feel like the universe is doing everything to work against you?

Sorry for the negativity, I'm just so upset and angry and just feel trapped.

@lilimum4 congratulations that is a bfp! Fx for a sticky bean x

@indreamland sorry you are having a tough time and that sucks about the gynae appointment.

@lilimum4 congratulations :)

@indreamland I understand your frustrations. I can't offer any advice I am afraid but I feel for you xx

@InDreamland sending you hugs. I can understand why you are feeling so crappy. It is is hard to keep buggering on when it feels like such an uphill struggle. Is there anyway you can speak to the gynaecologist dept to see if they can honour the appointment or bring it forward from October? Not sure if feasible but might be worth a shot since it is causing you a lot of anxiety which they haven't appreciated. Sounds like you have an incredibly demanding job too. Sometimes throwing yourself into work can help but don't make yourself ill with it. You have gone through a lot, is there anyway you can get some support or take some time off? Did your Work know about your MC?

Try and enjoy your weekend with DH. I think there are sometimes those days or weeks, even months unfortunately when it all gets too much but i hope that you get the support and love that you need right now and the time to relax and take some time.

Sending positive vibes to you and hoping this heavy cloud lifts soon x

@lilimum4 congrats that's a definite bfp!😊

@Lilimum4 congratulations!!!

Thanks @Blondcat @craftymum01 and @Newbie21. When I manage to get through to the appointment booking service I will ask if they can get me in sooner but I'm not holding my breath. My job is incredibly busy. Work do know about the mc but I just don't feel I can ask for more cover whilst I go for a gynae appointment. When I went back to work a couple of weeks ago and even this week it's been made clear that I have been missed because basically I'm the most experienced and without my knowledge they've been quite stuck......... one colleague even told me they felt exposed whilst I was off sick for a month and all I've had this week is dealing with things because no-one else knows the answer or senior managers only want me to deal with their issues. In a way it's flattering but at the moment it just makes me feel more pressured. I've sent DH out to buy CB OPKs, is it too late for this cycle to start testing tomorrow morning on CD9? I used Boots own brand OPKs a few years ago and never got a positive so gave up using OPKs as they just didn't work for me.

@InDreamland how long is your cycle? You should be fine if 27 odd days.

DH drinks a fair amount too. He doesn't think he does but every Friday and Saturday night her packs it in and refuses to cut down. Days all his mates have kids and drink loads but difference is his mates had kids like 5-10 years ago so age was I their side I feel like it's only me who has to make any effort to watch what I consume and keep healthy for the sake of TTC and he thinks all he has to do is DTD. I'm getting so frustrated.

@InDreamland I know when Work is demanding and there is a lot of reliance on your input and output but you will be more productive if your not anxious about personal things so doing things like attending appointments for your health and well-being is also in their interests so don't put it off for Work. Do what you want and need.

@Newbie21 before getting pregnant was 28 days but this is first cycle since mc and read cycles can be messed up after mc so I feel clueless.

@Lilimum4 , congratulations! Hope it sticks!

I'll speak to my boss but I've always been very dedicated to my job and given way more than I should bit that's just me. I know I need to ease off and believe me since I got pregnant I did ease off but now i'm not pregnant I know I'll end up going back to thw way I was but trying not to.

@InDreamland obviously everyone is different but my cycle is usually 27-29 days and after my first AF after MC it was 27/28 days first 3 cycles then had a crazy cycle of 18 days! Maybe it was MC related, has never happened before but maybe just one of those things. If you are ok about spending the money on the CB opks then I say go for it. If your cycle has regulated somewhat then it's useful. Alternative you and DH could go for a marathon month if you have the energy

Thank you ladies. Tbh I'm really scared but also very 😊. I just want to climb into bubble wrap though now lol

I'm sure you ladies don't mind me hanging around for a while though, I'm not ready to move over just yet

@Newbie21 a marathon month may be a bit much. DH back from Tesco, they only had the 10 pack and was £30! Rip off! Read the instructions and says it's important to start testing on day shown in table for cycle length which means I'm too late now to start from tomorrow. I just don't know whether to start tomorrow or not.

Also just had another massive cry and broached the subject of pre conception vits for men amd cutting down alcohol consumption for him again .........just his tone of voice makes me believe he eventually agreed to it just to shut me up, not because he truly wants to make the sacrifice or effort in TTC and like it's really all down to me. All he says is that his test results on his swimmers was all fine .......didn't get that I wanted him to want to try cutting down alcohol and taking the vits just in case it helps and to have the dedication too. He desperately wants a child but is unwilling to make even a tiny effort to change his lifestyle in case it helps ...........now agreed to do it but I know by the way he said it he isn't doing it because he wants to.

Yay congrats @Lilimum4 definite bfp!!! Hope it's a lovely sticky one!! Xx

Hi everyone, hope you all have some lovely plans for the bank holiday weekend!
Huge congratulations on the BFP lilimum4 how many DPO did you say you were? That's def a line there!!! Love a FRER!!! No mistaking with those!

Sorry to hear about your problems with work and DH Indreamland... must be so hard for you right now. I hope you get some quality time this weekend to really relax together and enjoy some alone time.

I'm now two weeks post MC and feeling ok. Have had some rather welcome EWCM which I kind of wasn't expecting really, as I assumed this first cycle might be a non event. However wondering if we should TTC this weekend since we are having a child free wedding weekend?!? DH was a bit off target last night however. I'm not sure if he wasn't ready to TTC or just forgot and reverted to old habits?! Didn't bother with asking, we shall see what this weekend brings by way of goods
Sorry for tmi

@InDreamland DH may well come round. I had a similar conversation with my DH and I witnessed his eye rolling etc but I bought the vits had to chase him a few times and then he got into it. I think they can struggle to understand it all and they don't want to feel blamed (that's not to say they blame us). Maybe, in a calm way try and say that you know this could all just be one of those things but you need to know (and probably does too) that you are both doing your best and if that means some sacrifices for a little while then so be it - hopefully it means it will happen much faster so will be worth it (plus he will have a 9 (well 8 and a half) months designated driver fingers crossed so definitely worth it!

@kisses4u good luck this weekend!! Enjoy!

@lili4mum Yay!! Congratulations! Def a positive.

Lol @Newbie21 I'm already permanent designated driver as I'm tee total (just don't enjoy alcohol) - well I'll have a sip but never like it. I will try work on him but it usually ends up in an argument, which then means no BD.

I decided to start using CB OPK this morning. CD9 for me and got the hollow circle so guess should be good to continue for this cycle and fx I actually ovulate. This is only cycle 1 since mc so no idea what my body is doing.

Thanks for putting up with my outburst last night, I was so emotional and that letter really upset me. Will address my emotions on that with my counsellor.

@Lilimum4 congratulations!! Fx for a sticky bean!