TTC after pregnancy loss - Love is the Drug - and lots of vitamins - thread 14

[TheGrumpySquirrel]

Shiny new thread. Hugs and supportive chat for those TTC after miscarriage or pregnancy loss ♥️

@yellow I think you could have missed it? Once I had a negative at 6pm positive at 10pm negative at 6am

@missmagpie you're welcome Hun. Sorry to hear you have also had 3 mcs... have you been to a recurrent miscarriage clinic? xx

Yes I’m hoping that’s it @Fillybee

I’ve had my normal ovulation symptoms so will just keep my fingers crossed!

Hi ladies. Just popping my head back in here to say I’m out again for this month. Sorry I haven’t been about much this month; it’s all starting to feel so waring and repetitive now...like every month I get my hopes up and every month I’m back here on day 28. 😞

Anyway, saw the note about the Fb group- could I please join, @Flatwhite31? I tried looking for it but couldn’t find it...

Sorry, that should have been tagged for @Flatwhite32

@Fillybee Not a lot I'm afraid. They didn't ring so hopefully will tomorrow

Off today as don't work fridays. Just had melt down at OH. Wanted to book a trip to Salcombe for January as they have a good deal on at hotel which I fancy for the wedding. OH doesn't want to book trip in case we get pregnant and I am feeling awful (as felt awful when was pregnant last time). We can't book the wedding, we can't even book a fucking trip away. We have no control over anything. If someone could say to me you'll get pregnant in x months then fine but they can't. And even if I'm lucky enough to fall again then I'll be stressing until 20 weeks and maybe beyond.

Up to 12 weeks is stressful - checking no bleeding every bloody day, waiting for scans, is there a heartbeat, and even if there is won't be able to relax as doesn't mean it will be ok. Then frigging harmony tests, then waiting for 20 week anomaly. Whole thing just a minefield.

If I am lucky enough to give birth just before 40 (which would have to get pregnant in next 2 months for that to happen) then I'll be 50 when my kid is 10. I don't want to be an old fuddy duddy mum. Why couldn't I just have met OH in my 20's?!!!!!!

Sorry for negativity/brain dump/blatant bloody moaning this morning, am just SO hacked off with this. Can't bloody concentrate at work, not getting anything done as all I can think about is baby/getting pregnant, my career is crap as have given up stressful (but prestigious/door opening) job so no stress and I can't even frigging fulfil it!!!!!!!!

Just want to wake up from this nightmare.

@coastalchick It does put your life on hold doesn't it?! How come your DH thinks you can't go away though? We are going to Cardiff next month, and we have New York booked in Feb! We are still going to go regardless of pregnancy. I understand the wedding though, although if I had known I still wouldn't be pregnant nearly 9 months later, I'd have come off the pill before our wedding!

Like you, I'm upset that pregnancy from now on will be hideously stressful. It's so unfair. There's nothing I can say to make anything better, but we are in this together lovely. Xxx

@flatwhite32 - I think it's because I was just so ill (exhausted, being sick etc) in first trimester last time he is thinking a trip won't be pleasant (and cos of where we live it's expensive as we have to fly). I did just point out to him we are going to Padstow in December and what if I'm pregnant then, but that doesn't count apparently (because he is obsessed with rick stein!!)

Thank you honey. I am glad we are all in this together though do wish that we all didn't have to be!

Coastal- rant away!! I had a melt down last night!! Think me & you in same boat I’m 39 on 2nd January & if we don’t conceive straight away (still waiting for appointment for this sodding polyp to be removed 🙈) my 40th will be looming very closely!! In hindsight I can sort of handle that but the way I explained to my dp last night is that I feel like a puppy dog in the corner doing as I’m told & every now & then I get a pat in the head with oooh it’s a waiting game & oooh it will happen & ooooh you have to be patient!! Well I’m fucked off with the ooohs & ahhhs me & dp have done everything asked of us used protection for nearly 8 months to do this test that test & still nearly a year on 3 mc’s no baby & now the experts say oooh it could be the polyp yet 2 other experts said that a polyp wouldn’t cause any issues with conceiving or carrying a baby😡😡 this polyp was discovered Friday 13th sodding January!!! As we both said coastal life has gone on hold & it feels like our hopes are being pulled further & further away!! Guess I’ll be a good pup & sit & wait & wait for my next pat on the head!!! I’m hearing you coastal & I’m sending huge hugs your way, we are all strong & sometimes a good old meltdown is just what we need loads of love & thinking of you all❤️❤️

That's actually a good way of describing it. I'm so sick of when you have a baby (erm I'm sorry??), but the next time you're pregnant, at least you know... (nothing good comes from at leasts), oh just try not to think like that (fucking okay then!). People are so stupid.

My husband is trying to get all geared up as we're booking a Scan for next week as that's when baby stopped growing. I just can't do it. I can't get excited and keep reminding him not to go in there optimistic (I think that's just how he's mentally getting by though, he hasn't forgotten). I keep bringing everything down and I just can't do this

oh god @sparkle - that is SOOOOOOO frustrating. At least if they could say what problem was then you could try to start tackling it. So difficult when they can't tell you. I can see why you are mad!!!! God what is wrong with our bodies?!!!!!

We are basically all in limbo. And that is frustrating, annoying, maddening and upsetting. I think it is a feeling of a lack of control, or an ability to influence outcomes which gets to us as humans. It's like they say every action has a connected reaction (or whatever the phrase is) but with conception and pregnancy that's just not true. Really, science should know more about this by now and why this happens. We can put a man on the frigging moon but we can't determine fully why miscarriage happens to some people and how to prevent it. I like resolutions to things and so "it is what it is" as an explanation from doctors doesn't really cut it!

My uncle is a doctor and he said "it's very sad when this happens but it happens a lot with the first" BUT WHY?!!!!!!

Unicorns- I can 100% completely feel your feelings about having a scan & it makes you feel your dammed if you do & dammed if you don’t, it’s lovely our oh’s do their caveman bit & look after us & protect us!! You have to do what’s right for you sweetie ❤️ & this sparkle is rooting for you with claxons,whistles the whole lot❤️🌈

Coastal- like most of you ladies I’m so frustrated & uptight, we have had conflicting advice from 3 different people, when the polyp was discovered January not only was the sonographer manager of the EPU but also a senior midwife!! The second opinion was a senior registrar in the gynae department both of those told us that the polyp would have no impact on ttc or carrying full term!! The 3rd opinion is from one of the top rmc professors in the country & now he thinks polyp is where baby should be implanting & growing!! I’m like you coastal “PROBLEM, REACTION, SOLUTION “ if I was told to stand on my head have pins shoved in my eyes & sing humpty fucking dumpty in Japanese I would do it in a heartbeat 💗 but all we seem to get is “ well you need a perfect egg & perfect sperm” blaaa blaaa blaaa I’ve been tempted to say to them hey no shit Sherlock 🕵️ !!! I said to dp last night that if polyp removal isn’t this side of Christmas I’m going private cos we are fed up of being at the mercy of other people!! Follow your hearts girls💕 unless of course your health is at risk, & remember you be in control & get as many opinions as you need❤️❤️

@Lovemysparkle I hate that perfect egg and sperm thing. Whilst half is mine, it's not like I get to pick how good the one that's released is -__- Much like our partners really. I sure if we could just point and go 'those specific ones' and know where it leads, we would do

Thank you. Think I'll just have to get it over and done with

Hi guys, the limbo feeling is the worst. I think I’ve kind of given up hoping which is almost making it easier to get on with things. I’ve decided I’m going to start investigations in January if nothing happens by then (that will be 1yr TTC including 1 MC at 10 weeks in May).

I know the feeling about not wanting to be an older mum, but it just makes me more determined to be slim and glamorous at 50!

If I don’t get a BFP this cycle I’m thinking of taking next month off from trying, as I really don’t want to be 6 weeks pregnant at Christmas (I’m thinking about the EPU / hospital sitch if I were to have issues & I know I’ll be an anxious mess) and have a TWW of Christmas parties at the start of December. Plus mentally it might be good to have a break even just for 1 cycle.

I had acupuncture last night and he did some work to stimulate my ovaries as I’m cd13 today and theoretically should be gearing up to ovulate. This is the first month I have not used OPKs and I’ve just been temping. It has started to rise as of this morning so I wonder if the acupuncture actually triggered ovulation already! I did have some twinges last night and this morning. I’ll know in a couple of days if temp continues to rise. I’m curious to see if it’s worked - we DTD last night and the night before. On holiday now so nice and relaxed!

Hugs to you all! X

Yes the limbo sucks. I just decided to book everything regardless and therefore I have lots of highly inappropriate work travel coming up early next year!

Unicorn I really feel for you. Fingers crossed the scan will give you even a bit of temporary reassurance. This is the hardest and most anxious bit.

Grumpy- hope you have a fab holiday & some you time👍🏼 I’ve been toying with the idea of acupuncture to even maybe chill me out & just feel more levelled if that makes sense!! I feel like my whole body & mind are lop sided 🙈 money is tight wedding, Christmas etc but dp told me to take my own advice & sod the money! Which is what I told him when I ordered him to not go to work (dangerous high blood pressure-he’s self employed) just want my body & mind to have some peace even for a little while so defo interested in acupuncture would be great for some tips ??

unicorns - I’ve got everything crossed for your rainbow. I’ve read some interesting posts about getting excited vs expecting the worst again if you are pregnant again and someone said that trying to be realistic is your heart protecting itself, but it won’t hurt any less if this baby doesn’t make it. So maybe let yourself be excited, because then at least this was a fun exciting time no matter what could happen later 🌈

That’s great advice Kerry 💗

Hello, could I join you please?

I have just had my second miscarriage last week - an early one at around five weeks, after a MMC discovered at ten weeks earlier in the year. We have been trying to conceive DC2 since January but no luck yet. DC1 is 2.5.

That is really good advice Kerry thank you 😀

Welcome @DaisyFranceLynch so sorry for your losses

Thank you @TheGrumpySquirrel - would love to join the FB group if that is up and running too. Should I just PM you my email address? Thank you.

I completely hear your frustrations coastal and sparkle. I am 35 (today!) and have spent all of my 30s being concerned with fertility. I am lucky enough to have my DS, who is now 3, but since wanting another one, I have felt like I can't further my career, book a holiday to somewhere exotic, book a boozy weekend away with friends, or agree to anything too much in advance, just in case. It's all consuming and energy sapping at times.

And I know exactly what you mean Unicorn. When I get pregnant again, I don't think I will relax until the baby is in my arms.

@Fillybee - yes I have been referred to the RMC and am awaiting an appointment. They said sometime late Nov to me.