STILL TTC your first baby

[nomoremagnolia]

Thought someone better start a new thread as we're getting close to the 1000 mark!
Ready - what's your question?

Well we've already got a nursery ready to go (people we bought house off had an 18 month old) It's painted cream with a border of brown teddies. We've added brown curtains but not the baby.
Think I would like to buy all new stuff for the nursery like a cot and stuff, not so bothered about new clothes and toys though. It all depends how much money we have left by then (I'm already saving for IUI/IVF, cause I'm not sure how much NHS will fund for us)

On the nursery front, I think I'm a bit of a rebel My theory is that for the first x years of babies life they are either completely unaware of what is on the walls and/or need to be encouraged to SLEEP in that room rather than spend ages being entertained. By the time they're past that stage, they'll have their own ideas what they want the room to look like. So I don't really hold with the idea of spending lots of time and effort decorating huge elabourate friezes on the walls and putting up cartoony curtains and mobiles everywhere! So if we do redecorate, I'm thinking plain walls and plain well-lined curtains in soothing colours...

The problem with this theory is I'm a naive person with no experience of living with babies and I've recently heard people on other threads talking about their kids waking up at RIDICULOUS hours of the morning, but learning to amuse themselves in their bedrooms until a vaguely sensible time to wake the adults. So maybe this is another thing I'll find myself completely contradicting once I actually have a LO

PinkElephant - I'm throwing you a life jacket - I know how rough the current can be in self-pity ((hug)) - Hang in there flower!

PinkMartini - Love the name change How are you?

Nomoremagnolia - That's cool that you have your nursery all ready to go! fingers crossed you get to fill it real soon!
Fingers crossed your CD1 comes at the right time for the tests Enjoy your 80s do!!

BellaBear - I know you are having a tough time at the moment. I hope that your DH is standing strong and helping you through. ((big hug)). Take care of yourself chick.

Gilly - I hope you have a wonderful holiday, and I hope you manage to clear your head - thinking of you! Hope to "see" you on here soon! Great question by the way
I think a natural palette will be good, and we will get some new furniture - but depending on where we will be living - we may utilise things we have and just "baby" them up. I never see the point in spending money for the sake of it. I am sure there are people out there who buy things because they think they should and never really use them - definitely lots to think about. I intend to ask a LOT of mum's what are essential items.

Geek - I am with you, I think soothing colours will be the theme. I know what you are saying about them being able to amuse themselves if they wake - but surely there are things that don't have to be permanent fixtures in the room. A mobile I should think works a treat? Or am I being naive? How are you feeling?

Seaside, MrsMcJnr, Cityangel, Chocolatedays, Kensgirl, Woodmouse, Graysongirl et al - Hope you are all ok?? Not seen you on here for a while

Thansk Ready. I'll be back soon, might just lurk for a while.

Ready, I dunno really I think that what-it-takes-to-entertain-the-LO maybe one of those things we have to suck and see coz it's different for different children. And I guess it will probably change as they grow too. Ahhh, so many things to think about!

Erm, I'm doing alright thanks for asking. Babe seems to be well - heard the heartbeat when I saw the midwife yesterday which was great. All my blood tests etc are completely normal so I'm officially a low-risk pregnancy Still totally knackered a lot of the time, and having good days and bad days with the nausea, but I think it's now leaning towards more good than bad (phew!). The main irritation at the mo is that I'm hungry at least every two hours, and when I say hungry I mean actually agonising hunger pains must-eat-NOW! So I've got no real control over what I'm eating, it's often just whatever is closest to hand If everyone gets this all the way through, I've no idea how anybody manages to control their weight gain at all!

Geek - that's lovely news about the heartbeat and being low-risk ! With the weight issue, I would be inclined to say that you shouldn't worry too much about it. You just need to eat when you need to eat. Are you having any cravings? A friend of mine when she was pregnant said that the hunger pangs crept up and were excruciating - she said she used to have to carry cereal bars in her bag for emergencies
I forget, when is your EDD?

No particular cravings yet, apart from FOOOOD! I've gone off a few things, like coffee (helpful) and wholemeal bread (not helpful!), but mostly I'll eat whatever I can get. Completely agree with your friend, I have to make sure I've got a cereal bar or at least an apple, and a bottle of water, in my bag at all times.

My EDD is 4th-5th November, so if it arrives on time there'll be fireworks to celebrate!

Geek - I love the idea of celebrating with fireworks! How exciting! Don't beat yourself up about the wholemeal bread. White bread isn't the worst thing in the world

Everyone else - very quiet on this thread at the mo! Hope everyone is doing ok???

Hi Ready you really are awesome for your ability to keep this thread going and making everyone feel really welcome. Glad you like the new name

I am CD6 and have been for acupuncture this week which will hopefully help. It's bloody £££££ but it's worth it as I always feel so much better afterwards. I"m booked in for a couple of weeks time which will be after OV I think.

Congrats GeekinPigtails!

I haven't been keeping up with the thread. I'm having one of those days where you don't know where to start with what you want to do so I've been catching up with MN. Not hugely constructive but...

I will make an effort this month to keep up more with what's going on on the thread. And lots of BDing of course!

Hello! I've been knitting instead of mning, which has calmed me down a bit... feel a lot more sorted now I have made appt with GP to chat about hormonal emotions and the like. But definitely still here!

PinkMartini - I always said that if we got to 12 months with no joy then I would start having acupuncture and reflexology and quite possibly cranial-sacral therapy. Fingers crossed for you with the acupuncture? It is expensive isn't it! But lots of people swear by it!

BellaBear - I am really pleased that you made your appointment. I am glad that the knitting is calming you down! My little grey scarf keeps tutting at me when I move it to get at something else in the cupboard I should finish it - I am more drawn to painting though - and I have been doing a lot of scrapbooking this last week. I was sick of looking through shoeboxes of photos, so decided to scrapbook them all - it's a long process!

Hello everyone,

Pinkmartini - fabulous name! I'd love to know more about the acupunture and alternative therapies. I could do with some pampering and medicinal relaxation. How do you go about finding a practicitioner?

Ready - yes, 'tis quiet again. How do we rally all the TTC 1-ers?

Sorry that I have been off the thread recently. I have been lurking but have had no time to post because I have been so busy at work.

I am here at my desk on a Bank Holiday Monday and I'm pretty miserable about it - my Mum is visiting and I have had to leave her shopping on her own and come to the office. I think I am a prime candidate for the Hut Of Gloom today . And....I had an argument with DH last night because I am fed up with my job - really unhappy. I have been working 80+ hours weeks and I want a life - reading about you all doing artistic things like knitting and scrap books makes me feel very wistful . I used to love my job, but I have too far much work and a long hours culture, no life, a boss who doesn't care etc etc.

I got upset again last night, so I told DH that want to look for another job, but DH is dead set against me resigning because I have great maternity benefits and I may get promoted if I keep going (although can't think of anything worse than getting promoted - more of the same but more responsibility!). He thinks I should just get my head down and keep working until I get PG. Fat chance of that at the moment - I should have been enjoying lovely evenings of BD-ing last week, but instead I had to work and we managed it once. I want a baby too, but I don't know whether I can stand working the long hours and taking the stress for the next year or so until I get PG - it might take months and months - and hopefully have the baby. My maternity benefits are very good and will make a big difference, but we both have well paid careers and some savings so we'd be ok whatever happens. i discussed how I felt and hoped he would support me emotionally and understand my fed-upness (is that a word?), but I was so angry and upset at DH's reaction. He got annoyed and said "I don't much like my job either" "What do you want me to say...that's it's ok for you to resign, because it's not", when I needed a hug and reassurance that he loved me

And now he's disappeared off to the Continent with HIS job for the next week and we can't even talk face to face . Being unhappy at work has spilled over into being unhappy generally and I hate feeling miserable like this - I want a life and time for hobbies and friends. Should I stay in this job and try to make the best of it for the maternity leave or try to be happy and possibly screw everything up financially. Despite discussing how miserable I am at work, DH is not going to budge.

Hi all,
Hope you'e all enjoying your weekend
Just popped in to tell you I waited and waited for AF to arrive last week and as I was experiencing AF cramps I certainly didn't expect to discover a BFP !! Now...although being extreemely excited, I am also trying to be very realistic this time and am keeping everything crossed that my second little beanie finds its way to my womb and is not stuck in my tubes again. I'm having the odd bit of cramping and am trying not to work myself up into a frenzy, hense me taking it easy with feet up today. Oh please, please, please be ok this time!!!
Ready - thank you for the life jacket....I'm hanging onto it as I may need it, but hopefully not
Gilly - thank you for the chocolate....really could do with some of that right now!!
Woodmouse - oh you poor thing having to work such ridiculous hours with work. I must admit I have not pushed myself with my carrer in the last 6months, mainly because of TTC and not wanting too much stress around. Hope you and DH can reach some sort of agreement and you can start to take it a bit easier

PinkElephant - WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Congratulations!!!!!! That is wonderful news! Yay! Take it easy now and try your best to relax and not worry!
My fingers and toes are firmly crossed that it all works out for you this time, sweets!
May your BFP be the first of many for us first-timers! So exciting!

Woodmouse - ((Hugs)) - I am really sorry that you are so low. Your DH is obviously being pragmatic about maternity benefits and the financial side of your job - I'm guessing living in London will do that! It's understandable to think about money and the bills etc. But I strongly believe that money is not the be all and end all - life is so precious, I think that there is so much more to life than working yourself into the ground. I'm sorry if I am crossing a line by saying that, but it is genuinely how I feel.
I appreciate that you live in London and work many hours a week - so you probably have a large salary - I don't want to pry into that - I just want to say that your happiness should come before all of that.
Have you thought about what else you would like to do? Could you look into doing less hours, or perhaps something completely different?? I think you need to explain to your DH that you are not just having a bad week, that you are very unhappy and that he needs to take you seriously. How would you feel about moving away from London, and both getting jobs away from the capital?? Is that an option?
Sorry, I am not sure how much (if any) help I am offering you here - you just sound so low, and even after you have a baby, will you want to spend more time at work than at home with your little one?

Ready - thank you honey, but I'm a bit down now as I've had cramps all day and am convinced its all going wrong again

Woodmouse, Ready, are you both on your 2 week wait again? I sort of am but had some mid-cycle bleeding on CD11 so not sure if I ovulated or not - bit peed off as has screwed up timings this month. Also getting impatient for it to happen - can't believe I thought I would get pregnant straight away!

Woodmouse, sorry to hear that work is a nightmare. If it's any consolation, I am in the same boat although working 60 - 70 hours weeks not 80 which really is a lot. Have you thought about going in-house?

hello everyone - Ha, still in work at 2am on a bank Holiday Monday/Tuesday. Harrumph.

SO excited for your Pink Elephant. Please don't worry too much and be down until you really know more. I have absolutely everything crossed for you. Put your feet up and make sure you are being properly pampered. Please stay on the thread.

Gangle - cr*p isn't it!

Ready - sorry for hijacking the thread with my moan about DH and work, but it seems so tangled up with TTC. I absolutely agree with your view about careers and that money is not the be all and end all. I have a pretty high salary I suppose, but come from an ordinary background so it's always been a plus for me rather than a goal. The thing is that I do want to take a break and look into doing something else and I don't care if it pays a lot less. I'm not even very ambitious TBH and I have had serious family problems that have made me realise, along with TTC, that there is so much more to life. I am incredibly stressed, exhausted, I miss my friends and am getting to hate my job. I can't have a baby feeling like this, you are right

The problem with resolving all this is DH and him taking me seriously. I've told him how I feel, that I am unhappy and I need to have a complete re-think about my life and want to leave my job, but he's dead set against it. We both really wanted to TTC, but said to me "we're not trying for a baby if you're not working" which has really upset me . It's like it's conditional . He could easily support us both on what he earns, (although I would always want to work - just not the same way as I am at the moment), so it is not about being unable to pay bills. He just can't understand the way I feel.

He's not a sh*t just very cool headed and pragmatic about choices and careers whereas I am at not - I am emotional, but (I hope)not totally naive and stupid.

He loves his job and is London/Europe based unless he changes career (which he won't) it would be difficult to leave London

Woodmouse - Hi there, I havent posted on this thread for a while but have the occasional lurk and when I read your post I felt compelled to reply. Re your work - If I had been a member of MN 4 years ago that post could have been me! I worked for a smallish company, the buck stoped with me (my boss was in the US) and I would frequently still be at work at 2 am on a bank hol - its horrific -at the time I just got on with it and as I was earning really good money I just thought it was part of the deal. I worked at least 20 weekends a year right through and was often away travelling for work which sounds galmorous but in reality was just horrid after the novelty wore off! I would take maybe 2 weeks of holiday a year in bits and woud never go a day without being called or having to deal with some work issue or another (so not really holiday!)
Don't get me wrong at the time I did sort of enjoy most of the work and was proud of the responsibility, salary, job title. I also had the added pressure of being the main beadwinner as DH's work is erratic/freelance and not very well paid for the most part. But in 2003 I realised after a few major traumas with friends that this was not the life I wanted. I started to hate my job, and was constantly stressed with IBS. I was full of resentment.
My life had been on hold for this job, DH and I were not married then and personally our lives had not progressed at all while I had the job (since 1998) While I was petrified I knew I had to do something. I was lucky in that my DH was very supportive (although he is an idealist and not a realist and I absoultely paniced about the £!!) It took me a year to leave and finally my employers reneged on a promise (re pay) and it was the straw that broke the camels back so I resigned!!!
Anyway I have rambled too much but I can honestly say it was the best decision I have made in a while and I only wish I had done it sooner ( I was 31 at the time). Dh and I got married a year later and left London, the rent we receive from our old London flat supports us a bit and pays the mortgage and I work freelance. We manage.
It is not the easiest and sometimes I worry but our life is now my number one priority not someone else's profits!!. DH and I have had some fabulous times over the past three years - caught up on all the holidays we missed (on a budget!) and have been TTC since Mar 06. Again I wish we had started that earlier too as I never imagined we would still be TTC a year later
I know my DH has been supportive so I am lucky, but what I wanted to tell you that when you are earning that money you cant imagine you will ever cope without it/with less - but you do! In fact now I look back and think what an earth did I spend all that dosh on back then!! We majorly economised and moving out of London cost of living is way better.

Anyway - sorry for the thread hijack but just wanted to say I know it is easier said than done - but make yourself the priority in your life IYKWIM

Sorry if I have talked out of turn but I hope you find a way to make it work for you and TTC too!!

Thank you woodmouse. I feel a bit more positive agan today. I'll try not to bore you all with my PG emotions and worries....theres just nothing worse to hear about it when your TTC
I do hope you get things sorted out with work, there are a lot of decisions to be made. I decided to put TTC before pushing myself further with my career and although DH said I should still push myself for those promotions for me, I decided I didn't want the stress if I got PG. You plan and plan these things, having baby, work, returning to work, maternity pay etc and since my last PG not only was I threatened with redundancy but DH has been made redundant from a really good job. Now is not the perfect time for us financially but these babies seem to come when THEY want and not when WE want, bless!!!

Thanks everyone - see you have made me feel a lot better already and Seaside, Pink Elephant and Ready, you are fab .

Pink Elephant - if you can't discuss PG woes and worries here, if you want to, where else can you? You'll get loads of support here from everyone. I hope you are ok today

Seaside, it really helps to hear your experiences stepping off the hamster wheel in London and the life you describe having is exactly what I have/feel. DH and I talked quickly this morning and he said he thinks I am making a snap judgement, that I'd regret taking the drastic step of changing careers when I am "over emotional" and that he fell in love with me because I was "a person who burned the candle at both ends". Hmmmm. I think he missed the point - this is not really a sudden decision but the culmination, but we'll discuss it!

sorry for the thread hijack everyone - you've had more than enough about me and my sh*tty job. We should all be talking about happily BD-ing and TTC-ing babies and maybe baby related worries. You are all stars! Do we need a roll call....?? Who is in the 2WW? I must pop out for a grapefruit juice and some cough medicine at lunch time. I also really want to hear about alternative therapies - how do you find a good acupunture practitioner, PE?

Well, I think I will be on the June TTC thread due to severe absence of BD-ing activity at the right times this month and a "missing in action" DH who is away this week, when he should have been "having some action" DH. Sorry TMI!!!

Woodmouse, I will also be on the June TTC thread as also suspect we haven't managed it this month, due to bad timing. You never know though! Keeping everything crossed!

Woodmouse & Gangle - So sorry to hear AF maybe on her way. Hope you pamper yourselves with a nice hot bath and large glass of vino .

I've been drinking wine, coffee and having scaldingly hot baths, it feels great! But mainly because I made an appointment to see my GP re how upset this whole thing has been making me, just doing that has been like a weight off my shoulders. I think it because I have done something.

ooops ooops - you only "think" she may be on her way I take it all back, keep hoping, you just never know this could be the month I really hope so for you both and everyone on here as you're all so lovely