TTC after pregnancy loss. Thread 16. New Year, new hope for all!

[NoCatsHere]

Hello to anyone TTC after suffering pregnancy loss at any stage. Supportive group for all hoping for their rainbow babies.

@cakelaur I’m sorry AF came 😢 and you not feeling so good. Bloody men eh, I think I’m quite lucky with my DH as he thinks that talking on here and with my mumsnet friends from my pregnancy with my little girl does me good. Maybe because he is so crap at talking. Do what’s right for you, if you feel like you are not coping then go to the gp, but there’s no point if you only go because DH thinks you are not coping. TTC after a miscarriage is bloody hard, upsetting and lonely at times.

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. I’m pretty sure I said this on my initial post on here. But this recent mc was not a planned pregnancy but of course not unwanted. It made me realise that I actually do want another. Now I’m thinking all kinds of shit and working myself up. I want to go for it- but scared of it not happening and turning myself into a ttc wreak! Panicking that I will have another loss as I seem to be good at it with having 3. I’m scared that if I am lucky to conceive again it will take me a long time. I know all this stress will not do me good

Hello all, can i join? Had a tfmr in november at 20 weeks due to a heart condition non compatible with life :( Got my period last month and was really pleased as thought that meant I could start getting to grips with my cycle,but it hasn't shown this month (I'm usually really regular) so now I have no idea what's going on. Wondering if it's worth doing OPKs?
We were waiting for some test results before TTC but have our appointment soon so I was hoping to be able to start tracking ovulation or at least make sure I am ovulating - think I am as i had lots of symptoms last month - but this no show period has now thrown a spanner in the works. Good luck to everyone. I'm going to go back and read the thread.

Thanks ladies. As usual... a massive support. I have a weekend away at a friends house in Kent to get away for a few days. I may think about talking to a counsellor. I want to make the sadness stop. But I know getting pregnant again will take the sadness away.

@Primrose16 the only advise I can give on your situation is no matter how hard all the ttc is on us women and our bodies and our minds, giving up on trying for a baby (no matter what number child it is) isn't an option. So if you do decide you want another... you'll find a way to cope through it all. And the end result will make every tear worth it. I'm sorry that you've lost three previous bubs and I couldn't imagine being in your situation, as I'm struggling with just losing my first... but don't be scared.
As they say... better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. I find this old quote more relevant now than ever.

@Primrose16 sorry for your losses. I find it really hard as well to nor be stressed by it all. I've fallen quickly then it was an EP. Then taken 12 months and it was a MMC so terrified it will take another 12 months and may lose it again. But as cakelaur says you just keep going. Look for support where you can and know it will be worth it in the end!
@whyhastherumgone welcome. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I hope your body regulates soon and you get some answers at your appt. I don't see that opks could hurt?
@cakelaur enjoy your weekend away. It is ultimately up to you whether to see someone. It was made easier for me as work arranged it (I work in MH) but I knew I wanted it. I know what you mean about taking the sadness away. My therapist said to me the other night that I was stuck in limbo and this would stay until I was pregnant again. No magical fix but I found her agreeing and normalizing that for me so helpful- that I wasn't some obsessive loon! Just having people who understand helps- which is also why I find this thread hugely supportive!
I hope we all get our rainbow babies soon!!!

@Daffodil77 you are not alone I still occasionally read the thread I should have been on if the miscarriage hadn't happened. To be honest it has reduced how often I do it now but it has given me so comfort in a way.

I’ve had 2 sessions of counselling since the MC and I was skeptical but it has helped. It’s helped to validate my feeling so in a way that friends and families can’t especially if they haven’t been through a similar situation. I personally found that they wanted to be logical and that wasn’t helping me to acknowledge my feelings and actually made me feel worse despite the fact they were trying to help. I think the same is true for this forum - it helps to talk to people who truely understand and won’t respond we the standard cliches of others.

I’m still waiting on AF after my MMC and the waiting is driving me crazy - logically I know I won’t be pregnant but also want some reassurance on my cycle.

Is anyone else on this thread TTC#1?

Me, Dulwich! 2 years, one mc last November.

Rum, it took a few cycles for my regulatory to return so don't panic. So sorry for your loss.

I'm going to try counselling too, I need to talk about it! I know it'll help.

*regularity!

@primrose16 sorry to hear you have lost 3 ☹️ Have you had any investigations? The part I struggle with is how they just say try again...no tests, and we have just got to pray it doesn’t happen again!
@dulwichdays I’m ttc #1. Had a mmc in December. Have found it pretty difficult to deal with. I am one of five girls and my mum didn’t even have to try. My sisters all have kids...no problems. No history in my family that I know of with fertility so when I was told my baby had no heartbeat I was absolutely devastated and shocked! Did not think it would happen to me. It’s amazing though I think how these experiences brings us to our darkest days but yet we still have hope, we still try and stay positive for the next one. My first af was about 4 days late for my usual cycle. Had you been trying long before? Did you have medical management?

@claire138
We had been trying for 5 months when we conceived our first. We had a silent miscarriage found at the 12 week scan and opted for surgical management after advice. My usual cycle would predict AF for mid next week so I guess I can expect it for then and if not just keep on waiting. I was told by the nurse to take another test if it still hadn’t come by 8weeks

Big squish @cakelaur and hope you have a lovely few days with your thoughts on something else. Think my DH understands that this topic is so (legitimately) not an option IRL that MN is vital. I often wonder if I'm winding myself up by chatting about it and I'd be better on my TTC journey in my own head but I think I'd go nuts. Agree might well be worth taking advantage of another resource if you have it though.

Welcome @whyhastherum gone and good luck to you.

@dulwichdays also TTC#1, just starting to feel a bit ground down. Was all upbeat post MC but doesn't look as though we've been lucky in spite of an early faint BFP this month and now spiralling over the implications of two chems back to back. Trying as always to remember we're lucky.

Hello Ladies, sorry i haven't been online for a while. How are you all doing?

So my day has been brightened! Not to do with human babies... but Our puppy was born today. A lovely start for us for the weekend. Just wanted to share some happiness.

Oh yay for puppies!! Happy it's bringing a smile to your face. It has mine too!

I don't know when to start TTC again. Doesn't feel right at the moment. Still feeling really low from the mc. I've been signed off for 2 weeks. I only had the mc last week but I'm already beating myself up for being off. Did anyone else take time off work after a mc? How long were you off for?

@YassQueen so sorry you're feeling like that. I took a week off. I told my manager what was going on and told her I didn't know when I'd be back but she said a week minimum. I think looking back I went back too early. Don't feel bad though for taking time off, you have to do what's best for you.

@Cakelaur puppies make everything better! What kind of puppy is it??

Thanks Daisy. I work in quite a high-stress, emotionally-charged environment and we often encounter pregnancies/births/miscarriages so I think more than anything I'm worried about how I'd cope with that :(

@YassQueen take the two weeks and look after yourself. If you still don't feel like going back after that don't force yourself. Put yourself first 💐

Baby bombed again, 3rd friend within 3.5 weeks - seriously FML!!! Why am i having enough ttc & mc problems for all if them 😪, seriously cant cope with this

Yass - I had two weeks off after it was confirmed by TV scan, I'd already been off two weeks by that point. I could not have gone back any sooner. TBH, if I was ever misfortunate enough to have another mc, I'd take longer off. I still feel now that I wish I was off, 3 months later! My GP offered me another month after confirmation but at the time I said no. I'll say yes next time. And I didn't feel guilty about it! God knows, I've had so little time off over the course of my working life, I really felt like I needed it and wasn't going to feel bad. I was grieving, I needed to be away from dealing with children and planning and marking, I couldn't have coped.
Have as much time off as your GP will give you and use it to start looking after yourself after your loss. xx

Sorry about the baby bombs, Keeping, it's so hard, isn't it? Big hug to you.

@claire138 no tests as it wasn’t 3 consecutive. 2 prior to my daughter and 1 after. Although if I’m lucky to conceive again I think I’m going to my gp to see if I can get support. I have so much going on in my head such as - can I only conceive girls, was my 3 losses boys. Nutty eh?

Ladies I need your honest opinion:

So bought a frer thinking i was 11DPO and it was negative. (I always get a postive by now if pregnant)
Anyway today I start cramping and go the loo and wipe and (tmi) theres was slight brown colour on tissue.
So I started thinking implantation bleeding?
When we DTD the ovulation sticks were not as dark as usual so I thought i was getting the end of ovulation but now I'm thinking maybe it was just starting??? So maybe I'm only 7DPO after all? Would that be a time to get implantation bleeding??? Or am I just clutching at straws??