Staying Sane - Positivity during TTC journey

[KnitKitty]

Hi ladies,

So, TTC is an anxious and sometimes heartbreaking time and is just a constant roller-coaster of emotions:
Some of us have been trying for a long, long time and just feeling like it will never happen.
Some of us are trying after a previous pregnancy loss.
Some of us aren't seeing eye-to-eye with OHs.
Some of us don't have an OH to lean on and are going through it alone.
Some of us are trying with fertility treatment.
Some of us are trying for our first, and some our fourth
Some of us want to be trying but can't yet for one reason or another.
Some of us are dealing with health issues which may affect fertility or mental health.
And some of us are about to, or have just started trying and might be worrying about how long it will take or if this or that will effect fertility etc etc...

It's just not the funnest journey to be on and I thought we could do with a thread just for positive messages and thoughts.

SO, no negative messages on this thread, but feel free to post:
A positive mantra or affirmation you use or think someone else could use
An idea of how to relax or pass the TTW time
A nice thing that happened to you recently
A success story despite the odds
A picture or word of hope (rainbow pictures most welcome)
A positive message to those who are going through one of the above scenarios at the moment even if you're not on the same journey as they are right now
A nice/positive quote you've read or heard
Or something which brightened up your day

The idea is that anyone having a wobble for whatever reason can come here and soak up some positive energy to help them feel better.

I'll go first:
A mantra I have been repeating to myself at the moment is "Good things happen to me. I accept miracles in my life."

A word of hope for anyone thinking of coming off the pill or who has just come off the pill and who has a history of endometriosis; I have suffered with endo in the past and was very worried that the moment I stopped taking the pill I would get all clogged up with endo again, but I conceived in the second month after coming off the pill and I have a colleague whose wife conceived two children (one the first month after coming off the pill, the second the third month after the pill) without a problem even though she has endo too.

Right, who's with me? Any more positive stuff to share anyone?

You're so right @KnitKitty. For me, AF means rare meat, blue cheese and a lot of intensive, unrestricted yoga. (The 1 thing I dread about pregnancy is how I'll have to modify my yoga.)

My affirmation for today:
When I embrace the joy and life in the world I can bring joy and life into the world.

Thank you for your phrase today @KnitKitty. I'm a firm believer in things happening at the right time for the right reason. I think ttc clouded that for me.

I've remembered that I have done visualisation in the past - although I didn't think it was visualisation, I just thought it was a nice day dream but it was a recurrent one. I've known my now dh for over 10 years, on the periphery of my social group and always liked him. My day dream before I went to bed was imagining us on our wedding day (slightly stalkery considering we weren't together at the time!) but long story short, we got married this year! It's only this thread and reading about visualisation that I realised I've done it before. So good things come to those who wait :)

Ps I like the idea of thinking about af arriving as the start of a new cycle :)

"My hormones are balanced and my body is functioning optimally"
🤗 Yes please!!🙆🏼‍♀️

I'm sneaking in really slowly after this group was recommended to me by @VenusStarr

Mind if I join in? I might chat loads or disappear for days on end as I am in a bit of shock and treading with trepidation after DP has agreed to TTC.

History -
I have PCOS - used to have barely any periods until the past couple of years.
2 DC (9 and 13) from previous marriage - TTC was long due to no periods/ovulation and I was obsessed! Like a woman possessed which probably didn't help. But I had the DC in the end.

Fast forward and I met my wonderful DP 3 years ago. We fell pregnant after 6 months which was a complete surprise given my fertility track record. Needless to say, we definitely were not trying at such an early stage in our relationship - besides, DP didn't ever want his own children. But we embraced the pregnancy and fell in love with our little baby.
Tragically, our little one's heart stopped beating at 9 weeks and I had to have SMM as it was a MMC.

We tried again, and fell pregnant immediately (again shocking given history). But lost that one the day we got our BFP.

I saw a gynae who prescribed me Cyclogest and baby aspirin. But that same day, DP told me he didn't want to try again.
I was devastated. My world collapsed underneath me.
Following two years were hell on earth for me. I went to a very very dark place, saw several therapists and a life coach, and we nearly separated several times. I turned into an awful jealous and bitter person, I hated myself for feeling like that and couldn't look at a pregnant woman without feeling desperately pained. It was an all consuming pain that I struggled with on a daily basis.

Fast forward again and on my 39th birthday nearly two weeks ago, DP and I were getting jiggy and just like that, he didn't pull out. We spoke about it over that weekend and he said he wanted to try again. I'm trying very hard not to get stupidly excited. But a gigantic weight has been lifted and I am myself again after two years of darkness.

I'm still in shock two weeks later, I can't believe his change of mind and feel like I am in a dream and terrified of waking up and entering the nightmare again.

I figured this group would be a good place to start as I really don't want to obsess like I did years ago with the DC, I want to enjoy it and not make sex about TTC.

Anyway, I am taking baby aspirin and bloody expensive food sourced fertility vitamins.

I'm on CD32 but don't have a regular cycle so no idea when my period will arrive, though has been roughly 37/38 days the past several months. So I might well be in the 2WW, who knows!

Anyway, my positive mantra?

Don't dwell on the past/present, you never know what is around the corner... magic can happen.

anyone?

I should probably add that I have extremely strong pregnancy symptoms which always turn out to be period symptoms. Such as metallic taste, which I have had the past couple of days and driving me bonkers - same thing happens before every period lately. My body has fooled me a million times!

@Frazzlerock you've been through so much, but joining this group is a really positive step.
You're still going! That takes tremendous strength and you should be proud of that.

My affirmation today has been - something wonderful is going to happen. I've felt so happy every time I've thought it. Like an affirmation high!

ChaosMoon You won't mind modifying the yoga once you have a baby on board, the yoga you will be able to do will still feel great. :)

VenusStar I love your story about visualisation. I think a lot of us have experiences of it that we don't realise.
I have a "wish board" (made from a painted mini ironing board) on which I put pictures of things I would like in my life and affirmations and mantras. Every so often I change it, but I keep the pictures. I was looking at the pictures I had on it a couple of years ago and I have so many of the things I had been wishing for.

Great affirmation Angelmiracle!

Hi Frazzlerock, welcome. You certainly have been through a lot. I hope you manage to find some balance and peace with TTC this time. Joining us is a good start! What are you planning to try to keep zen?
You have a few really positive pockets of information in your story: you know you can conceive even though you have PCOS. Also because of the difficulties you've had and the losses you've suffered you can walk in to this feeling more prepared and with a game plan in place (i.e. baby aspirin). You know you can cope with whatever is thrown at you because you've already got through so much in one piece. I'm glad you're feeling more yourself again.
The symptom spotting is one of the things I've found the hardest to not give in to. The problem is that your PMS symptoms can be identical to pregnancy symptoms so it's really best to just take them with a pinch of salt. I just note down in a diary how my body is feeling whenever I get a symptom and then try to forget about it so I can see if I have a pattern each month. Refocusing my attention on AF symptoms rather than possible pregnancy symptoms seems to be helping me.
It is difficult though when you have irregular cycles. I'd give yourself a certain CD each month to test if AF still hasn't shown (CD40?)

ChaosMoon I love your affirmation high. I've been having similar experiences recently. I just had an over-whelming feeling of happiness and contentment at work today (of all places!!) I think we must be doing something right.

You guys are all amazing. Thanks so much for joining in with me with the positive stuff!

It will certainly help @KnitKitty. Thing is, I do yoga as part of my physio & even fertility yoga in the tww is taking it's toll. It'll be worth it though.

I love your wish board, and that you keep the pictures. Looking back on what you've achieved must be so motivating.

Today's affirmation is a mis-quote from Buddha.
What I think, I become.
What I feel, I attract.
What I imagine, I create.

2ww, not tww.

Lovely mis-quote ChaosMoon.

Today is a new day full of new opportunities and fresh starts.

My taxi driver today told me that I look happy. I'm going to embrace it and feel as happy as I looked to him!

How lovely! What a nice compliment. :)

I treated myself to a bit of retail therapy after work today. Got some new shoes and a nice skirt.

Now I've been paid I've also signed up properly to Headspace. The free trial was so helpful for me, and I'm really glad I've subscribed. I've started their pack on patience (because my goodness how slowly does time go when TTC!?! lol). Anyone else subscribed? What packs are you doing?

@KnitKitty I thought about headspace because sometimes I just needs to chill out! I might give it a go. How much is the subscription?

Oh... And on the note of having bought new clothes...

I realised I'd been putting on hold buying some nice new clothes since starting TTC in December in case I fell pregnant and needed to get maternity-wear. I realised today, it could take months or years to fall pregnant and putting off doing things for me is just going to add to the misery of not being pregnant, so I thought why not treat myself! I can always wear new clothes I don't fit in to if I get pregnant again when I've had the baby, and there's a good few weeks you can still wear non-elasticated or spacious things anyway!

So if there's anything you've been putting off doing in case, maybe reevaluate your priorities and have a think if you're just feeding into a misery cycle.

It works out at something like £5.99 a month I think.
Of course, you can always mediate for free, but I personally find this more motivating and I feel like I'm gaining more out of it than if I struggled along on my own.

A few things this morning:

Fristly; AF arrived. Bang on time, which is encouraging because I've worked out I must be fairly regular after MC and I have a good idea when to try this cycle now. It also means that my body has had a bit more time to heal and for vitamins to kick in more to make me all healthy and prepare for a good little egg.
So, I'm excited to start a new cycle! This could count as the first day of a successful pregnancy!

Secondly; I had a good start to the morning this morning!
At 5:30 I was lying awake, trying not to feel annoyed that I was finding it hard to go back to sleep. And then OH just started giggling in his sleep and woke himself up laughing, which made me laugh and we were just both lying there in hysterics for about 5 minutes. I got to sleep after that. This morning he informed me he'd been having a dream about snails which he found funny........

Thirdly; if like me you find reading/hearing/watching the news puts you down. Try giving yourself a boost again by looking on The Good News Network. It will lift your heart.

Finally, my quote for the day:
I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it. Maya Angelou.

Oh my god, @KnitKitty I have those dreams too and they're the best! I love your attitude and your ability to find joy in life. I used to be more like that and I feel like this thread is helping me reconnect with that person.

My affirmation today -
My womb is warm. My heart is open. My body is ready for this baby.

"I receive my miracle babies today" Recently I've been having a feeling that I will conceive twins- a boy and girl to be exact. Twins are in both sides of the family so there's definitely a good chance of a twin pregnancy. DS has been asking for a sibling from last year. So one night at bedtime I asked DS if he'd like a brother or sister he said both!! He said a boy for him and girl for me 😂 I just thought this was funny esp due to the feeling I had of having twins!!

Im going to hold onto this visualise a twin pregnancy and birth No matter how scary 😂

Also do any of you follow Will Smith on Insta? He does lots of positivity videos he's very good. He was talking about when you're in pursuit of a specific goal sitting back and waiting is not productive. He said to keep on experiencing new things in life and give to the world in ways that you can and then in return your goals and dreams happen in unexpected ways. He said it much better than that but was good advice!

@KnitKitty I agree with getting AF - new cycle new chance! I had a HSG in May and noticed I'd no brown colour in this cycle it was bright red so taking that as a healthy sign!! Lol at OH laughing in his sleep.

Everytime we dtd and I O I always go into a fit of giggles DH finds it hilarious that I do this so we always finish dtd with a good giggle together which keeps the mood light lol.

Love that affirmation @ChaosMoon !!

Definitely a healthy sign @Angelmiracle!

You know I used to think twins would be the awful, but now I can't think of anything better. I love that you and ds are on the same page there!

Woke up this morning feeling anxious. Possibly early pmt, or just exhaustion because I barely slept. Either way, today's affirmation needs to get me out of that way of thinking.

So - I choose to love myself and trust my body.

Love that affirmation @ChaosMoon

My affirmation for today was:
My body is the perfect environment for a happy and healthy baby.

AngelMiracle interesting about the feeling of having twins. I hope you're right!! Love the giggling after DTD. So cute! Teehee!

Love your affirmations as always ladies.

ChaosMoon I'm not feeling my best today either. Had a massive sob last night. Lots of changes going on around me (people at work leaving for better jobs, my sister getting a puppy AND got engaged yesterday, seeing pregnancy announcements on FB) I am thrilled for everyone but it just reminded me I'm not where I want to be in life at the moment.

So I need to dust myself off again today. I plan on doing some meditation and read a positive book to reset myself again.

Will post again later once I'm feeling better again.

Just wanted to say thank you to you ladies again because you genuinely are making life easier for me at the moment and it's wonderful having all of you positive positive things every day.

I hope you all have a wonderful day today. xxx

That should have read *posting positive things