Staying Sane - Positivity during TTC journey

[KnitKitty]

Hi ladies,

So, TTC is an anxious and sometimes heartbreaking time and is just a constant roller-coaster of emotions:
Some of us have been trying for a long, long time and just feeling like it will never happen.
Some of us are trying after a previous pregnancy loss.
Some of us aren't seeing eye-to-eye with OHs.
Some of us don't have an OH to lean on and are going through it alone.
Some of us are trying with fertility treatment.
Some of us are trying for our first, and some our fourth
Some of us want to be trying but can't yet for one reason or another.
Some of us are dealing with health issues which may affect fertility or mental health.
And some of us are about to, or have just started trying and might be worrying about how long it will take or if this or that will effect fertility etc etc...

It's just not the funnest journey to be on and I thought we could do with a thread just for positive messages and thoughts.

SO, no negative messages on this thread, but feel free to post:
A positive mantra or affirmation you use or think someone else could use
An idea of how to relax or pass the TTW time
A nice thing that happened to you recently
A success story despite the odds
A picture or word of hope (rainbow pictures most welcome)
A positive message to those who are going through one of the above scenarios at the moment even if you're not on the same journey as they are right now
A nice/positive quote you've read or heard
Or something which brightened up your day

The idea is that anyone having a wobble for whatever reason can come here and soak up some positive energy to help them feel better.

I'll go first:
A mantra I have been repeating to myself at the moment is "Good things happen to me. I accept miracles in my life."

A word of hope for anyone thinking of coming off the pill or who has just come off the pill and who has a history of endometriosis; I have suffered with endo in the past and was very worried that the moment I stopped taking the pill I would get all clogged up with endo again, but I conceived in the second month after coming off the pill and I have a colleague whose wife conceived two children (one the first month after coming off the pill, the second the third month after the pill) without a problem even though she has endo too.

Right, who's with me? Any more positive stuff to share anyone?

Hi all, so had my first chilled month of mindfulness with ttc, every day with my mala beads and a different mantra- seems to have worked a treat! Hope you are all getting on ok.
Mantra today: I am so thankful for the beautiful gift given to me

SoBoredOfWaiting Congratulations! That's wonderful news. I'm so pleased feeling more peaceful has seemed to do the trick for you!

I'm reading a book called Practical Mindfulness at the moment. It's got some good ideas in it.

Other book recommendations:
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay for anyone struggling to stay positive, especially (but not only) if you have health issues (mental or physical).
Beat Depression and Reclaim Your Life by Alexandra Massey for anyone feeling they might or are depressed.
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers for anyone feeling a bit mentally stuck or bored with life or like nothing's going your way.

Good novels to get you thinking:
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
Out on a Limb by Shirley Maclaine
The Travelling Cat Chronicles by Hiro Arikawa

Anyone else got book recommendations? I love reading and it's especially satisfying if you feel you're learning something at the same time.

This is a lovely thread!

I am currently 6+2 with my first after my husband and I were TTC for 3 years. We have started the infertility journey, had our initial appointment and were going for our first consulant appointment next month. We never in a million years thought this would happen naturally and we’re still not convinced everything will be ok but I have my first midwife appointment tomorrow and we are hoping for the best.

My husband and I embarked on a healthy lifestyle kick, eating well and hitting the gym, cutting down alcohol and caffeine. It worked!

@SoBoredOfWaiting Congratulations to you 🎉👍🏼

What a lovely thread. I am ttc my first baby and although I haven't had difficulties come up yet, I had a friend who, when pregnant, started bleeding.

She told me that, if it was a miscarriage, then rather than getting upset, she saw it positively.

She said the pregnancy let her know that at least she knows she is able to conceive.
She said if she lost the baby, then it couldn't have been a healthy pregnancy, therefore losing it was the best thing.
She felt that for whatever reason - whether it be her environment wasn't right, or the baby wasn't strong enough, or even if she was stressed, it all meant that it just wasn't the right time for her, and that it obviously just wasn't meant to be.

She was happy that she could try again in the knowledge that she could, and that when she carried to full term it meant that everything was right, it was healthy, and it was the strongest embryo to make for a happy and fulfilling life.

In the end it wasn't anything to worry about and she gave birth to a healthy little girl :-)

Hi PurpleFlower1983 that's amazing that you've fallen pregnant naturally after all that time trying! Congratulations! I bet it doesn't feel real yet! Best of luck for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

I have a pretty healthy lifestyle already, I walk to and from work and eat well, but my biggest bad habit is having a cup of sugary tea in the mornings at breakfast. This past week I've switched from decaf black tea to decaf green tea as I don't have sugar with green tea so I'm feeling happy that I've started a healthier habit now. :) All that sugar can't have been good.

Hi Crossfitgirl. Good luck with TTC. How long have you been trying so far? It's an exciting time. :)
Sounds like your friend had a good attitude and I'm pleased everything worked out well for her.
I think it's important to have friends who are open about their not-so-smooth journeys to having kids because sometimes when starting out TTC we get this mad impatience and are overly optimistic that everything is going to work out quickly and perfectly. It's good to be optimistic, but it's also good to feel prepared for in case things don't go quite to plan. I think a more peaceful acceptance that it will happen when the time is right is helpful because it doesn't set you up for disappointments each month.

@Crossfitgirl from the bottom of my heart thank you for sharing that.

Hi @frazzlerock, I just read a few posts back about exercising during pregnancy. You may be able to tell from my name but I do crossfit which can be intense, involves burpees and running and weightlifting etc, and I had read up as someone ttc that exercising can even affect your chances! It even got me thinking ooh, should i ease off while i try? Well, what a load of rubbish. I am a physiotherapist, and having searched nhs journals the evidence suggests that exercising keeps you fit and healthy and helps along with a quicker and easier delivery. As long as you are just doing what you usually do, and not starting a regime your body is not used to, and listening to your body to tell you what feels right, exercising is fine unless your doctor tells you otherwise. There have been 3 girls at my gym who have recently had babies and all continued crossfitting all the way through their pregnancies, and all had healthy babies and good deliveries. And personally, exercising is my way of de stressing, so it's very important for me. On the other hand, I think if you worry too much about it affecting things, then take up something gentler like yoga or pilates, or just walking! There is no right or wrong, just different things work for different people. If you continue exercising but then massively stress about it, the stress of that in itself can be a problem! So i think, do what you feel is best for you. That's just my opinion. I'm gonna attach a pic from my gym just to show what my friend could do, a few weeks later gave birth to a healthy little boy xx

Just seen this thread - this is lovely, can I join you all? Desperate for some positivity.

V early miscarriage last month - this month, had a positive test at 10 and 11dpo and negative since, same brands. No af yet but it’s only a matter of time.

This marks the end of our first full year of ttc - already had day 21 bloods and scans and everything’s looking fine but I just don’t know how much longer I can keep being hopeful for. Really struggling this month.

@Knitkitty thank you, only been "not trying, but not trying not to" for a couple of months. Trying to stay relaxed, although as a woman it's hard not to track every little thing! I have pcos so anticipate i may have trouble, so reading up on things and trying to prepare in case we do run into problems. Im 30 and we just got married last year :-) I think this thread is great and love all the positivity.
@daisymay25 I am glad I could post something helpful to someone :-)

Spottyyellowdress I think I've seen you on the TTC after pregnancy loss thread. Hi!
I've had a MMC and a CP within the last 4 months, so I know what you're going through.
Strangely, after MC and before CP I was really, really struggling; but then a few days after CP I started feeling more myself and like I could be positive again. I think most of that was my determination not to let my losses get the better of me because the CP really felt like being kicked while I was down.
I realised that I can't rely on getting pregnant again being my source of happiness. I need to find balance and peace in my life regardless of my journey TTC. And that's why I started this thread (about a week and a half after my CP) and it's been such a help!

Sometimes you just have to feel the pain and wallow and cry and let it all out for a while, but then it's best to get back up again, dust yourself off and look to the future. Think "what's the plan now then?" Or just stay in the present moment and take each day as it comes, seeing all the good that can happen each day and focusing on all the little ins and outs of your daily routine.

I still have days when I feel low or my MC is playing on my mind a lot. So I just let myself think about it and feel it, and then I try to look at all the positive things in my life again.

Crossfitgirl I'm 30 too. :) I have a history of endometriosis and only have one ovary so really wasn't sure it would happen for me at all, but I tried to adopt the same attitude of being ok with it taking a while and just hoping for the best. I came off the pill in December and fell pregnant in January. Sadly lost that one in March, but it has given me a boost knowing I can get pregnant.

@knitkitty thank you so much for that. I ran through the woods this morning and snagged my ankle on a bramble and it was just the outlet i needed to cry - say and sobbed for about 20minutes and let it all out. Felt much better for it.

In limbo now - af is due today and seen nothing, had two days where all tests looked faintly positive and then a negative frer this morning. I’m positive I’m not pregnant and just want it to hurry up so I can start afresh.

@knitkitty hello thanks for the invite.

Well today I was as far down as I believed I could get. Then another beautiful lady on another thread said this and its my new mantra I think

"Positive thoughts = positive womb = positive test"

Those words put a warm feeling in me and gave me hope for this cycle, so I'm spreading the feeling to all you lovely ladies

"I have healthy eggs ready for fertilization and implantation" 🥚😊

Ovulated this weekend and whatever hormones were floating around I felt emotional and weepy but a bit like @spottyyellowdress I would have needed something to let the tears out. I was in a real mood and just wanted to be left alone.

Thankfully by this afternoon the fog lifted. DS asked to have his stabilizers off his bike and within an hour was cycling without help. I was so proud of him and reminded how lucky I am to have him and all these little firsts of his.

Ladies we have to be strong positive and help each other especially when another is down. If we can keeping having faith and keeping moving forward I really believe we can have the DC we dearly wish for xx

Hi Lilimum4. Yes, that quote struck a chord with me too, thanks. :)

AngelMiracle it's funny you say that. I tend to feel like I have a sudden bought of PMS around ovulation for a couple of days. Glad it's not just me. Sending sparkly positive baby dust to your little egglets. xxx

Two quotes which are especially appropriate with the weather we've been having lately:
Turn your face to the sun and the shadow will fall behind you.
and
When you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine.

I especially like the second one; I think that's what we're all trying to do on here. :) I'm going to call us the Sunshine Ladies.

*bout not bought... tired! haha

@KnitKitty yes I like that sunshine ladies its a good positive nick name xx

This sounds really sad but I have had a great morning and wanted to share. I use exercise as my de-stress and when I'm feeling poo, it always lifts my mood. However when you feel poo, you definitely don't want to go to the gym! Well, I did NOT want to go this morning and very nearly cancelled, however after I'd finished I felt amazing and uplifted that i had done it! So my new thing is to book onto my next class right after I finish one, when I'm still feeling the effects. That way you can picture how good you'll feel afterwards.
Moral of the story, if you feel like avoiding people, curling up in a ball, going back to bed, staying in and wallowing - think about how good a walk / spending time with friends/ having a spa day / whatever you enjoy makes you feel, and get your next date in the diary when you're still feeling great from the last one. That way you can never neglect yourself for too long :-)
I think I'm actually going to book myself in for a massage while I think about it! Happy Monday ladies xxx

Happy Monday sunshine ladies!

Congratulations @SoBoredOfWaiting and @PurpleFlower1983! I'm so pleased for you both. It gives me so much hope to hear about other people's successes.

@Crossfitgirl, thank you so much for sharing your exercise wisdom! I keep reading things that say you should reduce what yoga you do when pregnant, but never found any evidence explaining why. There's just so much "advice"out there that's designed to play into our fears.

AF arrived this weekend and for the first time in my life, I felt pretty good about it. I have all you ladies to thank for that.

Baby dust to one and all. Xx

Morning all.

I can't believe I missed @SoBoredOfWaiting! Congratulations! This is just wonderful news!

I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I spent mine clearing out the 'spare' room and de-cluttering DS2's bedroom (two recycling bags, and three bin bags!) - or as DP calls it... 'nesting'

I've just read through the last few posts.
@KnitKitty, you've had a real emotional rolllercoaster haven't you . You seem to have your ducks in a row at the moment but I wanted to share with you something my life coach told me. It is an analogy about feelings and thoughts and it helped me enormously when I was battling with my 'severe depression' (I actually think I just had a hell of a lot of very very sad thoughts)

Imagine you're on a bus going out for the day and a thought gets on. It is pretty ugly and smelly and you really don't want to share your journey with it so you tell it to get off. It just laughs at you and gets bigger, uglier and smellier, so you shout at it to get off, screaming. It laughs again and gets even bigger, uglier and smelllier. So you push it but it is really strong. The more you push it, the stronger it gets and the bigger and smellier and uglier it gets. It will not get off.
What you didn't know is that if you'd just left it alone to begin with and accepted it was going to join you on your journey, it would have got off at the next bus stop.

I love that

@Crossfitgirl Thank you for your words of encouragement and such an awesome picture re keeping fit. I guess I have just been looking for something to blame and convinced myself that running and lifting light weights might have damaged something internally despite not feeling like anything was damaged. I just kept thinking about people telling me not to lift anything heavy when I was pregnant with the DS's but I felt invincible when expecting Emily and then felt terribly guilty when she died so suddenly.
I understand what your friend was trying to say here: "She said the pregnancy let her know that at least she knows she is able to conceive.
She said if she lost the baby, then it couldn't have been a healthy pregnancy, therefore losing it was the best thing."
However, for me personally, everytime I thought of my losses it was salt in the wound. DP had told me he absolutely refused to try again and that he never wanted his own children to begin with. For me, getting pregnant so easily and then losing them was bitter sweet. My DS's were very hard to conceive all those years ago. My two losses two years ago were conceived very very quickly (Emily was a surprise, then second was tried for), losing them was like being handed a lottery ticket, for it to be snatched away and never to be seen again. And not just the lottery ticket, but friends, family, my relationship, everything I had was being taken from me. It didn't make any sense to me. I wondered why I was given these beautiful gifts for them to be ripped away from me and then emptiness. There was going to be no next time, no trying again. that was it. My reproductive years ending on two deaths. I honestly believed I would be miserable for the rest of my life and I just had to get used to it.

But then a miracle happened and DP changed his mind. I've wasted two years and lost a lot of myself but I am finally getting 'me' back again. DP changing his mind is only the first hurdle, but my god is it one of the biggest! I feel like I can do anything now

Sorry for essay!

Thank you all for the congrats! @KnitKitty @Angelmiracle @ChaosMoon @Frazzlerock xx

I am sending baby dust to you all on this thread xx

Today's mantra:
I trust my body to fully nourish the life growing within me.

Good mantra! I hope to use it if we are lucky enough to conceive.

I'm still waiting for AF. CD43 and I thought it had started yesterday morning as had very very pale pink after I went for a wee. I thought "finally" but nothing! not even a hint. I am goign to try for a second time to POAS tomorrow morning if no show by then, if that doesn't bring it on I don't know what will.

Maybe if I wear some white trousers and leave the house with no mooncup or tampons or anything, and leave my purse at home. What else can I do to tempt fate?

Ha! Excellent use of sods law there @Frazzlerock!

But in all seriousness, I really hope she shows her face soon.