Thread 31, TTC1 | Jam and her dodgers still riding the bonking bus for that elusive BFP

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

That sucks mouse. I remember my friend a few years ago telling me things like that made her feel sad while she was struggling to conceive and I didn't really understand it but now I get it. Just doesn't seem fair that some people have children who clearly don't appreciate them or can even look after them. Drinking and smoking while pregnant is just absolutely disgusting and makes you think what will happen to that poor baby when it's actually here!

Thanks for sharing that jam. So is that open to anyone? We're with the Lister so definitely going to look at that, when (hopefully if) we start treatment in a few months. Your support session sounds amazing. I haven't been to the counsellor for months but think we should as it always really helps. That's great that your appointment has come around so soon, let us know how you get on. Hopefully they can give you a plan for moving forward.

That is bloody horrible skipper.. Not surprised you're finding it tough, think anyone would in that situation. Does anyone at your work know what you're going through?

jamon I know how you feel because I had that SO many times with DH and I really felt like I could end up leaving him over it. In the end I had to really make him think that I was going to in order to give him a wake up call and massive kick up the backside. Obviously everyone's marriage is different but I would really lay it on the line to him. Every consultant or doctor we have seen has said they can't stress enough how much drinking affects male fertility, especially binge drinking. It could make a massive difference to your treatment and it's not fair you have to go through it all and he carries on as normal. My DH was so bad at this, especially when going on work trips and there was me doing yoga, reflexology, not eating this, not drinking that and in the end I had enough and you've got to both put in the effort but us women tend to blame ourselves but in the end, in our case anyway, we've been told that DH's lifestyle has had a lot to do with our problems.

Pyjamas - thank you, you've sold me on the idea completely so I'll look into it.

Mouse - ugh I hate over hearing convos like that, from people like that. It feels desperately unfair. Thanks for your support, normally I'm okay it's just this part of the office...I wasn't expecting it.

Chlo - two of my work colleagues know but they are so busy moaning about their work, personal lives, family and other friends that they never ask me about it.

Hello meg you're very welcome to join

Glad the spotting and cramping have subsided harriet

I'd never heard of that refund thing pyjamas - will definitely consider that if we have to start paying for it

Sorry struggle :( I know exactly how you feel. No matter how low my expectations I always feel absolutely terrible when my period comes. These last few cycles before IVF feel extra emotional - I know what you mean about that. I feel like I'm giving my body one last go before turning my back on it

skipper hugs from me too. It's just such an in-your-face reminder. I had a message chat with my pregnant work friend yesterday and she said she felt bad knowing that her bump was a reminder for me. I feel bad that she feels this way! It's unavoidable though - every time I see her I feel this longing and pain. I have to keep reminding myself that other people's pregnancies are nothing to do with me and have no bearing on my ability or propensity to get pregnant, and that it will be me one day. But I really feel for you, its really really hard.

Oh chlo I could write your post word for word. Why don't they take it as seriously as us? I had to remind DH that he's lucky I will go through IVF - some women wouldn't do it. I think he just takes it for granted that I'll do anything it takes.

Jam - your friend sounds lovely, I don't often hear of many people empathising in this way. It is horrid that she feels bad just being around you but she'll be so happy for you once you get your own bump.

I've just read on Twitter that Tesco are paying the 5% added tax on sanitary products, effective immediately until the tax is abolished. If other supermarkets follow suit, it will be a complete boycott of what is quite frankly a ridiculous and fundamentally wrong principle. I'm not a Tesco fan but this has changed my opinion of them massively. I'm sure it's a big publicity stunt ofc but I don't care, I'm glad they are addressing an issue that no one else seems to care about. Going to stock up there this weekend!

Soooooooo just had THE weirdest appointment. But let's just say I'm a sad but true believer of everything happens for a reason, even with everything we've been through. Today really hammered that home.

Doctor was lovely as usual, asked me if we had been successful in our journey, was very careful with the words he used.

Checked my symptoms and was happy for me to remain on my medication at the dose.

Told us my doctors had messed up the bloods so didn't have any results for me today. I needed new bloods.

Went to bloods lab, got in the room and normally you are in and out. Only my doc hadn't sent the request through so I had to wait.

Phlebotomist got chatting. Turns out she's an ex midwife. I ask what made her switch and she says "less stress here" and then she asks what medication I'm on and she looks at me funny, (the medication I'm on is usually only used for pregnant ladies or those actively TTC) and so I tell her I was pregnant at the time. Explained I miscarried in February.

She tells me she's sorry, she understands. She had a miscarriage at 20 weeks. We chatted about a few things after. She has two adult sons now. She told me not to give up and stop worrying about the small stuff. Happiness is important.

I came out with less blood and a feeling lighter in more ways than one. 😊

She's a total sweetheart, I'm really lucky to have her as a friend. I have chatted to her quite a bit over our work instant messaging app and she once said she was in tears at home over how bad I felt. She really really gets it. I'd told her she will be my pregnancy guru when I finally get there - and I want to borrow all her maternity clothes as she is uber stylish ☺️

I saw that about Tesco too - really impressive and about time one of the big grocers took a stand. Makes the govt look shit

Ah mouse that's lovely, isn't it amazing what a difference making a connection with someone can make.

Ah that sounds brilliant mouse - it's so great being able to relate to someone about all this when you least expect it 😊

Glad you all found the info useful! They told me it's subject to a medical check chlo (which consists of them getting your records from the Lister), so I may not get approved (reckon my AMH may be an issue although I saw someone online had lower levels and got approved). It's worth a shot!

Feel for you skipper - the lady I don't get on with in the office is starting to show and it's killing me 🙁

How lovely Mouse, those kind of connections restore my faith in humanity and glad all was well with your results.

Jam, what a lovely friend to have. Again, such a nice reminder that there are good and compassionate people in the world who just get it.

That sounds very interesting pyjamas, I will have a look to see if my clinic are part of the scheme. I think it helps to remove some of the pressure for sure. Glad you're finding the support groups useful too, I never realised such things existed but they sound great.

Oh sk1pper, I really feel for you. What an awful situation to be in day after day

Sorry about AF struggle

Hope everything has settled down tonight Harriet, you're in my thoughts.

Welcome Meg and welcome back miw although I'm sorry to see you here again.

Sorry to anyone I've missed. Work, as ever, is totally kicking my arse.

Ooops very behind again!!!

jamon two weeks of down reg and two weeks of stims sounds right - they are just in different months/cycles - hence the time factor.
So interesting how different areas have different protocols on the NHS - my cousin had to go through 3 IUIs before they would put her on to IVF.

harriet I really hope as I move through the thread all will be well with your BFP.

chlo I totally get what you are saying - but after being on this journey for over 2 years, my best advice is to try and stay in the moment. These past few months where I have not been allowed to TTC (due to getting over MC #2 and trying to get my BMI down) have been my most joyful in years - I am lucky as this period has coincided with me changing jobs and some good weather - but has really taught me a lesson in kissing the joy as it flies.
I wish to God that I had not had a second MC but I did and shit happens.

HarryHarry CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Welcome back babi! I remember MIW/you.

Binky WTAF? I hope you get some answers soon.

pijamas support group sounds interesting 😘

jamon not sure what to say about DH's latest misdemeanour. Perhaps he was in a different time zone or only drank water?

Welcome meg!

mouse I get very angry at mothers who clearly do not want their child/ren - what fairness is there when I am desperate for a child and would be able to give it a loving and nurturing home and there are people out there that cannot do that but have babies left right and centre. Just have to let it go - I notice my thoughts and then just let them go like you would a balloon. Shit happens.

skipper I applaud Tesco on this count too! I cannot FCUKING believe that this sexist tax is still in place - it is there as sanitary protection is considered a luxury - I mean WTAF????? What are we supposed to use????? Toilet paper????? A cloth?????

mouse what a lovely blood taker :)

To all of those of you with pregnant ladies at work - I would offer up Office Voodoo (available on Amazon) but it just does not feel like cricket.

gosh you are all so good at following the thread and replying to everyone, and so many of you obviously know each others stories, it's lovely to read

I will probably be a bit of a lurker reading all the updates but will try to post as I get to know everyone :)

Thanks kath and kwick and all. I went to the clinic yesterday for an intralipid infusion (a fatty drip which apparently calms your immune system) and they said as long as it's brown the spotting is fine, and to double up on the progesterone.

skipper and pjs and jam I sympathise with the pregnant colleagues. My work bestie is pregnant and 2 weeks behind what I would have been with my last mc, so a daily reminder, and I can't even avoid her! Don't know which is worse - when you know/like them or when you don't!

mouse glad you spoke to the lovely nurse - it's so great when you find someone who understands. Hope you're feeling better now.

Will catch up with the rest later!

That sounds reassuring harriet and sounds like you're in very good hands. Still keeping everything crossed for you.

That's good news, harriet - glad you've got some reassurance. Take care xxx

skip don't envy you re work - hope you're going OK. Good tip on the Tesco's move, had somehow missed that!

kath hope work isn't too awful - looking forward to the weekend?

chlo totally understand your frustration. My DH has cut back finally, but with weddings, stag weekends, work drinks, etc it's still not great.

mouse, jam lovely to hear the support you've had

PJs thanks for the refund info, not heard of that sort of scheme before. Have you got your appt on next steps? Good luck if you do xx

P.S. Hi Meg! waves

Quiet - work has been much better today. Popped into town at lunch though forgetting it was school holidays and oh my god...

So I live in a pretty run down town. It's like benefits street with lots of unworking families with hordes of offspring. And again I had feeling of envy and resentment for them. This negativity radiating off me is spiteful and horrid and I wish it would pass.

Happy Friday girls here's my happy thoughts

• going to the Hokusai exhib tonight with hub
• fertile this weekend and can actually try as DH is home!
• we're not going away for a change and can actually relax and enjoy being at home for the weekend

Glad all going well harriet

Am actually so looking forward to next support group kath - weird, but even though I was around total strangers, it was the first time I've felt totally relaxed around people for ages. Sorry to hear work is kicking your arse - it's kicking mine too!

That sounds promising Harriet - still got everything crossed for you!

Get GOSing jam! A relaxing weekend sounds great 👍🏼

Well we had our follow up appt today - basically, she said there was no obvious reason why it didn't work, it just wasn't the right embryo. My hormone levels did exactly what they were supposed to do, my lining was "perfect", fertilisation rate was great with 5 out of 5 viable eggs fertilising (the 6th egg was too immature), DH's sperm was "excellent."

They're upping my stimulation drugs to the max dose for next time in an effort to produce more eggs. I was on 300 Gonal F before, so will be on 450 for this cycle. May not work (ovaries just may be incapable of producing anymore but no way of telling unless we try) and they've added progesterone injections as well as suppositories to try and stop spotting. That makes no difference to implantation, it's more for my own sanity for the last few days before test day. So that's that in a nutshell - if AF arrives next week, I call them on day one to kick everything off again. Gah.

Wow pyjamas can't believe you're so close to the next possible cycle - and great that everything else was as it should be, though I guess that just makes it more agonising. How are you feeling about it?

Nice positivity jam - good luck on the weekend HS :)

I can relate a bit skip - starting to feel little pangs of resentment now and then. Trying to follow someone else's advice (jam or kwick?) in avoiding comparisons - they have their babies & I'll still get to wherever I'm supposed to be. It's hard though - don't beat yourself up about it too much; you're aware of your response and you're not horrid or bad, just human xxx

Happy shagging Jam!

Pyjamas - wow sounds like you get a lot of interesting and useful information from the follow up meetings. I love transparency like that. Got my fingers crossed for you xx

You're right of course Quiet, I'm actually a very, very patient person. Those close to me find it frustrating when I don't react to situations. TTC seems to have a whole different rule set for me though.

Happy weekend everyone, have a good one!

The know quiet - it's so soon! Ideally I would've produced more eggs (she would have been happier with 12), but I just may not be capable of producing that so we'll need to see. I'm terrified if I'm honest - not of the procedure itself, I know what to expect now and I honestly didn't find it that bad. Mainly the mental/emotional toll it takes at the end. I have holiday to use up so am taking the last week of cycle off which hopefully removes some pressure. I'm definitely not going into it with the excitement I had before, that's for sure.

Yeah it was pretty enlightening skipper and it was helpful. Our consultant could do with working on her people skills a bit. For example it visibly looked like she'd heard and dismissed my questions a million times before. Which is probably true, but a bit of empathy and kindness wouldn't go amiss. She's very respected in her field and I don't doubt her skill at all which is what counts at the end of the day. Luckily that's the only contact I have with her unless cycle fails again (she and the team monitor my progress in the background) - everyone else is absolutely lovely.

Morning all.

I know how you feel struggle, there are quite a few of us here who will be starting IVF over the next few months.

Pyjamas wishing you so much luck with the next cycle.

Jam my DH got so pissed last night I had to half carry him back to our hotel room. I'm bang in FW and took double dose of Clomid this cycle so I was peeved but managed a GOS this morning a day now going down for breakfast so all is well. We're at a big meetup with friends, have been asked twice so far when we're having kids.

I so get the bump envy, one of the teams in my work with 7 staff has had 3 pregnancies this year one of the pregnancies was an 'accident', she's late 30's and it's her 4th and she doesn't stop moaning about it. I'm nice to her face but I like her less, can't help it. Then I feel so mean!

Glad some of you have had random encounters with people who've helped... Nice to talk to people who understand and don't give it all the "relax and it will happen or just adopt" brigade.

Anyway I'm going to be positive, and enjoy some bubbly later and hope beyond hope that I won't be allowed it next month. Happy weekend all.

Ah dear had a blazing row with DH last night about how little effort he makes to HS. Ended up HS but god I could do without the barney. I've had a bit of a lightbulb moment though with hormones around ovulation and my mood - I always get a little bit crazy around ovulation ?! Does anyone else find this?? I'm really...unreasonable and ragey

Pjs that seems so quick and it sounds like they've got a good plan in place. Good thinking to book that time off too. I'm taking all of this in - our kick off appointment is now this month, although I don't think down regging will start until October

Oh baguette I'd have been so cross, well done you for handling it so well. Ugh time and time again I just cannot understand people asking that it's so so personal. You wouldn't go up to someone and say are you guys thinking about lots of unprotected sex then nudge wink.

My aim for today is to step back into the zen stop being a cow and be nice to DH. Ommmmmmmmmm

Hugs for you jam hope you can ride out the hormones & other frustrations - glad you HS though ;)

Not surprised you feel that way pyjamas - sounds like a good plan to take some leave this time, fx

skip you're a better woman than me - am impatient and a bit 'glass half empty', which I think is why am starting to feel anxious & bit envious before the year's out (then feeling like a dick for thinking that way...) :s

Sun's out in London - going out to enjoy it! Have good weekends all, xx

Hello everyone, I'm back after a bit of a MN break. I feel like I've been gone for ages, in reality it's only a couple of months but time seems to move very slowly on the ttc bus.

Sorry to see lots of familiar names still here.

So my update; now on cycle 19. Had hoped a zen filled June and July with a few holidays would do the trick but alas it wasn't the case.
I've started acupuncture with a therapist who specialises in fertility so have had 4 or 5 sessions now. He also practices Chinese medicine in form of herbs and so I have this power I drink morning and night. There is a different concoction for pre and post ovulation. I'm just going with the flow with this rather than doing too much research into it as i'm quite a sceptical person and don't want to spoil the pma by finding lota of stuff on Google rubbishing it.
The guy I'm seeing is keen for me to record my temperature daily and uses this as a basis for how he treats me. He's concerned about my short luteal phase especially when my last few cycles have been 26 days. My first cycle since starting acupuncture and the herbs was 30 days which is the longest it's been about 10 months.

Then on the NHS side, I had my ultrasound and all normal. Had our follow up appointment at the clinic on friday and we are being referred for IVF. DH's latest SA results were quite poor again -2.5% morphology and 12 for density which was disappointing after the last lot had improved from the original private test he had done.

The IVF word still hasnt sunk in. It will be about 8 weeks until we have the first appointment with the nurse, no idea what the time scales are after that.

Guess I better head over to the infertility boards too for some more fact finding, definitely not how i envisaged this journey panning out.