When the going gets tough, the tough get Yams

[SoozC]

Thread five!

A safe place for those of you who have been trying to conceive for 6+ months and even yams aren’t helping. Come and have a good ol’ bitch and a moan without judgement.

The Yam Commandments are as follows;

• Thou shalt not arrive one day and post BFP next day

• Thou shalt not give advice to others when TTC for one month only

• Thou shalt not participate in one-up-manship and realise TTC is shit for everyone in different ways

• Thou shall allow posters to be fucked off with the world and everything in it at regular points in the month

• Thou shalt not be offended by strong language

• Thou shalt not tell everyone to eat yams

• Thou shall accept being called a muppet for testing at 7dpo at 9pm at night

And most importantly...

• Thou shalt not symptom spot during the two week wait and must be prepared for a telling off if you do so.

Oh @ron you are so not a failure. TTC is like taking the worst test on earth. You can’t study or use a book, you can’t google the answer or find out from someone else. All you can do is sit and hope that somehow you get the right answers. It is so unfair but it is not based on anything you have or haven’t done at all.

I’m keeping everything crossed for all of us on this thread. We’ve all been here far too long ❤️

ron you are NOT a failure. Fertility isn’t a guarantee and you should never measure your self-worth on it. I agree, it’s absolute shit and see so many women who don’t deserve to be pregnant getting knocked up easily. My best friend’s sister-in-law for example, she has 4 kids and smoked through all her pregnancies. That pisses me off because why should someone who is so selfish that they won’t stop smoking whilst pregnant even though they know they’re effectively poisoning their unborn baby be able to have FOUR kids and people like us struggle. It’s not fair, none of it is fair. But don’t blame yourself

I wondered how you were doing limp hope things have been as okay as they can be, considering. Sending you virtual hugs

Thank you Bubblegum. I've been mental (medical term innit) the last couple of weeks. Wedding looming and family strife on top of another miscarriage has made me a bit more bonkers than usual, and I've been offline a bit more. We're doing ok but the aftermath of this time while my due date from first m/c looms is total pants. Well, first this time ttc. Urk.

Don't even. Walking into that fucking clinic for the third set of scans, knowing the baby had died, passing through Jeremy Kyles green room (smoking area of delivery suites) made me die inside a little. That's what I mean. There is no failure, no way to influence 'winning'. Just dumb biological luck

Sounds super crazy limp it always seems like everything happens all at once, no wonder you’re feeling a bit mental. When’s the big day by the way?

Jeremy Kyle’s green room made me snigger. First appointment I had at the fertility clinic, a heavily pregnant woman was stood outside smoking and I had visions of punching her square in the face. I’m starting to wonder if I should start shooting up heroin, it seems to work for everyone else. But like you said, it’s all luck. God, I hate luck.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate that. Especially as I know some of you are having such a tougher time than me (hope you are doing okay & looking after yourself Limp) *
*
The luck element is one of the hardest things to deal with I think. For most other things (career/ education etc) if you set your mind to it, and work hard you can usually move in the right direction. But treating ttc as a goal makes no difference to the result, just sends you slightly bonkers.

I don't usually talk about my TTC struggles irl, but tonight I messaged one of my bfs to say how I was feeling & she replied that at least I was having sex! She had a nasty break up about 2 years ago & has been single since. I held her hand a lot through that breakup & it took quite a lot for me to send that message to say how I was feeling tonight.

Ron I'm about to hit the 2 year mark and turn 35 all in 1 go, it's rubbish isn't it. And AF is due Friday so guessing it will be here for mothers day. There's nothing to feel guilty about you are not in control of your body in this respect.

limp sending huge hugs

My mental health is really really shit at the moment (it's not been great the last few years) the antidepressants I was on made my periods irregular and I then found out can stop ovulation. Not on anything now but really need to be, GP is reluctant whilst TTC but is willing to put me on one of the lower risk ones but tells me there's a risk it could cause heart defects I've done loads of research into it and it looks like the research behind that risk is very tenuous. But a risk is still a risk so tonight I'm sat here trying to distract myself from thoughts of hurting myself (don't panick they are just thoughts and I'm well practiced at resisting them it's just a miserable way to spend an evening)

Had a moment of madness after reading threads on different conception forums about pregnancy after a hsg/hycosy and almost ordered a babygro that I could give to OH to tell him when I’m pregnant. I thought I’d lost all hope but then reading all those success stories I thought hey, you never know. Except I do know, I’m not going to be pregnant for a very long time, if ever. Why do I do this to myself?? I even tried to justify it by thinking if I’m not pregnant any time soon, it’ll be a reminder to keep going. I’m sure in reality it would only be a reminder that I’m not pregnant lol must give myself a pep talk later

Oh crap ladies. I hate that we’re all feeling so shit at the mo. I never would have thought TTC was such a mental strain, I mean before starting and having the continual mind fuck I could have guessed it was hard but not this much of a struggle. I’m nearly in tears this morning because I might have felt some pre af cramps.
Sending you all a big hug ladies 💐

Ah shit ladies, sorry that everyone is feeling so down right now. A big virtual hug to you all xx

(Also, how shit are the Mother’s Day adverts on the tv? They’re not helping!!)

And I had a dream last night that I had three positive pregnancy tests and was so excited. I’ve been a bit grumpy this morning since I woke up.

dreamers I’ve had pregnancy dreams the last two nights. First was getting a bfp, last night was having a baby. Like ttc isn’t cruel enough. Hugs to all of you

Sorry everyone is feeling so shit. @pink a couple of my friends were on lose Setraline (I think that’s the name) all through TTC and pregnancy and had no issues. Please don’t suffer needlessly.

I dreamt I got af last night and then was using black sanpro. Serves me right for reading a thread about black pads before going to sleep 🙄

I’ve been thinking of giving the babygro’s away that I bought in New York. DD’s Nursery worker is pregnant with a girl so was thinking I might give them to her. But then I worry that I’m giving up too easily!

bubble hugs, Ive lost count of the amount of times that Ive planned cute ways of telling our families during the 2ww I've never quite got to buying stuff but it's been close.

Lexie I've also had a night of AF like cramping and had a good cry into the cats fur about it.

Dreamers It's always a huge disappointment waking up from dreams like that, hugs.

June I actually went to ask to go on something a couple of weeks ago following loads of research and deciding the risks are minute but when my GP looked me straight in the eye and explained it could cause heart defects I decided that I was a selfish bad person for even considering taking something that had even the tiniest risk and folded and said I would try therapy first. Got my therapist appointment tomorrow so will see if that helps enough.

Had my fourth ultrasound today, another scheduled for Friday as my follicle is still growing apparently. DH has hos sperm analysis tomorrow and isn't allowed to cum for 4 days before it (had guests over before that too so he's now terrified he'll have a wet dream as its been so long haha, scared to have to go in and admit that to the docs 😂) so I'm kinda glad I've not ovulated yet since we cant DTD.

My doctor says its fine for me to DTD tomorrow after DH has had his SA, I was worried about her doing an ultrasound when theres sperm in there haha. DH is horrified at her potentially poking about in his sperm, but I pointed out shes been poking about in me four times now so he can bugger off!

@Chooklass I think the ultrasound up the foof is a Vaginal Sonogram or something, thats what I've been getting, only just realised the name when they emailed me an appointment reminder. I still keep saying ultrasound though, dunno if its different - never been pregnant so never had either before this. Glad your appointment brought you some answers and hopefully a plan of action now. It sucks beong told there is something wrong, but at least now you can work on resolving it.

So many ladies on this thread sounding so much like me at the moment. My reflexologist told me when i saw her last week that she thinks Im depressed becuase Ive let TTC consume my life so its all I think about. I was like.. you try and not think about it after a year of trying to make a baby when everyone around me seems to get pregnant from watching One born!! But i kinda see her point.

She was like.. how would you feel if you stopped your reflexology, stopped your accupuncture.. deleted all the apps.. didnt take your temp in the morning... still take your vitamins and focus on YOU for a month. What is a month in the grand scheme of things?

I felt panicked just thinking about it.

Problem is.. I KNOW ive let it take over my life.. but there is the part of me that thinks.. If im doing all these things.. at least i am doing something.. you know?

to be honest.. i keep taking my temp in the morning just to keep an eye on my cycle.. so i know when AF might arrive (and i dont ruin more knickers.)

I'm trying to focus on weight loss again.. more then TTC. i had some blood tests done on day 5 of my cycle and they came back normal (so i guess this shows at least im ovulating?) and i am waiting for my day 21 blood tests to come back. I guess if they come back normal... the reason why we arent conceiving is due to DH's low sperm count and my low AMH. (3.3)...

Private clinic recommended IVF... but i just dont know if i want to put my body through that!

@Pinkemi I had an enforced month off in Dec when DH was away for FW. I stayed off MN, didn't use my apps and just tried to have a nice stress free month. Felt good in that I didn't have the emotional rise and fall of the TWW, but still couldn't avoid thinking about it and feeling rubbish that I couldn't concieve. In some ways it felt worse because I knew there was absolutely no hope for concieving that cycle.

@pinkemi since Jan ive stopped with the cycle tracking and the constant logging of any little symptom into an app and I do feel better for it. I don’t feel as bitter about it, or as obsessed as I was before. I just keep thinking that most of the people I know got pregnant without trying. Including those that had issues the first time around. So maybe I just need to stop thinking about it so much. There must be a reason why couples who adopt/conceive through IVF then seem to go onto have kids naturally, is it because the stress has gone? So I’m trying, and largely winning the being more relaxed game. Most of the time I didn’t even know what CD or DPO I was this month. If nothing else mentally I feel better, and that’s got to be a good thing. I do know it’s not easy though, and it takes a bit of effort at first to divert your thoughts when they wander into TTC territory. But after trying everything else bar IVF I figured it’s worth a shot.

Was thinking this the other day june most people I know (including myself) have got pregnant at a time where they weren’t trying. I don’t have any fertility apps anymore. All I use is opks, I don’t chart or temp or log any symptoms. Haven’t done for about 5 months and this is the first month since November where I’ve started using opks again and I can honestly say I feel better for it too. Still a little bit insane but not as much as I was last year.

Haha jaggy that would be nice for the US tech! What CD are you on now? When my OH had his first SA done, he booked it himself for a Monday and I made him change it to later in the week so we could still dtd over the weekend. Hope your OH’s SA goes well :)

@june I was reading your post thinking that’s such a good idea and well done you- and I’m horrified to realise that I’m too scared of time running out to give myself a month off. This can’t be healthy, or indeed helping my body be a welcoming place. I don’t know what to do for the best 😟

I'm having an enforced month off due to DP being away. Part of me is looking forward to concentrating on myself. I'm trying to exercise more and eat and drink what I want when I want. I've dropped a few of my supplements and will be pissing on no sticks of any description this month!

Part of me is frustrated at losing a month but deep down I know it make little difference- why would this month be any different to the 23 that have gone before. So I'm trying to focus on my mental health.

One of my (very good) friends has suggested I 'relax, & it'll happen' after my mini meltdown last night. She really means well but the next person that says that to me is honestly going to be pelted with yams. What's a good response to well meaning but shitty comments?

Il join been trying for 5 years, 2 early miscarriages but nothing bloody else happening!

Welcome @lolli18 - we're a very supportive (albeit sometimes a little wobbly) group. As long as you're ok with a little oversharing and the occasional F-word, you'll fit in! Five years is a heck of a time for TTC x

I don't mind at all nice to talk to people in a similar situation,
I know it's long I'm about to give up soon and also as many others developed an addition to pregnancy tests and dates and all the other strange stuff ha! It's more annoying because I'm young and the doctors just say it'll happen soon or keep trying

Thanks everyone. Guess I'll become a lot more familiar with the correct names for the various equipment which shall be shoved up my vag! Was good for DP to see what invasive procedures us ladies have to endure - he's stopped whinging about how awful it is having to wank into a pot!!

@Bubblegum89 CD17 at the moment (my cycles are 35 - 40 days).

I only have two apps (Glow, and this!) and dont temp or anything. Was looking at RHR but it never worked for me so I've given up. To be honest I find this app the worst as I end up daydreaming about bring a mum one day haha.

Haha, DH can't wait to get his SA over and done with, he says tonight is the "danger night".

@lolli18 welcome! Sorry to hear its been 5 years. Thats actually the same length of time my mum took to get pregnant with me. Have you been for any tests to find out why its taking so long?