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Original poster

TTC after pregnancy loss: We're nervous, we're hopeful, we're checking all the charts and taking all the vits!

999 replies

BertieBotts · 15/08/2017 23:09

Welcome back all and welcome new posters.

Flowers Brew Cake

OP posts:
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14
beanhunter · 22/08/2017 22:11

Thank you all. I rationally know it's early but I wanted to try this month and now I'm too scared to.
Beandot - I also had surgical management. I was recommended not to have conservative management as too far along so high risk of bleeding and I couldn't face the thought of medical treatment failing - plus we had moved cities 2 weeks earlier and had now support/childcare and I knew I couldn't do it alone.
Surgical management was actually easy physically, emotionally is obviously harder. What made it worse for me was the hyperemesis lasted another 6 days which felt very cruel.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 22/08/2017 22:43

@beanhunter sometimes it's nice just to hear it from others so you know it's not just you, so no worries there. It must be rough being stuck a bit

Anatidae · 23/08/2017 05:40

It is technically possible to have an unbalanced one and live and be healthy. What can sometimes happen is that under the microscope it looks balanced but a tiny, tiny fragment hasn't balanced. It only works if there's nothing important on that tiny stretch but it's enough to cause disjunction during sex cell creation. It's MUCH more likely he has a balanced one and if it's something that runs on the family then it's likely you will eventually have a healthy baby - unfortunately as you've found you're more likely to have miscarriages along the way which is hard to deal with.

I miss all this stuff :) I work in industry and drug development now and I don't get to use my brain enough .... good luck Bertie!

stillvicarinatutu · 23/08/2017 05:42

im stopping. its out of my hands and out of reach. ive got to face reality!
good luck to you all xxx

RedPanda25 · 23/08/2017 07:27

Hi everyone do you mind if I join? I had a miscarriage in June this year at 7 weeks and it just devastated me. I've got a 19 month old ds already and I guess I just wasn't expecting anything to go wrong. Since he was born I've been diagnosed with Hashimotos but the GP doesn't think that would have caused any complications as I was well medicated. I now think I'm pregnant again, will test on Friday I think and I'm already petrified at the thought of it. Obviously I'm excited (if I am pregnant!) but just so scared that something might go wrong again. Does anyone else feel like that about the possibility of being pregnant? Don't know if this is the right thread to post on so sorry if it's not!

MsJuniper · 23/08/2017 08:01

vicarina I wish you all the best FlowersFlowersFlowers

emvy · 23/08/2017 08:26

still, I'm so sorry you feel it's time to stop. I wish you all the absolute happiness x

Welcome RedPanda, sorry for your loss. Regardless of how early, it can still be incredibly painful. Many of us here, including myself, have had early losses, so you're not alone in how you feel. You're also not alone in worrying about a future pregnancy - I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we all worry about that. It's an incredibly difficult thing to get your head around - the anxiety far overtakes the joy, at least in my case. I'm now just over about 7 weeks into my 3rd pregnancy after 2 consecutive miscarriages and I certainly feel more resigned to this pregnancy ending than being successful at the moment. It's a difficult time but like you say, one where you do feel a little excitement and hope at times. This is a great place to be and I hope you find comfort here x

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 23/08/2017 08:54

Hi Red
I am in a similar position. I have had 2 MCs this year and I have a 2yo.
With my first pg I just didn't even register the risk of MC and fortunately had a very straight forward pg. Then since trying for #2 it's been really difficult and every time I get pg I'm torn between the stress of it going wrong and the joyful hope of it all working out.
I am due on today and think I am pg again. I almost don't want to test because I don't want to have that false sense of hope again, although reading on here that only 1% of women have 3 miscarriages in a row did help, a little. Statistically unlikely. But... it's still nerve wracking.

Just try to be kind to yourself and take joy in whatever you can. Flowers

FoxtrotSkarloey · 23/08/2017 09:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

halloumisandwich · 23/08/2017 10:54

Hi Fox I think I'm pretty much in the same boat as you - my MC was just over 4 weeks ago. I had stopped bleeding for a week and then started spotting on and off again just over a week ago. Yesterday and today it's suddenly got worse and more like an actual AF (typically yesterday just as I thought it was all over and had worn nice knickers again!). Messing with my head a bit (and now I don't know what date to use as CD1!) but I was having odd spotting all over the place for the first couple of months after MC last time. I think a lot of people have a lighter AF the first month after MC - my theory is it's because your body is still getting back in the swing of things and hasn't had time to actually ovulate, but I know some people do get pregnant straight away so it must be different for everyone! Hope that helps?
Sorry to see some more newcomers here, sorry for your losses Flowers

halloumisandwich · 23/08/2017 10:56

Also sorry you're having to face work AND bleeding on your due date Fox, that must be really tough.

Flatwhite31 · 23/08/2017 12:28

Hi ladies. I've unfortunately had to make my way onto this board today. Found out at my 12 week scan today that baby died at 9 weeks. I've had no symptoms of miscarriage at all, and I still feel pregnant. How cruel of my body to play such a trick on me. Anyway, I've got an appointment in a couple of hours to see what to do next. I'm guessing it'll be an ERPC. The problem is, we are booked to go on holiday on Sunday, and I think it would be the best thing for us to go, but if I can't have the ERPC done before then, I don't want to risk a painful miscarriage in the middle of our holiday. Just feeling so sad and broken.

PossibiliTea · 23/08/2017 12:47

Flatwhite I am so sorry for your loss Flowers see if you can push for it to be done before you go, they may be able to do something for you to make sure you avoid complications before you go away.

RedPanda25 · 23/08/2017 13:21

Thank you for your kind words and welcomes. I'm so sorry that others are going through this or have gone through this too.

Oh Fox what an awful day for you to get through. I'm thinking of you. Is there anything you can get yourself for tonight as a treat?

So sorry to hear your news Flatwhite, life is just so cruel. I really hope they can do something for you before you go away so that you can go and rest on holiday. Sending hugs

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2017 13:30

Oh Flatwhite, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I was exactly where you are in November, I've never known shock like it.

Tell them about your plans, if it's going to be a restful holiday then I'd definitely go, and I'd have the surgery asap so you get as much time as possible to recover beforehand. You could ask about an MVA, which I had, as it's done under a local so you're in an out in a couple of hours. I started medical management so had passed some tissue but it got stuck so my only option was surgery and at least I knew once it was over it was over. They do an internal scan at the end of the procedure to check everything's gone, which gave me peace of mind.

See what they say when you see them. Even with an ERPC you'll be in and out quite quickly. You might be able to have it tomorrow.

You'll be on a massive rollercoaster for quite a while. I did shock, disbelief, denial, rage, heartbreak, numbness, acceptance and back again on rotation for months. Whatever you're feeling is normal.

Flatwhite31 · 23/08/2017 14:06

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone. Just reading them has made me feel a little better. I did everything right, so I know it's not my fault this has happened. @AnneLovesGilbert sorry to hear you have been through this too. We definitely want to try again asap. I just feel that now, pregnancy will never be a joyful thing for me. Instead, it'll always be tinged with anxiety and heartbreak.

weasledee · 23/08/2017 14:08

So sorry flatwhite. I went through something similar about a month ago, baby passed away at 14 weeks. I had medical management, it does get easier in time...... Flowers

Elpheba · 23/08/2017 14:59

Hi flatwhite, I joined the board just the other day having gone through what you have gone through in April. Also MMC and baby measuring at 9 1/2 weeks. I was fortunate to get in for an ERPC the next morning as we were also going away. I would echo that unless it's a restful I'd think about cancelling. We were going to family and I found it all a bit much, I also unluckily retained some tissue and so was facing the shock of that whilst not at home in my own surroundings and getting to out of hours doctors etc. but hopefully that's not common and a change of scenery might help too.

No doubt you're in for some ups and downs but threads like this have been so helpful in knowing that you're not alone and there's people here that understand when no one in real life seems to.

beanhunter · 23/08/2017 17:25

Hi flat white. I had this 2 weeks ago. Scanned on the weds and erpc on the Sunday. Holiday sounds like a great plan (though you won't be able to swim) and probably would be a great distraction xx

Flatwhite31 · 23/08/2017 17:48

Thank you @beanhunter, and I'm so sorry the same thing happened to you. Did you have any suspicions that something was amiss? I honestly had zero miscarriage symptoms. Did you bleed lots after the ERPC?

beanhunter · 23/08/2017 18:06

No. Baby had only died 3 days before my scan. Still had hyperemesis and had ha 3 previous scans with heartbeats. Apparently it's v unusual for the baby to be more than 10 weeks (mine was 11+5). If it had been a week later I'd be offered all sorts of follow up. Instead because it's only a second I get nothing.

yellowfrontdoor · 23/08/2017 18:39

I'm so sorry Flatwhite. The 2 weeks between my scans (7-9 weeks) I literally felt the most ill with pregnancy symptoms I'd ever been, I was dizzy, tired, sick you name it. I took it as a positive sign (having had a previous miscarriage a few months before). It was beyond shocking. My hospital couldn't fit me in until the following Monday (this being Thursday); going the entire weekend still feeling that ill was horrendous.

I bought some B3 to aid blood flow when I hopefully next get a bfp, and it says do not take if you're pregnant!! Hmm not that I am yet but I'd like to be!

KerryLeanne84 · 23/08/2017 23:33

Flatwhite - I'm so sorry. I have been through precisely the same timeline as you but a couple of days before you.

Did you find out when they can do the erpc yet? They did mine the day after a scan showed then baby had died (scan mon op yesterday). I'm sure how people recover after varies a lot but I had local anaesthetic yesterday morning,had the procedure and was home later that day. I have had very little pain so far - something like period cramps, and very little bleeding - again, similar to a light period. I am aware that could all change and I've read about people having bleeding that comes and goes but many of the accounts I've read are similar.

I think the only consideration is if your nurses / dr say it's okay to fly and if YOU and your oh want to go still. Being away and taking your mind off things could be very helpful right now i think- just take it easy.

KerryLeanne84 · 23/08/2017 23:34

Sorry, general anaesthetic- and I'd highly recommend it personally. I wouldn't want to be awake.

Flatwhite31 · 24/08/2017 07:02

Oh @KerryLeanne84 I'm so sorry. Thank you so much for letting me know your experience. It's just bloody awful isn't it. I feel very low today, and it doesn't help that I was up at 4am vomiting violently, and then crying because I was vomiting and feeling awful. How are you feeling now?