TTC after Pregnancy Loss Thread 20 - Fx for 2019 babies

[dulwichdays]

Another thread for us all - I'm hoping I've got everyone's details in the list below, I copied it from our previous thread.

PassTheAfterEights 33 C6 TTC#1
BadBadBeans 33 C1 TTC#2 (1 cycle ttc pre MC)
hayleyfx 24 C4 TTC#1
Claire138 28 C4 TTC#1
Lovewinemorethanhusband 37 C3 TTC#3
Blondcat 36 C8 TTC#1
Sweetpea0318 38 C1 TTC#2 (7 months TTC pre MC)
Dulwichdays 34 C4 TTC#1 (4 cycles TTC pre MC)
Weasledee C3 TTC#3
BabynameEdie 30 C2 TTC#1
Yellowdaffodils86 31 C2 TTC#1 (1 cycle pre mc)
Boboelephant 35 C4 TTC#2 (9 cycles TTC pre MMC after EP)
Wellthisisunexpected 34 TTC#2 awaiting AF
Sloeberrygin 36 C1 TTC#2
Hidcat 35 C1 TTC#2 (3 Cycles TTC pre MC)
DaisyMay25 27 C8 TTC#1
Rdm10 34 C2 TTC#2
Zarala 36 (to be) TTC#2
SerenaOverjoyed 28 C1 TTC#1 (ttc 1 cycle pre mc)
KnitKitty 30 C1 TTC#1

@DBoo our stories sound very similar, and I'm truly sorry to hear about your losses and partners anxiety.
I'm genuinely rooting for you this cycle and in the future!! Xxx

Thanks @MrsLCW bbaahh feel like ive got that wrong again!!! I hope yours comes soon too and is a good one.

I cant decide whether getting a bfp this month will be good or not considering the spotting but who knows although you do read so many stories of people thinking they had a light period then finding out there a lot more pregnant than expected because it was an ib so not necessarily a bad thing.

Hi, can I join? I'm 38. Just completed miscarriage after 5 weeks of waiting for it to happen (during which I received medical management). It was my fourth pregnancy: 1st was m/c, 2nd m/c, 3rd I got my daughter who is now nearly 2.5yrs. This one was an anembryonic pregnancy (blighted ovum). Preg test tomorrow to ensure I'm no longer classed as pregnancy. Then thinking about when to start again. Wondering what influenced others about when to try?

Hi maverick79 welcome to the thread. Great group here.

For me as my pregnancies have always been so long i always wanted a break from being pregnant so after the first mmc we ttc again straight away and fell after 6 weeks. After my son was stillborn i didnt want to be pregnant for a while as i wanted to let his 'firsts' pass first so i could give some time to him. After the last one we waited a year too as dp and i had a tough time i didnt feel supported either in the pregnancy or the mmc. Didnt really want to risk it all again. Fortunately something big happened to him which has changed our lives a little. That combined with getting a bit older is whats made us decide to do it now.

And of course i am very sorry for what you have been through.

Hi @maverick79 and welcome! I'm new here too!
After our first MMC (at 9 weeks) we waiting for one period to return and tried straight away, we were really lucky and fell that first cycle with Penny, who was unfortunately born sleeping at 20 weeks (we have since found this to be due to a problem with my bloods and so have a plan in place for next time with a consultant and extra support etc)
This time round I've waited 3 cycles, more so because we waited out for post mortem results and tests on me, which is how we got our answer.
I'm hopeful, as both pregnancies we've fallen first time, but I need to keep a level head. Just got a bit giddy chatting with hubby who let his guard down and said "I'm not being funny, I don't like to say it out loud but I think you already are!!" I'm keeping everything crossed! I'd love to give him a positive pee stick to take the sting out of what should have been his first Father's Day with either a heavily pregnant wife or a newborn! X

Thank you both for your replies. I am so sorry to read that each of you have lost babies and can not begin to imagine your experiences and the strength it must have taken to start to try again. MrsLCW, so pleased you have the support in place and fingers crossed your husband is right x

Hi ladies!
Firstly happy belated @Cakelaur hope you had a lovely day

Secondly I am so sorry to see so many new faces!

@maverick79 I think the overall consensus is you can get back into the TTC bus whenever you feel emotionally ready. With my first MC we tried straight away and fell on cycle 2- but that ended in MMC and then I fell immediately again but sadly that was another MMC- having 3 consecutively so close together was too much for me so we've decided to wait a few months before trying again...

@DBoo I can see a squinter there! Fx it gets darker for you over the next few days!

@DaisyMay25 yes EDDs are so weird. I don't know if I will ever forget any of mine...

Thanks @zaralara

Thanks Zarala and sorry that you have had such a difficult experience. It is such a struggle to know what's best.

Hello ladies. Sorry I've not been around. AF arrived today and I'm sulking a bit (a lot). Feeling very down. How are you all doing. Thank you for all your kind words regarding the bfp that changed to bfn. I really think this AF is a mc as its super heavy and clotty. Permission to climb in the middle of the huddle ( I would put a little penguin but I don't know how)

Hi ladies,

Can I join please? I've been stuck over on the miscarriage board since March but it's time to move forward!

I fell pregnant in January but found out in March at my 12 week scan that I'd had a MMC. We saw the baby and heard the heartbeat at 8 weeks. I had a bad feeling that something was wrong but everyone tried to convince me that I was being paranoid. I had the surgical management a week later. There were some complications but thankfully no further management required.

I have always known my purpose in life is to be a Mum. I don't actually know what the point is if I can't have a family. My husband shared the same view until he got ill and now suffers with anxiety. He was told that because his autoimmune disease went undiagnosed for too long, he may have fertility issues. Although we managed to get pregnant, he's now so anxious that there's something wrong with his sperm and that he's a let down. We have waited two cycles as i struggled to deal with the miscarriage but in two weeks time we will start TTC again. I'm terrified in case I don't get pregnant - I worry the surgery might have caused some damage. I'm also terrified I'm going to MC again. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go through it again so soon but I desperately want a baby so have to try hard to be strong and just get on with it.

My husband keeps telling me to stop overthinking it all and just to wait and see what happens but as you all know, it's hard not to! Others also keep saying how I've only had the one MC and that there's every chance the next pregnancy will be successful but this doesn't help me either. I'm so anxious but I know I'll get support from you lovely ladies, just like I did on MN in my first 12 weeks and again after the MMC.

Sorry for the long post but just wanted to add that I find it so hard to say we are TTC #1 because to me that feels like I'm supposed to just forget about the first baby I carried - however brief. I'm sure I'm not alone though.

@RedRobin7 hello and I'm sorry for your loss. Please do not think you have to just forget your first baby none of us forget. I feel the same way you do hun. Desperate but also terrified at the same time. Your in a safe place to talk here. All the ladies here are amazing women and so supportive.

@RedRobin7 welcome and I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Finding out at your 12 week scan must have been devastating. You'll never forget about your first baby, have you thought of doing something as a memorial? I too lost my first pregnancy (and second) and found it helpful to mark it in some way. Whichever way you feel our want to deal with it you're in the right place - this is a strong, supportive group of ladies who have been so wonderful to me in the past few months. I hope you find being on here as helpful as I have

Welcome to the new people! (Though I’m sorry you find yourselves here of course) This is a really supportive place.
Anyone else in the fw at the moment? I just got my ‘flashy smiley’ a couple of days earlier than expected so (ahem..) all systems go...

@maverick79 hello! I’ve had 2 mmcs this year and both times have started to try again pretty much straight away. I think this time I would have waited a bit if I hadnt been feeling the pressure of age (I’m nearly 40 and ttc #1)...

Welcome to the new people sorry you find yourselves here.
It would have been my 12 week scan today so feel a bit sad but hopefully at the same time as in the tww.

Oh @lilimum how terrible. I hope today is a bit kinder. Permission granted i also dont knoe how to do a penguin

Welcome newbies you are in the right place.

I definitely worried about how i would cope with another pregnancy but your urge to be a mam will take over. That's how i have had to look at it you either want to be scared or you want to be a mam. I know want is hardly the right word but hopefully you get what i mean.

I had a horrendous mmc with my first pregnancy but in my subsequent ones the hospital have been great and given me what i wanted which makes me feel a bit more confident that even if something did go wrong it would never be as bad as that first time.

@ek78 FW is a go go right here too! We've DTD 3 times this weekend, now hubby is away til Thurs, which is annoying, and according to my OV app I should OV on Friday so will need to crack on (haha, maybe not the best choice of phrase) as soon as he's home Thurs night!
Good luck! X

@RedRobin7 I'm so sorry for your loss. I had my MC confirmed at my 12 week scan too and it's such a switch from excitement to grief even when you have a gut feeling something's wrong. I'm glad that you're feeling ready to look forward. How you regard your lost baby is a very personal thing, but I also think of mine as my child and some people will find that weird. If you're open about your miscarriage then saying you're trying for another will be fine, if you're keeping it to yourself then perhaps something a little more vague rather than no. 1/2 would be better. I think we will all agree that future pregnancies are a wonderful yet terrifying prospect. With your husband having MH issues anyway then he will feel it every bit as much as you but you need to try to keep each other as optimistic as you can.

@YellowDaffodils86 any more news?
@DaisyMay25 sorry hun. EDD's are tough. I hope you did something nice yesterday.
@DBoo fx for you. I hope that squinter becomes a nice strong line.
@Mistymeow fx for you too. I think you can fall that quickly again. You might be wearing that fertility cape! 🤞🤞
@@YellowDaffodils86 any more news?
@DaisyMay25 sorry hun. EDD's are tough. I hope you did something nice yesterday.
@DBoo fx for you. I hope that squinter becomes a nice strong line.
@Mistymeow fx for you too. I think you can fall that quickly again. You might be wearing that fertility cape! 🤞🤞
@maverick79 welcome and I'm so sorry for your losses. After my EP we waited 3 months as I had significant internal damage. It took 9 months to conceive again which sadly was a MMC. We started immediately but are still trying 6 months on. For us our DS is almost 3 and we are desparate to have another so that is why we didn't wait. Its been an unwelcome surprise how difficult it has been as with DS and the EP I fell first month trying. You have to do what feels right for you both.
@Lilimum4 I'm so so sorry. Climb into the middle 🐧🐧
@RedRobin7 welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard and impossible to forget but this is a wonderful group of ladies who are all just trying to be mums whether it be for the 1st or 8th time! I know what you mean. I look at it as ttc my second 'take home forever baby' whilst my two angel babies will be forever in my heart.
@ek78 DH jumping time!!

Ooh not sure why that doubled up. Sorry all who got double messages!
Also @MrsLCW good luck!

@maverick79 So sorry to hear of your loss. We also decided to try straight after my surgery (after bleeding had stopped and doctor said it was fine to do so). We were told that I am very fertile after the procedure so we didn't want to miss an opportunity to conceive, as my husband has a low sperm count. I also am yearning for a baby and take comfort from the fact we can conceive naturally and that hope is really helping me through my grief.

@RedRobin7 very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I totally sympathise, I also lost my first pregnancy and am ttc again. DH has an existing fertility issue so we were overjoyed to conceive naturally. The fall was quite hard when we lost the little one. I too feel your fear and anxiety but I cope with it by dreaming of baby number 2 in my arms. Please do reach out for professional help if it's getting too much, there is a lot of support out there. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for your positivity @Boboelephant but I think AF will arrive today. I've had a temp drop and if I count my ERPC as day 1, today should be my af. Even though I really wanted a new pregnancy realistically I don't think I ovulated and if I do get AF today at least I will know my body is back to normal and healthy.

Good luck to all you lovely ladies. None of my friends have had a miscarriage, they all have healthy pregnancies and babies (thankfully!) but it means I have no one to talk to who really understands. This board has brought me a lot of comfort x

Thanks @boboelephant. Due af today according to flo and tomorrow according to ovia so see what happens. Tbh i think af is on its way and yesterday was probs a dodgey test but its not over till its over.

DBoo Fx for you, that line is faint but definitely there.

Lilmum4 I'm really sorry. A chemical pregnancy is an early mc. Take really good care of yourself, you deserve a little pampering x
maverick79 welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. When to ttc again is frequenty asked here, the consensus seems to be whenever you feel ready

RedRobin Sorry for your loss, I can't imagine hearing a heartbeat and losing the pregnancy so suddenly. I know I overthink everything, it's hard to restart ttc without doom and gloom and a little self blame (for me). I found mindfulness really helpful. It reminds me that thoughts are just thoughts. I can think the mcs were my fault, but my thoughts don't necessarily have any basis on reality. They are just thoughts. I found it easier in distancing myself from the non stop thinking about why/how; fertility issues are not logic or common sense based and so wont be solved in my head.

I'm definitely approaching af. I'm really emotional and bloated. It's a real bummer.