Thread 31, TTC1 | Jam and her dodgers still riding the bonking bus for that elusive BFP

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Exactly that, its not that hard! Yes it can be difficult but just send a text then to say hope you're ok, it doesn't have to be a big, elaborate conversation. I think surely that's within most people's grasp? I'm just a bit done with making excuses. My nieces are 10 years younger than me so they're not even thinking about wanting a baby yet but they get it. And yes it makes me think as well if you can't support me through this then how does that bode for the future? I think it's probably not as easy being my close friend at the moment as I'm not the life and soul particularly right now and need more support than usual but your best mates should get that.

pyjamas that book sounds great - will check it out! It's good news you qualify for a discount - are you going to go for it?

Sorry to everyone with unsupportive friends. A lot of people are just so crap at dealing with difficult issues. I think it's easier for them to persuade themselves that it's probably too difficult for us to talk about this stuff, or that we would want to be distracted, than admit that we need support and they're going to have to listen to some sad and difficult things! Hard times really show you who your friends are.

I find it really interesting to read all your comments about friends. I've told absolutely nobody (and none of my friends would even think to ask why we haven't had children yet) and don't plan to; the only person who knows is DH and I know he hasn't told anyone either. We are both such private people and it would never even occur to either of us that it's something to tell anyone about. I think it probably says more about us than anything although all your comments have just reinforced that view! I'm so sorry there are so many insensitive / seemingly uncaring people in the world

Good news re the refund programme pyjamas, hope the numbers work out well. We got our estimated cost for our first cycle earlier this week and the number just seems so unbelievably large.

We've gone through all the numbers Harriet (I say we, more DH as he's the accountant!) and we're going to go for the 50% refund programme as looking at the sums the risk/cost is a better fit for us.

Sounds like that's the the best way to go for you kath - I often wonder if we should've kept quiet. But then again, I find it impossible to mask my feelings when I'm down and there are times when talking to some friends has been a massive relief. Some friends have been better than others, and that's been a valuable education in itself!

Apologies for being MIA - bloody 3/4G here leaves a lot to be desired

struggle it is William Blake:
He who bends to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity's sunrise

Somewhat better than the poem I wrote about 31 years ago:
When it rains it is a rainy day
The sun may come and go
O o, o o
Ozone layer
And we will send a prayer
That it will not be burned away by chemicals in the hairspray

struggle the toxins in plastic is probably true but seeing as loads of people get preggers in extreme circumstances or when they eat shit all day long etc etc I did not eradicate the plastics - just tried to lessen their use (and I really cut down on ready meals and now if I do have tend to decant them and heat in ceramic). I found the info on supplements very useful - particularly the amounts plus the stuff on PCOS. BTW anyone with that may want to try "inofolic" (just Google it).
I think like with anything you take what you need and ignore the rest

What skipper said

Welcome ladybird!!! Congrats on your nuptials!

jamon you have a grateful app? Please tell more! I used to write a grateful diary, but got out of the habit.

skipper & mouse what a fcuker

harriet I must have missed your post about a scan - what are they checking for? 🤞🏼all ok

pyjamas having the right consultant is so important! What FC are you with?
At CRGH I saw two different consultants- niether had a great bedside manner at IVI the one I have seen was amazing: really listened to me, was very positive about different options and explained things so well. Also is EXTREMELY responsive on email - CRGH would not even give me email address of second consultant!!! WTF????

Welcome caz!!

mouse how did DH's interview go?

jamon have you told your BFF how much her behaviour is hurting you? I cannot imagine she realises the impact as if she did that would make her callous and unkind.

chlo, pyjamas and jamon may I be your new BFFs?

pyjamas thanks for book recommendation. I heard some of Sheryl's desert island discs - what an eloquent lady.

I am on another thread - which is specific for donor situations (ie where magic potion needs to be procured as none is "on tap"). Some of us on that thread met up a while back and communicate both on the thread and on a whatsapp group. They are a fab bunch - one I have "known" for years had her baby about 7 months ago - lovely little thing. Another who had a complete wank stain experience with her FC and I raced off to be with her is now 20 weeks pregnant- which is joyous news; another just got her BFP. I am so very pleased for them but I am so very jealous... am also very scared about MC potential - especially with one who just got BFP. Very difficult situation - I really do want to be supportive and I am genuinely happy for them but also feel very protective of my heart. Hopefully sharing with you will help me continue to be supportive as logically I know that their success does not have any sway on my future success or failure in TTC.

Pyjamas - how you doing? Any sign of AF? You must be itching for round 2.

Kwick - your poem made me laugh, I love it! It reminds me of a poem from the Young Ones. If anyone knows it you'll be my friend for life. It must be hard, support groups are a beautiful thing but like anything - someone gets left behind. I always try to flip it and say, welll they all had their success, so mines just around the corner. And it's true, it is. It's just that corner seems so far when you're the other side of it.

So CD1 today as predicted. I'm a bit peeves because she started just now rather than 3am. I know that probably sounds odd but I get severe cramping in the first 4 hours so I've had to preemptively drug myself up and hope I'm okay for work.

Jamon, sk1pper and chlo I am so with you on the friends thing. One of my good friends is due in a month and hasn't even asked what is happened with us although she knows we started trying 6 months before her. I have given her loads of opportunities to ask. I think she is just very self involved and can't see anything past her own life. Other friends have been so good which puts it in perspective.

pyjamas my husband is an accountant too - snap! Although he is terrible with money!

Kwick love the poem - not sure which I prefer, yours or Blake's. I never came across either when I studied English!

I also read the Plan B book - thought it was great. The thing that stuck with me the most (although I've just had to look it up) was the 3 P's - personalisation, pervasiveness and permanence. So what has happened isn't your fault, there are still areas of your life you can enjoy (e.g., doing well at work, being in nature) and the feelings won't last forever.

Kwick you sound like such a good friend and these girls are so luck to have you. They will be so grateful for your support so remember that. But do try to think about and look after yourself.

I try to tell myself this too shall pass (also from a book). So the saddest- and happiest - moments of our life all pass and things always change. Helps when I'm feeling terrible!

Morning everyone, hello to all the newbies & THANK F ITS FRIDAY!

Today I am grateful for my DH, who thinks he smashed his interview yesterday. Couldn't be more proud. He's been wonderful this week.

I'm also grateful for technology, ordered myself a clearblue ovulation kit in a bid to see what's going on with my luteal phase.

Reading all the symptoms for a luteal phase defect and I'm ticking alllllll the damn boxes so I've ordered some more vitamins and plan on filling my diet with foods that may help to lengthen, if I have no luck this cycle then I'm going to try to get my progesterone checked as I'm almost certain it's too low. My period is pretty light too. That's no hope for a sticky bean. I'm ok with the idea that this might take me time to fix. 😞

Sorry sk1p that AF did turn up MEH!!

Ooh I like sheryl sandberg will give that a go pyjamas thanks for the tip x

Kwick consider yourself appointed new BFF 👍🏼 and you live near me !

Grateful app is fabulous. It's free but you can upgrade which I did so you can add your own custom prompts. I've attached screenshots. It's lovely for two reasons 1. Making you look at the positive moments in your day 2. Reading back through all the lovely collected positive thoughts and feelings really helps on a dark day

Kwick your honesty is heartfelt and I admire you sharing this. Of course you can come here and get all the support you need - you have kept many people here smiling and your approach and attitude to TTC is a breath of fresh air. When do you start your next treatment?

I would love a London / South East meet if anyone else would be interested. DM me and I don't mind arranging. Hope London works by the way - don't want to be selfish but it feels like there are a few of us this way.

This too shall pass reminds me of Lord Of The Rings struggle but I think the quote I'm thinking of is You Shall Not Pass !!! Which is not what we want lol 😂

Sorry skipper didn't realise AF had kept you guessing dose thee up and take care today, treat yourself to a little something maybe x

Morning mouselove (🐭 ❤️) nice positive vibes there

My Friday vibes are
It's such a lovely sunny day!
DH gets back from work trip today - haven't seen him since Monday
Doing a yoga brunch thing at my lovely local pub tomorrow morning with my oldest friend

Have a good one girls xx 😘

Grateful app - this is it in App Store and this is one of my entries as an example - you can upload pics to it 👍🏼

Happy Friday all!

kathrino I'm with you - have only told a couple of friends about mcs, and even then only very recently, not at the time. I have this weird feeling about it that I don't want people to know because it feels like a failure, and like I've let DH down, but also know that's ridiculous.

kwick you do sound like such a good friend - they are so lucky to have you. Agree with skipper - it will be your turn soon. My scan is to check this pregnancy is viable and not another missed miscarriage, seeing as my own body is intent on killing off my pregnancies. I have to wait until I'm 6+5 as should be able to see a heartbeat by then. I'm 5+2 today and every day feels like a year.

mouse that's such great positivity. I'll be jnterested to hear how you get on with the monitor. Well done your DH!

mouse if I get another longer cycle this time round I'll let you know as it will be as a result of the acupuncture /Chinese herbs combo. I'd been having 8-10 day luteal phases.

You can totally be my BFF kwick! Consider yourself appointed! I'm at the Lister Clinic. So glad you're happier with your latest consultant! It must make such a difference. And what you're feeling regarding your friends is totally normal, we're all here for you!

I would so be up for a London meet jam! I'll DM you (if I can figure out to on phone app).

Hooray for accountant husbands struggle! Luckily mine is very good with money - thank goodness, as I'm not! That's what stick with me from the book as well - that and how people react to other people going through difficulties.

Sorry AF got you skipper 🙁 Mine's still being a total dick and keeping me guessing. Not even the usual spotting. Testing tomorrow if no show but trying my hardest not to get my hopes up - probably just IVF messing with my cycle 🙁

I'm in Surrey so not far from London :-)

I'm not in London but there very occasionally so would also be happy to join in on a meet up

Pyjamas - "AF being a dick" made me laugh, I don't know why but I guffawed very loudly and everyone at work looked at me. Fingers crossed for you, I get so excited when it's you coming up. I don't know why.

Harriet - it sounds nerve wracking but YOUVE GOT THIS. Ok?

Jam - I am downloading that app tonight, thanks for sharing!

I feel high as a fucking kite right now on these painkillers. I keep getting distracted by birds and clouds and dog walkers through the window.

skipper love your PMA sorry about the witch

Ah struggle you made me cry. You are so right - this too shall pass

mouse dietary changes good idea - I think agnus cactus (or something similar) and vitamin B can help too? Maybe worth checking out?
Glad DH nailed it! When will he hear?

jamon 💖 BFF!!!!
Will look into grateful app
Need to get BMI to 35 b4 can start double donor IVF - was on track for end of August but may be mid-Sept as have been a piggywiggy on holiday...
Love your Friday PMA 😘
Oh and am defo up for meet-up - will PM you when back and can access my laptop

Oh harriet I hate viability scans - the lead up is like torture and then to get shit news when someone has a wand up your fanjo just sucks. I get very nervous now before every scan. I will keep my FX that yours goes well my lovely.

Ooooh a second BFF!!!! pyjamas thank you!!!!! 😍
In RL I do not have many close non-work friends - mea culpa as there just did not seem to be time. But I do have one really good friend - she is great about asking how I am without intruding and I hope I am the same. We both have shit going down, in different ways, and we try ways to get through it - she is my SW buddy and Saturday morning outdoor swim buddy at the mo.

skipper can't you go home and rest?

struggle, your DH doesn't work for one of the Big 4 does he? We have a bit of a track record of them on this thread...

sk1pper, I know exactly how you feel re painkillers. I had a great sunday morning a few weeks ago when I had to take some codeine and I just found everything so distracting and amazing.

harriet, I can't imagine how stressed you must feel at the moment. Sending so many good thoughts your way.

jam, I'm definitely up for a London meetup. I'm away for the next few weeks but should be pretty free in Sept onwards!

kwick, it's really hard isn't it? You're always such a support on this thread though so I'm sure your friends really value that. I think it's absolutely right and normal to be jealous; I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like that on this thread at times too. We'll all get there though, one way or another.

I'm leaving work shortly as I have a docs appointment this afternoon and then I'm out of the office for three weeks. I'm so excited to have a proper break (although will have to do a fair bit while I'm away I expect). Think a slightly early AF is imminent this weekend which is a bugger but at least at means I can properly indulge while I'm away!

Hope you ladies are sruffing your faces with Marmite!!!

Curses. Bastard AF is here - have called clinic and left a message, everything will probably kick off tomorrow 😞

So sorry pjs. Look after yourself

Kwick marmite has to be the food of the devil!!!

All sorted - everything kicks off tomorrow and am going in for baseline scan at 10.45. Access Fertility refund programme paid and we're all set. GAH.

Good luck pyjamas!!! So brilliant they are so efficient!

Good luck pyjamas, wishing you all the best!