Thread 31, TTC1 | Jam and her dodgers still riding the bonking bus for that elusive BFP

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Sorry about AF mouse and skipper. Hope you are able to take some time to indulge over the next few days and be kind to yourselves.

pyjamas sorry your consultant is so shit. I would definitely change if I were you. You are paying for private treatment so you don't have to put up with this crap! My private consultant is very brusque but hasn't been rude or dismissive yet. I would definitely ditch him if he was. I have everything crossed for you this cycle, and so glad the acupuncture went well too.

Thanks baguette and jam - it means a lot.

And quiet! And everyone on this thread actually!

Aww bless you Harriet - hope you can stay relatively chilled till then, you know we've all got your back.

Pyjamas - how much was the session with Emma Cannon? I was looking at her fertility retreat then saw the price...

Urgh the pmt rolling off me the last few days is toxic. I'm so short fused and I can feel it making me come across as an arsehole. Think I owe some people a sorry tomorrow at work. I've sacked off the gym tonight and we're going out for tea instead. DH has a massive interview tomorrow so he's got a belly full of nerves. I need to take 10 mins and refocus to him for tonight. Deep breaths.

Hi all,
Can I join please?
Age 30
TTC #1
Cycle 30
CD 15 on my 2WW
Ultrasound and bloods normal,
Last cycle before Going back to doctor. 😕🤞
Sorry for those with Af
I'm feeling like this isn't going to work naturally for us and perhaps we need to go down IUI or IVF route. Was really hoping to conceive naturally...

That's what I keep thinking Harriet - why the F am I paying to be patronised?! She can jog on.

Yes, she's certainly not cheap skipper - £250 for the initial consultation then it's £120 a session with her personally or £95 for one of the acupuncturists who works for her, discounted bundles are available, but I am aware that's a crap load of cash 😳

Pmt is such a bitch mouse, hope it subsides soon and also hope your DH smashes the interview!

Caz - welcome, my stats are very similar to yours. They may offer you a HSG next, but good that you've got the ball rolling with the bloods and ultrasounds. You sound very cool and collected, and that's the right mental attitude. I hope to absorb some of your zen.

Pyjamas - welp, I'm putting it on my list. If IVF fails I'm going to start going through the list as I promised myself not to waste any more money until I knew everything else had failed. Thanks hon xx

There are lots of way way cheaper options skipper - I just seem to have lost all sense of what is acceptable expenditure 😳

Thanks Skipper, I have my moments but generally keeping calm! Meditation keeps me sane. Today was a bad day, shitty weather not helping.
Pyjamas acupuncture is next on my do to list, but not sure I'm up for those prices, her website looks good thou, glad to hear you felt great afterwards, maybe its the way forward. Have heard it helps lots of people so finger crossed for you.

What a douchebag pyjamas there is just no need to be like that. I would also ask for someone else for your next cycle. Glad to hear the acupuncture is going well, I'm definitely going back for more for during IVF

Hope you're having a better evening mouse

Welcome caz you're in good company here, there are lots of us about to embark on IVF over here

Does anyone follow Izzy Judd on Facebook. She's just posted a short film about infertility featuring people talk about their experiences. It made me cry. Every bloody word spoke my mind.

I know right jam - total bellend. I'm not stressing too much about it anymore as I know I don't have to see her for the rest of the cycle. If the cycle fails, I'll request to see someone else to discuss next steps. Just saw the Izzy Judd video - wow that's powerful stuff! What brave women and while it made me cry, it was nice to see I'm not alone.

Welcome caz! Meditation is great for me as well

I've just discovered the Mindful IVF app - its bloody brilliant! More info on mindfulivf.com if you want to find out more 😊

Can you remind me about that vid in a weeks time? I dare not watch it in my current hormonal state! 🙈

Thinking of you Harriet, must be so stressful

I have to say pyjamas that I've met a couple of consultants at our FC and they are without doubt some of the least compassionate and empathetic doctors that I've ever met. It's quite staggering given how emotionally charged this whole process is.

It's crazy isn't it kath! Unbelievable when you think about how sensitive this all is and how vulnerable people feel sitting on the other side of their desk in their office. I can be pretty blunt myself, and I typically value bluntness in most other areas of my life, but this is a situation where just a little kindness goes a long way! Another one of their consultants did my egg collection and spoke to me afterwards and she was absolutely lovely. Realistic and didn't get hopes up which is essential, but very empathetic - think I'll ask for her next time!

Funnily enough my best friend is an obstetrician and she's been one of the least supportive people through this experience. She announced her own pregnancy by sending her 12 week scan picture out of the blue before coming to stay for the weekend. I've called her and cried down the phone several times - and she hasn't called me once. I've started all text conversations and she's had very little to say when I tell her I cried all the way to work. She just asks kind of clinical questions like When's your next appointment?

I think they have to develop professional distance - self preservation so they can do their jobs and not be distracted by emotions. When she's doing an emergency section she can't be thinking about feelings.

That said her distance and coldness is one of the most painful parts and causes me almost as much heartache as infertility itself. I keep thinking maybe she's not a good a friend as I thought 😞 which kills me as we've been best friends since we were 15.

She doesn't need to understand what I'm going through as she can't, but she could at least send nice caring messages and call me !!

Definitely ask for another consultant pyjamas if you're not 100% happy with her. We had the consultant who looked at DH's sperm result and just said 'wow' and let us sit there in silence shitting ourselves for five minutes before saying 'oh I haven't worried you have I?' I just swallowed it and kept thinking he's good at his job, don't complain but actually, when we've seen the latest one, he is absolutely amazing and so reassuring and just nice. It makes a huge difference and it's important you feel happy and comfortable.

jam I feel like our experiences are so similar. I have the same thing with my best friend and it's really upsetting. She's not good at talking about stuff but actually I've really needed to and it's not a good enough excuse any more and the reality is she just hasn't been there for me. She's always like oh I forgot to ask how your appointment went, oh I forgot to ask how you got on at the nutritionist etc etc and then the latest was oh I forgot your anniversary, sorry, shit friend! Erm... yeah actually you have been! I've stepped right back as it was causing me too much upset and she kept saying oh we never see you so i said we were free on x date and it came around and she said oh we want to go to this place but they sell purely wine and cheese so I said we're happy to go for a few drinks but won't be going mad and can't really eat anything there because we're following this plan so could we go somewhere else or you guys come round to us so she said oh ok we fancied a few drinks and then that was it! Whereas by contrast my other best friend had literally just given birth and was messaging me saying good luck for tomorrow etc and we went round for a healthy takeaway last weekend (and still enjoyed a few glasses of organic wine!) we've been best friends since we were 6 though so it's really upsetting and I'm just hoping it's a phase but it's still pretty shit.

My best friend (since we were 14) is the same chlo and jam - total disinterest, rarely asks anything or makes a light hearted joke out of it, and I get distinct impression the whole thing bores her. I'm not in touch with her as much anymore which is sad. I am seeing her this weekend, but I'm not bringing it up.

It's really shit isn't it. Mine does the same with the 'jokes' or says keep your chin up. Would rather nothing at all than that, it's so patronising and just so lacking on so many levels. Makes me want to say oh so would you feel like that if you didn't have your baby? No course you bloody wouldn't!

That izzy judd video is amazing. Its crazy to think how many people struggle with infertility and you just don't know about it. I need to figure out whether to wait till January to see my consultant before starting trying again or see what the gp says after my next bloods. I have the issue of being a bridesmaid next august so don't really want to be near popping. January just seems so far away!!! especially as we are nearly at a calendar year of trying if we hadn't had to stop.

So sorry for those who the witch got!! Remember to look after yourselves you are the most important person!!

Hope there is lots of GOS happening for those in fw. I totally get the burned out feeling we experienced it quite a few times.

Hi newbies to the thread!!

Fx to those starting IVF soon.

Sorry this post is a bit me heavy!!!

Just found out we qualify for the 70% or 50% 3 cycle refund programmes from Access Fertility but not 100% refund one - damn yoouuu low AMH! I'm clearly not a good gamble for them 😞 Lots to think about and DH and I going to look at the numbers tonight before deciding.

Still no sign of assclown AF - just want it to arrive and put me out of misery so I can get this show on the road!

If it were me Bassett I'd be invoking Sod's law! But, you have to do whatever you're most comfortable with

I have two friends (who were friends before I met) who I meet on a regular basis, they consider me their best friend (have told me this on several occasions) and know all about my TTC troubles. Yet they never ask me about it, and when I try to off load my worries they turn the conversation all about them. Now I know it must be hard for them to empathise because they aren't in relationships and probably haven't even thought about babies yet but I try damn hard to understand the tough problems they have in their lives, for example one has severe IBS. So I don't even bring it up anymore and so far it's been 4 months since they asked me about it. This past week I've been very down in the dumps, and I've been finding it hard listening to them go on and on about problems at work, problems with IBS, problems with their families that I just sit there in my own little world unable to take any more negativity on board. And I've realised that even then, they don't ask me what's wrong. It's like they are afraid to ask, or perhaps they simply don't care.

Isn't it strange how we're all starting to question our friendships? As far as personal level worries go, this is the pinnacle for me as I'm sure is the same for all you girls. And you've got to think - if they can't support you through this, then what else won't they support you through?

So well put skipper and yes exactly - it doesn't bode well if they can't support us through this. It must be hard for my friend now she's pregnant but I would have thought also it would make her realise how godamn lucky she is , how incredible it is and how f-ing unlucky I am!! Out of all of our friends I was always the one desperate to be a mum and have a baby. Fair enough if she doesn't know what to say but just be there, ask me how I am, call me, tell me you're thinking of me and love me lots. It's not hard!!!

I think it can't be a coincidence that several of us are finding this. Infertility is just not talked about enough, people don't know what to say or do.

I'd imagine the difference between 50 and 70% refund is substantial pyjamas can you find out which exactly you qualify for? Good to know you get some back. Although I really really really hope you don't need to.

Agree - so so well put skipper. I'm reading a really good book called 'option b' at the moment which is about resilience in times of crisis (includes stories of people who have lost loved ones, miscarried, been diagnosed with cancer, refugees etc) and interestingly talks about reactions of family/friends etc around the person having a crisis. Very relevant here I think and forced me to look at how I've behaved in the past with people going through other types of crisis. I've included pics of the front and back cover below!

I qualify for both jam - one is more up front cash than the other of course! Lots to discuss with the DH tonight! I really hope I don't need a refund either - but this seems like the sensible thing to do.

Gah - with pics of the book this time!