TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

[BertieBotts]

Come one, come all, new and old, no-one wants to be here, but at least we're glad we've got each other :)

Hope your stay here is short.

Now, some BFPs if you please and BFNs for those who are waiting for them too!

Oh lime that is exactly how I am, too. OH banned from sauna and exercise bike, nagged about vitamins (he once mildly complained they made him feel sick, I just looked at him...I mean, really?!) I had a solitary glass of wine tonight at a work thing and am now cross with myself. I'm also trying to steer clear of unnecessary chemicals (so no perfume, no nail varnish, no heating food in plastic containers). I am nuts, basically. It's the feeling like your life is on hold that really gets to me. We've been doing this Feb last year now. You're not in the happily single/child free stage of your life, but not in the secret special mummy club either. Nothing about any of it is fair. and to all....

Stuck un-MN hugs and hope that you are doing okay. Fingers crossed it wasn't a molar because I hear that the recovery from them is even less fun than a normal MC. :( Hope they can do some investigation and get you some answers.

You're not in the happily single/child free stage of your life, but not in the secret special mummy club either.

This is exactly how I feel and I hate it. I feel like without even meaning to we sort of set up our lives over the last couple of years on the expectation that we'd have children. For instance, we live in a boring provincial town that's commutable to London rather than living in cities like we did when we were younger (and like I'd really like to) because it meant we could buy a house with a spare room and be reasonably close to both sets of parents. I sometimes really fucking hate this house because it feels like it's just waiting to become a sodding 'family home' but the family isn't coming.

We've been trying for eleven months now and I think it'll be November before we can start trying again, so god knows when I'll next get pregnant, but probably not this year. That's a hard thought if I'm honest. I'm also a bit screwed with work; I'm on a contract that ends in March 2019 and I'm getting horribly close to the point where that would put me on mat leave when it ended. When we started trying I worried about the temporary contract but thought it would be ok as long as I got pregnant within a year. To be honest I never really thought it would take a whole year. As two healthy 29 year olds, I thought I'd be pregnant by Christmas 2016 and so that I'd be either heavily pregnant or a mother by now. But here we are...

stuck so sorry. Def go to epu tomorrow anyway, hopefully they can give you some answers at least. Look after yourself.

Us too, moved out of London and now in a house over an hour's commute each day. I love having countryside around me but miss just being able to pop over to see friends.
Also me too on nagging DH over drinking too much, i'm such fun to be around!
I think the lack of control over any of it makes me go a bit mad- not knowing when/if I'll ovulate, when/if we'll conceive, whether it'll be ok, and that's before we even get to when it'll be born or if it's a boy or girl!

Morning all! Hope you get some answers today stuck. Let us know how you go.

I just realised I am hosting big party in September, where lots of people will be bringing new babies/or will be very pregnant. These people mostly know about the loss of our twins. I think I will be able to cope with party if I fall pregnant again by then. Which means it must be next cycle. Sigh. Otherwise it's going to be a very depressing party, full of well meaning "I'm so sorry" comments and glances.

I cannot describe how helpful I find this group. Great for moaning, sympathy, tips etc! It's so much better than "real life" people. I find I get frustrated with most people in real life. They don't quite say what I want to hear and I get cross. That never happens on here, you just get it.

Hi everyone. Had to take a break from this thread, I realised I still hadn't fully grieved for the baby we lost. to all the new posters, and congrats to any BFPs that I've missed (I did read through the 6/7 pages I missed but can't remember specific names!)

stuck I really hope you kept your epu appointment today. Hugs for what you're going through right now, nature is cruel.

Reading through this morning I found your comments about being in limbo and not in the happily single childless club but not in the mummy club really hard to read. I really feel so much for you all that are going through loss and mc and don't have kids already. I can't begin to tell you how bloody grateful i am for my two ds already. I feel so bad, and sometimes greedy being on here when i have kids already. It doesn't make mc any less painful for me, but honestly you guys without children going through this are so incredibly brave. It f*cking sucks and I want to give you all a massive hug.

Ladies. Am in shock. Your support has been incredible given I jump in and out of this thread .

Epu today. Um. Heart beat. 7weeks! Lost the twin overnight it seems hence the blood and have large subchorionic haematoma so both my af and last night were that breaking away plus miscarriage of the twin. There is still one there. Apparently the rmc knew I was pregnant from the blood tests 3 weeks ago but hadn't flagged this to my
Gp or me.
All the epu ladies I know so well, given three mc I have seen them with , and I were sobbing. I was alone as didn't want my ds to upset others waiting so dh took him.

So am officially in shock. And happy but to say no one person expected this outcome today. Understatement.

Oh my goodness stuck that is great. I that the right thing to say? My initial reaction to hearing that you have a heartbeat is joy, but obviously so sad about the twin loss. What a confusing time for you - but honestly lets celebrate the heartbeat!!! And wow 7 weeks, how an earth did you get so far along?! And the rmc didn't call you to tell you that you were pregnant? So glad epu ladies have been wonderful to you, make sure you take good care of yourself. I hope you have a restful weekend planned ahead.

Wow stuck! What a story! It's very sad about the twin but great news the other twin is doing well. Wowsers!

Oh my god!!!!!!!!!! I've shed a little tear at my desk of relief that you're okay and it's nothing horrible, sadness at your lost twin and incredible happiness at your baby!!!!!! How the hell did no one tell you you were pregnant?! And what about the scan you had where they couldn't see anything?

Does that haematoma mean anything? Apart from your twin loss is everything straight forward with this pregnancy from now? I can't believe it, what a rollercoaster! Sending you a massive hug x

Oh stuck that's such bittersweet news. So glad that you're okay, everything crossed for a sticky bean

Squeee! Yeah the epu can see the previous scan notes and say it looked empty but was poss too early. My af was just a 10 day bleed - I use a moon cup and know I lost over 1/2 a pint, and know last night as I could see that was easily 1/4 pint. Need to rest as there is still a big clot/ haematoma . Am so happy- the twin was never meant to be and I can reconcile myself to that. Gp later to book in. Guess sometimes there are no symptoms when pregnant except for this week!
How is everyone else today ? Am a drama queen so need distracting by you and your bravery now. Anyone about to hit fertile week?

Stuck that's amazing! I have been thinking of you all morning. Rest up and I have everything crossed for you. Xx

stuck since you asked a few posts back before about my ov symptoms before but then i felt like a div posting as all yours and others news seemed far more important i can indulge you now seeing as you've asked for distraction!
So you'll be all so pleased to know that yesterday i got a solid smiley on my clear blue stick as well as obvious ewcm. So went from nothing to peak in 24 hours! I tested as well using my ic and it was a good line but not stronger so who knows. Anyway was good news for me as cd14 today so managed to dtd last night without making dh too suspicious! So entering excellent HT phase now seeing as we've managed to dtd cd10 and 14 which feels like a good chance... I am also going to symptom spot like mad too, even though I never get symptoms really...

Also lime wanted to say that I feel like this cycle has been normal at last for me. I know you were having worries that your cycle is all f*cked up due to mc, and I felt like this as well the last 3 months with really odd spotting, really long af and possibly no ov due to shite lines on my ic despite testing twice a day and no obvious ewcm either. So i want to offer hope that maybe yours too will settle after a couple of months. I know, that is more time wasted not being pregnant but a glimmer of hope none the less.

Oh Stuck, that is absolutely the best news ever. So glad there is a little baby in there (although I would go NUCLEAR at the rmc. wtf?!). Yay! I was about to do a little dance at my desk but have realised colleagues will notice. So just jumping up and down in my head instead.

eek stuck what lovely news to log in to this lunchtime! So thrilled for you, although obviously sad about the twin.
Lime and NoCats, I also found the first two cycles after mc last time were odd, spotting, no ov showing up on sticks and I think my hormones were still all over the place, so I'm fully expecting it to take a couple of months to get back to normal again this time. But everyone is different. Bollocks to the 'more fertile after MC' myth, I think they just say that to keep us hoping. Good work on the subtle DTD-ing NoCats - hope it does the job!

Stuck huge congratulations but sorry about the twin. I hope you can rest up and be feeling healthy and chipper in no time.

Also, about being in limbo with no babies but not happily childfree, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. We have a 2 bed house, which we love, but were going to convert the loft last year when I was pregnant. After our loss I couldn't face the thought of doing it and not having a baby to put in it. Almost 18 months later and no baby and I'm not sure what my life is anymore. It's lovely and comfortable and happy, but without a baby it's just not the life I want.

I hear all of you in limbo

Because we have my step children with us every weekend and they have a room and a butt load of toys and clothes and stuff in our house I live a half parent life, which has its ups and downs anyway but it's been unspeakably painful in the aftermath of each mc. We were waiting for the 12 week scan to tell them and I'm pretty sure my step daughter had an inkling I was pregnant as she kept asking me when we were going to have a baby. I kept saying I didn't know but hopefully soon and we were working out how to pitch it to them!

I don't have the pain of my DH not being a dad yet and feeling a responsibility to make it happen. That must be so tough. But it's a different sort of crap when we celebrate father's day which is a reminder he's a parent and I'm completely failing at being a mum.

You can imagine my delight when the DSC want to ask endless questions about how big mummy's tummy was when they were in there, or what they were like when they were tiny. It was always a bit weird but now it actually hurts.

I don't have the perks of no DC or the comfort of having one already. And I know he meant it nicely but a few days after my MMC DH gave me a hug and said "it'll be okay, till we get another baby you can share mine". I love them to bits but I want my OWN baby thanks very much! Something I struggle with is thinking it's all been harder on me because for DH ours would be a bonus baby as he's already a dad, has one of each, etc etc. Every time I lose a baby I'm miles further from being a Mum, having a proper family.

But I know it isn't fair as for those of you who have your own already are every bit as hurt by your losses. Of course you are! I feel embarrassed for thinking it.

It's just me being chippy and I don't say it him. Being a parent without being a mum is just a bit shit sometimes.

@Stuckinstressville fantastic news about heartbeat  and 7 weeks already! Sorry to hear about little twin but glad to hear you are taking it easy and have some answers too.
@Lime19 and @AnneLovesGilbert and everyone else who mentioned being in life limbo I'm exactly the same. We moved to a new three bed house, have a full nursery and everything ready to bring a baby home and here I am on maternity leave without my little girl. I also feel like I've failed my husband so much - all he wanted was to be a dad and my body and my blind faith in medial staff failed him and my daughter right at the finish line. We don't have any other children (not that I think having other children makes a loss any easier) but I think that makes the need for trying again even stronger even though I'm absolutely terrified of losing another baby.
@AnneLovesGilbert although I have that failing feeling too I absolutely DO NOT think you have failed in anyway but it's much easier to be hard on yourself even though you know you wouldn't think that about anyone in similar shoes. Having dsc must be incredibly hard too - this thread has really made me stop and appreciate how strong all you ladies really are! X