TTC after stillbirth

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Just wondering if anyone else is ttc after a stillbirth and wanted to join me on this very daunting journey?

Hi lovely ladies, been thinking of you all lots as always!
We are 15+6 now and found out a few days ago we are having a boy 💙
We were super shocked as my symptoms are pretty much identical to when I was pregnant with Penny (still suffering with sickness/heartburn etc) but turns out all my babies are gonna be tinkers and make their mammy suffer irrelevant as to wether they are boys or girls 😍
All is going well so far in this pregnancy, and I am being very well looked after by midwives and consultants etc.
I have my 16 week mw appointment on Friday, a meeting with the consultant the following week (who scans me every fortnight when I see him) and some big appointments with the fetal medicine unit soon.

Hope all you lovely ladies TTC are getting closer to your BFP, and those of you expecting are keeping well and keeping your chins up 😘😘

Lovely to hear that things are ticking along as well as possible. Glad your bumps are coming along nicely too! Isn't it funny how our version of doing well is so different now, just surviving the days and ticking off the weeks is enough sometimes.
I've also realised I'm quite fickle now, I'm still internally pretty bitter of others pregnancies and births since my loss. Except if I know it's a PAL - I just feel sheer happiness for them.

FW of our 3rd cycle is next week and I'm trying to decide what approach to take. I chop and change between no ovulation testing and DTD every other day to twice a day 🙈
It's exhausting just thinking about it all on top of the grief let alone doing it!!

Ah @mrslcw that is lovely news 😁 💙

@askingalways 🤞 that it is third time lucky

Hi all

@39Suzy work is going ok... been welcomed back really well. I do love my job but dying to get home today... it's FW after all hahaha

I tho k it will prob be more difficult going in to the Glasgow office as I was off so suddenly but we will see... one day at a time.

@39Suzy, look at that little bean, very nice. Glad all well with baby so far. Sorry that your PM was not easy, but great that they are happy to throw the kitchen sink at the tests and scans, that’s only a good thing even if it comes from the most horrendous event of your life.
@MrsLCW wow, you’re flying along and congrats on having a boy, if you weren’t expecting it you have plenty of time to get your head around it.
@askingalways Best of luck for your FW next week. It’s hard to know what way to approach it, but you know make sure your other half knows all of the struggles in your head, a problem shared is a problem halved – especially when it comes to making a baby post loss, it’s a tricky place to be in. Take care of you.
@LittleLuce37 You’re doing so well with your return to work, day by day, well done and loads of luck this week, fingers crossed.

I’m doing ok, 8+3 today. I still haven’t had an appointment to book in or see consultant so I’ve chased today as anxiety is starting to creep in. I do have a reassurance scan booked for week 10 though, so that is good to have in the diary. My last two pregnancies at this stage I was fairly sure I was miscarrying but the symptoms this time have hit me like a tonne of bricks – boobs are ginormous already, non-stop nausea and so so tired. DH still travelling so I’m literally held together with string by the time the wknd comes along and he’s home. I have in-laws visiting too so it’s all come at once. They are very lovely people but scrutinise everything I do/say and I’m starting to resent their visits. They come from abroad so it's normally a v long visit. This time they stay with us then have a little trip about for a few weeks then back again for the guts of a week. They don’t know I’m preg yet either, so I’m coping with all of this + kids + work on my own. I feel like checking into a hotel this wknd just to lie down in peace and quiet! Wish me luck ladies.

Best of luck to all in FW and those about to test, fingers and everything crossed for you xxx

How is everyone? Hope you are all well. Any updates? Anyone in the TWW? Xx

Ladies, wanted to give a quick update. I randomly had an early scan this morn! I saw a kicky little bean with heartbeat, all looking well. So relieved, today all is well. Fingers crossed it continues.

Turned out the GP didn’t register me for high risk care – or any care to be honest, even though we went through the whole thing when I was last there a month ago and even though her receptionist swore blind they had received confirmation from hospital that I had been registered. I chased hospital yesterday and they confirmed I was not in the system and that nobody had registered me. Lovely (magic) midwife decided that I should be registered asap as I was already 9+1 and she managed to get me an appointment this morn with consultant & midwife at the hospital for booking appointment. The consultant was great, she read all of my notes – which was such a nice change as in my last pregnancy they never read the notes, she knew my history and gave me a quick scan on the spot to check bean was ok. I nearly lost the legs when she said “let’s do a quick scan”, I really wasn’t expecting it. But there we are. I’m now officially in the system, another appointment in 4 weeks to check progress. Dating scan in 1 week which feels early but consultant seems fine with it. Phew, what a day, a good day.

Hey @PartyintheKitchen I'm delighted that all is going well for you. That's great that your consultant seems to be on board.
All going well pregnancy wise it would seem. 15.5 weeks at the mo.
But today is the day that we found out last year that our beautiful wee baby Eilidh had died at 27 weeks. I literally can't seem to function at all. I just keep thinking of us this time last year. I was a wreck yesterday, the last day that I felt her move (with certainty), the last day that I had a chance to save her. But I didn't know. I just didn't know what was going on and it's all just brought it all crashing back.
Posted on a different board about it and one of the responses was 'I'm sorry that this date brings up painful reminders', which just makes my blood boil. My daughter died, I think of her every day, every hour, so many things make me think of her and remember, a date being painful really doesn't quite cover it!!! I know the lady means well, it just has made me realise that people who haven't been through this really don't understand. And then I realise that I don't want them to, I think that's why baby loss is so hard and lonely. Not only is it impossible to explain to people who haven't been through it, you also don't want them to as the only way they can is if they've been there too.

Oh @Miami81, I’m so sorry. And you’re right, it’s not just a painful day, every day is painful and full of memories and what if’s? It’s just particularly, for a few days, you’re feeling so vulnerable and sad. After doing so well and getting so far with your year. I suppose it’s the nature of the anniversary isn’t it, it’s a time to reflect over the whole year, the journey and that is so hard, it’s like a chapter has been completed, a chapter of loss, pain, some kind of recovery and coping and even moving on a small bit. It’s a difficult time. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, and you know this board is a good one to come to when others don’t get it, we all do.

A story to help you (maybe?) in reminding you you’re not alone with shitty comments around the anniversary. I remember having a bad argument with my mum the day before the anniversary, I told her I was finding it hard to cope and I was epically(sp?) sad, crying and generally dreading the week and the day. She responded “oh me too, I’m just as sad as you are, I was his Grandmother Party!”. I got so so angry, how could she compare her sadness with mine? I gave her such an earful about me being his Mum therefore by default I was the one who felt it the most, but nope, that didn’t work “but I was his Grandmother!”. Eventually I hung up on her. I didn’t speak to her for a bit after that. My Dad had to intervene as he knew she had f-d up. Even people who should know better can be total idiots.

Sending you big support.

@PartyintheKitchen I'm in the TWW! First proper week back at work too and once again finding it hard to BD at specific times. This cycle just focussed on every other day during FW... except my DH seems to struggle with any other idea that's doing it once will be enough we both want to he just doesn't seem to put as much effort in. Whilst I know that sounds a bit unfair it just always seems to be down to me to sort it... grrr.

Struggling as a colleague had her baby at 31 weeks and she's fine. I would never wish anything else but cannot help thinking why didn't I get that happy ending

First session with maternity bereavement counselling on Friday too

@LittleLuce37 best of luck with your TWW. Sorry that your DH is leaving you with the effort, it’s not easy. He does realise that it takes two to make a baby right?

Best of luck with your full week back in the office. Be nice to yourself. You will get a happy ending, no doubt.

Brilliant news @partyinthekitchen 😁 hope you continue getting the care you deserve.

I am so sorry @Miami81 that Elidh's anniversary has been so painful. You have a long road of firsts and it won't get any easier. I hope you find the strength to see the love as well as the loss to make you smile. And don't forget, we are all here too.

How you doing @littleluce37 sounds like work is going ok as it can be. I know i have said it before but it gets easier. I don't know how i feel about babies.... my mananger is about to become a grandmother and has deliberately not told me any details (but has with the rest of the team). I feel hurt as i genuinely don't feel anything towards other pregnant women or babies. Yes i feel sad that mine never made it home and jealous of the ignorance (innocence) that things can go wrong but havent really felt 'that should be me'. I know you never got that happy ending but you will one day xx

Ladies. How are we all doing? I'm enduring the TWW... desperately fighting the urge to test but AF isn't due til Friday.

Having a rough day. Yesterday was exactly a year since I found out I was pregnant... it also turns out my friend had her baby yesterday. They also told us they were expecting the day we found out we lost Ellie. There's no way they'd have known and I'd never wish anything else on them other than a happy healthy child but someone somewhere is taking the mick with these date clashes!!!

Hi @Littleluce - how's the week going? Nearly Friday when you can test (or not test & wait)? Or test early and squint at lines (which I tend to do!). Fingers all crossed for you. Sorry you’re having all of these date clashes, it’s very cruel. Like salt in the wound. Hope you’re managing ok. It’s not that you want anyone to go through what you went through, but all of these dates can be reminders of what you don’t have. Totally get that. My brother and his wife had twin boys 6 weeks after us (1 of our boys being stillborn). We avoided them for a long time after that as it was simply too painful to see, in my own family, what we had lost. My DB didn’t make it easy either, he was very in our faces with his boys. It gets a bit easier as time goes by but still hurts.

I’m reading a book at the moment, “The Girl Before” – and there’s a storyline in it about a woman who has a stillbirth. I don’t know, I’m not a massive fan of it – the book and that particular storyline. I feel it’s written for the dramatic effect as opposed to what it’s actually like to lose a child, like someone did a little bit of reading and decided to throw it in there. It seems to be a topic in lots of books lately I randomly pick up (in my “work library”), maybe I need to stick to non-fiction?!

Update from me, we had our dating scan this morning, amazingly all was ok and I’ve been skipped ahead by 1 week (I have v short cycles) so I’ve beaten the clock a little and am now 11 wks. Little bean was very very wiggly, it was hard to get a decent pic. We may start to tell people soon. I’m dreading telling work as I work in a v small company and what I do is quite niche, it will be hard to replace me for mat leave. Head in the sand about it though for another few weeks, then I will share the news.

Hope everyone is doing well. x

@PartyintheKitchen that's great news about your dating scan. I hopped forward a week at mine as well which I just see as this bubba definitely being on the side of reducing mommies anxieties. Or at least the amount of time I have to deal with the anxieties.
I had my cervical length scan on Tuesday. Just a wee check up to make sure that all is ok. I'm not high risk for problems there but my consultant is taking a kitchen sink approach to this which is great.
Also had a fasting blood glucose done which was fine so that's good too.
Then I had the midwife yesterday and she listened in to the heartbeat. Which was awesome. I didn't expect her to as they normally don't in our trust before 20 wks.
DD's birthday was nice last week (as nice as it could be), we were just very quiet and did a few nice remembrance things for her on the day. We decided to take it easy on ourselves as it's just so hard and so easy to compare with what others do and think you are somehow letting your baby down by not celebrating them enough.
Party I am so sorry about your brother, that must be so hard having the parallel world being lived out right there in your family. I find family are strange, mine are heartbroken for us but articulate that in weird/hurtful ways sometimes. Like constantly telling me and my DH how like me my sisters 3 year old girl is. I mean she is actually my little doppelgänger but I had to say to my sis eventually to stop saying it as I could see that every time it was like a stab to my DH heart. We should have our own little girl who is the spitting image of me. As soon as I said it my sis started bawling crying and felt awful. I think sometimes people are so wrapped up in themselves that they genuinely aren't trying to be assholes they just don't realise how triggering things can be.

How did you get on @littleluce37 fingers crossed it is good news. Sorry you are having a rough time with all the date clashes and the baby news hitting you hard. Sending you a hug x

I think you are right @miami81 people dont think. My friend send me an excited message just a few weeks after my loss banging on about how the nursery was ready and the builders had finished. I was still in such a fragile state and really felt like she was rubbing salt in the wounds. I realise now she didnt mean any malice by it, people definitely dont think.

Good to hear you and @partyinthekitchen are getting on ok. I am 12w 2d now and it is flying! I have my 12w scan on Monday and a MW appt in 2 weeks so lots of milestones to get us through. We have also had ouŕ follow up with the fetal consultant and genetics with the PM results and it is 99% certain it was a 'vascular' interuption (blood and oxygen supply) that caused the brain injury /abnormality between weeks 5 and 9 (i had flu at week 7) and notvgenetic as the pathologist implied. Due to the severity there was a pretty much 100% chance of a fatal seizure before, during or shortly after birth so we did the right thing to save him from pain. Hard as it is (as just so bloody unfair) , it has brought some peace. Annoying that the pathology report was full of errors and assumptions but at our follow up appt the genetics team were very apologetic and are going to give feedback (basically added 2 and 2 and got 5!). We also had the loveliest letter with their final opinion and diagnosis with a personal note to say best wishes for your pregnancy and the future which was so sweet 😊. A big relief all round and feeling positive.

Sorry @39Suzy & @PartyintheKitchen manic week. AF showed up Thursday I'm afraid so this month just wasn't the one.

Aw @littleluce37 that is a shame. Sounds like your cycles are nice and regular so just need to wait it out and it will happen. How you getting on back at work?

Sorry @LittleLuce37 onwards to your next cycle though.
@39Suzy I am glad you had a productive and helpful meeting with genetics. And that they were so kind and understanding. It helps a lot and I think sometimes the medical folk don't realise how important that simple kindness is when your world has been broken open.

Sorry to hear that @LittleLuce37 I've got a feeling I'm going to be out this month too. It looks like I ovulated with only 10 or 9 days to go so could be cutting it fine. I've got until next weekend to wait.
I'm seeking out conception vitamins with B6 today to try and make sure I ovulate a little earlier in my cycle.

@askingalways I've been taking pregnacare preconception vitamins and they have high B6 in but does anyone have any other supplement/diet recommendations?

@LittleLuce37 sorry no suggestions here, I've just started taking the pregnacare too.
Feeling very woe is me today, and panicky. It's just totally rubbish some days isn't it 😞

Hello ladies. I’m not quite sure if this is the correct place for me but hopefully I can join in. Today is the one month anniversary of my little girl’s birth, Edith, at 24w +2. She had 2 major heart abnormalities and T21. We decided to TFMR (which has shattered me) as I couldn’t see her suffer with such a poor prognosis. I delivered her 4 days after her heart was stopped.
I had a week of bleeding, then a week of brown scant discharge and since then intermittent spotting which is driving me mad! I think I ovulated at the start of last week, we dtd once around that time. It’s insane but I am praying that somehow it might have worked?! I am just desperate to be pregnant again.
Huge congrats to all you ladies who are pregnant, wishing you all a safe and healthy pregnancy xx

Hi @CherryO88 so sorry to hear about precious little Edith. It is just incredibly devastating no matter what the circumstances. Our hearts will always be a little bit broken, over time we just learn to live with it. Make sure you talk and ask for help, there is a lot of healing in taking about the same thing time and time again.
I can totally relate with the desperation to be pregnant again. Some catch again very quickly, some take longer. We have to remember that we are working on a new pregnancy and things might be different. I'm finding it difficult as I was pregnant on my first cycle of trying. Now I'm in the middle of month 3 and I have to remember that it's still perfectly normal (although a lot of the time I feel cursed and like it will never happen!).
Take care and be kind to yourself, grieving is cruel and exhausting. Your mind and your body need time to recover.

@littleluce37 i took Boots own as they were on offer (silver bottle) compared against a free sample of Pregnacare and ingredients were virtually identical. I was super good when i was pregnant with fruit and veg and salad but wasnt too healthy in the months that followed 😕 but definitely get your fill of leafy greens and BMI in a healthy range if not already.

@askingalways i am sorry you are having a hard time 😓 i went through that same panic briefly thinking 'is this going to hsppen' when TTC. Easier said than done but definitely relax, it will happen.... maybe this month, next or in six months. When you are holding your rainbow it wont matter. Sending you a big hug x

@cherry088 i am so sorry for your loss. I had a TFMR at 24 weeks and it is utterly heartbreaking. Wish you lots of luck on the TTC journey. It is tough.... the guilt, fear and anxiety is exhausting. But my midwife did say that once your body is geared up for pregnancy, it is easier to conceive and naturally it is true, that is how it works. Truly hope you get your BFP soon x

I am now 13w and had my 12w scan yesterday. All looking good so far 😊

@askingalways thank you for your kind words. I’m struggling a bit with babyloss awareness week. I totally understand why it is so important but I feel like it’s just come too soon for me. I also conceived first go twice (I have DD 19months) so I am desperate for that to happen again. I can understand why you are so impatient, I will be the exact same! I’m still waiting for AF.

@39Suzy I am so sorry to hear that you had the same experience, so sorry for your loss. Huge congrats on your pregnancy! I am sure it is such a mix of emotions. Very glad to hear all is well so far, wishing you a healthy (and boring) 6 months. How long did it take for you to start cycling and fall pregnant afterwards?