TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

[Boboelephant]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

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Redrobin, that candle really struck a chord with me.... those words really do apply to all of us on this thread..... so very true
Lovely x

@Pancakes7

@RedRobin7 your candle is beautiful ans made me cry (again - that's all I've been doing since Tuesday). Yesterday I found a "bean pendant" necklace from a well known jeweller which I've decided I will get once this is over with. I want to get something as a memory that i can keep with me forever of our little bean (that's what I'd been calling him/her), our first ever little bean, who never got to join mummy and daddy.

Thanks @TedLife and @InDreamland

Haha @Boboelephant our DH's sound so similar! Like living with a teenage boy sometimes 🙄
@TinyPaws ooh! I had that in my last 2 pregnancies! Fx it is good news.
I've actually got it now- but I think it might be thrush 🙄 as there's no way I could be pregnant this month.
@Pancakes7 I'm so sorry this is dragging on for you ! The first time I did an ERPC they didn't scan me, but they did after the second one. I think it should be standard! I hope it's nothing too serious and you can finally move on! Sending hugs
@InDreamland hey- I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I was in the exact same spot as you back in March- I decided to try and let it expel naturally- but it wasn't really happening. I did a lot of meditation and asked my body to let go and release! Just wanted to move on and start the healing process. Have you considered ERPC or medical management? Personally I'd choose ERPC - as i found it the cleanest, quickest and less traumatic (also medical management didn't fully work for me) but discuss it with your doctor.
@RedRobin7 love the candle
And I'm so sorry what you've been through this week. Sending hugs

@KnitKitty haha yes my ex was not a very sexual creature and it was quite frustrating(even when not TTC!) so I can fully imagine your frustration - but big meals before bed should be against the rules during fw! Always a mood killer!!!
But good luck tonight and Monday! Fx this is your month!
You really are a ray of sunshine in the thread! I've been catching it over the last weeks messages and you really are a sweetheart! 😍

@MrsLCW I missed you last night sorry! Glad they are being so good and offering all the extra scans. What a relief. Hope your anxiety passes soon.
@TinyPaws hope it's a good sign! I seem to have an increase in cm today too, am on constant knicker watch for af and hoping she stays away!
@Lilimum4- what @Cakelaur said!! I have also taken my temp at other times out of curiosity sake and sometimes it's lower at night. It can fluctuate massively throughout the day but the morning one is the important one to record.
@Mistymeow thanks hun. What doess your chart look like today?
@Pancakes7 that's rubbish. Haha I think I was very lucky that my EPU did it as part of the process- immediately after whilst I was still on the bed. I think it's shocking that it's not the same protocol nationwide. I hope you can move on from this soon.
@RedRobin7 the candle is lovely.
@KnitKitty definitely still in with a shot if you dtd today and ovulate Monday. 🤞I have everything crossed for you lovely.
@TedLife good work! Fx!
@InDreamland your pendant sounds like a lovely way to remember.
@zarala haha yep total teenage horndogs! My DH is still as randy as when I knew him at 19! Hope you don't have thrush. I agree with you about @KnitKitty 🌞🌞

@InDreamland Sorry, didn't want to upset anyone by posting the pic.

Having now been through the surgical management and the natural process, I also feel it's definitely less painful and cleaner to opt for the surgery. When I went in for SMM I should have been 13 + 2 and we think the baby had died 4 weeks before. So I don't know how long I would have been waiting for my body to realise what it needed to do. It's not pleasant and I will always remember how I felt that day being wheeled down to theatre but my husband was allowed to stay in my room, so I had great comfort waking up knowing that when they wheeled me back he was waiting for me. The hospital staff were also so kind and really looked after me.

Some people prefer the natural process because they feel it helps them come to terms with what's happened. Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong. If you would prefer to continue waiting then that's what is right for you. I do understand how hard it is to keep waiting for this to happen though. I hope it's not much longer.

I hope my comments aren't upsetting but sometimes I feel it helps hearing other peoples experiences xx

@Boboelephant thank you. I need something so think this is the best thing amd DH yesterday said to get it if it will help.

@Redrobin7 it's ok, I'm an emotional wreck at the moment so anything sets me off. It is a beautiful candle and the words are just perfect and so true, probably something everyone on here can relate to.

On Tuesday I guess once we've had the second scan that seems to be requried to confim mc then we'll be given the options. At the moment I really do just want the physical part over with asap in the fastest least painful and cleanest way possible so I am likely to ask to just have the surgery and hope they allow it. Can they refuse? How quickly can they do it? Will they do it same day or do you have to wait? At the moment I don't want to leave the house in case it suddenly starts gushing out like I've read some others have experienced, even though I'm constantly wearing a pad now I don't think it copes with that much blood from what I've heard. I don't think I can start the emotional psychological healing process until the physical is over first.

@zarala sounds like you're recommending the same as @Redrobin7. Hopefully it's something they'll let me have quickly. Thank you for your advice.

@InDreamland I hope you get good staff but we found they were very supportive and great at giving us all the options and allowing us to make our decision without being rushed. We were told after that second scan that we could have surgery- either awake under local or asleep under general, medical management or wait for it to happen naturally. I'm very glad we chose the surgical option as there were no complications and once it was done, physically it was over. My baby had died 2 weeks earlier and no sign of it happening naturally. No spotting, cramps, bleeding anything. I chose to have the surgery awake as they could book me in the next morning. They also confirmed that the baby was still firmly attached so I think it would have taken weeks and I didn't feel able to just carry on knowing the baby inside had died and the unknowing of when it would happen. I was like you between my 2 scans and didn't want to leave the house as was petrified I'd start bleeding. My EPU did the procedures on 2 days per week so that's why I went next day. It will be dependent on how often yours do it. If I had gone under General I would have had to be admitted as an inpatient and they said it could take up to 3 days as urgent cases would get priority. Not really an option with my DS at home. That would be the least painful though. I won't lie, mine was painful but it was quick and I'm still glad I did it. Good luck whatever you choose. Just do whatever is right for you.

@InDreamland really sorry for your loss. I was a MMC , and exactly the same as you was planning to opt for surgery after confirmation scan. I wanted to feel I was moving forward. We found out mmc the day before we were due to go on holiday for 4 days to Germany. We decided to go anyway, and nothing happened while away.
At my local EPU they book you to come in for surgical management a couple of days after the scan. My scan was due Monday so was in my head preparing for Surgery on weds.
My MC started naturally about 5-6 days after we had found out (I think a day or so after getting back from hols), 1st couple of days very light spotting and I actually went to work rather than sit at home go mad as felt ok. I think day three everything progressed and the major day was day 4. I think everyone is different and it does depend where you are I was about 12 weeks, I too read lots of stories and was quite anxious about sudden gushes but that definitely wasn't the case for me. Just wishing you all the best and wanted you to know you aren't alone x

@InDreamland Frustratingly I found out on a Tuesday and they couldn't fit me in until the following Monday. So I had what felt like a long wait. It never occurred to me that I could have used my work health insurance to go privately! If you have health insurance that's a possibility.

I had general anaesthetic and don't think I would have taken another option. Like @Boboelephant I woke up in pain and there was blood and lots of clots for the first few days but nothing compared to what I'm going through now. I did bleed for 3 weeks after the surgery but it was very light brown for most of it. I had approx a 10 day break and then my period arrived.

Hope this helps you to prepare yourself xx

@InDreamland Oh also they can't do it the same day as you have to have blood tests first. Pre-surgery stuff to make sure everything is okay for them to go ahead. I had mine on the Friday and then the surgery on the Monday.

I have heard that some areas don't suggest the surgery and tell you to wait but I don't think this will be the case for you as you've already had a period of time between the first and second scan.

I have no pain today which is a relief but still bleeding heavily. Feeling so sorry for myself, I've not even showered or had anything to eat yet today. My husband wanted to go on a 2hr road trip as he had a nice plan for us today but I didn't want to leave the house and now he's gone out and seems pissed off with me!

@boboelephant @fnej01 and @RedRobin7 thank you all for your advice, not a jice thing to have gone through for any of you so I do appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences and what worked for you. I think I will try get them to book me in for whichever is the soonest option. I've no idea what they can do at my local hospital. Unfortunately I don't have health insurance. I am supposed to be 12+1 today. On Tuesday when they scanned they said it looks like i was only 5-6 weeks so it is taking ages for things to happen naturally - all I've had so far is brown clots/tissue passing but no red blood. I feel like at the moment apart from the scam I'm waiting for the gush of bleeding. I'm sleeping on a bath towel folded so it's 4 x thick in bed just in case it happens in the middle of the night - don't want to ruin our 7 month old matress and nice bed sheets.

@RedRobin7 if you need a day home and relaxing you should do that. Hope you feel better soon and you DH has just popped out for some air and isn't p'd off. He must understand you've been through hell. I do think men have it easy though. Yes they can be affected emotionally about the loss and it will hurt but fact is we're the ones also dealing with the physical implications on top.

@RedRobin7 don't feel bad. You absolutely should rest and relax. There is no way I'd be going for a road trip with heavy bleeding. Sure DH just wasn't thinking.
@InDreamland I hope it all goes ok.

I'm going crazy ladies. After my bfn yesterday I swore I wouldn't test until Monday and only if af didn't come. So I just found myself roaming around Superdrug with the express purpose to buy another test and take it now! When I just peed one hour ago and af due tomorrow! Thankfully I gave myself a stern talking to and left without it but agghhh!!! Seriously! 🤦‍♀️

@Boboelephant thank you. Think I posted too soon today. Just been for a wee and am passing more larger clots now and it's starting to look redder with blood. Think this is the start? I just don't really know what to expect even though I've read so many posts of others since Wednesday nothing really prepares you for the real experience i guess.

You done very well to not buy the test. Fingers crossed though that AF doesn't come for 40 weeks x

Hi ladies not posted for a while. So so sorry to see there have been a few more losses again, it's sad and cruel and not fair.

@indreamland although my first mc was 5wks and happened quickly it was just like a normal period with a bit more pain. If it is painful o to a&e and they'll give you oral morphine to take home. Hopefully this is the start and it will be done in a few days xxxx

@pancakes7 hope they sort you out quickly, how frustrating xx

@Yukka thanks for the advice. It's all very start stop like it can't make up it's mind. It's driving me insane. I just can't deal with this will it won't it uncertainty along with the emotional.

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of last month however I’m now 10 days late and wasn’t sure if I’m now pregnant again? I have taken a pregnancy test and this is what’s came up can u see anything or am I just hopeful wishing?

Hi @Lookingforhelpsh sorry for your loss. I can see a faint line in the first pic. Did you do a definite negative test after your mc?

Sorry, also meant to ask @Lookingforhelpsh if you've had a period since your mc?

Yeah after the miscarriage I had to go back for bloods to make sure my HCG levels went back down and they did and no I haven’t had a period since, I did bleed for two weeks having the miscarriage though

@InDreamland it does sound like it might be beginning. I literally never got any type of blood whatsoever so can't advise much but siunds like your might be making the decision for you. Haha thanks!! I hope so too! I actually have tests at home but I think I knew testing in the afternoon with diluted wee was a bad idea so didn't want to waste the expensive ones! Think I'll probably end up caving again tomorrow if af doesn't show. 🤞🤞
@Lookingforhelpsh I can also see a faint line on the first one but it does seem very faint for 10 days late. Have you had a negative test since MC? Could still be leftover hcg?