TTC after pregnancy loss. Thread 16. New Year, new hope for all!

[NoCatsHere]

Hello to anyone TTC after suffering pregnancy loss at any stage. Supportive group for all hoping for their rainbow babies.

Hi love PumpkinPatch000 I'm so sorry. My mc was at 11 weeks took over a week and two visits to A&E. So don't know what to advise about that.

The specialist in the epu said I could start again before AF but it took a while for me to feel ok to have sex and have only DTD once this month. I'm still very weak a month later.

Thanks @Claire138 and @PassTheAfterEights xx The cramps passed after a few hours thankfully - spending an hour in a nice warm bath seemed to help. Thanks for your messages because I was freaking out and it was reassuring to read what you both had to say. Just going to take it easy for a few more days I think.

Ladies who've had a D&C, how long did you have off work? I didn't get any advice about that - I feel like a week would be enough from a physical perspective, but for my mental health I might see how I feel and get signed off for a little longer. I've not long recovered from a period of depression so want to look after myself for that reason.

@PumpkinPatch000 Sorry you're here - I know exactly how you feel; we all do and you'll find this board really helpful and supportive. Did they say you'd miscarried and you're seeing it through naturally at home? I was spotting/bleeding for 3 weeks and it didn't happen naturally for me so I had the D&C; so if you feel it's hard waiting it out and nothing's happening then definitely get yourself back to the EPU.

Aah @PumpkinPatch000 you're here, just replied on your thread - hope it helps a bit and glad you found the board.

@llondbol so glad, bath made a huge diff for me too, so worried it'd be messy (gross) but it wasn't and definitely helped, think it prob moved things along too. Take it easy - FWIW this just occurred to me when replying to Pumpkin, I had a few days with lots of spinach and steak for iron and best of all a large glass of red wine (first in a few weeks) and genuinely found both replenishing, helped relax, sleep, accept - going back to yoga helped too. Just in case any of that is worth a whirl! x

@llondbol - the hospital signed me off for a week after my D&C but my work have been really understanding. I took just over a week off all in all, but discussed with my boss that I’d go back and if I didn’t feel up to it then I’d take more time off. I don’t think there’s any problem with going back and deciding you need additional time off, or even the odd day here or there for our mental health. Do you think your company would be flexible?

I’ve just started bleeding again after 3 days without any and it’s really knocked me again...tear and all sorts of emotions this morning. I do feel sorry for my hubby! So I guess there’s no way for us to know when good or bad days are going to come. Look after yourself, that’s the most important thing in all this, everything else can wait! X

sending you big hugs pumpkin and dulwich .lts such an emotional roller-coaster especially early days . sorry you are going through this.

thanks @peaches and @dulwich, I have been in bed all morning and ready for a warm bath now. the cramps are unbearable l might have to go and get checked if they continue. lt feels like contractions without bleeding .

peaches, my cycle is usually 24 days but after the mc, I had to wait a good 6 weeks. hope your body quickly gets back to normal.

sending you big hugs pumpkin and dulwich .lts such an emotional roller-coaster especially early days . sorry you are going through this.

thanks @peaches and @dulwich, I have been in bed all morning and ready for a warm bath now. the cramps are unbearable l might have to go and get checked if they continue. lt feels like contractions without bleeding .

peaches, my cycle is usually 24 days but after the mc, I had to wait a good 6 weeks. hope your body quickly gets back to normal.

@llondbol Glad your pains have subsided, hopefully the worst is over now. I had my ERPC 2 days before the Christmas holidays, so I had nearly 2 weeks off. I went back to work on 2nd January and to be honest it was difficult. I was very teary for the first few days back and only my bosses knew what had happened so I just tried to get myself back into a routine. It did help getting back and forced me to get out of the house but without a doubt it’s difficult! My boss was very understanding and said I could work from home if I was having a bad day so maybe worth chatting to your boss to see if they can offer any flexibility to help you get back into the swing of things. Take your time and be kind to yourself xx

Sorry you’re here @pampkinpatch000 if you need to chat or rant you can have support here. It can help being able to talk to other people who are going through the same thing. The most consistent advice I have been getting is to wait until you have stopped bleeding and then from then you can start TTC again, if you are mentally up to it. The doctor may advise others to wait longer if they incurred complications like infection or ectopic pregnancy. I waited till I got my first AF as I wanted to give myself some time to come to terms with things and to also have a better baseline for tracking my cycles again. Your emotions will be all over the place for the next few weeks but just roll with it, you’re allowed to not be your normal self at the moment xx

@llondbol: glad to hear that your pains have subsided. I was signed off for 2 days after my d&c and they told me that I’d need to rest this weekend but could go to work as of tomorrow so it all depends how you recover from the operation itself.

Just need to have a total rant and blow off some steam. Tomorrow would be our 12 weeks scan. It’s my best mates due date and I am so happy for her. But for me I’m just sad. And pissed off and angry and upset and wishing it all back and desperate to be pregnant again and angry at my body for not ovulating again yet and sad for the future and just generally dreading tomorrow and then to top it all off my other best friends baby shower is next week and I’m gonna be not pregnant at an event where everyone knows I was pregnant but no one knows yet that I’ve lost the baby. And I walked down a baby aisle in tescos and just broke down today and can’t get the image out of my head that I would have been approaching 2nd trimester and now nothing. And no baby in August.
Sorry just had to write it down and say it out loud and make it real.
Hope everyone else is having a slightly better day. Xx

@PumpkinPatch000 I feel like we're both in the same boat. My mc started Tuesday and my appt is tomorrow morning. So scared as to what to expect!!

Cakelaur mate I know exactly how you feel! Baby clothes!!! I think it has only just dawned on me that my baby wont be here in July. Before this I was just dealing with the physical stuff.

@cakeleur totally understand. I was looking for puppy pads in tescos today, could not find them so as a last ditch attempt I thought I would check the nappy section (ridiculous I know, of course they wouldn’t be there) but I started walking up the aisle and did a sharp turn back...still can’t face it!

Thank you @peachesarenom so sorry to hear you had to go to A&E, it's not nice you had to go through that.

It's good to know when it's okay to try again when you are emotionally ready. I'm not sure how i'm feeling really. I was a mess on Friday and broke down a couple of times yesterday. Feeling stronger today but I kind of feel like i've put up a barrier.. anyone else feel like that?

@Llondbl thank you for your support. Being able to talk to people on the boards has helped so much. Reading through the messages makes me feel less alone and lost in all this.

I'm not sure if they would give me a D&C because when they did the scan they said they didn't see anything? i'm not sure, I don't really understand enough about it. I think for now things do seem to be progressing naturally, I just hope it doesn't go on for weeks.

Thank you @passtheaftereights your message really helped. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. I'm going to bed soon most probably as i'm feeling absolutely exhausted and attempting work tomorrow but i'll be reading it again on the train and it will definitely give me some re-assurance and I will reply. Love your name by the way, after eights are yummy - or at least they were before I found out I was dairy intolerant

Thanks for your support @Mimilicious013 i'm dreading work tomorrow and having to act like everything is okay while people whine and moan about trivial things hoping I can stay strong. i'm going to tell one of my close friends at work if I can get the words out so I know I have someone there who can support me. i'm scared though. At the moment I haven't been able to talk about it out loud... I couldn't even bare to tell our parents, my husband had to which is stupid because we are very close and they are so supportive.

@Claire138 thank you. It is so good to know there is a place I can come to talk and you have all been so lovely and welcoming. It helps so much and i'm so grateful. Knowing I can come on here and there are people who understand is making me feel stronger.

it's good to know about TTC. I've been anxious about what it all means for us. Also your point about it's okay to not be my normal self at the moment. It sounds stupid but i'm always the 'strong' one and supporting everyone else even now i've put up this barrier and trying to be like everything is fine, when it's not. i'm not okay at all. It's stupid because no one is forcing me to be like that, our families are so supportive. I guess it's just a coping mechanism.

@Star88 I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your appointment goes okay on Tuesday, I will be thinking of you. Is it at the EPU?

@cakelaur so sorry today has been tough. It must be horrible seeing baby things in shops. I haven't experienced that yet, it's been bad enough putting away the vitamins and creams etc i was using. Do you definitely have to go to the baby shower? It sounds like it's going to be very painful and you need to make sure you're ready. Sending love

x

@cakelaur - we are almost exactly the same point in our journey it would seem. Is there anyway that your friend will understand if you explain to them what's happened? I can't imagine having to go to a baby shower right now - the thought of my sister in law giving birth next week already brings me to tears. Can't help but resent her a little....which I know isn't fair. I keep having to remind myself that I'm no longer pregnant rather than being 14 weeks and happily in the second trimester. Life is so cruel.

@cakelaur sorry you are having a horrible time. I went to a baby shower after my second loss. My friend said I didn’t have to but I felt that I needed to do it. I planned a game, and hosted it. I felt that it focussed me. I also helped out with topping up people’s drinks. I’m sure your friend will understand if you can’t make it. But if you do go try and keep yourself busy

I wanted to punch husband earlier! I said that I felt a little sicky (actually still do) and he said ‘maybe your pregnant’ 😡 he doesn’t think before he speaks!!!!

I had a tough time going through baby aisles. Still do sometimes. Yet I've weirdly taken to getting some bits and pieces as a fucked up way of coping with everything.

I should be 20 weeks today, or have a 2 week old born already (if they arrived on due date ofc!). I have neither. Somehow getting stuff means that I have to keep trying. It's batshit crazy I know! :/

Thanks ladies. I really needed to hear it from other people going through the same thing. Sorry that everyone is in this situation.
I’d never miss her baby shower. They’ve been through two years of ttc and ivf etc and this is a big moment for them. I’m sure she would understand but I’m partly hosting it. 🙈
I don’t have any RL friends who’ve been through this. Once they fall pregnant they just get their baby. And my best mate due any minute was so scared I wouldn’t wanna see her. Her daughter is my godbaby and her new one with be my godson and I would miss a single moment with them cos of my grief. But she fell pregnant on 2nd month ttc with both bubs and had mega Easy pregnancies so doesn’t quite understand.

It’s weird I want to keep buying little bits and decorate the nursery and stuff by my OH says it’s too early. And to wait until we’re pregnant again.

I also wanted to plant a rose for the baby we lost (we each have a rose in the garden that we chose) but his 10yr old son may ask questions and things so he’s advising against it. I’m worried this loss will just be forgotten. And when I say about doing little things or I mention the baby my OH (who is normally amazing and supportive) looks at me like I’m making to Big a deal out of it. I think his way of dealing with it is to pretend it didn’t happen. And I wanna remember it and add it to part of our family.

@PumpkinPatch000 it was an eeeeeepic post & absolutely no obligation to reply unless it's helpful in which case I'm right here, we all are. Hope you're doing ok this evening. 🤞 for you tomorrow and take it easy as far as you can, don't push yourself too hard x x

PS after eights = dairy, you poor thing @PumpkinPatch000 petition for dairy free version! 📝

@PassTheAfterEights @PumpkinPatch There are some dairy-free versions (not by Nestle mind) depending on where you shop and if you don't mind own brands

@cakelaur: I was going to get a rose too. There’s one called “Charlie” which is what we were going to call him. I was going to put it in a pot as we’re planning to move this year and I’d want to take it with us

I finally got BFN! Hopefully AF soon!

Thanks for all the replies - can I just say how much this board is helping me? Feel so lucky to have people I can chat to in the same situation - means the world to me.

With the worry hanging over our heads following the first EPU scan, I've cried at least once a day for the past 3 weeks. Yesterday was the first day I didn't cry which made a nice change - was doing ok then I watched that Kylie Jenner video today which made me cry when I saw their 15 week scan, and then someone on Facebook has just announced they're due 3 September which is 2 days after we would have been due 😭

So after spending weeks debating if we were going to try after after the losses last year.... and deciding yes we would, DH has a terrible cold during fertile window!!!!! Typical