Thread 31, TTC1 | Jam and her dodgers still riding the bonking bus for that elusive BFP

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Ahh sorry to hear that Geeup xx this week is officially a pile of shit I've decided.

flash maybe it is like child birth - you forget the pain, only remember the joy of seeing your baby for the first time.
Speaking of which we did a pose last night at yoga (the frog) which I thought "wow" should be getting my fanjo into practice with this

FFS flora another baby bomb!!!
IVI is my new fertility clinic - I used to be with CRGH.

Hiya geeup!!!!

mouse you can do it - if you lose 2 lbs a week - which is completely doable - you will be there before you know it.
Really DH did not get job - maybe they have had to cancel? Sounds luke DH is really nice though.

Great idea sk1pper - hope she can shed some light. I definitely do not take after my mum: period pains, being a fatty, hair where not wanted, blackheads that is all me!

hopeful I am busy but so so pleased I can actually do what I am doing. For the past 6 years I have been on weekly business trips - only a change in job has meant I can actually get some shit done: like SW, yoga, swimming, home renovations (I have actually had the savings for about 2 years and wanted to do since I moved in - 10 years ago!!!).

pyjamas what a fcuker so so disappointing. Be nice to yourself these next days. Here for you if you need me.

Oh kwick we used to do the frog at ballet as part of body conditioning! What a sight to behold!

Pyjamas I am so so sorry. I know nothing I can say will help but here for whatever you need.

AF here this morning I think. Not sure if I can really take any positives from this cycle. OVd cd13 and no spotting for 7 days, but only a 9 day LP. I really thought this month was it.

Oh pyjamas I am so sorry. Hope you can take the day to feel sorry for yourself and to spoil yourself.

I'm so sorry pyjamas 😔
Sending love and strength ❤️🌸

Sending so much love PJs - we are all absolutely gutted for you.

Please have a good rant and a good cry.

Thanks everyone for your kind words, you have no idea how much they help. Not going to lie, any shred of positivity I had has evaporated and I feel utterly hopeless and defeated. I know from bitter experience that it won't feel as raw in a couple of days, but this hurts a lot right now. I've left a message with the clinic - it's so shit having to carry on with injections and pessaries for a couple more days when I know there's nearly zero hope, but of course I'll do it. DH trying to be strong, but I can tell he's as devastated as I am. Thank god I've got this week off.

At least this time the injections held off the spotting which lessened the agony and we have two more fresh cycles paid for left on our Access Fertility programme. Although to be honest, the thought of going through all this again is hideous. Definitely time for a break. I need my life back.

They really didn't know why it didn't work last time skip - it really is a numbers game and the odds aren't great anyway. Don't get me wrong, IVF is a wonderful thing, works for many and has a higher chance of working than TTC naturally, but the stats are the stats. All I can do is just keep going as it's not time to give up. However, this cycle was a nightmare compared to the last one and I think we can safely say that higher doses had an adverse effect which I'll discuss with the doctor. I'm going to switch consultant as well - the one I see makes me feel like just another beige folder, whereas the one who did my egg collection made me feel like she actually cares.

So sorry you're in the same boat gee - what are your next steps? Sorry I dropped off the other board, I find it hard to keep up with multiple ones.

Sorry for the self-involved essay everyone - just helps to get everything down. Going to lick my wounds, ugly cry, watch shit TV and practice what I learned at my lesson on the digital piano I bought yesterday xx

So sorry pj It just seems so cruel that this happens after all you've had to deal with already.

I'm still lurking here and thinking of you all and just wanted to say I'm so so sorry pyjamas. It is so tough and so cruel. I think the way you have dealt with all this has been so inspirational, and I hope you can take the time you need to feel better. Xx

Pyjamas - yeah, I think in my head I have this down as the solution to everyone's fertility problems but I forget that despite that there still only is a percentage chance of success. It just seems unfair, that's all. Can you take a cycle off to get your life back? Send my best wishes to your DH too, glad he's found some strength to carry you through this.

Thanks harriet and winging - winging you're right, it is cruel.

I was exactly the same skip - I saw it as a silver bullet and the reality has been hard. But please don't let my experience put you off - IVF can and does work for many, and it still might for me, I'm just feeling down about it all at the moment and I've temporarily lost faith. The only way to get through it is with optimism and hope which I intend on doing again when I'm strong enough for another go.

I had one cycle off between attempts last time and I think I need a bit longer this time. We'll either go again in November, or January as I'm away in December.

Clinic just called and confirmed they want me to carry on with the pessaries and injections and test again on Friday. I asked them how realistic a change in result would be and she said it's unlikely, but it has happened on occasion due to late implantation. I think for my own sanity I need to carry on with meds and test on Fri but accept I'm out and use the next couple of days to grieve.

Completely understandable Pyjamas - grieve all you need to. It's a tough process and emotionally straining when you don't get the result you want. I think taking a break will be good for you both physically and mentally, you're being way too hard on yourself. It's shit, no argument, but you'll get there xx

On a positive note, does anyone have problems with brown spotting before period? I always did, about 5 days before, every cycle as far back as I can remember. This cycle, nothing. Absolutely zilch. Just red. Castor oil people, caster oil.

Hello lovely ladies, long time no speak.

Sorry I haven't been around for so long but I decided a few months back to put TTC to the back of my mind and just focus on life. It worked as we've bought a house (fingers crossed that we exchange today!) and had a nice, chilled out time just getting on with things, having plenty of sex and planning our new grown up life :)

No BFPs in that time though, so our next step, as with many of you, is IVF. I have my baseline scan tomorrow and follow-up with nurse and doctor to confirm treatment plan in a couple of weeks. I will be on day 3 or 4 of my cycle at that time so assume that means treatment will start the following month - mid October.

I am so genuinely sad that there are so many of us still on here still waiting for this happen. Jam, Kwick, Flash, Mouse, PJs and Sk1p in particular.
You all deserve your happiness so much and have had to be so resilient and strong, deal with relationship issues and work issues and insensitive friends and family... it's not fair!

PJs I'm so sorry this second cycle hasn't worked. I can only imagine (and am trying to prepare for) the disappointment that comes with a failed IVF cycle. You can't help but think of it as a semi-guarantee really - as daft as that is. You are coping admirably though, and your time will come. The package IVF deal seems really good and it's great that financial stress is removed to some extent when considering your next go. Maybe a few months off over Christmas is the right thing to do? Then all systems go for your strong, successful September-born baby!

I also bought a digital piano a few years back when I decided I was finally going to fulfil my lifelong ambition of learning to play. It's a fab thing, and lessons went really well until I moved out of London and could no longer fit them into my commuting schedule. DP plays it now instead and is irritatingly really good at it (he had lessons as a child). I am looking forward to resurrecting my woodwinds when we move house instead - no more worrying about annoying the neighbours in our block of flats!

Sorry there is so much I have missed out on here but expect I'll be dipping in and out more regularly if only to share my IVF experiences with you. Kwick really pleased to see you're back on with things after your break. I hope the time off has helped you and you're feeling much happier with the new clinic. I also hope your work schedule is much less crazy than it was before.

Jam I hope you're enjoying your new house and things are less up and down with your DH. As mad as it sounds I think I will shed a tear when you get your positive result.

Thinking of you all, look after yourselves x

So sorry to hear that it hasn't worked pyjamas. It's just so bloody hard and unfair but thank god you're at home and can take the time you need to cry, mope, eat crap and do whatever you need to do to get yourself through the next few days. You can tell just from what you've already said that you've got the strength to carry on and to make this happen but sounds like a good idea to give yourselves time.

I know the prospect of multiple cycles is scary for all of us, whether or not you've already tried IVF or about to, but I know 2 people who have finally got there after 5 rounds. They were both at CRGH. I hope to god it doesn't take any of us that long but I guess you've got to take it as a positive that it WILL happen, one way or another. x

inspectorpenguin it's so good to see you and I welled up reading your post. As usual you put things so sensitively and so well. I completely agree with every word about IVF and your advice to our lovely pyjamas. Being here and seeing people's experiences is making me adjust my expectations of IVF and I'm grateful that I'll go in with my eyes open. As you say though inspector, it's almost impossible to not get your hopes up - but what do we have without hope? We are only human.

pyjamas I wish I could give you a big hug. Take all the time you need. I know you have the strength to absolutely blast your way through another cycle when you are ready. Your strength is really admirable.

inspector I'm really sorry you haven't had your natural BFP either and we're here to support you through IVF also. We are actually having a meet up in London on Saturday 14 October - if you would like to join please pm me. Congratulations on your house by the way - hope it all goes smoothly.

If anyone else would like to join the meet up on the 14th October in fact, please pm me.

skipper I am going to buy some castor oil!

Sorry to add a downer to what is quite a sad thread today, but has anyone seen that they are withdrawing free IVF in Cambridgeshire and Peterborough?

I hope it won't affect anyone on here. So shortsighted in my opinion.

Inspector lovely to hear from you. I too am sorry that we are all still here, and without our BFPs. It sounds like you have really been strong and positive. Exciting to hear that you're a woodwind player! Made me want to dig out my clarinet even more.

I forgot how fast this thread moves!
@Pyjamas81 I am taking a break like you after my two failed IVFs (well the second was a chemical). I start downregging end of Nov for a FET in early Jan. Feels weird really as for the past 4+ months I've been in and out of clinic for scans, collecting meds etc. I wanted to crack on but am hoping the break is good for me mentally. TMI probably but had my first orgasm through just sex in months ages this week and I was so happy. TTC hasn't exactly ruined our sex life but defo did something to my brain which has stopped me from being able to climax. So happy it's back lol. My DH was overjoyed haha.
Hang in there pyjamas. As @kwick always says, we are in perfect time even if it feels bloody late after so long trying and devastating after failed IVF.

Kwick, I know it's just putting into practice. The weight loss has been sooooo slow and most weeks I've been super good food wise and had 2-3 gym sessions and lost absolutely nothing. I think my thyroid is playing a massive factor. I'm changing a few things and seeing if certain foods are hindering my progress. X

Flash, it looks like our cycles are very similar. CD1 here too. 9 day LP too. Are you doing anything to try to lengthen? Sorry for AF. X

Im also going to start leaving us quotes to inspire...

"When the world says, 'Give up,' Hope whispers, 'Try one more time."

gee that's friggin awesome. I love sex but don't climax from it. Very jealous!

Pjs you are amazing - so valiant and I am really impressed with your handling skills.

sk1pper Thank you so much for sharing castor oil thing - which I have done on and off this cycle. If nothing else it really hydrates my skin and is very relaxing.

Inspector so glad you have had a good break and bought a 🏡!!!
Work schedule so much better - thanks! I feel like I finally have a life!!!
IVI is so different to CRGH - so much more organised and less busy - but maybe that is because the clinic in London is still relatively new - don't know but hope I will reap the benefits!!!

Had to share this

Great quote Mouse - sorry to hear about AF.

Hope you are ok PJs been thinking about you today and also echoing what has been said already that I think you are being very brave to be able to rationalise at this stage. I think a break would be good as it must be a real whirlwind.

Started writing this ages ago and just realised I need to get out of work before they lock the doors so not caught up properly! At least the week is half over eh!

Penguin - lovely to hear from you too honey, often think about you. So many long-timers moving onto IVF now, if you'd have told me so many of us would still be here this time last year I'm not sure I would quite be able to wrap my head around it. You must keep us updated with your IVF xx

Jam - I'd love to come in theory but I'm terrible at meeting new people, so introverted. Maybe I'll come to the next one, if there is a second one?

Flash - yup and there are others due to loose funding I believe. I feel sorry for my children if they have the same fertility problems, by then there will be zero help.

I got so fucked off with a man on Twitter today because I posted about how terrible the postcode lottery was for IVF and he told me to adopt because IVF was "messing with nature". I asked the guy if he gets vaccinations or prescriptions from his GP (he did) but apparently that is COMPLETELY NATURAL. It's hard to argue on twitter, but I finally got through to him. Then he jokingly said that he probably shouldn't have commented in the first place because he has 3 kids with another on the way, all conceived first time.

Also my period is being an absolute twat.

It's due today, normally come on early morning so currently late. But have been cramping horrendously all day. My painkillers (considering they are high grade) are only just touching it and it's making feel like I need to take a giant poop.

Am currently curled up in bed sweating at the seagulls who are chatting on the roof above me. Don't those things sleep.