TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

[Boboelephant]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

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Really struggling at the moment I should have either had a 1 month old or been 16 weeks pregnant. I really just want to be pregnant again doesn’t help that dh is away every other month. Sorry for the rant.

@TedLife lol I do this too, a have a habit of talking about TTC the same way we all type about it on here. My DH just looks at me like I've lost my marbles

Had my first AF since ERPC. Its been very odd. Sorry if Tmi but only 3 days very dark and lots of stringy clots. Did anyone else have the same?

Hi all-sorry I've been a bit quiet. Was feeling really sad Friday after the whole thing over other half not being in the mood and the random email from pampers. Had a much better day sat-did a memorial walk for my old French teacher who passed away and had a mini reunion with some old school mates-was such a giggle! Been 21 years since I've seen some of them!!! Ended up with beers curry and lots of laughter which was just what I needed I think. Thanks for all your supportive and kind messages-this thread is just lovely, and I feel a lot less alone with the crazy thanks to you.

Big hugs @Martydog It's so hard. Feel free to rant-we all need to from time to time! And very sad to hear about AF for you @SunshineSparklesSmiles Hugs to you too.

Congratulations @MisBit1 Those look like BFPs to me!

@littleemma1 You looked stunning! Congrats!

@Cakelaur So pleased all is going well-love hearing from you-hope we're all following in your footsteps before too long.

@TedLife Before I fell pregnant me and the other half used to call AF Irma-it's a ref to the IT crowd -there was an episode where the lass in the show got her period and it was referred to as "aunt Irma coming to visit"...other variations also include the witch, and the same but with a B if it's particularly bad/inconvienient!

Sorry to those who have joined, but pleased you have found this thread. Into the huddle for you!

@RedRobin7 what did the gp say? Did they refer you to EPAU? Fingers crossed its nothing serious.

Love the grateful idea! Here's my list...fab OH who I love more and more everyday, my crazy but brilliant lurcher Len, and my lovely family who drive me crackers at times but who are always there no matter what. I'm lucky to have an amazing group of friends who all have their own ways of handling my crazy! I love My house and my car, and I'm lucky enough to be able to go on lovely holidays. I'm also grateful to my beautiful little bean for teaching me that I do want to be a mom, and that I can handle an awful lot more than I ever thought I could with the right support. I'd rather have loved bean and lost than never to have felt that joy and contentment and love. Hope one day I get to feel it again.

Sorry to those I haven't replied to-I'm a bit behind after my meltdown!

Can I ask for some advice from those charting gurus...(@Boboelephant!) just wondering how much of a chance we have this month...so I don't get my hopes up!!!

So last week we dtd Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning and early evening...had positive ic opk 2230 Thursday eve, and it was still positive on Friday am around 0730 (CB was also positive) but the ic line was fainter by 1330 Friday...so guessing I ovulated Saturday...and we dtd Sunday morning first thing... So what do you think are our chances of a BFP? We missed dtd Friday and Saturday which apps were saying was most fertile period, but I did have lots of ewcm mon/Tues/weds.

OMG @Laney79 Aunt Irma! I totally forgot about that, we definitely need to revisit that episode to try make things a bit lighter
Glad you had a nice weekend though, I know it can be so hard when you're disappointed. I hope it lasts but if it doesn't, you know where we are. Sorry I can't help with charting though, i'll leave it to the experts

Haha @TedLife I do this too! My DH just goes with it now 😂
@Martydog sending hugs. It's all really crap sometimes.
@Happysbno4 sounds like it's just your body clearing out any old blood. Hope you can crack on next cycle.
@Laney79 good to see you back. Some days it is a lot harder than others, glad you had a lovely weekend with old friends and curry. Sounds just like what the doctor ordered. It's so hard to say hun, I hope this is your month. They do say all it takes is once and to be fair I have covered all of my 'most fertile' days for the past 6 months including my 12 day marathon and not gotten a bfp and then loads of ladies have gotten bfps just dtd once the whole month. So you're definitely in with a good chance. I always say the EWCM is the fertile stuff so Monday and Tuesday should be good timing. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

I have the sorest throat today and can barely swallow. Of course I am madly googling if this could be a symptom. 🤦‍♀️

Hi everyone @KnitKitty @Jessabean what's the grapefruit juice do for you?

@KnitKitty We defo have the birthday date thing - dh, dfil and dd are within 2 weeks in December (hope I'm not waiting to add baby until December!!) and my dB, dm and df are within 3 weeks in October. Dmil between them in nov! I'm an outlier in August so hoping to buck the overall H2 trend with conceiving number 2 asap!

Ps just had a weird thought - given I had a mc would you say ttc 2 or 3 (I had one baby and then lost one)?

We are doing SMEP but a day out, so hoping i haven't jinxed it. Also just splurged on cb advanced fertility stick things(£10 off in Boots!) as my amazon cheapies seem to be lost in transit somewhere. Big fat zero this morning but excited to be peeing on sticks again!!

@Martydog sorry for your losses :( it's rubbish isn't it. I've had a few birthday parties and weddings recently and keep thinking 'oh I would have been x months pregnant'. But at least I've been able to enjoy some drinks at the events and I suppose not now 7months preg in this heat! But all the same I'm so desperate to be pregnant. Trying to chill it down a bit and this group is really helping me remember it's ok not to be ok, and it's normal to not feel normal!

Ugh sorry for all the bold! No idea how I even did that. Sorry. Newbie alert!

Hi everyone!
Sorry I've not kept up too well but I'm sending congratulations and hugs where they're needed to you lovely ladies!!!
I'm 5 weeks pregnant today and the anxiety is kicking in! Every twinge or niggle I'm panicking!! I'm at the midwife on Friday and I'm going to try my best to get an early scan, and if not we'll book a private one at around 6/7 weeks just to reassure that everything is in the right place and going well! X

@Jessabean Sorry I forgot to reply to your message this morning. I'm 6+4 today. Wasn't expecting this at all as had no bleeding last time - it was a MMC.

@Laney79 I've got a scan on Wednesday at 11:30 so have to wait until then for confirmation. I just know though that I'm at the end of the road as now I have heavy clotting.

Right now I don't feel like I have the strength to ever try again but at the same time my biggest fear in life is growing old alone without a family. I know I have my DH but I fear he will die before me and I'll be alone with no children and no grandchildren. Life is so hard. Maybe I was a bad person in a previous life!

@Boboelephant I had that BOTH times I got my bfp!!! Omg!!! How are your temps?! Eek!!! Bring on Friday!!

@RedRobin7 sending you hugs and really hoping its not as you fear. Please let us know how you are xx

Oh @RedRobin7 I'm so sorry to hear that. I really really hope it's not what you think. Is there no way they can get you in tomorrow? Cruel to make you wait. Let us know how it goes. Thinking of you xxx

@redrobin7 sending you hugs and all the luck. I hope it isn't bad news. Everything crossed for you.

RedRobin7 Big squishy squeezy cuddles. I'm so sorry you're going through this and are clotting now. It's not because you are or have ever been a bad person, you don't deserve this, it's just nature and sometimes nature is cruel to be kind. There isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better right now, you just have to feel the pain to heal, but you will heal over time. You're a strong, wonderful woman. You will be fine.
I hope Wednesday isn't too traumatic. Please come here for comfort and penguin huddles whenever you need them.
You don't need to think about trying again right now. All you need to do right now is take each minute as it comes.

@doddlebobs grapefruit juice is supposed to increase your EWCM to make a friendly place for swimmers to get to egg. When I was pregnant after my ectopic the midwives referred to it as my second child but third pregnancy so I now think second child, fourth pregnancy.
@MrsLCW so glad all is well. The anxiety is normal but I hope it passes soon for you.
@RedRobin7 I'm so sorry about the clotting and that you have to wait. I hope it's not what you fear and we are all here for you either way. I second @KnitKitty words- you are not bad and do not deserve this! Sometimes life is just cruel. I'm so sorry x

@Cakelaur haha I knew you would say that!! 😂😂 I hope you're right but the cynical side of me is saying 'its just a cold moron!' How long did yours last? It's still killing me today! Chart has been steadily climbing although did have a 0.2 drop today. Temps are higher than usual, I normally only get up around 36.5, but I guess that also could be due to the weather and my sauna of a house!

@KnitKitty You always know the right things to say and you are so kind ❤️ Thank you, I really appreciate everything you said.

@Boboelephant Thank you too! I am so grateful for all the support.

I hope this is the month for both of you lovely ladies! 🤞

I managed to sleep from 10:30pm - 5:30am without having to get up for the loo but when I did it was pretty bad. Just made my DH get me a hot water bottle for the pain. Not sure there's any point going for a scan tomorrow as I know I'll be wasting their time. I also don't want an internal scan with this amount of blood. Not sure what to do!

We have dog training tonight from 6-9pm so that we can get a Guide Dog to look after whilst it's in training. I still want to go as I don't want to lose my chances of getting a dog but I know I'm crazy to go out whilst miscarrying. Last time I did that I had a panic attack in public. Argh why is everything so badly timed! To top it all off, I can't tell my family yet because my sister is being induced today. So just me, DH and MIL know.

@redrobin7 so sorry that you’re clotting. Sending you hugs xxx

@RedRobin7 I'm so so sorry. Life can just be so cruel sometimes. I second knit kitty in that there is nothing you have done to cause this situation & it's ok to feel emotionally drained & not ready to TTC again at the moment. Just take the time to heal and see how you feel. There are no right answers when it comes to the scan. When I miscarried the first time I ended up having a scan whilst I was bleeding fairly heavily but hadn't actually miscarried yet & was glad I did as I felt it gave me some closure. It is all very personal though & I know some may find it more upsetting than healing. Don't worry about the practicality of bleeding & the scan though if you did want to as it is common for when they do these scans & they don't mind.
That is just really rubbish timing. Is there anyone who could go for you? I'm sure if you explained your situation to whoever runs the training quietly they would completely understand your not going & keep your place.
Big hugs. 🐧 We're all here for you through this.

RedRobin7 It might be a good idea to still have the scan so they can check exactly what's going on.
Doing the guide dog training might actually be a good distraction but I totally get if you don't want to go. Do whatever feels right.
I'm sorry you can't tell your family what's happening. Did they know about the pregnancy yet? More hugs xxx

TedLife I hope it's a happy celebration! I've had the same problem with OH and wanting to call it AF! We usually call it Code Red between us. lol

Martydog I'm sorry you're struggling. It's so hard when you don't feel you're getting the right opportunities for TTC as well. In fact that's probably hard enough as it is without the added fact of having lost previous pregnancies. Hugs xxx

Happysbno4 AF can be weird after MC and ERPC. Sometimes you have a bit left over from MC and expel it during your first AF, so that might be what it was. I hope everything seems back to normal for you now. Good luck. xxx

Fingers crossed for you Laney79! Hope that you DTD at the right time. Glad you're feeling better again. Relaxing with friends is always nice. :)

doddlebobs as Boboelephant has said, the grapefruit juice is supposed to help you produce good CM. I might see if I can buy some after work today. If Sainsbury's doesn't have it I'm giving up.

MrsLCW Good luck for Friday, let us know how it goes. I can totally understand the anxiety. It's hard when this should just be a happy and exciting time and you're just filled with worries, but try to hold on to the happiness and hopefulness and brush the other emotions to one side as best you can.

@Jessabean Thank you. I just discussed it with my husband and he agrees with you that I should still have the scan for closure. So we'll go tomorrow as planned. His manager has given him the day off for it but I wish he was here today too to comfort me whilst I'm in pain. He's an engineer who drives around the country and weirdly he's on the same job today that he was on the day I found out about the first MMC!

The dog training centre is 5 mins from the house so hopefully I'll be okay. I have to attend as I'll be handling the dog and there are lots of rules and commands that need to be followed. I'll just take lots of pads and hope we're sitting down and that there's an obvious toilet nearby.

@KnitKitty I've sent you a PM btw. We told my family about 10 days ago so now we just need to deliver the bad news somewhere between my sister giving birth and meeting my nephew. I don't think can meet him and keep the secret! I really wanted my sister to know I was pregnant again so that she wouldn't be worried about me holding my nephew knowing that I should have been 29 weeks pregnant. Now she's going to feel even worse that I've had two loses in the time she's been pregnant! I'm going to love my nephew so much though so she doesn't need to worry about me!

@RedRobin7 I'm so, so very sorry. Re the scan, I was very (mega) anxious about having whilst bleeding so heavily (really heavily), however, it was nothing to worry about at all, the staff were lovely, completely understanding, and everything was as well managed as a difficult situation could be. I was really glad to have the scan, as it gave us all a clear understanding of where I was at, and then enabled me to have a clear next steps plan with the doc. X

Hi everyone, mind if I join in? I miscarried over the weekend at 9 weeks. I just want to get on and try again. I'm close to 40 so I know time is of the essence! Could I ask how long after the m/c did the bleeding stop, and how long before you started ovulating again?

Sorry for everyone's losses, it really sucks. I had such an easy straightforward pregnancy with my son, so wasn't expecting this at all. Although I stopped feeling pregnant a couple of weeks ago, but I just didn't think this would happen :(