Thou shall not tell everyone to eat Yams

[juneybean]

Welcome all anti-fertile fuckers! This is our clique for those trying longer than 6 cycles and are pretty fed up.

Here are our Fucked Off TTC Commandments

• Thou shall not arrive one day and post BFP next day
• Thou shall not give advice to other when TTC for one month only
• Thou shall not participate in one-up-manship and realise TTC is shit for everyone in different ways
• Thou shall allow posters to be fucked off with the world and everything in it at regular points in the month
• Thou shall not be offended by strong language
• Thou shall not tell everyone to eat yams
• Thou shall accept being called a muppet for testing at 7dpo at 9pm at night

Our spreadsheet which includes what supplements (and potatoes) we are trying in our journey to motherhood.

I have to decide this month whether I buy more holiday at work.

If I buy more and then take mat leave, my mat leave pay will be lower.

But if I need IVF, I’ll need more holidays.

And if I decide to give it all up, I’ll kick myself for not taking more time off.

I hate having to think about this. Feels like I should accept no mat leave and just buy holiday.

Sob

@pinkdonkey I'm with you on Murphy's law - I've just booked to take my Guides away next October when I'd hopefully have at least a bump so it'd be wildly impractical to go.

Somewhere between 8 & 11 dpo here and not symptom spotting. I keep reminding myself that anything is just progesterone, although I'm fairly symptom free tbh. Expecting AF early next week so have got OPKs in my Amazon basket ready to go (see above on Sod's law) 😳

I've had just about every possible symptom and combination of symptoms at some point, so don't get my hopes up any more. I just think its rubbish I get 2 weeks of nausea every month yet no baby 😢

Can I have a moment of self pity and ranting please?
10dpo and I know I’m out. AF pains galore, sore tits, crying and random crap. Me 6 months ago would have been optimistic but now me knows that it’s all PMS symptoms and that my eggo is anything but preggo. I don’t want to wait around for 4 days for her to come, I want it to happen now so it’s out the way. We’ll then be onto cycle 14 and the likelihood of a pregnancy in 2017 seems slim and the likihood of a baby born in 2018 seems unlikely too and that’s all just really shit today. I feel like I’m failing as a woman. DD’s new obsession with babies is not helping, she tells me daily that she wants a sister and tells me there’s a baby in my tummy. I know she’s only 4 but my god, I feel shit about it.

I went for my day 21 bloods yesterday and she’s bruised my arm to buggery; the normal nurse is off with morning sickness just to add insult to injury.

I have my ultrasound booked in for mid December which seems like a million miles away and I am now crapping myself. I can’t woek out if I’d rather have unexplained infertility or something wrong because if there was something wrong, that would mean there was a chance of fixing that thing. Does that make sense?

It’s all just shit today. Pregnant people popping up everywhere, I may need to take a social media break to stop myself going barmy.

Oh waiting sending you a hug really hope you're not out, buy know exactly the feeling. I hate dwelling on it, as I start questioning myself and my body - no matter how much my brain tells me there's no fault, not much I can do/could have done for things to be different, etc etc it just doesn't feel that way when in the middle of it all - especially with impending AF.

Do you have anything nice to focus on this weekend? I keep reminding myself that the feelings pass; having something else on definitely helps me re-focus. But ugh. It is a bitch, and just hope you don't feel alone in it xxx

dayman do I spy an 'Always sunny...' fan? I loved that show! Still sing the dayman song sometimes welcome!

bubbles on your question ages ago - my GP's pretty good so am hoping she'll be quick on referring. Still haven't made an appointment though...just feels like such a shitty milestone in an arse-ache of a journey I want no part of. Sigh. I know I'm being childish...

Yeah PMS symptoms here too, feel sure AF is on it's way. I've decided when I turn 35 I will go and see my GP that will be 2 years contraception free and 1 year of properly trying.

So started taking a vitamin b complex this cycle, it’s now cd11 and I have ewcm! Negative opk but I’m hoping this means I’m going to ovulate earlier than cd19 this month.

@RhiBee29 i hope you OV earlier this time.
@Just Sorry you're having a shit day....hugs and keep the faith.

I know i said i wouldn't symptom spot, and I'm not, well not until i got a bee in my bonnet about heart rate. I had read something in another thread the other day which prompted me too look back on my fitbit data from when i was pregnant in May. My heart rate blatantly went up around 9dpo i read that this is what happens once the hcg kicks in. So my question is, and I'm really sorry to add to everyone elses woe's but if my heart rate isn't up, then I'm out right?? Or to put it another way, Is this a good indication of fuck all happening in my womb again? Arrgghhh i wish i never read it now.

I should also add that my heart rate stayed up until it the little thing went and died. God I'm depressed. Sorry!

waiting I’m sorry you’re having a shit day. I’m just back from visiting my very pregnant sister. I totally get how you’re feeling though. I’m soon to be going on to cycle 13 and I’ve had my blood results and partner had his SA results and all was normal so now I’m really panicking that something is badly wrong and I might have to go down the IVF route but we can’t afford IVF especially with such poor success rates. I’m already settling in to the idea that I won’t be able to get pregnant again. It sucks. Look after yourself, get a huge bar of Galaxy and watch a crap chick flick

Send me strength...visiting dh’s friends & their newborn (accident) today and have my friend’s baby shower tomorrow (1 cycle wonder). I’ve already put a bottle of wine in the fridge in anticipation

Urgh. I can tell I’m out. No signs, I just know.

Which might explain why I just lost it at an advert that said ‘as parents, we believe all children should have enough to eat’

Yeah. Cos us non-parents give zero fucks, right?

BFN, out. Af due Monday. I know the signs. Utterly miserable and fucked off. Next is cycle 7 post mc. Except I think I have to take a month off or I will go insane.

RhiBee just get the wine open now and put a second one in the fridge. It's the only way to get through the weekend!

11 dpo here and know I’m out too. DP, who is a bit of a panda at the best of times, was stuck on the m25 for hours when he was supposed to be attempting to impregnate me, and was then away for a few days. I feel like utter shit this morning, which I’d like to believe is a symptom but is actually because I had a drink last night. So not only am I a barren old hag, but I’m also now shit at drinking, which was pretty much my only skill. God I’m fed up of this shit.

Joining with @SparkwoodAnd21 @TheGrumpySquirrel and @NimbleKnitter -between 9 and 12 dpo and I cried at Paddington this morning which is a sure fire sign AF is around the corner. Which made me cry more. In the cinema. Great 🙄

Me too. Im 11 dpo and I'm not even tempted to test I'm so sure I'm out. Not as depressed as yesterday (sorry about that!) i woke up this morning having had a dream about Armageddon. I am not normal. Just want AF to hurry the fuck up now. I don't drink so can't console myself with wine and I'm counting calories so can't stuff self with chocolate. Hope everyone else weekend is good! xx

@RhiBee I hope your baby shower and baby visiting was ok- that’s a tough weekend line up.

I went for lunch yesterday with a friend where she announced she’s pg. surprise pg.
I now have one friend (younger) who doesn’t want to try for a year or so and one friend who doesn’t want children. That’s it. Every other woman I am friends with has children or is pg. I am so alone amongst my IRL friends. And to top it off OH has a cold which means of course he’s got man flu and is totally irritating.

@Sparkwood I hear you- been reducing my intake to be healthy and welcoming for an embryo but have just made myself open to terrible hangovers!

And I’m pretty sure I’m out again this cycle cause I’m so irritated with everything!

Yes, I'm also pretty alone IRL of childless friends. Just one who has been trying for years and has now given up and one who has said she doesn't want children, but for some reason I expect that to change. Everyone else just decided to skip a pill and fell pregnant no problem.

Ugh ffs. My ovulation has been so weird this month. Usually get opks with a decent line getting gradually darker for a couple of days, positive opk for 2 days then lines start gradually getting lighter. Been that way for 11 months. Now this month I had no lines at all, one opk with a slightly darker line, sat afternoon I got a positive then sat evening no line at all. Honestly, even after a year of ttc I still don’t understand opks. Has anyone else had that before, just a random month where their opks went weird? I wish I knew what was going on in there :(

Hi ladies

AF arrived so im out onto cycle #22 (i think, lost count). Not that i thought i was stilk in in all honesty. had all the aches and pains and strangly now seem to get ovulation like pain about 5 days before which i never used to?.
And this month shortest cycle yet at just 24 days thought they were starting to lenghten out a bit.
Was awake last night and early hours with cramping/pain.

Currently nursing hot bottle and feeling a bit meh. But feeling ok about it not happening for now anyway .

Sorry to see your all having a crappy time in one way or another. Joined the thread during last week so you probaby wont recognise my name yet but

Bubblegum

Sorry to hear your ovulation has gone haywire and your having a confusing time. I most definitely had that and other random things changing in the month after having the exact same pattern for months. All started while ttc. I started naming them WTF months.

@ lexiebean and doasdreamersdo am the same with regards to being alone with irl friends without kids. Just one without children whos not in a relationship and doesn't seem to understand how tough ttc can be. Another is an acquaintance who i dont see now anyway. Everyone else friend ,family member, acquaintance, colleague, neighbour, Friend of neighbour has children. So yh i hear you.
Also sorry to hear of the announcement yesterday and DH man flu Lexie

Hope your feeling a bit better Dudemeister Sorry you have felt so down and no need to apologise im sure no one on here minds seems to be a thread full of really supportive lovely ladies look forward to being part of thread with you all. Just sorry were all in this position.

Hi at Rhibee
I hope today goes ok for you with your friend baby shower sending you strenth and good thoughts for getting through it espically with visiting Dh friends newborn yesterday

Dont want to Hijack thread too much so will leave it at that for now but thinking of all with impending Af those who are out already or just feeling shitty with the joys of ttc

Xxx

I just tortured myself by watching a FRER develop. I normally do this, rather than just look after 3 mins, but usually there is nothing happening even during development. This time there was a line! Then once fully developed, no line! FFS I know it’s probably just the dye being pulled over the indent but of course it means I start hoping again. At 12DPO a FRER should be a clear positive so please talk me down??

Hi there TheGrumpySquirrel (waves)

I have just joined and probably not the best person to talk you down (see user name) as feel mean in talking you down and dashing your hopes, but letting you know im here. i would have thought though that on a Frer you would have a clear positive on Cd12 you are right there. hope someone is along soon with better advice /more able to brutally talk you down . if thats what you want xxx

Haha thank you @Hopefullywaiting .. I’m pretty sure I am out as after 3 mins it was a pure white bfn! Good luck to you x