Yams, fertile feckers and what not to say.

[LimpLettice]

Part the third:

Welcome all anti-fertile fuckers! This is our clique for those trying longer than 6 cycles and are pretty fed up.

Here are our Fucked Off TTC Commandments

• Thou shall not arrive one day and post BFP next day
• Thou shall not give advice to other when TTC for one month only
• Thou shall not participate in one-up-manship and realise TTC is shit for everyone in different ways
• Thou shall allow posters to be fucked off with the world and everything in it at regular points in the month
• Thou shall not be offended by strong language
• Thou shall not tell everyone to eat yams
• Thou shall accept being called a muppet for testing at 7dpo at 9pm at night

Our spreadsheet which includes what supplements (and potatoes) we are trying in our journey to motherhood.

Can totally sympathise. I have a couple of family members who always speak to me at family events about "not waiting too long" and "you want to start trying not, don't leave it too late!"

They don't know we've been trying for almost a year now and they're not being malicious, but it's hard to deal with

Thanks ladies. It’s just really hard because we just want to be happy. I don’t know about you guys but that’s one of the things I find the most difficult to deal with. The wanting to be happy for someone without being sad for yourself. I’m obviously very lucky I have my 9yo daughter and I think that maybe that makes it even harder for my parents to understand things because secondary infertility seems to be even more taboo than regular infertility.

I tend to mask my emotions with humour (if any of you have seen my blog you’ll know what I mean lol) and so I just make a joke out of things when they’re all talking about it. That probably makes them think I’m okay with it and in a way that’s fine because I don’t want them to be scared of saying anything in case I burst into tears. But it’s like you don’t want them to tread on eggshells but you would appreciate some sensitivity and I guess a lot of people just don’t understand that there is that line. My mum had 3 kids no problem so has no idea what it’s like to want something that much, seeing everyone else getting it and not being able to have it yourself. I’m being my sister’s birthing partner so I’m hoping that it might put me off for a while anyway 😂

It does seem like it’s everywhere though, family members who are pregnant or asking when you’re going to have a baby. I’ve had it a few times “oh the age gap is getting bigger, you might want to think about having another!” I know it’s not meant maliciously but it’s still annoying. Hugs to you all!!

Aww QuietTime that’s actually a really nice sentiment :)

Ok gang I’m off on holiday for a week. It is pre and into fw so we will be shagging lots and lots and lots!
Good luck everyone with upcoming fw and those in the 2WW 🤞 for you all!

Well I’ve bitten the bullet and booked a Drs appt.
next Friday, the day after af arrives is due.

Have a lovely time Lexie

Well done @steak
Thanks @dreamers

Well done Steak. It is a hard step to take.

Lexie I hope you have a wonderful holiday and manage to relax a bit. NOT relax it'll happen haha.

I had 3.5 hours sleep last night. I am dying on my feet. Will it never ever be 5.30....?!

Have a great holiday @LexieJean

I feel your pain @LimpLettice - clock watching like made here though my day was made a lot better by getting to cuddle a 10 week old puppy!

Have a lovely time Lexie :)

Yay well done Steak it’s such a scary step to make but hopefully it’ll be the start of getting things figured out

Me too limp - think I managed 4 and a bit hrs so not quite as bad as you although my eye bags suggest otherwise
It’s been really helpful reading all of your experiences and thoughts on telling family. I told my mum around the time I was having the first tests at the GP. She was supportive of a bit less empathetic than I would have liked. She knows I’ve been having acupuncture and how been referred for
IVF but never brings it up or asks about it. She might be worried I get upset I suppose - she knows how desperately I want
I have kids. Part of it though is that I feel as if they would be much more serious about it I was married. My parents aren’t very conservative or religious or anything but they do have some quite fixed, old fashioned ideas about stuff like this. I have a younger brother (who is married has 1 child and another on the way) so they are a bit consumed with that at the moment.
Hope your appointment today goes well Flora and that your choice in what to do is made easier by what they say - just remembered that you mentioned it the other day.

Telling family is a really hard one. Only my mum and sister know that we are TTC. If the MIL knew, we'd get asked about it constantly. I recently posted on Facebook about a funny name I came across and FIL asked DH if I was pregnant and looking for baby names. Lots of tears shed over that one.

My MIL asked me outright if we were ttc, but hasn't mentioned it since. My DM has made some unpleasant comments that DH and I shouldn't have kids due to DHs health condition as it might be passed on so I don't dare talk to her about it incaseshe makes some "maybe it's for the best type of comments. My DB and SIL know as it came out when they announced SILs pregnancy. Thankfully it took them along time too which made it an easier conversation.

People speculating and asking is a real pain. All the hints make me just want to turn round and let it all out. After my miscarriage though, things kinda quietened down (can that be counted as a positive? I don't think so. Miscarriage has no positives). I think people don't know whether it's rude to ask if we're still trying. My mother in law does tell me that she's praying for twins for us... So...yeah... Not sure how long it takes for that to work though

Who do I need to message to join the Facebook group again? Would love to join!

You need to message Sooz :)

IN regards to telling family, I’ve told my mum ( that happened last weekend following a minor breakdown when I was staying over) but that’s all. It’s hard to say it out loud but it has helped to have someone know what’s going on. She’s been incredibly supportive and I cannot thank her enough for it.

At work today, the boy I look after had some holistic therapy and was offering 30 minute reflexology sessions. I’ve been debating trying it so I took her up on it and after about 10 minutes, she asked if I was having any fertility issues as she had felt a blockage in my womb area....

Justwaiting I wouldn’t take that as gospel tbh, I don’t think you can feel blockages. Most don’t even show up on an US

Oh no, by blockage she means just a general issue, not a literal one!

But you’re right, it’s probbaly a crock of shit.

Hi guys, can I join? I've lurked for a while but I'm feeling so shit tonight after yet another AF arrival that I feel the time has come to join the ranks. I've spent most of the evening sobbing my heart out and dreading giving DH the bad news ... again... when he gets in from work. Every month I feel a little piece of me dies. Really thought this was our month too, so feeling unutterably stupid now. Stupid, broken and unworthy 😥 Sorry for the cyber breakdown in my very first post! Shameface!
X

pirate , it's horrible isn't it. The start of your period is horrible, then having to tell your DP/DH is horrible, then all the counting and tracking and starting again is horrible.... It all sucks. Even worse when you've had serious reason to think this might really be the month. Do something for you tomorrow. I've started making a point of doing something for me each time my period starts, even if it's just a takeaway coffee from a "treat" coffee shop. I consider it a tiny little middle finger up to infertility. You can take my fertility but you can't take my (insert treat here).

Oh I see justwaiting well it might be a crock of shit but it doesn’t hurt to have a go haha

Welcome PirateWeasel I’m sorry you’ve found yourself here but you’ll be in good company

@PirateWeasel you're not stupid, broken or unworthy. Your life isn't taking the path you thought it would right now, but your journey still matters.

pirate welcome - sending you a hug. I like lost's idea and hope you're feeling a little better today. It's shit but absolutely no reflection on you xx thanks for joining us!

Honestly, I'm so sad that there are so many new names on the thread. I feel bad that there are so many people struggling.