Yams, fertile feckers and what not to say.

[LimpLettice]

Part the third:

Welcome all anti-fertile fuckers! This is our clique for those trying longer than 6 cycles and are pretty fed up.

Here are our Fucked Off TTC Commandments

• Thou shall not arrive one day and post BFP next day
• Thou shall not give advice to other when TTC for one month only
• Thou shall not participate in one-up-manship and realise TTC is shit for everyone in different ways
• Thou shall allow posters to be fucked off with the world and everything in it at regular points in the month
• Thou shall not be offended by strong language
• Thou shall not tell everyone to eat yams
• Thou shall accept being called a muppet for testing at 7dpo at 9pm at night

Our spreadsheet which includes what supplements (and potatoes) we are trying in our journey to motherhood.

I keep trying to join/follow these threads but don't know anyone.

We're well over a year and now starting to get blood testing, semen analysis etc.

This probably sounds stupud but I'm almost done caring about it now. I watch people get pregnant by accident and then resent spending time getting financially secure and a new house etc. DH is so chilled oit about it that I wish i could be more like him.

Maisy we’re just starting testing now too, it feels like it’s all real now it’s been long enough for a GP to listen. I hope you aren’t kept waiting too long and that the results are all fine.

justwaiting 😂

I gotcha justwaiting

Just out of fertility Massage and was thinking I should probably apologise to the gender swayer because my post was harsh... in my defence my lovely DH is a third boy so she riled me on a personal level... twice. But now I see she's being a knob so I was right in the first place!

Welcome Maisy - the tests can take a few months so it's good to get going with them. If I can give you any advice it's to make sure that your 21 day bloods are definitely done at 7dpo (just in case your cycles are irregular) I've had mine taken 5 times because they kept doing them on the wrong day! It was upsetting and an unnecessary waste of NHS resources!

flora nah don’t apologise. She was twatty to a couple of people herself, she’s just trying to worm out of it now by creating a woe is me drama because she asked for advice but only the advice she wanted to hear.

Welcome Maisypops you’re in good company here :)

Welcome @MaisyPops!

I thought the op of that gender thread had asked for it to be deleted this afternoon. Still there, I assume that was a lie too

Lol I noticed that. She wouldn’t have got it deleted because she’s a total drama llama. Doesn’t help when people go on and say that the shettles method “worked for them”. No, it was completely coincidental. I know a woman who has SEVEN boys and she used the shettles method after boy number two to try and get a girl. Five more boys later and she had to give in and accept it’s not a thing.

Evening yammers. What a lovely time I’ve had, but fuck I wish I didn’t have work in the morning! Noticed my age HUGE tonight

Mnhq I’m not sure if this thread has been reported, but I really hope we can stay. It’s a bloody lifesaver.

Morning all. Am I allowed to say the poster was an idiot, or is that bullying? I'm sure she'd ignore it as it doesn't suit her agenda, but DS was prem and very poorly for his first 6 months and I totally understood that the poster was asking about a turn of phrase and not getting at her. I hope she doesn't report a thread that's providing so much support for a large number of women. As opposed to one ignoring evidence based research. /End rant]

Hi Maisy - don't worry about not knowing anyone at all.

I had a really shitty evening yesterday, but it's just my own pity party! I went to see my parents who spent all their time talking about how amazing it's going to be when my sister gives birth and then said to me "you might even change your mind about having kids once the baby is here?" and then followed up by "oh, you've gone quiet - you don't want kids do you?". They don't know that we've been trying for months longer than my sister (who got pregnant on her second cycle) but I really don't think I could cope with the whispers behind my back every time they talk about the baby if I tell them that it hurts. I know it shouldn't hurt, but it really does.

Anyway, how's all my anti-yammers doing? I really do hope we get some more +ve news on this thread soon!

Oh, @DoAsDreamersDo, I'm sorry to hear you had a tough evening. It is so hard when people don't know, I think I'd tell just so they understood where I was coming from but you have to do what's right for you and protect your emotional state. I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning.

Sorry @MaisyPops that sounded a bit flippant. What I meant was, don't worry about not knowing anyone as we didn't know each other to start with. It's good you're getting testing and things started.

Going out for dinner tonight with a dear, dear friend who is 6 monthsish along. We both miscarried at about the same time earlier this year and she fell pregnant straight away after. She's so lovely, she is really sensitive to me ttc, and so kind and thoughtful - but I feel terrible because it's still hard even when someone's lovely and not selfish or thoughtless. I'm not sure that makes any sense but I'm just feeling a bit sad today.

Had a tough few days since seeing my pregnant friends on Sunday. Bad anxiety which I think is probably repressed grief? Who knows. Had acupuncture this morning and feeling slightly calmer but not in the mood for work at all. At least it’s almost Friday.. ish. DH doing his sample tomorrow for testing. Fx he manages to do it!

I think I feel worse this morning. I just keep going round in this vicious cycle of guilt and feeling sorry for myself.

@dreamers it’s a tough call whether to tell or not. I’ve told my mum about 2 cycles ago, she doesn’t really understand that there have been 10months of TTC before she found out. But I can’t tell my MIL, we are really close and she’s really lovely but I don’t think I can bear the questions. I’m so relieved my bro in law and gf just got engaged so all energy and attention is currently on them!

I ended up telling my mum yesterday when she made a comment about how we got preggers so quickly after our wedding. So at least my parents know now. But I maybe wouldn't have told her if I hadn't had the miscarriage. Or not yet at least.

Sorry to hear you're still feeling bad, @DoAsDreamersDo. Give yourself time to feel upset, it's natural, although I appreciate it may be hard to do if you're at work or something. Big hugs.

Sorry @Tiredofbeingsotired and @TheGrumpySquirrel for having to deal with preggers people, it's very hard. Look after yourselves.

@Maisypops, none of us knew each other either when we joined, don't worry about that!

Oh @doasdreamersdo @lexiejean , big hugs. I was wondering about this.

My MIL is v unwell and we have been TTC since it became clear she was dying. I think she will not meet her grandkids now - we have not told her and divert the question every time. This makes feel really sad but I’m not sure telling her we’re struggling would help.

Last night my mum spent 45mins telling me off for being so selfish and not TTC (she’d like grandkids but also aware of PIL) but like @doasdreamersdo I can’t cope with the questions. Plus I think she’d be hurt about not having known. Really hard knowing what to do - we don’t live close so I think ultimately next year if we have IUI/IVF I wouldn’t tell them, but obviously would struggle with lying when visiting.

Morning, @LimpLettice- this thread has been reported to us but we won't be deleting on this occasion; though we will remove any posts reported to us that break our Talk Guidelines.
We'd like to remind everyone, though, that it's not really on to discuss another poster in this way, (especially on a different thread where they may not have the opportunity to defend themselves). It's not in the spirit of the site, and can quickly see a useful thread derailed into a TAAT.

Peace and love, as always.

Am slightly confused as to what's gone on - there were a few comments here about another thread, none of which were points that hadn't already been addressed in said thread (so the OP was aware) and then the discussion moved on.

Anyway, I take the point that we don't want to go on about it as it's not helpful and don't want to get too personal or angry about individuals, etc, so fine.

Back to the original discussion on what has been a valuable, understanding, reassuring and funny thread during one of the crappier periods of my life - welcome Maisie, please join us!! Am also just about at further testing stage...

squirrel hope DH is OK today

frilly that's such a sweet thing to say

dreamers I totally get it - I think my family think the same but don't want them treading on eggshells either. I feel like I need to say something soon though; have a horrible feeling am going to end up crying on my mum at Christmas. Anyway, it's not a pity party - it does hurt...

Love to all, may we forever stay Guidelines Compliant from here xxx

Oh hello poor you - that's one of the reasons for not telling family, don't want a telling off for being selfish or being told it's my own fault for waiting. Is that ridiculous when I'm in my 30s?? Am so sorry about your MIL xx

dreamers I kind of get you there. My little sister is pregnant, due February. She got pregnant by accident so wasn’t even trying as she is still only young (23) and she’d only just got a job and only been with her bf about 6 months at the time of getting preggo. Of course, everyone is excited, including me. Sometimes it’s nice to be around other people’s babies because you get to do all the good stuff like cuddle them and smell their head but you don’t have to get up every hour in the night or cart bottles of milk around with you all day. But it does sting a little when me and OH are at my parent’s house and it’s ALL they can talk about. Seeing my sister’s huge bump is bad enough. My mum came round the other day (after I finally hinted at the fact we’d been trying for a long time as I asked for money for Christmas that I could put into a savings account to pay for fertility treatment) and she’s like “oh look at this scan video your sister sent me, you can see the baby drinking and see her heart beating.” I don’t mind seeing stuff like that but there’s no thinking twice. Yes I know you’re desperate to have a baby together and have been trying for a year and your sister just got pregnant when she didn’t even want to but we’re going to all sit here and gush over every aspect of her pregnancy right in front of you so you just better like it. It is hard. Especially when all you want to be is happy for someone who is having a baby but you can’t gt away from the fact that you’re also sad that you’re not. Hugs

Bloody hell bubblegum bit of a sensitivity bypass there

At times like that I now tell myself what a lovely woman on the other thread am on always says: this baby doesn't affect my own path, and I will get there - just my own way. I don't always believe myself and it often doesn't feel that way, but I find it helps me talk myself down from the frustration in the moment. Hope that doesn't sound trite - and hope Christmas isn't too tough if you're going to you're seeing your folks this year.

Thank you MNHQ, and yes, I’m inclined to agree.

I wish so badly everyone was having a better time. Hello that’s rotten, it always worries me having left things so late as my dad is in his 70’s and has been suffering with cancer this year, he is clear at the moment but it defo adds a horrible urgency I could well do without.

Bubblegum I think people who haven’t had trouble literally cannot imagine how soul destroying this is and so just don’t monitor their mouths. Doesn’t make it any easier to hear though.

Argh, @Bubblegum89, so sorry your mum is being insensitive. It really is a mind fuck to be happy for someone but also aware of your own troubles at the same time. It doesn't help when people don't think things through before they speak. Sending you hugs x

I started speaking to my Mum about this after it had been a year TTC & started going for tests. She's been mostly supportive and it's been good to have someone to talk to. She had trouble getting pregnant with my older brother back in the day and had actually been through most of the same tests I've had!

Randomly she does seem a bit fixated on how much (she thinks) I'm drinking. I think she thinks I still drink the same as I did in my early 20s, but actually I only really drink anything at all during the first few days of my cycle when I'm fed up & know I'm not pregnant!

I've a feeling I might be fending off intrusive questions from the ILs on Xmas day, they don't really seem to have a good grasp on what is a personal question at the best of times...