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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

40+ ttc: 2018 full of bfp's!

999 replies

Orchid222 · 07/01/2018 22:03

Ladies, the old thread has now closed so I created a new one but can't post the link, hopefully you'll find it and we can continue.

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Cleozeta · 02/02/2018 16:36

I feel I should be giving up now too. Think it's all false hope.
AF arrived today and I'm going to be 41 in 2 weeks. Been trying nearly a year now. It's too stressful and always so disappointing. Going for my FSH blood test on Tuesday which will be cd5. I'm not expecting great results. I really don't know why I'm even putting myself through this now. Seems pointless.

Original poster
Orchid222 · 02/02/2018 18:55

Cleo please try to stay positive. I already am 41 and, unlike you, I only have one child whom I love beyond words but can't imagine not having any more children. I keep kicking myself for not starting ttc earlier or at least not going to the gp much sooner. I have to make a choice quickly and I don't know what to do. I heard back from the fertility clinic that I should hear from them within 2 weeks regarding additional tests I need to do before getting an appt but that means I probably won't have one until at least late March and I don't know if I can or want to wait that long. I'm thinking maybe I should just go privately and ask for ivf asap. I just feel i don't have time to wait anymore :(

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JoJoyorker · 02/02/2018 19:11

It's so hard isn't it 😔 AF arrived today 3 days early. It was due on my 41st birthday and I was so hopefully to get a lovely BFP birthday present. Feel so fed up and upset about it. I've got a telephone appointment with doc on Monday so will ask for the day 3 tests. How flexible is it does it hVe to be day 3? Due to AF early arrival I'll have to wait until next month I think.

JoJoyorker · 02/02/2018 19:11

Cleo sorry I can't remember do you already have children?

JoJoyorker · 02/02/2018 19:13

I feel terrible as TTC is taking up so much of my head time and I'm up and down emotionally, I'm feeling like I'm not making the most of the wonderful DC I do have.

Original poster
Orchid222 · 02/02/2018 19:28

Jojo- I feel the same way! It's just so consuming and emotionally draining!

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Cleozeta · 02/02/2018 19:43

Jojo I am very lucky and already have 2 children, aged 7 and 5, I would just like that one last little baby to hold. 1 last chance. I keep kicking myself that we did not try sooner. After we had our youngest we both said we were happy with just 2, but for the last few years I've been feeling the urge for just one more. I built up the courage to talk to DH about it just after my 40th birthday last year, on the assumption that he was still wanting to stick with 2 (he'd even talked about a vasectomy before) but it turned out he had been feeling the same, and wanted one last one too. I now wish, knowing this, that I had brought it up earlier, as just after this conversation, and decision to try for another, my cycles started to change and the irreversable fertility decline began. Even one year earlier could have made all the difference Sad

Cleozeta · 02/02/2018 19:56

Orchid, if you are thinking IVF, you might as well go private and do it now, as you will have to pay on NHS anyway. Only downside of IVF at our age is we may have to use donor eggs.
I think I would try anything now except IVF for that reason. Have you given up on the idea of IUI?
Sorry your AF came too jojo. So disappointing isnt it. Especially as we know every month that goes by is that little step further away, as we age and our fertility declines further. I've also been concerned that my focus on TTC and erratic emotions have stopped me enjoying my two wonderful children. I have thought a few times that maybe I should quit and just focus on them, but it's hard to do when we still have a small teaser of a chance left.
I'm so glad I have you lot to talk to about all this, it really helps to know there are others in the boat and to share tales of doom and gloom, but also hopefully soon to see someone in our situation actually succeed and give us hope Smile

Cleozeta · 02/02/2018 20:00

Jojo - regarding cd3 test, my dr said it can be checked anytime between cd2 and cd7, basically 1st week of cycle. I will be having mine done on cd5, mainly because cd1 was today, so cd3 would be sunday. I called too late for an appointment on monday,
for cd4 (already fully booked) so nearest is cd5. Does mean I'll have to skip soy agaim this month, but last month seemed to be ok without it so fingers crossed

Original poster
Orchid222 · 02/02/2018 21:07

Cleo-after reading up on IUI and speaking to my acupuncturist I'm not certain there much of a chance of success. As for ivf I'd insist on using my own eggs. Surely they can't refuse if I'm the one paying for it?

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Cleozeta · 02/02/2018 22:33

I think you should go for it orchid. Would cost the same private as NHS I would have thought? Just quicker! Certainly worth looking into.
I am considering seeing a private fertility expert now. Clearly time is no longer on our sides, let's not waste any more. One of us has to get the elusive BFP soon!

weasledee · 02/02/2018 23:00

Hi all, been lurking for ages, had a miscarriage due to patau at 14 weeks last summer followed by a mmc at 8 weeks in November. Really unsure whether to carry on (we have 2 dc) but decided to give it one more go. It really will b the final attempt, at 41 time is t on my side. So fertile weekend coming up, wish me luck Smile

minime2017 · 03/02/2018 07:09

Sorry for your loss Weasledee. Im approaching 41 rapidly and trying for #1. Took a hpt just for fun this morning... grey line! Hate ic tests. Have no chance this month due to bad timing and little dtd. Theres always that little chink of hope isnt there.

JoJoyorker · 03/02/2018 08:38

Yes same here I really wish we had started earlier. I would have loved 3 children but I know we've left it to late for that so I would just love another one. I worry so much for my DD if she ends up being an only. The thought of going through pregnancy and the newborn days again doesn't appeal but I just desperately want her to have a sibling.

Karigan1 · 03/02/2018 10:35

I’ve been telling my partner for 3 years if he wants kids we should start already. It took him until my 40th birthday for it to sink in and for him to be ready :/

JoJoyorker · 03/02/2018 14:15

My DH was the same he would have waited even longer if he could have got away with it. They just don't have the same worries and concerns as us. I think my DH is starting to realise now. He assumed it was going to be as easy as last time.

Cleozeta · 03/02/2018 14:29

Men don't have the ticking clock issue, from their perspective it's a straightforward choice thing. Sadly it's not that simple

sparklyglitterball · 03/02/2018 14:55

Ahhh, ladies........it really does suck sometimes. I'm sorry to those who have got af. I have to say I was a little naive about ttc over 40. It seems fairly common these days to have babies at this age, and yet reading this thread the number of women actually getting a bfp is really low. Compared to threads I was on when ttc my other two in my 30's when there seemed to be a regular influx of bfps! For those of you going down the fertility assistance route, it seems to me to make sense to really go for it, push for appointments/blood tests/go private. I'm just hoping for a bit of luck, and will probably just accept it and try to move on if it's not happened in the next few months. It's really emotionally draining at times.

Original poster
Orchid222 · 03/02/2018 15:10

Jojo-my DH was exactly the same! When I said let's start he said 'but we don't want their bdays to be in the same month' assuming it would happen straight away same as before. I said we're older now it might take longer and oh boy was I right! He does regret it now but it's too late isn't it?
Cleo-I was sure last night I should go for ivf but then I found lots of IUI success stories from women over 40 so I got a bit of hope and am now thinking maybe I should give it a couple of cycles before ivf. I don't know IUI just seems hmm more natural/less clinical? Chances of success are probably lower so need to think quickly.
AF arrived today sold like to get an appt for thurs/fri and decide after that. I'm sure it's too late to do anything this cycle but would want to go ahead with it in March.

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sparklyglitterball · 03/02/2018 15:55

We also couldn't decide for ages whether or not to ttc number three.........I wished we just hadn't bothered getting the coil fitted after my last baby. But I guess there's no point dwelling on the what if's. For the first year after number 2 was born I couldn't even contemplate having another, so it really was a complete change of heart. Orchid, i guess iui is much less invasive than ivf. What's putting you off?

Original poster
Orchid222 · 03/02/2018 16:03

Sparkly-the success rates are what's putting me off but I think I'll just go for it depending, of course, what I'm told at my appt.

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sparklyglitterball · 03/02/2018 16:26

I guess if you try to approach it as just ttc as you have been with a little help, and try to keep expectations realistic. I imagine ivf would be more emotionally draining because you'd have to be more invested in the process from a medical and financial perspective. How much will the iui cost? Or is it NHS?

Cleozeta · 03/02/2018 20:36

Orchid I hope they can give you some good advice on what would be best for you with age in mind, would be really interested to hear what they advise. Will you let us know?
I am starting to consider other options now too.

Sparkly - so frustrating isn't it. And so hard not to dwell on the what if's. I have been kicking myself so much recently about not starting a year earlier as it could have made all the difference. It's almost like the day we hit 40 our overies get their OAP bus pass and hit retirement.

Cleozeta · 03/02/2018 20:57

Just asked dr google and he seems to think IUI success rates are low for our age group, but worth a try. However IVF up the chances of a 40 year old from 5% to 33%. That's quite a leap

Original poster
Orchid222 · 03/02/2018 21:12

I read last night for 41 and 42 yo ivf success rate is 16%

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