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Conception

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TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

995 replies

Boboelephant · 30/06/2018 11:58

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

OP posts:
Thread gallery
35
Pancakes7 · 12/07/2018 19:10

@RedRobin7 I am so sorry you're going through this again. Especially when your sister is having her baby. There's no words. Just believe it will happen. Just keep trying. Big hugs.

KnitKitty · 12/07/2018 21:01

Boboelephant I'm doing OK thanks. CD13 so should ovulate in about 4 days time. I actually found some pink grapefruit juice today so bought some... You ladies haven't been lying, it's disgusting!
I've booked a reiki session on Monday (suspected day of ovulation). Not had it before but I thought I'd try it, partly because you've mentioned it a couple of times and it sounds really relaxing! I thought doing it on day of O might help? We'll see...
Feeling quite laid-back at the moment but I think I might struggle to keep sane in TTW this time as I've got back in to trying for real again.
We're seeing a friend who's pregnant with baby no.2 next weekend. Really happy for her, but I've managed not to spend any time with a pregnant lady (that I know of) since MC in March so might be a bit hard.

Kintan · 12/07/2018 21:07

@Pancakes7 Sorry you are having such a difficult time. It's good the third GP took things further - fingers crossed your phone appointment will shed some light on things and stop you freaking out. Hugs to you xx

YellowDaffodils86 · 12/07/2018 21:08

@weasledee step away from google lol. I take it you have no af and bfns? So frustrating! Like bobo said, are you sure you ov when you did. Fingers crossed though!

@RedRobin7 ah sorry you are in Pain. I miscarried at the same point in pregnancy as you. It was quite painful at times. If you are worried then make sure epu or doctor see you. Its hard enough without extra stress And worry. I feel so sad for you, I remember we were at similar points in cycle and waiting to test. Its very unfair. Much hugs for you.

@Boboelephant hey. Im good, im amidst ovulation! I think today or tomorrow. Annoyingly no bd yesterday as the football was on and that lead to a drunken dh who is in the dog house! But kinda need to get one more in tonight. So he may be forgiven😂
How are you? How many dpo are you?

I came across this earlier, its the very first post i ever wrote, shortly after my mc.
It feels sad to read it back, but i wanted to post it here, for everyone who is in those first few days/weeks or maybe others who it might just help in some way.
I dont feel like this now. Its almost like someone else wrote it.
Of course i have sad moments and frustration and wont ever forget, but time did heal and i moved on from all that hurt, so have hope it does get better.
Its also the post that lead me here😊

So this is my first post, iv read about a million since i had my coil removed and this journey began.
Its a shame my first post comes under these circumstances.
I was lucky enough to fall pregnant on our first month ttc, but just over a week ago we found out that at 6w4d the baby hadn't developed, and that was why i had started bleeding, i was having a miscarriage.

Iv stopped bleeding now, about 9 days in total. Last week was misery and i feel slightly better this week, feeling i can function relatively ok.

Im just fed up and sad underneath it all.
Im so disappointed, iv never felt so disappointed before. I feel fed up of trying to be positive. Yes i can try again, but in reality i just want the baby i already made.
I feel a desperate need to try again and hopefully become pregnant again, i hate having this hanging over me and feel the whole experience of starting a family has been ruined.

I try to think how lucky i am with the normal cliches, that people dont stop telling you!
I do know so many women face tougher challenges and go through worse. To those women i dont know how you do it.

I just feel lonely, sad, frustrated and i guess a bit angry.
I should have been having an early scan Saturday followed by first midwife appointment next week. It makes feel sad that these wont happen now.
Every friday is a new week and i cant help think 'would have this many weeks this week'

In a month or so i could well be pregnant again, who knows, but everything feels muddled and strange and i guess tainted by this traumatic experience.

I guess i just wanted to hear from others and if you understood what i have said in anyway.

Xx

RedRobin7 · 12/07/2018 21:10

@Boboelephant I hadn't considered I could be contractions but the pain is now constant and has been for several hours so I don't think it's that. It's the same severity as this morning but has just become a constant thing so I'm not as worried as it's not got more painful for a while. I'll see what happens over night.

@Newbie21 I had a similar situation. My first pregnancy in January I was only 3 months behind my sister and we were discussing our how kids would be so close and doing things around the same time. Then when I had a MMC my sister was so sad that I would look at my nephew and have constant reminders of the milestones I'm going to be missing out on. My sister was so happy for us when she found out we were pregnant again so I think she will be devastated that I've had two loses during her pregnancy. I think you're right though, it'll probably be comforting having cuddles with him.

@Jessabean I have to go to the hospital tomorrow for bloods so if I'm still in this pain I'll go up to the EPU and ask to talk to someone.

@Pancakes7 Thank you. So sorry you're having a difficult time. I hope you get some answers soon xx

Newbie21 · 12/07/2018 21:22

@redrobin7 I am so sorry that this is happening to you. It is so so unfair. The cuddles will help, I'm sure. I just had a cry as we were just told that another couple who are close friends of ours are expecting (2nd announcement in the last few weeks within our friendship group). I am so unbelievably happy for them but want to be part of it too. The tears are inevitable but it doesn't mean you are not happy too. Enjoy those cuddles and make sure you rest and take care of yourself.

RedRobin7 · 12/07/2018 21:41

@Newbie21 It sucks doesn't it. You're allowed to have a good cry though. My best friend is pregnant too, she's had 3 miscarriages in a row so she's very nervous. She was a week behind me and had a 6 week scan today. She kept asking me questions about how I'm feeling and pregnancy symptoms so she started getting suspicious when I avoided her questions but I didn't want to tell her the news until after she'd had her scan. They saw the heartbeat today and I'm so so happy for her as this is the first pregnancy they've ever seen a positive scan of and got a picture. It's hard for me but like you say, we can still be happy for others and sad for ourselves at the same time.

Not sure what threads I have posted this in but we are becoming a boarder for Guide Dogs in training and our first dog is joining us in 10 days time (we postponed it by a week) so we have a well timed distraction. She will go to dog school whilst I'm at work 😊

Pancakes7 · 12/07/2018 21:54

@Kintan Thank you. I hope you're ok. I have had a bad evening today. Been crying alot. Hoping to know more tomorrow or once I have the scan.
@RedRobin7 It must be so difficult. I have unfollowed a friend who had a baby recently as find it too painful. At least your friend having a successful 6wk scan after 3 mc's maybe shows we can all get there.

Boboelephant · 12/07/2018 21:55

@KnitKitty haha yep! I dreaded drinking that horrible stuff! You can do it!! 💪 Ooh please feedback how your reiki session goes. Doing it day of ovulation sounds like a great plan. Lovely and relaxed for that super eggie! It's ok to be worried about how you'll feel when you see your friend and to be sad for yourself. But you'll be fine and I bet you'll be so happy for your friend. We have an amazing ability to feel conflicting feelings at the same time and both are equally important and neither are wrong. I've had to do this alot over the past 18 months and I know you'll be ok because you're a lovely person.
@YellowDaffodils86 haha give him that free pass out of the doghouse. You've got JKS to do!!! Thanks for posting that memory. I'm glad you are feeling better since then. I'm ok, 10dpo and feeling nervous!!

OP posts:
Angelbabyollie · 12/07/2018 21:59

@Russkispy I hope you get your negative hpt tomorrow so you can move forward. I know the feeling of time is of the essence and very aware of this which I am sure you agree makes all of this so unfair. Fingers crossed for you xxxxx

Cakelaur · 12/07/2018 22:06

Good luck to all those testing tomorrow... Cant wait to check in tomorrow!!! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

RedRobin7 · 12/07/2018 22:39

@Pancakes7 Sometimes unfollowing people is a great idea. I see so many things that upset me on Facebook so I think I will be doing that more now. You're right, there's always hope when someone who has been through it reaches their first milestone. I really hope my friend has a successful pregnancy as I'm already giving up hope after 2 miscarriages and she might be just the strength I need to keep going.

@Boboelephant I don't think I responded about POAS Friday. I feel like I'm being so selfish at the moment not thoroughly reading posts or replying correctly. Keeping everything crossed for you 🤞🤞🤞🤞 Good luck xx

KnitKitty · 12/07/2018 22:42

Aww thanks Boboelephant! I'm sending you baby dust blessings for tomorrow's POAS. Best of luck.

Thinking of all of you POAS Friday! Looking forward to checking back in tomorrow!

Hugs Pancake7! xxx I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. Good luck with the test results. I hope they get to the bottom of it.

RedRobin7 Have PMed you, but just wanted to add... It will inevitably be hard to hold your nephew, but also so, so special seeing him for the first time. Congratulations on becoming an aunty. I hope it goes ok at the weekend. xxx

Newbie21 · 12/07/2018 22:42

Good luck to all those testing tomorrow. Hope it's a bumper Friday. Fingers crossed.

hayleyfx · 12/07/2018 23:05

I’m sorry to everyone have a tough time. Sending hugs Flowers

Good luck to everyone testing tomorrow. I’m so excited for you all! 🤞

zarala · 12/07/2018 23:55

Hey ladies
I've been mia as I'm away staying with my folks and not able to JKS this month as DH didn't renew his passport 🙄 so I'm away from him until end of the month
It's literally taken me almost all day to catch up on the weeks dramas! So much has happened!
So sorry @RedRobin7 for what you're going through
Sorry to all the new ladies who've joined congrats for the bfps!!!
Yay@Cakelaur For your positive scan and for bringing the gratefulness to the post- that was a lovely read!
I'm here to check in on @Boboelephant And excited for tomorrow POAS! I'll be checking in the morning! Fx fx Fx Fx!

Good luck to everyone testing tonight
Hugs to everyone having a difficult time

Xx

strawberrye · 13/07/2018 05:13

@boboelephant I am on night shift and so excited for you to poas this morning! eeek!

Boboelephant · 13/07/2018 06:39

Thanks as ever for the support and crossed fingers. Unfortunately (as ever again it seems) despite everything it's another bloody bfn. I am really starting to doubt what the doctors say as it seems that there must be something wrong! I just am so sick of this constant disappointment. Feeling so completely gutted.

OP posts:
weasledee · 13/07/2018 07:01

So sorry bobo, that feeling is the worse.....

Similar story here, AF finally arrived, I'm kind of relieved as I think I'd accepted I wasn't pregnant days ago..... was more concerned it was something bad...

RedRobin7 · 13/07/2018 07:34

@Boboelephant So sorry, it's heartbreaking seeing a negative month on end. Be kind to yourself today xx

Laney79 · 13/07/2018 07:40

Oh @Boboelephant and @weasledee so sorry for the bfn/AF arrival. It's so hard when you are full of such hope and have done everything "right" it just feels so unfair. Hugs to you both.

@RedRobin7 How have you been overnight? Hugs to you too X

I've had a complete freak out this week. Found out my local ccg were changing their policy to stop routinely funding maternal request csections without clinical indication. With my phobia I decided long ago if we were ever to have a child that's the only birth I could handle as it's much more controlled. So seeing that utterly freaked me out. Several emails later to the ccg and birthrights and I ended up in tears on the phone to the woman in charge of maternity transformation locally. As a result it looks like I'll be referred to the birth options clinic straight away rather than waiting For any future BFP. Feels weird as I'm not pregnant (well that I know of 6dpo) but equally if it goes ok hopefully it's one of the big fears/stresses that I can pack away and not focus on whilst we're ttc. I know I'm mad. Most women are desperate to avoid a section, here I am desperate to have one if I'm ever lucky enough to get to the point of giving birth. Honestly this journey takes the crazy and magnifies it massively xxx

Cakelaur · 13/07/2018 08:13

@Boboelephant massive hugs babe. Is your temp still high?? Was it frer or IC?

@weasledee sorry af showed babe. But I guess it's a relief in some way.

Mistymeow · 13/07/2018 08:14

So sorry to hear of those having a rough time this week. Hugs. Redrobin7 you have especially been in my thoughts x

Boboelephant that totally sucks. You are 11dpo now? There is still time but I get your frustration. I am 10dpo and won't test until the missed period, it's too unlikely that I will fall naturally (but not impossible). I take it your fertility testing came back clear?

Laney79 that's disconcerting regarding c sections. Sorry to hear of your needle phobia, that must be difficult on top of everything else. I have never heard of a birth options clinic, what will they do for you?

Jessabean · 13/07/2018 08:15

@Boboelephant I'm sorry for your BFN. This business is so difficult having to face the disappointment each month no matter how much we try not to build things up. And your so lovely and supportive to all of us we all want that bfp for you! 🐧 We will all get there eventually. Do what you need to do to feel strong in this process though even if that means having a break from the actively trying for a bit- I found it quite helpful emotionally.

@RedRobin7 glad things have levelled off pain wise. I hope things were ok overnight as well. Let us know how it goes today.

I'm on CD 12 now and DH is back so officially trying again. Trying out SMEP (minus the first try at CD8) also grapefruit and cough syrup!
@KnitKitty I'm drinking pink grapefruit juice as well- have found something to make it more bearable though- still lemonade! Do about half and half and it's not quite so bad then.

Blondcat · 13/07/2018 08:39

@boboelephant sorry for the bfn today.

@weasledee sorry af showed but at least you know where you are now.

@redrobin7 thinking of you hope the pain passes very soon.

@jessicabean fx for fw jks!

Nothing to report here. But weird since mc not getting sore boobs each month before af when pretty much every month before I did? So not got any symptoms to spot for the last few days.

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