TTC after pregnancy loss- thread 23 🐧🐧

[Boboelephant]

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Here's the new thread. This is a lovely supportive thread for anyone who has suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately known as the penguin huddle- this is the place to survive the ups and downs of this crazy journey.

Kicking off with a roll call:

Boboelephant
Age: 35
TTC #2
DS 2.5
MMC at 10 weeks in December 2017. Ectopic rupture in November 2016.
Cycle 6 post MC. Trying since September 2016.

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@Bobzybaby that psychic is ridiculous, what difference would being out of the country make? If you are really worried you could call your doctor for peace of mind. I'm sure they will say it's absolutely fine. That way you have done everything you can :)

After 2 cycles post miscarriage with no ovulation I finally got a sustained thermal shift. So relieved! We tried SMEP but not sure it's suitable for us due to low sperm count. I think I will be on this thread forever!

Thanks ladies! You've really put my mind at ease. I think I'm just worrying about being in pain and not having access to meds / being out with my comfort zone at home. I guess it'll all come to a head next Sat when I actually need to test!!

I hope you all have a lovely day!

@Bobzybaby totally know how you feel. I was terrified to go to Mauritius which was a really long flight. I was 7 weeks at the time. But it was booked as a baby moon for my previous pregnancy....
you have to do what you feel comfortable with. What about a nice trip to the Lake District or the coast? That way you're still in the uk, but you and hubby can get away and put your feet up. Plus the weather at the mo is lovely. 😀

Thanks @Cakelaur I can't even begin to imagine the anxiety you must have felt going as far as Mauritius!

Yeah we decided if we're not going abroad we'll do something in the UK (I'm desperate to visit London / Harry Potter studios!). It's so frustrating trying to make plans around will I / won't I be pregnant! Although I do keep having to remind myself not to put my life on hold! I've had 3 years of that 🙄

Hi everyone!

I've taken two more tests, (I want to save my last frer) there is still a line all be it faint. I'm not technically due af until the weekend.

@Bobzybaby we love the Lake District and equally Cornwall Devon so that would make a lovely break if you are not feeling up to going abroad. Don't worry about everyone else and do what you are comfortable with when making the decision. Hope everyone else is doing ok!

I had to take a bit of a break from this thread, as lovely and supportive as it is, it's just a constant reminder of something that's hard for us and so easy for others. However, i'm on cd7 and starting SMEP from tomorrow so feeling positive and pushing those negative thoughts away!

@Boboelephant i know exactly how you feel, we're all in this same boat which hasn't been easy on anyone and one person's pregnancy doesn't mean they've taken it from you BUT I do still get a bit of a pang when i see people's bfps on here. It will happen for us when it's meant to, I really believe that.

@Hidcat, @Anyday88 @SunshineSparklesSmiles Congratulations on your bfps! Wishing you a healthy and happy 9 months x

Goodness this thread moves so fast I can't keep up with it!

@spooples sorry to hear about the limbo, sending hugs, and time-flying thoughts

@KnitKitty yes it's so soft! It's also from one of the llamas my friend was trekking that day called Chester so that's pretty cool. I'm with your and @boboelephant it sometimes feels like there are a finite amount of BFPs every month and we're not getting them, but of course that's such a silly thought to have and there's no reason why we shouldn't get a BFP too.

@TedLife welcome back, hope you've been ok. I know what you mean, whilst seeing others getting BFPs I feel happy for them, it does come with a pang of sadness for me. Just got to keep on hoping our day will come soon.

Well AF has arrived as expected but 2 days late just to be cruel and get my hopes up. Coincide that with the fact that I've found out my friend who had a MMC at 12 weeks is pregnant again - I'm so happy for her especially because we've been talking a lot about our miscarriages and supporting each other through it, but it has made me feel really down about my situation. Sometimes it's still really hard to shake the thoughts of “why me?” and the paralysing fear that I'll never get pregnant. I have no children so I have no little one to look to and think “I've done this once, I can do it again”. Sometimes I wonder whether there's something wrong with me which will stop me ever carrying a baby to term. I've always thought I'll have a family with 3 or 4 kids, and at the moment even 1 child is looking unlikely. Sorry to be such a downer everyone.

Hi all

I’m new to this thread, somebody kindly pointed me in this direction. So here goes

Age:28
Ttc: 2
Mmc 1: January this year, stoped growing at 9-10wks (I think) naturally miscarried on the day of my 12wk scan
Mmc 2: stopped growing at 9wks 6 days medically managed miscarriage yesterday

I know so many people go through this, it’s so horrible, I feel so lost atm. I know something is wrong but drs won’t do any tests until I’ve had 3. Such a rubbish system. I suffer with hg while pregnant and don’t know how I’ll be able to do that again without doing anything to try to stop this happening. Life is so unfair :(

@KnitKitty it's so hard trying to plan life around ttc isn't it!? I hope you fall pregnant soon and have a lovely little bub for your sisters wedding. I'm sure it will all work out. Yes it was only my second experience of reiki and just a short snippet but I have such a strong response to it. I also felt lovely afterwards. AF (Hopefully not!) is due next Sunday. We have friends coming to stay this weekend so that will be a good distraction!
@Cakelaur thanks hun. I hope so! I look at my gorgeous boy and know that it's possible but then my biggest fear is that the ectopic broke me. This journey really makes our insecurities real huh?
@Spooples again sorry for the limbo. I agree with everyone else- I think it's just a waiting game. Try again tomorrow and see if the line is darker.
@Bobzybaby there is no reason not to go but if you are so anxious you don't enjoy it then maybe it's not the best idea! I understand the anxiety but if you miscarry naturally being out of the country wouldn't impact that and if you are pregnant you can get your scan to make sure it's not ectopic before you go. Sorry for what the psychic said. My mum went to one who said I wouldn't conceive again naturally. I'm choosing to ignore her! Especially as she said there is a problem with my ovaries and according to the actual doctors my ovaries are great. Also HP studio is awesome!!!
@Mistymeow yay for ovulation!
@TedLife yes I'm so happy to see people who have suffered a loss get their happy ending but it is still really hard. Especially as I have been on this thread for a long time now and seen SO MANY people come and go. But positive thinking- we will get there!!!
@strawberrye sorry af got you hun. Sorry you are feeling so down. I really relate to everything you said. I know I'm lucky that I have my DS but seeing how easy it is for so many to pop out multiple kids seems like a kick in the teeth. It should be my due date on Saturday and we should be in Australia for a holiday but didn't go because of due date. Then didnt book again because assumed I'd be heavily pregnant. All a bit shit... Sending you hugs.

@strawberrye oh it's such a relief to hear someone in a simliar boat. I'm also ttc #1 and those feelings that it just won't ever happen for me are gnawing away!
Hope you're ok with your friends announcement, try to remember what she's been through too whenever you feel a bit jealous. My friends have two beautiful small kids (one a newborn) and as much as i love visiting them, it's hard not to feel a bit green eyed that it was so easy for them. Everyone is different and we never know what's going on behind closed doors but most important of all, you're not alone. These boards prove that.

@Vlcky90 Welcome to the huddle and i'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. Hope you take the time to look after yourself and if you need to vent or anything we're always here.

For those that feel comfortable - i'd love to know wherebouts everyone is located? I'm in Hampshire and rarely see anyone from the south on these boards.

Tedlife: thank you for the welcome, I’m sure it’s a huddle we’d all rather not be in

My partner has two children from previous relationships which makes it quite difficult, especially when one is due twins in January. I haven’t got any children yet and just hoping that one day it will happen.

We deserve to have children and the option shouldn’t be taken away from us especially when there are people out there who don’t deserve them.

I hope those ttc again get their bfp

At the moment I seem to be venting through poems! Never wrote a poem really but suddenly I think I could probably write a book!

Also - I’m from South Wales :)

@Vlcky90 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how frustrating it is to be told you need to have 3 losses before anything can be done. It has been a huge learning curve for me to realise how relaxed the medical profession seem to be about all this. The consultant actually told me they wouldn't be massively concerned until about 8-10 losses.
Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve. I naively thought, after my first mc, that I'd 'used' my statistic and would be fine thereafter so it was a massive shock when it continued to happen. It took me a lot longer to recover from my 2nd. Big hugs to you.

@TedLife I'm from North Ayrshire on the west coast of Scotland (about 25 miles from Glasgow)

Boozybaby; I’m so glad it’s not just me that went to statistics! I thought that too and the I saw the heartbeat at 9 wks which made me feel even more positive until 3 days later when my HG calmed to normal morning sickness. I then saw the heartbeat again and only because I paid privately for another scan at 11 wks did I then see no heartbeat.

I’m just feeling a bit numb today. My medical management yesterday at the hospital was pretty traumatic but not as traumatic as my first loss at home so I’m just feel emotionally and physically bartered today :(

Bobzybaby! I’m so sorry I typed your name wrong!

@Vlcky90 don't worry 'Boozybaby' is also pretty applicable 😉

After my 3rd loss I saw the consultant at my local EPAS expecting a barrage of tests but it turns out it was just a 'comfort' meeting to go over the statistics moving forward. Which was comforting in a way but all a bit 'clinical'. Although, on a positive note, through that meeting I found out about Natural Killer Cells.

I also found that after a 2nd mc nobody really knew what to say to me which made it worse. It felt like this huge elephant in the room all the time. That was pretty isolating which is why I'm so grateful for forums like this!

I'm sorry your medical management was so traumatic. Please just rest and take it super easy on yourself.

@bobzybaby
Thank you. I think I could do with some booze probably why I wrote it wrong!

What are natural killer cells?

I think on both of mine the people who have known don’t seem to get it. Because of my HG people tend to guess but I’ve managed to keep this one to close family and my boss in work. People just say things which I know they mean well but because they haven’t experienced it they just get it wrong. My brother (who I am very close to) even got to me when he said it wasn’t really functioning and didn’t know what was going on, as if it wasn’t really a baby. I know he meant well but not what I wanted to hear.

Although I don’t think anything anybody says goes down well at the moment.

@Vlcky90 You should google Natural Killer Cells. I've been tested and the Drs think it could be potentially a cause of my losses. So, I'm on medication to try and prevent it from happening again. It's essentially inflammation in the womb that 'wipes out' (as the dr described it to me) anything that implants. I got biopsies taken at Coventry hospital for it (had to pay privately £550 ish).

I know everyone means well but sometimes you just want folk to say "I'm sorry, this is s**t". And that's it. Like, please don't try make it better because nothing will work! It's also strange when no one really knows as you feel like your world has ended but everyone else is just carrying on!

Miscarriage is a loss that others can sympathise with but I don't think they can fully 'get it' unless they experience it. That's just from my experience of knowing folk who have gone through it before me. I thought I 'got it' until I went through it myself.

@Vlcky90 Statistics are our only friend it seems when you're so scared. I was terrified during my pregnancy (first and only time i've been pregnant). I am trying to comfort myself thinking that statistically i'm unlikely to MC again but the odds were so narrow anyway for what happened to me! I had a mmc which is already rarer than regular mc and I had also seen a heartbeat at 8 weeks and everything looked good - also much lower odds that something would go wrong after then. So the lesson is that stats are not our friend, not really.

I booked in for reproflexology in August - just in case July isn't my month I thought this might help - anyone else tried it? She had no availability in July sadly.

i couldn’t believe how many of us go through it, when I went to epau on Monday by 11am the nurse said there were 5 of us all together that morning with bad outcomes. So sad :(

Yes I think I’m going to stay away from reading statistics now, I think something is happening to mine at 9 weeks or so where the odds are supposed to be better!

I’ll have to google reproflexology too!

Not at all @HidCat - it's hard for all of us in different ways. The BFPs are encouraging in so many ways, but if I'm having a bad week then it's just a little harder.

@Vlcky90 I'm so sad to read your posts - hope you get the answers you need x

@Vlcky90 welcome and so sorry for your losses. Statistics haven't been my friend either. I had an ectopic pregnancy which I think is about 1% chance and then when I finally fell pregnant again it was a missed miscarriage! Take care of yourself, the first few weeks are really tough. Sending hugs.
@TedLife I'm in London. Did you mean reflexology? I have heard good things. I haven't tried it yet coz it's very expensive in London and I know I'll get roped in! This is the first month in 4 I haven't used acupuncture which I liked but no luck! I'm doing fertility yoga off YouTube which is lovely and relaxing.
@Bobzybaby hope the medication helps! @zarala has been diagnosed with those too. Fx for both of you!

@Boboelephant No, reproflexology - it's a thing! It's reflexology for reproduction - here's a sorta official looking site: reproductivereflexologists.org/

There's a lady near me who does it along with fertility massage. I haven't been trying for nearly as long as others I know, but my anxiety is through the roof so I figured if nothing else then it might help with that.

@Bobzybaby sorry to go backwards in the conversation but your psychic comment really struck a nerve with me. I had a friend read my palm and tell me I'd have fertility issues as I have short little fingers (apparently!). I laughed at her and then this year had a mc. It makes me worried even though logically I know it's nonsense! I wish people would think before they speak this crap!

@Bath072019 the thing is, she had already 'guessed/predicted' I'd lost 3 babies (she couldn't 'see' my ectopic as it was in the tubes so she couldn't see the 'spirit'). I've also been told by a few psychics over the years I'd have twins. That's not going well! Like you, I know that it makes no logical sense!! I'm not ally so rational lol!