TTC After Pregnancy Loss Thread 22.

[HidCat]

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A thread for all those who have suffered the loss of a much wanted baby. Affectionately know as the penguin huddle.

We'll start with a roll call as there have been so many new members lately and so many success stories that I think we've all lost track.

HidCat
Age 35
TTC #2
DS 5
MC at 11wks in January
Cycle 3 post MC, trying since August 2017

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Pampl3 I'm really sorry to hear about your mum, I can't imagine what u went through! x

I am hating the TWW. In my heart of hearts I don't think I am pregnant. I have had period pain twinges for days now. I shouldn't be due AF for another 4-5 days. I have a cheap shop bought pregnancy test which I could use but I'm actually scared to. Scared of it being BFN or a BFP. I'd spend the entire time panicking if it was a BFP which can't be healthy. If I did the test tonight do you think it would show or am I best to wait until tomorrow or to when AF is due?

I remember when the TWW was frustrating yet exciting and all I wanted was to be pregnant. It's such a different experience now.

@Pampl3m0usse so sorry to hear of the news of your Mum. That must be devastating for you.

@Newbie21 feeling exactly the same sista! 🙌🏽

@Newbie21 I think you should just wait a bit longer if you can... ! Sending hugs

@zarala I agree. I'll wait. Wishing you lots of luck. Keep me posted. I feel like AF is coming. Remind me when your AF would be due?

@Newbie21 I know the feeling. The thought of getting pregnant again terrifies me and yet it's what I want more than anything! With regards to testing, shop bought cheapies tend to be sensitive to about 25miu so I wouldn't bother testing until AF is due as it will almost certainly be negative before then.

@hayleyfx @lolacola13 Thanks ladies that's reassuring but still scared to get my hopes up.

@zarala Yesterday with the very faint line I was either 10/11 dpo. Just a bit confused what day I ovulated. Going by pains it's 11dpo but based on the app and being told the pain could be the day before, it may have been 10dpo. I've tested again this morning and it's still a very faint line but slightly clearer than yesterday. I can see it without squinting.

I definitely don't feel at all excited that there's a line. I'm more nervous than anything and I know if this does turn out to be a BFP I won't be able to relax. I had a MMC after seeing the heartbeat, so I know I'll still worry if I see a heartbeat again. There's no enjoyment in this any more.

@Pampl3m0usse I'm so sorry things are so hard for you right now. Thinking of you x

@Newbie21 I had period type cramping on Saturday and random twinges. On Sunday I had a full day of uncomfortable bloating. Period is due on Thursday. I felt at the weekend I could be pregnant but not feeling it now. When I was pregnant in Jan I had no symptoms until AF was due though. I've ordered some CB digital tests for Thursday. These FRERs and faint lines are driving me mad! Good luck xx

DaisyMay25 I'm sorry your therapist passed away, and that they haven't found a replacement yet. I wonder why it's taking so long to find someone else? My OH never talks about it either. I think like yours he feels he has to be the strong one because I was so down for so long and he's not used to seeing me like that. I don't think he realises it may have helped the healing if he'd talked about it more. I don't feel we're communicating very well about the whole thing at the moment.

lolacola13 welcome to the group, sorry for your loss. xxx

RedRobin7 I really hope that line keeps getting darker! Fingers tightly crossed for you.

zarala it's sooo hard not to symptom spot even when you tell yourself you're not going to! I totally understand the mixed emotions. I've only had one MMC but the fear of it happening again is strong.

Paml3m0usse hi again, I'm glad the antibiotics seem to have worked. Sounds like you've been really busy! Make sure you give yourself time to relax. Sorry about your mum. You've got so much on your plate right now! Hugs xxx

Newbie21 yes, I wish the TTW was still exciting rather than nerve-wracking. I hope the rest of your wait goes quickly. Fingers crossed for you.

Well I'm annoyed at myself today.
I've been so zen and calm up until now and I feel like I've lost it again and I'm all frazzled.
Yesterday I had quite bad pain on my right side, which felt like ovary pain. First panicky thought was that it was a cyst (I live in terror that I will lose my one ovary and never be able to have children), but I reasoned with myself that it was far more likely just bad ovulation pain. I mentioned to OH that I thought I was ovulating (and also my worry about it possibly being a cyst). We've only DTD twice this cycle, the last time being 5 days ago so I was curious to see if knowing I was probably fertile would spur OH into action. It did not.
Then as I was going to bed I felt really angry. He just doesn't seem to understand that it takes two people to make a baby and they don't just magically appear! And then I was angry at myself because a) I had sort of given myself a month off this month, so why does it matter anyway. And b) I didn't communicate very well with him, the fact that maybe it was a good idea we had sex as it was probably the last chance this month.
Gaaarrgh!!!

He sensed that I was very moody this morning when he went to work but I think he doesn't know why. Might have to try and talk to him later without getting annoyed or upset so we have a better game plan for next month.

Rant over.

@Redrobin7 I feel so similar. Previously when I've been pregnant I've had no symptoms just a feeling that I might be. Let's see how the week unfolds. Fx.

@knitkitty it's so hard for TTC not to take over everything. When it becomes this pressured it's so hard for us and for our DHs. Definitely worth a chat with your DH. There was a time when s*x with DH or boyfriend was not about having babies at all. I think sometimes DH miss that, sometimes (occasionally!) maybe some of us do too. I hope the talk goes well. We all need a bit more zen in our lives. Good for you for trying.

@RedRobin7 any pics of the tests?

@Pampl3m0usse I'm so so sorrry about your mum. What a tragic loss. Xx

@Newbie21 so I'm not quite sure when my AF would be due- after this last miscarriage it's varied between cd25 and cd30. So could come anytime between Friday or next Wednesday!
The drugs protocol I'm on with Dr Shehata has me testing at 10dpo! (Which I've never done before and I'm really nervous about testing too early- I've always waited until AF was 2-3 days late) so that means testing either Friday/Saturday

@RedRobin7 fx for you it gets darker and sticks! There really is no joy in this anymore! It's just an anxiety situation! Ha!

@KnitKitty I totally understand your anger at your OH- I feel like I've been there haha. But yeah a good chat with him should definitely help. And taking some time as well is also good- I really feel it helped all my hormones and emotions settle before TTC again. Anyway hope you have a better day!

Good luck to everyone wherever they're up to in their cycles ! We will get there 🙌🏽💕

@Cakelaur Here's a pic - they're slightly clearer in person. Bottom one is a bit more obvious than the first.

Definitely getting darker. In a couple of days it will be blazing!! 100% lines on both of those!! Massive congrats!!! How exciting!!!

@RedRobin7 that's such good progression! Congratulations!

I think a congratulations is in order @RedRobin7!!! So pleased. Got everything crossed for a sticky bean for you 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

As for me, AF has just rocked up! But, this is a good thing for me as it’s my first natural period without any hormone inducing since April 2017!!!!!
So although it’s usually not something to get excited about I feel it’s a huge weight off my shoulders and I can really get excited about the wedding now knowing I’ll have had my first post mc period AND my first natural one in over a year! 😬😬😬 2 weeks and 5 days to go!!
On that note, I’ve decided I’m ducking off here until I at least get back off honeymoon, the very earliest.
Until the end of 2018 I’ve decided I’m not tracking, I’m going to just jump on my husband (weird!) and JKS and enjoy newly married life. I absolutely do not want to start married life as a crazy woman peeing on sticks all the time and getting frantic over every little “symptom” in the TWW! We’ll just take it as it comes because, that actually worked best for us last time 😆

You’ve all been a great support these last few weeks and I sincerely hope when I’m back on that you’ve all moved on to new boards and have little beans buried deep 😘💐 xxx

@knitkitty completely get where you're coming from - I was in a similar situation last month and ended up having a big argument the night I ovulated and missed our chance. I was so upset but it was definitely far too much of a pressurised situation that I'm sure We wouldn't have conceived anyway even if we had dtd. We had a chat afterwards about it all and dh explained that he felt under pressure - not just to perform but also to be the strong one particularly as I was still breaking down every now and then about ttc / mc. Talking def helped and I felt that it let me let go of some of the crazy one-minded thinking about dtd that I've def had for a long time now. We agreed to make this month much more about 'dating' and trying to enjoy ourselves while jks at the right times. I'm still a week or so away from fw so things could change but at the moment I think we both have a much healthier mindset this month. Anyway just wanted to share my experience with you in case it helps or at least to show you're not alone in facing these situations! It can be difficult to get dp's to talk but if you can do something to try and take the pressure off and make it a bit more about you as a couple and enjoying your time together, I think that helps. X

@littleemma1 that sounds like a good idea! Enjoy your wedding and married life! And good luck for everything x

@littleemma1 have a fabulous wedding and honeymoon. Here's hoping for a honeymoon baby!

@Redrobin7 they are some great lines, congratulations!

@littleemma1 have a lovely wedding and honeymoon, and hope you enjoy life as newlyweds.

Has anyone used clearblue advanced digital OPKs much? Before my first MC I used them and only usually had 3-4 flashing smileys before my solid "peak" fertility smiley. Currently on day 7 of flashing smiley and wondering whether I'll ever get my peak! TMI alert - CM has been all over the place too - initially wet then EWCM then creamy and today the tiniest bit of EWCM. Feeling confused! Hopefully I haven't missed O day and now I've done my horrible shifts for a week or so we can JKS. Does anyone know if you missed the LH surge with Clearblue digital advanced OPKs whether it would just keep flashing?

Thanks ladies! I'm not ready to believe it yet and definitely no excitement here. Maybe once I've used a CB digital and my period doesn't show then I'll believe it. Those lines are just so faint I'm scared if I do believe it it might not be true! Hidden these tests from my DH for now.

@littleemma1 That's great news about your period! Have an amazing wedding and honeymoon! Spend as much time as possible with your DH on the day - that's one thing we didn't do and we regret it now.

@KnitKitty @sweetpea0318 My OH never gets it either. We argued a lot the first time we conceived in Jan and he promised that this time around things would be different. We still ended up arguing and there was no fun making a baby! He just wants it so be a miraculous conception by the sounds of things.

@strawberrye In Jan I had a flashing smiley for 7 days before I got my static. In June I had it for 5 days. It's really frustrating as if you start DTD on day 1 of a flash you could be too early! Hope you get that static tomorrow! Every time I thought I'd missed it I eventually got that static. I find it's helpful to use the internet cheapies alongside the CB as you can see the lines starting to get darker.

This thread moves fast
I'm waiting first AF after MC a month ago - should be any day now. After my 1st MC, it came in about 28 days so hoping for not too much delay.
Good luck everyone!

Got my flashing smiley today, I know I'm still waiting for my static (peak) one but how long after the flashing one do people normally ovulate? Complete beginner here on the opk so just wondering

Congratulations @RedRobin7

@RedRobin7 congratulations. I know what you mean about finding it hard to get excited. Hopefully it’ll feel more real once you see it on a digi

@littleemma1 That’s a good approach to take. Enjoy married life.

Thanks everyone. I can’t quite believe it yet. I don’t post that often but I’ll definitely be sticking around to check you all get your BFPs x

Sending hugs to anyone having a tough time and lots of luck to everyone in FW and TWW.

Just a quick update from me (however I really don’t want to upset someone so apologies in advance!) had my scan today, bub measured 7 weeks exactly with a good little heartbeat. Totally in love!