TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

[Boboelephant]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

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@Boboelephant how frustrating for you! It's crazy how much can happen and the Dr's just say it's all normal. You do tend to think that one person surely can't have all that bad luck in such different ways. Everything crossed that next month will be a good month for us both!

I had endometrial biopsies done and they found I have high levels of natural killer cells. So, I take progesterone for a week before my period is due to try boost my lining incase anything is trying to implant. I'll need to take that to week 12 when I get a BFP. And I'll also need to take steroids for 12 weeks when I get a BFP. All the tests were done through Tommy's research though, not the NHS.

@Bobzybaby thanks. Yes it is very frustrating. It didn't actually help to hear that 'everything is fine' because it makes me think then what is going on?? Yes I'll have everything crossed for us both. I do remember you saying that now. Just hard to remember what info belongs to who! I recall you and @zarala both going through the same thing. I hope this treatment is successful for you both!

@boboelephant that does sound very frustrating but I can see why your doctor wants you to keep trying and avoid anything invasive. We were about to go down the ICSI route before I fell pregnant but our doctor thinks we should keep trying as ICSI can be a stressful experience and doesn't want to put us through it unless it becomes absolutely necessary.

@Mistymeow yes you're right. I do understand the thinking and I'd like to avoid anything invasive and risky. I just feel so frustrated!!! I also know that I am already obsessive so don't think is be very good at relaxing! 😂 Hope you guys manage to fall quickly.

@Boboelephant yeah it's really hard to keep track on here - there's sadly so many of us! I do agree that if you can avoid anything invasive that's defo for the best.

I'll have everything crossed for sticky beans for us next month 🤞🏻🤞🏻

@Boboelephant I'm so sorry for the bfn hun- I really am rooting for you!!! And it is just so shit that this is taking so long! Really hope af stays away- but downward trend on temps is sooo eugh. Just eugh. Sorry hugs

@Bobzybaby - wow really interesting that tommy research diagnosed you with high level nk cells- I have been seeing dr Shehata. I have a Normal level but very aggressive in a pregnancy situation. So I am on steroids from ovulation for 10 days and then progesterone from BFP. Fx all these pills and potions help our bodies carry a baby into our arms!

Don't have a lot of time to respond to everyone- but you are all amazing ladies and hope we all get our rainbow babies sooon!

Ps. Was in primark today and they had a reallly cute Tshirt (age 3months) which said I am daddy's rainbow baby! I was so tempted to get it BUT don't want to tempt fate!

Pps. Told oh that we're SMEP'ing it next month and explained what it entailed. He responded with saying- this is how he wishes every month was! 🙄 he's such a horn dog it's exhausting! I'm really enjoying this month away from him 🙊

Hi @zarala it always amazes me the various different combinations of meds everyone needs to take! How have you found being on steroids? I'm really anxious about taking them because of all the side effects! I can't imagine how off the wall I'd be with preggo hormones, progesterone and steroids 🤦🏼‍♀️ my poor husband having to live with me if that happens 😂

@Bobzybaby haha I was SO anxious to take the steroids! I have only done it one month (June) it was our trial run! Suffice to say we didn't conceive (but also we didn't manage to JKS once I got a positive opk as my little one interrupted all our crucial sessions!)
Anyway! I am really happy to report I didn't have any side effects whatsoever! Was such a relief.
However the combo of progesterone, pregnancy hormones and steroids does sound like a recipe for disaster! I'm glad we will have each other to compare notes and rant to when we start feeling crazy!

Oh @zarala I'm glad to hear you didn't have any side effects! Puts my mind at ease a little! Not so good about the interruptions but everything crossed for you next month!!

I defo feel less crazy having this chat 😂

Turns out it's not a uti. Gp is referring me for urgent ultrasound. She thinks maybe they left something after my smm... Waiting on a phone call next week. Makes me angry if it is that as I chose the smm particularly to avoid this situation. Feeling pretty low now. On top of the infection pain I have a cold/site throat as well 😕 I just want it to be over and be able to move on but it seems to never end.

Sorry to hear of bfn and af arrivals. Will keep my fingers crossed for a wee surprise for you @Boboelephant. Disappointment is crushing. Be kind to yourselves and make sure you take a little self care time. Wine in the bath for the win :) @Mistymeow - so true on the day ruining bfn. Though have to admit having a cry in the bathroom last cycle when it showed 3 days late despite all the bfn!!

@KnitKitty ang @Jessabean - is it wrong I'm craving grapefruit juice even though I know I don't like it as it might just help with the biggest craving of all!

@TinyPaws - thinking of you, Fx for lots of distractions and a good result when the time comes

Enjoy your three day sesh @TedLife! Finding our first attempt at SMEP much less stressful than just firing at it all guns blazing every night after there was cm and hoping the opk+ would follow! Knackered by the time it did!!

@GPS76 Sorry about your weird cycle. Don't think for a second you're a failure or there's anything you can do to prevent it. Our bodies especially after mc have a mind of their own.

@Pancakes7 So sorry you might have had something left and that you're poorly with it. What a total kick in the teeth. I hope you get it sorted quickly. They did tell me in at surgical that there was a small chance they wouldn't get everything. I bled lightly for 2 weeks then had some crampy strong period pain and passed a clot about the size of of £2 coin. The unit said to come in if further bleeding after 2 weeks or severe pain but after the clot passed I had no more blood or pain so figured the clot thing had just been working it's way out. It's horrible though not knowing whats going on so big hugs to you.

Entered the blue 'Chance to get pregnant' zone on Flo app today (cd15) but still a big fat O on my digital cb advanced doodah. Come on body.....! Xx

@Bobzybaby thanks hun, me too 🤞
@zarala thanks love. Yep as soon as it turns to downward trend it's such a crushing feeling. Just waiting now. AF should be due tomorrow or maybe today if 11day LP like last month. Got some cramps this morning so sure she won't be far away. Haha my DH is a horndog too although he was a bit disappointed with SMEP. He wanted the daily marathon to be every month! 😟😂
@Pancakes7 oh I'm so sorry! How rubbish! I can't believe they haven't checked for that earlier! Did you have a scan right after your erpc? That was a major decider for me too- that I knew if I did the surgical route they'd scan me and confirm it was all gone. When will you have the ultrasound?
@doddlebobs thanks hun. I don't really like my chances- not too sure the likelihood of a bfp after a bfn at 11dpo on a frer! But I'll still hope for a miracle although I reckon af will be here in the next 24 hours. Fx you ovulate soon!

@Pancakes7 Oh no! Really sorry to hear that. Hope the scan gives you some answers.

@doodlebobs Thanks!

Had some weird cm yesterday, lots and lots of thick white stuff with some yellowish snotty stuff mixed in, no signs of infection. I've not had cm like that before, even on my last pregnancy cycle. I'm normally pretty dry after ovulation (although had creamy cm

Oops fat finger hit post too soon!

... Although had creamy cm after ovulation in my pregnancy cycle and the first ovulation after MC.

Also good luck @boboelephant

Morning ladies how are you all?

I need advice about bbt.

I thought that my bbt was lowest when I wake up but its not. I experimented the last two days and took it every 4 hours and I was at my lowest both days just before bed.
What do you ladies think I'm I broken or is this normal

@Lilimum4 it's not so much about it being lowest. It's about it being consistent. So it's your resting temp. Because just before you go to bed you may have been sat on the sofa, you may have been running around cleaning, you may have been walking the dog. Where as when you're sleeping you have just been sleeping. It's a more consistent reading. You may be cooler before bed, but that could be down to the temperature of the room at night being cooler than in the morning, plus you regulate differently when you're awake.

Thanks @boboelephant for your positivity. Everything crossed for you.

@pancakes7 really sorry to hear that. You just need it to be over. I really hope the treatment is swift and you feel better soon.

@doddlebobs totally understand! It's such an emotional rollercoaster for us lot but we are all hanging in there together :)

@lilimum4 I'm no bbt expert but I believe you are supposed to take it after 3 hours rest which is why first thing in the morning is recommended. As cake says there are a lot of external factors as to why a temp could drop throughout the day. Also, after my miscarriage my temps were all over the place and only just settled in cycle 3, so it's worth bearing that in mind x

@Boboelephant @doddlebobs No scan after the smm was offered. They just said they had got it all. I trusted them. I should get a phone call next week with my ultrasound appointment. So depressing going for another ultrasound without a baby to see 😕 I keep thinking is this really my life?

@Pancakes7 So sorry to hear you are going through all this. It's absolutely awful. I had a scan after my SMM because of my tests being positive. Did you do a test and it went back to negative?

I've had a total of 4 internal scans and 2 external scans this year and only 1 of those showed a baby with a heartbeat. It's just awful and we shouldn't have to go through it.

Hope you get some answers xx

@Bobzybaby I haven't had it designed yet but I have two pictures which should help them understand exactly what I'm after so it shouldn't take long. Just waiting for them to reply if I can have it done next week.

After my first loss I also found it comforting to have a personalised glow through candle. I have the baby's nickname engraved on the top. I like that when it's lit the words glow. I will get another one with a different quote for my second baby.

That candle is beautiful. Gave me a wee lump in my throat. Hope you're feeling a bit better today @RedRobin7

@Pancakes7 I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have any positive memories of scans and understand how traumatic it all is. Sending you hugs x

InDreamLand I totally understand that limbo of waiting to MC after that awful scan, I've been there myself. I waited 4 days and then decided I couldn't keep waiting so opted for medical management. I had that twice to no avail and had an ERPC in the end. I hope everything happens well, with not too much pain and sooner rather than later so you can start to heal. We're all here for you. xxx

TedLife sending you glowing healthy egg vibes! How long is your TTW normally? I've worked out I should be due AF/BFP on 28th or 29th this month. What about you, Jessabean? Any idea with your cycle? How is FW going?
I was hoping to make OH DTD yesterday and tomorrow, but he got home late last night and then ate a big meal and wasn't in the mood. Sigh. So I might have to try and pounce on him tonight and Monday instead (I don't think we can hack 2 days in a row, sadly). I've been looking at my cycle from January when I fell pregnant though, and we only DTD the day before when I think I must have ovulated, so I'm trying to not panic about not doing it enough!!! Even if we only DTD today and I ovulate on Monday, I still have a chance, right?? Gargh!!!

TheHalfBloodPrince Good luck with your TTW!

Hi seven201 sorry you find yourself here, but you're among a really supportive group of friends now. Hugs xxx

Sorry for BFN Fae1989, maybe you're testing too early?

Looks lovely littleemma1! Hope you're having an amazing time!
I've been thinking I might announce my miscarriage in October. It's when I should have been due with mine, and it's also baby loss awareness month for those who've lost babies in pregnancy or after. It gives me time to prepare myself more mentally too, I don't feel like going public with it just yet.

RedRobin7 That sounds like a lovely tatoo. No advice to give though as I don't have any myself.

So sorry GPS76. You're NOT a failure. The bright side is a fresh new start has begun with this new cycle even though it was unexpectedly early. The last cycle just wasn't it for you, so it's good it's out of the way sooner rather than later. xxxx

MrsLCW I'm sorry you've had spotting. Anything like that is worrying in pregnancy, especially if you've already suffered a loss. But spotting in early pregnancy IS common, so try to relax if you can. Good luck with the scans. Keep taking each day at a time, and if that's too much each hour at a time. Try to do some relaxation breathing. I totally understand the panic. Hugs xxx

Hahaha zarala at the use of "horndog"! Sometimes I wish my OH was like this, it's more complicated when they're never in the mood!!!
I don't think it would be tempting fate to get that tshirt (it sounds lovely!) Maybe get it and put it away somewhere and forget about it. xxx

Pancakes7 I'm so sorry hun that you're going through this. I am glad that they've found what's causing the problems though, hopefully this is the beginning of your recovery now. Hugs xxx I know how you feel about the scans. I had a total of 5 while going through MMC/ERPC. It's just such a long, drawn out process. xxxx

Heehee doddlebobs I get what you mean, at least the grapefruit juice makes you feel like you've got some semblance of control over a very uncontrollable situation! Good luck with your FW!

TinyPaws fingers crossed the CM is a good sign......

@RedRobin7 Yes I got a negative test 2 weeks after smm. But she said even though it's negative there could still be something there. When I originally felt unwell for the second time I phoned the epu but because of the negative test they said it couldn't be caused by the smm. Maybe I'm a rare case? Or maybe I'll have the scan and it won't be that. I just hope its nothing too serious. I just want to have my af and be able to try again. It's feeling less and less likely that I'll get pregnant before my due date in December.

@Pancakes7 oh I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope this is sorted as quickly as it can be and you can move on. You poor thing xx

@KnitKitty I'm due AF 28/29th too! Aww it's nice to have a cycle buddy, fx for us both 

@RedRobin7 your candle is absolutely lovely and the sentiment is just perfect. I also love your tattoo idea - two parallel lines is really beautiful.

Day 2 of 3 in a row was a tough one, think the pressure was getting to us but we got 'there' in the end. DH is off for the night now so we had to squeeze it in early - so to speak! Back for more tomorrow then just Tuesday. Need to just accept that we'll have done everything we can this month and what's meant to be will be.

Hope those who have been feeling down are feeling a bit lighter today xx